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So... I saw another author do something like this, read through the feedback, and saw a lot of it (amongst some that wasn't) that was super useful. The kind of thing that I sometimes only catch on long walks with Molly.

Since Save has a decent following on here who are pretty vocal, I thought I'd try it too! This seems like a good time for it, at the very end of the first volume. I'm planning on starting Vol 2... uh... like, as soon as I post this? So gimme a couple of hours and we should have the next chapter. Like Cinnamon Bun, I'll continue the chapter numbers where they left off. I... like doing that?

Basically, what do you think of Save Scumming so far? characters, the setting, what scenes stood out to you, were any arcs meh?

More importantly... Look, I'm assuming that if you made it 150K in, you enjoyed it enough to keep up, but what would you like to see going forwards? I'm not asking for detailed plot, just... scenes, vibes, perspectives, whatever else you'd like to see!

So... yeah, I'd love to hear your thoughts, even if it's... 00:41 EST.

Comments

DT

Best of your interlewds yet! You keep improving as an author and I'm liking the pacing alot.

DareDaemon

Loving it so far. Looking forward to further explorations of the magic system, figuring out what went wrong in the original timeline, and hoping to find out more about our precognitive maybe friend

MightyMouse

I don’t know how to make constructive criticism much less criticize in general. I’ve just been enjoying your work so far man, excited to see more soon! :3

Cyrus McEnnis

I like it. It's a thoughtful piece of speculative fiction that takes the premise "what if save scumming was a thing" and expands it out. I really enjoy the other viewpoints - the view of Deadline from external sources is a great way of contrasting her internal dialogue. One thing that could be punched up a bit is how she can get bored, and how much she has to focus to retain knowledge of events. Those two things should really be a constant tension, and complacency would be her only real enemy... if she couldn't just reload ; )

Silava Hound

It's been fun, I enjoy the interludes where other characters see deadline in action the most.

Green Hexagon

Hey, birb overlord. No particular comments about Save. Not useful, I know. Well, there is one, now that we actually have a name for our MC (or do we? It's used so infrequently I'm not even sure), maybe have more personal moments, where we can figure out who she actually is as a person outside of deadline and the loops. Maybe see more of her old-life (zeroth save?) relationships pop up, even if just tangentially. Now that the normal man and extraordinary man are also in, maybe show a bit of an existing butterfly effect already? Ojou was one big plot point, and there are implications of others coming relatively soon so.. maybe more comparisons between current time events and the old timeline.

Osiris

I really like the stealthy "I didn't see you coming" parts. The reactions and the planning stages equally. Not so sure about the social part of the romance. It seems rather deceptive. A partner should see the real you.

Docnox

Sofar so good i suppose, wouldn't mind seeing more magic, and the portal fights early on were cool, seems to fallen by the wayside for a while now tho.

Wyatt morris

Uh I just skimmed but I think it’s only deadline, anytime birb mentioned them in the intro was by mc. But I have enjoyed save a lot .

TeaGeek

I actually really like the dungeon dives and having to take a couple different takes at them. It may feel repetitive, staying in the same place and redoing, but that’s kind of the whole schtick with the series and I’m so for it :)

DT

I think my only criticism is I don't think there's enough drawbacks to her save scumming. Like the primary antagonist in Nemorosis's The Bell Tolls For Me, the primary antagonist is a save scummer. However, he's restricted to resetting from when he wakes up. He's absolutely terrifying and competent. The story setting is rather on the lower end of magic though, so it makes sense for him to have such restriction. Have you already sketched out what the higher end of the metahumans are in this story?

ScopaVigalad

Great story so far. I love that Deadline uses her saves in a (mostly) smart way, giving her time to adapt 'on the fly'. The fact that her magic-carving reverses is a nice and logical way to keep the power creep in line and in story maker her look talented but not unbelievably so. The real highlight for me are the multi layered magic system and the consequences that come with having to force emotional states or have them at the 'core' of your personality (poor nature mages).

RavensDagger

Hmm... yeah, I could frontload the new vol with a good dungeon dive!

