Monster HOEtel x Monster Streaming: Reader Crossover (Patreon)

In which humans tired of horny monster hordes try to pass the masses onto each other.

Scenario A. You’d been told a new guest would be arriving that day, a popular food streamer. To yours and everyone else’s shock, it was a fellow human. Not even the Centaur Manager knew the details; he stood there, mumbling small formalities and frequently glancing at you for guidance. Perhaps it’s better if you handle the logistics, he told you between breaths. He had not anticipated such a possibility, and his handbook did not provide him with any concrete theoretical aid. The Hotel always functioned under the assumption that all guests are of monstrous nature – dealing with you had already been a uniquely difficult circumstance.

So, you straightened your shirt, tilted the name tag, and approached the individual. They seemed less surprised to witness your presence: I mean, it’s the main thing advertised in the flyer, they joked, showing you the promotional pamphlet. Indeed, you stared back at your smiling mug, neatly printed on the first page. You nodded with mild embarrassment, wishing your manager would stop flashing your mere existence all over the Hotel. In truth, the person spoke, I came here just for this purpose. They’d been stuck as the only human for the longest time and were beyond relieved to hear about you. They pulled out a small camera, sheepishly asking if you’d be interested in partnering up with them for some videos.

Sure, you shrug, remembering all the times you had to deal with butterfly hybrid’s incessant recording. At least this time it was someone of your own kind, for less perverted purposes. What was the worst thing that could’ve happened?

It was only after everything had been published that you realized your mistake. All you did was sit, engage in idle chat, and eat a variety of dishes. Then you saw the comments pouring in, reminding you strongly of your own encounters. It took them exactly three minutes to locate you. Another ten minutes until the phone calls begun, the Centaur Manager writing down booking after booking with an utterly confused frown. What the hell was going on? A constant stream of inquiries about their one and only human employee, coming from all corners of the universe. He couldn’t recall the last marketing campaign that went this well.

Thanks to your newly made friend, you were going to have a busy month.

Scenario B. You stretched your limbs and let out a yawn. I really need a holiday, you told your friend – the single human you knew within this damned monster realm – as you flipped through booklets. Your follower count kept going up, and so did the number of monsters a tad too eager to know you better. You glanced tiredly at the towers of gifts cluttering the room, then at the fat stacks of love letters and proposals. You needed a social media break, or rather, a break from all this attention that was quickly getting out of hand. Why don’t you stay at our hotel, your friend suggested with a peculiar glimmer in their eyes. The one I work for, they clarified, they’ve got some great offers.

Interesting. You couldn’t quite recall much about their workplace, but your ears immediately picked up the guaranteed privacy and potential discounts. You eagerly packed a suitcase and announced your break to the devastated fans, promising a speedy return. Finally, you could breathe. It was going to be quiet, peaceful, and most importantly, devoid of any monsters who lustfully…

…Stare. The ridiculously tall security guard was crouched at your level, a sleeved hand placed over his mask as he hummed in deep thought. And you’re saying your name is (Y/N), he repeated, taken aback by your confirmation. Why, you look just like our maid!

Ah, he was most likely referring to your friend. They’re the one who invited me here, you added, keeping your distance from the strange creature. Yes, yes, he reiterated, standing up, we need all the help we can get.

The walk to your room was a blunt reminder of your status in this foreign world. Some monstrous guests stopped in their tracks, gawking at the latest arrival, other staff members nearly tripped to the ground when learning you weren’t the usual employee, but a whole new human.

What the hell did you sign me up for, you demanded, throwing yourself on the bed. One good thing about the place: the beds were soft and exceptionally comfortable. Everyone looked at me like I’m the main course.

Let’s just say it’s going to be a busy breakfast, your friend explained cryptically.