[Shark Week] Sharknado Encounter (Patreon)

content: gender neutral reader, parody, based on Sharknado

You stirred your coffee and took another lengthy sip, wondering if this time you’d awaken from some bizarre dream and you’d have to switch the supplements causing this absurdist imagery.  After a couple of blinks, however, you determined this was, in fact, palpable reality.

There was a shark-tailed man in your tree, right in the middle of your little desert yard, presently screaming profanities.

“Sorry for interrupting your string of insults, but...how did you end up here?”

The peculiar monstrosity finally noticed you, staring with a pair of gleamy, amphibian eyes.

“There was a tornado. I can’t remember the rest,” he barked with a dry throat, “but I was in the ocean and now I’m here. It’s hot.”

“Oh yes,” you nodded, checking your phone. “We’re expecting a heatwave soon.”

There was a long, awkward pause.

“I’m going to assume you want me to help you back down,” you inquired with some hesitation, glancing at the massive tail hanging over the branches.

It was not the most glamorous rescue operation. Just as you finished dragging a sturdy ladder outside, the branch gave up and you crumbled under the weight of the mysterious man. His cold, moist skin pressed into your cheek, and you begun gasping for some respite. Yet, despite your turmoil, you couldn’t help but notice how toned and muscular this creature was. Maybe you’d sign up for swimming lessons after this ordeal.

Seemingly apologetic for crushing you with his rugged body, the shark hybrid threw you over his back and crawled back to your place. Once you recovered from the unexpected blow, you filled your bathtub with water and provided your guest with the improvised accommodation.

“I need to go home,” he demanded, much more relaxed now that he’d cooled down. “I was in the middle of finding a mate.”

“We’re hours away from the nearest water, man,” you retorted nonchalantly. “You’ll have to, I don’t know, do long-distance dating, or something. My car’s busted, I can’t drive you anywhere.”

You don’t understand! He can’t just put his hormones on hold until you’ve been gracious enough to...huh. The beast placed a finger to his chin, thoughtfully observing you.

“...What?”

Yeah, this could work. He grinned to himself, determined to just use you instead.