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Beyond The Black Void - Watchbait

Mike, Jay, and Rich Evans have returned again to the black void. Their reason today? To talk about a new huge summer blockbuster movie? No. Quite the opposite. They was gonna talk about Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning 2: Dead Reckoning 1, BUT they thought… how many times can one see Tom Cruise do stints? No, this day Mike, Jay, and Rich have returned to the black void to talk about “Watchbait” the movie version of “Clickbait”. Trash that has overrun a once great institution like Tubi. And before you ask, no we wasn’t compensated by Tubi to promote these films. We were just browsing about and saw a trend. A trend of using certain words or phrases in a title to get one to click on their junk film to watch it, only to realize after a few minutes they made the worst mistake of their lives. This particular video wasn’t a Half in the Bag. Nor was it a re:View. Nor was it a Best of the Worst. I guess it could have been a “Talks About” video, but nah. We made a new show called “Beyond the Black Void” and if you ever see one of these again, it’s just Mike, Jay and Rich Evens talking about something of interest. In solidarity with the WGA and SAG/AFTRA strike we decided to talk about movies that in no way whatsoever could have possibly been made under any conceivable union agreement. In fact, I’d be shocked if one of these pictures weren’t some kind of nudie snuff film. Maybe that’s why Jay “downloaded all of them on his dark web server” whatever that means. And yes, it’s 100% true, we did just spring this whole thing on Rich Evans. I rang him up on my landline to tell him to come to the studio. Well, actually I left a message on his answering machine. He showed up coming from the gym where’s he’s done many power squats and asked me “What we shootin’ Mike?” and I tell him to sit down and shut up you shit-for-brains. He sits down, but there is an immediate squish sound. It would appear that Rich had soiled his large diaper. He claimed he didn’t know. He insisted he ONLY wears a diaper when he does power squats at the gym. 1. it helps stifle the sound of any accidental fart release, but also for… you know what. An accidental Hershey squirt. This is apparently what happened. Luckily a very large toddler had died outside our building and I was able to provide Rich Evans with replacement clothing. A lot went into this video. So please, enjoy.

Comments

Count Sqwueekula

And to think I was just going to foolishly go to bed.

Connor Martin

Consume content. When can expect more content?

Vivian J. Box

Elizabeth Warren is not a ghost hunter as far as we know but she probably would've done better in her Presidential candidacy if she did hunt specters and apparitions.

EnormousTortoise

No mention of Big Shark, huh? I can't believe acclaimed director Tommy Wiseau's star has fallen so far that he can't even get his movies on Tubi.

Rebecca

I was a PA for like 3 days on Jersey Shore Shark Attack!! I now feel part of RLM history & my life is complete.

Neil Peart, Lord of Drums

For the Flavians had time and power, age cannot wither nor custom stale the infinite variety of their architectural wonder. And what horrors of unknown loss would the world bear if Michelangelo was rushed while adorning the heights of the Sistine Chapel? Art cannot be hastened, but only waited on patiently and with reverence to its slow and meticulous birth. And so we wait, with each passing day bringing both greater withdrawal and greater hope, with the knowledge that what is produced by these hack frauds will be resplendent and we will be privileged to bathe in its gloryhole.

The Real Zam

Corona Exorcist (2018). It’s a Christian horror flick about the evils of alcoholism.

Lee

Hope you make lots more stuff in this vein, i love listening to you guys talk about whatever!!

Brian Patterson

Time for a "Best of the Worst Spotlight" of "Amityville Death Toilet."

Allison leonard

I know you guys mentioned Mark Polonia directing “Amityville Death House” but I do want to point out he directed a bunch of other stuff mentioned as well. Including Noah’s Shark and Amityville in Space!

Joe Triscari

“Shark In Venice” sounds like a romance. The shark breaks up with her boyfriend and she goes to Venice to rediscover herself. Maybe she meets a sexy pool boy.

Rhea

HEY MIKE HAVE YOU READ THE BOOK "A HEAD FULL OF GHOSTS"? (i'm standing next to you shouting this into your ear) IT'S PRETTY GOOD.

Marvin Falz

First I wanted to write that if you worked on any of these Tubi movies you only want to put it on your application if you apply for work on another Tubi movie. But then I've seen a couple of seemingly proud comments of people who worked on these Tubi movies. They're proud that the Tubi movie they've worked on was mentioned in this episode of Beyond the Black Void. Maybe that's how you put it on your application: "Amityville Shark Exorcist - Editor - briefly mentioned by Red Letter Media." Instant access to Hollywood's Empire.

Marvin Falz

I picture 'the exorcism of God being the worst case' could be an interesting albeit not entirely new idea for a movie. The worst case being that the heroes have to fight against God, a fight which they could never possibly win. But since they're heroes they still try to find a way to win. The story could go two routes: either they find out that physical force and trying to trick God doesn't work out so they try diplomacy, or they find out that The Devil posed as God and then the heros destroy the devil since he's irredeemable. Well, not entirely new, but still wanted to put it out there.

Manuel Johnen

I have to say, for me, the original "The Amityville Horror" is still one of the WORST movies I've seen that got ripped off a million times.. you know, one of those cinematic landmarks like "Jaws", "Halloween", "Death Wish" or "Die Hard"... there is nothing to that movie, it's a terribly boring haunted house flick, an almost two hour snoozefest. I must attribute its popularity really to the house with the creepy windows that stare at you, because there is literally NOTHING else to it. Maybe Stephen King's recommendation in "Danse Macabre"... again proving that his taste in movies must be shitty beyond belief. Honestly, ANY single one of the sequels is better than the 1979 original, even if they're not great... I might actually recommend the Damiano Damiani directed "Amityville II: The Possession" (which ironically turns into a sort of "Exorcist" rip off in its second half), "Amityville: It's About Time" (directed by Tony Randel, who did "Hellbound: Hellraiser II" and "Ticks") and - surprisingly - the remake starring Ryan Reynolds, which tells exactly the same story as the original in 30 minutes less... demonstrating what a bore that movie was...

cynthia

Mike's stream-of-consciousness video descriptions are always a fun little bonus.

run_away

Can't wait for 'I Got Fucked In The Butt By My Own Sharkityville Exorcgeist Film While Playing Ouji with Emily Rose 2'

Karl

RLM tip: always read the video description. It adds another level of joy to the content

Brock O

My buddy Evan directed Amityville Death Toilet (part of his Death Toilet saga). Funny enough, both he and I have been on Best of the Worst before, as we were both in V-World Matrix. I’m sure he’s stoked at his return!

Enrico Balducci

It’s reassuring to know that the trash movies fountain will never run dry

AllGoodNamesRGone

Would shark moviebait be chumbait? Anywho, thanks once again RLM for brightening the days of your audience.

Joshua Lankton

I think "of the Dead" is another one of those that you can practically insert any word into the beginning

Michael Parker

On the scale of pathetic, how pathetic is it that I’ll watch you guys talk about anything and derive entertainment from it? I swear I have a life outside of consuming your content.

andrew

Shark Waters, by John Waters.

Goldy Loxx

Ok but the cover of Amityville Death House is a work of art so I’m going to have to watch it.

Kurt

That shark should be Exhibit A for the actors' strike. The studio paid him for one day's work to scan his likeness, then made him the star of dozens of movies without any additional remuneration. At least he didn't get paid in poltergeists...

andrew

Amityville: The Google Maps Streetview.

Chris Ferrin

I know it doesn't meet your criteria but the most insulting watchbait title I have ever seen was for a zombie movie called Retardead. It kept showing up on my Google play recommended list all through October and made me sad thinking about what I did to make the algorithm recommend this to me multiple times.