Muninn1

I think that the outside views for big moments work extremely well for what save scumming is, and were a great choice. We get to see her fail and get back up again, and then we get to see her be a bad ass about it in the final timeline from the eyes of others. Best of both worlds. Frequent saving is an outlier of the genre, which provides an interesting hook. A lot of these stories have the save set in stone/set far back, but that’s not the case at all for save scumming, and it makes sense considering the MC. The not naming the MC part is interesting? Assumedly this is setup for something or alternatively a commentary that “who she is doesn’t matter outside of deadline…” It does feel a little bit like poking the reader and saying “you don’t know this thing i know hehe!” sometimes, like when the coworkers commented on her last name. Ojou being a light mage is fun, and especially her being a foil to the presumed void mage Deadline. I also think the MC (assumedly) save scumming the sex scene was hilarious and absolutely in character. I do think the main character and her power both lend themselves really well to angst about memory that we don’t see as much of. I’m not sure how this would be best incorporated, maybe an antagonist that messed with memories, but it feels like there’s a lot of potential there going untapped. This might be an unavoidable issue considering the realities of how using her power functions, but it felt like a lot of things were disjointed? Like we go save Ojou, then we’re off to this portal in the middle of nowhere, etc etc. Obviously that is just how life is that random things happen and her powers grants her the ability to deal with and benefit off of these occurrences but they felt-and this is kinda funny considering, yknow, save scumming-like going off to do side quests in between the main quests. Her going to a place and doing some bad loops at it also felt like it was getting a bit repetitive. Obviously these are furthering the world and the character (by getting her the bike/revolver/meeting lighting girl etc), but if a good bit more keeps in the same vein it’s going to get super repetitive. Go to random place, do bad at it, someone there watches her do good at it, leave with spoils. I think the enemies seeing her badass about it are great, but they’re still kind of recap chapters. Having a chapter of “character does thing!” and then another of “others react to character doing thing!” is often criticized for the plot not being further by the reaction, which might be the true issue here. Maybe in the future skip the bad loops, and move more towards her mentioning her next goal and then someone else reacting? I’m not sure what would work best to help with this issue. It depends on which seems more important: showing the MC struggle and learn in pre-loops or alleviating the repetitiveness issue.

TeaGeek

My biggest wishlist item at this point is for our MC to try to find a remorse spell or two to maybe work towards.

Ian Tonelli

Really enjoying the work so far. First I’d like to echo some others and say the portal runs and other action bits getting perfected were super cool and I’d like to see more. Deadlines striving for perfection is super fun, and her exasperation at some resets that were almost perfect is strangely satisfying as a reader. On the other hand, the story is kinda starting to get character bloat. Hopefully we get to see more of the characters already introduced, I don’t think I can remember very many more introductions. Overall it’s been super fun, and I’m looking forward to more!

clovis

So my favorite scenes are usually the penultimate chapters before we get the different POV of the other characters, where MC is 85-99% perfect clearing. Because it makes it feel so much more organic than when the MC is a totally perfect badass who doesn't mess anything up. That said the alternate POVs are just chef's kiss. This has been a super strong start to a story so far. Only unexplored weak points I've seen so far are headshots that are instantly fatal (supoosedly loopbreaking) or any sort of long term exhaustion due to power abuse. My only complaint in the story so far, is the MC name has only been used like once or twice. Don't get it twisted, Deadline as a incognito name is perfect, but i can't recall her real name. Although to be far I've been reading since the first drop of chapters were there still was no set name for the MC. ANYWAYS, inebriated ramble over, I LOVE everything so far, you're killing it, please keep it up!

Mag1cM

I think you should consider introducing an actual limit to the MCs power (like a maximum amount of time she can go back of 1 week or something along those lines). The assumption right now is that she can go back at least 9 months or maybe however long she wants and I think the way she uses her power would be a lot more justified if that simply wasn't the case. Also I can't help but feel annoyed by a character that has an actual eternity available and isn't taking some time to think things through. Does she have long term goals outside of stopping the Breach? She has suddenly become the most powerful human in the world and she could do anything with that - is there something she wants to do? Just as some easy examples - she could bring back any amount of scientific advances from 1 year in the future back into the past and instantly kickstart a new age if she was willing to invest a few years of her life. Or if she wants to do stuff on a more personal scale - she could save every single person who died to an accident or a crime every day (unless she sets a new savepoint) just by warning them of what will happen. She doesn't owe that to anyone but she IS the person that gets to sign off on reality. Any accident she locks in is one she could have prevented. And one more random thing - if her power happens to have a death reset on it then she is absolutely dooming herself with the way she is using it. Imagine her eventually dying off old age and her save is 3 days before that. Absolute hell.

