Home
Creators
Search Recent Random
Posts
Search DMs Popular Hash Lookup Tags Random
Importer
Import FAQ
Register Favorites Keys Review DMs Logout
Community
Telegram ThePornDude
Home Creators Posts Import Register Favorites Logout

Conan the Barbarian Full-length Reaction (Patreon)

Published:
2025-06-11 12:00:12
Edited:
2026-05-21 00:51:12
Imported:
2026-09
Tags:

Content

⚔️ "Valor pleases you, Crom... so grant me one request. Grant me revenge! And if you do not listen, then to HELL with you!"

Join us for a full, uncut watch-along exclusively for our amazing Patrons — thank you for supporting Totally Whatever!

When syncing please know this is the 2hr. 6min. version. Because of copyright, full-length reactions are watch-alongs, so you'll need your own copy to sync up with us!

Files

Conan the Barbarian Full-length Patreon Reaction

⚔️ "What is best in life? To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women!" Join us for a full, uncut watch-along exclusively for our amazing Patrons — thank you for supporting Totally Whatever! When syncing please know this is the 2hr. 6min. version. Because of copyright, full-length reactions are watch-alongs, so you'll need your own copy to sync up with us! Custom Reaction Videos: https://www.reactr.tv/totallywhatever Join our Caffeine Club: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7Gy-dQdSjhxTdEXS8qYKug/join Business inquiries are accepted at: hello@thegoldstudios.com Mail accepted here: Totally Whatever c/o Nanette PO BOX 372 Damariscotta, ME 04543 *Copyright Disclaimer Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for "fair use" for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Non-profit, educational or personal use tips the balance in favor of fair use. NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED. All rights belong to their respective owners.

Comments

Michael Lynch

The guy with the hammer and no facial hair is Sven-Ole Thorsen. He was a bodybuilder and strong man competitor, and one of Arnold’s closest friends throughout their life. He was in some of Arnold’s movies and many other movies throughout the 80s and 90s. You’ll recognize him in some of the movies that you watch. He’s in another Schwarzenegger movie called red heat.

Michael Lynch

Arnold was initially going to narrate the movie, but because his accent was so strong they thought America wasn’t ready to understand that accent so they had Mako narrate it.

Mark M

He was in Predator as the guerilla that executed the POW.

REDR58

He also appears in The Running Man which is another fun Arnold movie to watch.

Michael Lynch

He’s also in the sum of all fears.

Totally Whatever

Conan narrating his own story would have definitely changed things up.

Totally Whatever

We didn't recognize him from Predator. We will keep an eye out for him in the future.

Mark M

He was also Tigris of Gaul in Gladiator:)

Michael Lynch

That’s right. I remember that. We who are about to die salute you.

Gary Giaimo

I absolutely love this movie. It's not particularly paced for modern audiences, but I personally love the silence and time taken within the sequences. Gotta love a pensive Conan. It doesn't hurt that it features one of the best scores in cinema history. So glad you two watched this and how enthusiastic Carolyn was about the need for skull-crushing!

JAKH

He's the security guard antagonist in "Mallrats"

TeatroGrottesco

“I think he needs water.” “They are a very inefficient cult.” So. Many. Extras. 😂 The Nietzsche quote at the beginning framed the whole movie. So Rogue Fitness actually built the Wheel of Pain. It is glorious. https://youtu.be/EC0SNs1zS44?si=Z1NfOSkJEANsaBKb This by far one of my favorite soundtracks for a film. The book ending of how it started with scout on the rock and horse coming around into the village and the end where the are coming around rock pyre. The first time he could not fight and protect his village but the second time he could. Nice symmetry in storytelling. There are some good behind-the-scenes for this one. The dogs that chased him, damn near got him. The hanndler was not quite upfront with how well-trained they were and his control over them. The scene where he was crucified on the tree of woe is a variant of the Norse tale where Odin was hung on a tree for 9 nine days to sacrifice himself to himself for knowledge. A lot of Norse mythology is sprinkled throughout the movie. Valeria is a take on Valkyrie, the choosers of the slain. James Earl Jones was just fantastic in every scene he was in.

