Considering changes (Patreon)

Hi everyone! Hope you're all doing okay. Sorry I haven't responded to many comments or messages recently. I've been really struggling the last few weeks. I played a video game that was such a good representation of depression that it made me realize I have it again (I'll loop back to that). We had a cancer scare in the family (everything eventually turned out fine but it was months before we got an answer), I had some unrelated anxiety, and am going through some heartbreak right now, so I'm feeling a little overwhelmed.

In some of the free time I've had, I've been reflecting on what effect this channel has had on my mental state and what I can do to help make it better for me. Few things.

1. When I start videos, I put on an energetic face to intro what I'm about to react to, even if I'm not feeling great. Once I start watching the actual video, I'm engaged enough that it will lighten my mood, so my reactions will stay the same. But I think it'll be less taxing and more real to start videos with my actual emotional state instead of like YouTube mode "WELCOME BACK." And if I'm feeling bad and something I watch actually cheers me up, or vice versa, that's probably more compelling too.

2. The thing that is most time consuming for me at the moment is doing the commentary for things I react to. When I started the channel I was adamant about doing it even though it was bad for the algorithm (a lot of people click off after the reaction part so it leaves bad metrics for retention) and talking about issues I find important (like trans rights, income inequality, etc.) was the main source of the hateful comments I got. Over time though, I think it's worn me down? And I find that a lot of the time I'm just recapping a lot of what happened in each episode/film and I don't think that's all that useful. I'm thinking of possibly pausing more during my reactions if I have something to say and then just doing a more off the cuff thing at the end. That would be a huge time and energy saver. It would probably free me up to react to more things, but the main thing is it would give me the ability to do what I've actually wanted to do for years which is...

3. Video essays. Probably just short ones to start and we'll see where we go from there, but at this point I'd much rather focus in on the particulars of shows/movies/games than just giving a big old recap/review at the end of each reaction video. These would probably be pretty infrequent due to the time and effort they'd take and I'd likely put them on a new channel. And to loop back to what I started this post with, one topic I'd like to make a video essay about is the game that made me realize I have depression again.

...the use of phrase "loop back" is something only my editor will get while she reads through this the first time cuz she knows the game is about time loops :P
The game is called In Stars and Time. The game looks like it has a rather simple visual style but things get wild later and the writing is fantastic throughout.

Let me know what your thoughts are about these possible changes.