ScarletIce

I have to disagree. It has been consistently established that the main thing holding her back is her own tolerance for repetition. I feel like it's very realistic that she just doesn't have it in her to do too many loops at a time. This is also supported by how she tends to do fewer loops when the stakes are lower. And as far as multi month long loops go, she had established that she has very reasonable concerns about her ability to actually make effective use of anything longer than a week or two. I like that she isn't just some iron willed protagonist that doesn't blink twice at spending multiple years looping things on a regular basis.

ScarletIce

The name thing is an admitted joke by the birb. I can't deny that it's kinda funny.

Daniel

Personally I’d like to see the MC get more creative during her future goon weeks. I think it fits her character and her situation to spend her first few long weeks like that, but she can spend a week keeping up with the news online anywhere, so I hope she goes to Universal Orlando Resort ™ or something next time

Thomas Heaton

I’d like to see her develop a Time-based cantrip or two. Not sure how she’d get started on that path, but a short blink, haste, or slow would be useful. Maybe it can have an affect on her saves (like, use too many of her cantrips and now her save gets shifted up a little, or something). Otherwise, really enjoying this series. The pace is good so far. My problem with a lot of stories like this is that it takes so many pages to go a few days (not even taking in to account save scumming) but I like that we get the occasional “spent the next few days learning guitar and French and ______”. Time still passes

Wtcher

I'm really enjoying the series! It's interesting to me how much she differs between her loops when the people and interactions don't matter, as she's just working toward a final outcome. She treats those interactions as means to an end (and that end is when she does her final loop), and I think those are the glimpses of her true self; and she's a little bit of a jerk (though she means well), and I think manipulative -- after all, she's figuring out what makes the people around tick, and maximising her rep gain, so to speak. Anyway don't take the above as negatives; a good character is flawed, and these flaws are fun. I'd noticed some people commenting that her power is a bit OP, and it is, but it has clear limits -- once she's overwritten that save point, it's done. I'm sure at some point she's going to get herself stuck in an unwinnable situation or she isn't aware of her mistakes until long after the save has gone away. The villain bits you recently added -- would it be good to sprinkle them throughout the chapters? Or just punch them out all in one go? It feels like -- and I'm probably just being weird here -- we need a third villain at some point.

ScarletIce

Personally, my favorite parts are always the loop chapters followed by perfect run interludes. Those are just ridiculously satisfying to read. Things I'd like to see going forwards are mostly things I suspect you are already intending to address in due time. Things like mc learning a new time spell, learning if she is actually the first time mage or if there are others. MC picking someone to trust with the truth about her powers and gaining a much needed outside opinion on how she does things. MC learning what level her innate magic is and possibly trying to reverse engineer it in order to invent other time spells. I also think MC should be faced with a critical situation that she desperately wants to solve perfectly but can't, no matter how many times she loops. This could force her to make some hard decisions about what she prioritizes in her final loop. And finally I kind want mc to actually gather a legit harem. Like, true timeline, all the waifus know about eachother and are cool with it harem. Mainly because I think MC desperately needs to surround herself with people she can trust with her secrets and a harem just feels like a good way to do that in this story. Especially if it's unintentional.

Ignat Remizov

Thanks! I've been really enjoying reading it, even if the MC really annoyingly lacks the willpower to do more loops. It makes for a more interesting story for sure though, as the stakes then become a lot higher with an MC with such weaknesses. I'm excited to find out the consequences of the Rat Pack encounter, or what other dungeons await. Would love to see more solo clears of dungeons.

ScarletIce

Oh, another thing that I actually feel strongly about. MC should make an active effort to not make Ojou feel used like MC did when that C ranker banged her.

Justin

I'd like to see more of our protagonist asking for help as a time traveler. I liked when she looped to ask her work friends -- and ultimately it would be nice if she wasn't so alone.

SirSteveX

Why do you go for short chapters over medium or long ones? Algorithm? Personal style? I think the story itself might benefit from longer chapters to feel less choppy and help story progression happen more consistently. Sometimes I finish one and it just hasn't felt necessary to the story and is just transitory.