“ C “ Hernandez

Yes the sword he broke was his dads sword the original one

“ C “ Hernandez

His fathers broken sword is the same one he uses to cut off thulsa dooms head

Patrick Flanagan

Conan is one of the greatest characters in all of fantasy literature. He is the most famous and influential hero of the sword & sorcery subgenre - a school of fantasy very distinct from high fantasy (e.g. THE LORD OF THE RINGS) or children's/young adult fantasy (e.g. the Harry Potter series). Sword & sorcery is gritty, gory, and often morally gray, and its heroes are less likely to be long-lost heirs to distant kingdoms or "chosen one" special children with magic powers - they tend to be thieves or bandits, robbing just to stay alive, raiding ruined cities and underground tombs in search of lost treasures. Wizards in these worlds tend to be ancient, corrupt creatures who sacrifice their humanity for power or knowledge. This movie was probably the most successful of a wave of fantasy films throughout the 1980s (I think the first one may have been 1981's CLASH OF THE TITANS). By the end of this cycle the movies became much bigger in budget and star power but also much more sanitized and wholesome - clean-cut fairy tale stories like LEGEND, LABYRINTH, THE PRINCESS BRIDE and WILLOW. Because of Arnold's accent they changed the character a little bit - in the original short stories he is far more talkative, sarcastic and boasting as he cut down his enemies, and that just wouldn't have worked for Arnold at this point in his career. This movie does capture his brooding personality pretty well though. Conan lived in a fictional period of "lost civilization," after the downfall of a powerful Atlantean empire but before the rise of what we think of as the first civilizations in Mesopotamia. The popular quote which screenwriter John Milius puts in Conan's mouth - "Crush your enemies," etc. - is actually out of history. The actual phrase is: “The greatest happiness is to vanquish your enemies, to chase them before you, to rob them of their wealth, to see those dear to them bathed in tears, to clasp to your bosom their wives and daughters.” It is usually attributed to Genghis Khan, but the provenance of the claim is disputed and usually dismissed as the creation of an historian writing long after the Khan's death. Pop culture has now made the quote Conan's signature line, even though it doesn't appear in any of the stories written about him. Another great reaction, glad you both enjoyed it.

Totally Whatever

Carolyn was VERY enthusiastic about the skull-crushing! lol 😂

Totally Whatever

😂 Conan was not having a good day, give that man some water! Thanks for all of the trivia! I can't believe they made the Wheel of Pain. 😲

Totally Whatever

Thanks for watching with us, Patrick! Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks, too, for the extra trivia. This is our introduction to the sword & sorcery subgenre and we loved it.

REDR58

Great reaction! Fun watching this again as I haven’t seen it in awhile. Arnold still owns the (unbroken) hero sword seen in the movie: https://people.com/arnold-schwarzenegger-uses-his-conan-the-barbarian-sword-to-open-first-box-of-copies-of-his-new-book-8346957 I think the painted man tiny Conan sees was like a scout. It wasn’t that Conan’s mother gave up, rather Thulsa Doom hypnotized her. If you look closely you can see that the first gladiator that Conan fought in the pit had sharpened teeth. The sword he found in the tomb is called the “Atlantean Sword” and belonged to the king who was entombed in the cave Conan discovered. It has nothing to do with Conan’s parents. Subotai who Conan frees outside the witch hut is played by Hawaiian Gerry Lopez who is a professional surfer and snowboarder and who has been in a number of surfer movies and documentaries. King Osric is played by Max von Sydow who was born in Sweden and had a 70-year career in movies and the theater. You had good timing when you said you liked the narrator! Makoto Iwamatsu who plays the Wizard Akiro and also narrates often went by the name “Mako” and he is credited as such here and in many other movies and TV shows. Valérie Quennessen who plays the Princess was French but she seems to have a very good “American” accent in this movie. Perhaps she was dubbed but I don’t think that was the case. She is probably most famous in the US for starring in the romance movie “Summer Lovers” which also came out in 1982 and stars Darryl Hannah and Peter Gallagher. She retired from acting in 1989 shortly before dying in a car accident aged 31. In the 2-hour, 10-minute Extended version of this movie the ending is slightly different and longer and it features one last scene with Quennessen and you can see it here: https://youtu.be/PWfsMnS5FYo?si=uy3AIaIrrtfHcoHs

Paul

I'm not sure if anyone mentioned but this looks to be a shorter version that you guys watched as it went out synch with my version a couple times. It's basically just missing a longer dialogue between Conan and Subotai before the final battle, and there are more scenes with Conan and the Princess at the end leading up to Thulsa Doom's death and her bowing to Conan, accepting his rightful ascension to power with his victory, and letting him carry her down the mountain in his arms. But I am so happy you finally saw this film, it's my all-time favorite Schwartzenegger film over Commando, my second fav. For 80s Fantasy/Swords & Sorcery films I highly recommend Excalibur, the greatest King Arthur film ever made imo!

Totally Whatever

Thanks for watching with us! We are so sorry that yours went out of sync. Is it shorter than 2 hours and 6 minutes? We will add Excalibur to our list - we haven't seen that one.

Totally Whatever

Thank you for all of the extra details! "It wasn’t that Conan’s mother gave up, rather Thulsa Doom hypnotized her." 👈 OHHHH, we should have guessed this. That makes sense! So sad to hear about Valérie's car accident and death at such a young age.

REDR58

Nanette & Carolyn, you both watched the Theatrical version. It sounds like Paul watched the 2 hour, 10 minute Extended version.

REDR58

I forgot to ask, did you ladies call him “Salsa Doom”? 😄

REDR58

I *also* forgot to continue what I was saying about Max von Sydow,…he stars in an excellent spy movie from 1975 called “Three Days of the Condor” along with Robert Redford in the main role. I really like movies from the 1970s and I highly recommend that movie. It’s one of my favorites.

Totally Whatever

We can add that one to our list. We haven't seen any Robert Redford movies yet on our channel.

Mark M

That's what I call extra hot salsa - Salsa Doom;)

Jay Parr

another great reaction, you two. When the time came for Conan to meet the sorceress, Carolyn made the quick joke to Nanette that, "that was how she greeted her guests." ahahahah I was rolling!

REDR58

Oh there are so many good Redford movies from the late 1960s to now!