Wtcher

Please this! I will say I have liked that every interaction so far with Louise has been awkward, but that's more from a story-reading point of view.

SirSteveX

I very much enjoy your writing, and if you happen to make things longer please do not post at the same rate and burn out!

Narf

I think I'm just incompatible with time loop stories on a fundamental level. I see a lot of people are enjoying it immensely and here I am feeling nothing like that. I could explain at length why that is but given how I never liked any time loop story, from Groundhog Day to webnovels like MoL I'm pretty sure the problem is on my side and not something objectively wrong with the story.

HikinBear

What I like: -The playful way you treat names, or lack thereof! -Easter Eggs. -I like that loops can change the future; the future is not immutable. -I like that the Cost of loops is that only knowledge is retained; no quick path to OP. -Another Cost is once a Save is set, there is no going back in time prior to the most recent Save. -I like how the magic system is complex and difficult; No east path to power. -I actually really like the Portal/Dungeon dives and having to run different takes at them. Same for the other activities. The MC really is just a person who struggles and makes goofy mistakes. Keep at least one or two ‘Bad Loops’ where the MC gets in trouble and learns/grows. -I LOVE the POV changes where the MC flows through an activity (Portals, dinner, sexy times) and just crushes it. Seriously, a delight. -Having the MC go though a week, then loop and know what days are important and which are ‘Spent Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday at work’ and skip them. Heck, some weeks may be that way. I can’t think of any negatives. -Good introduction of the PreCog. How else are we to know that any actions by the MC did any good? -Leaving the InterLewds to the paid Patreon is perfect. Of course, I’m a paid subscriber so I get something the rabble doesn’t get. -The over-Arc is saving the city. The sub-Arcs are how the MC gets stronger, makes alliances, and figures out who does what, when. We haven’t gone a month in story-time yet. I can easily see this taking several volumes to finish, and I couldn’t be happier. (I just hope you continue to enjoy writing it)

Ashley Patterson

You hit all the same points I was thinking of so have a +1 from me!

agentsrbond

Really enjoyed the loop scenes where deadline struggles and resets a few times until she starts figuring stuff out and then we get the 'perfect run' pov from someone else's perspective. Time loops from the MCs pov can get too repetitive but seeing them start to form a plan and then cutting out the minutiae and doing the payoff from another perspective is like having my cake and eating it too xD

FallingToAsh

I’m enjoying the story a lot so far! I especially like when we get scenes or even just mentions of what happened in non-canon loops. I don’t know if it’s just me, but sometimes it’s a bit ambiguous on my first read through whether she’s reloading (a gun) or reloading (her save). It might be a good idea to differentiate the two in some way, like capitalization or something. Looking forward to more!

RavensDagger

That happens! I've got the same issue with some genres and sub-genres as well. They just don't click.

RavensDagger

Oh... mostly that's how much I can write in one sitting. And I really dislike sitting down and starting something half-way written.

Thomas Heaton

in Chapter 17 i think we landed on “Elise ________ Coda” as her name, but then a chapter later we established her name would conveniently never get used, so … :shrug:

Menthewarp

I second this, it is a perfect formula you have stumbled upon

White Neko Knight

Love this as well. It's very different compared to Agatha which we also love.

Mag1cM

My point is that saying "I have the power of god but my weakness is a lack of self discipline" is a lot less satisfying than just tuning down the power of god a bit.

Dan N

I'm loving the story so far. Like other people have said, I really enjoy that formula of several chapters of the MC fumbling and brute forcing her way through challenges followed by someone else's perspective of her perfecting the run. Especially when you emphasize how much of an awkward dork she actually is immediately before or after she does something objectively cool. I would love to see the MC get a time magic mentor. Someone who is aware of her actual resonance and can give her advice and guidance on both using her powers more effectively and how to learn new time magic tricks. Maybe something like a burned out retired c ranker who did like the MC and pretended to be a void mage for his whole career and the only reason he's able to discover the MC is because his default magic is some sort of time sense and he kept feeling new timelines popping up because of what the MC was doing and he tracks her down to tell her to knock it off cause she's giving him a headache.

Grant Daniel

First off I love the story and I want to get that out of the way as I want to give critical feedback. First and foremost I love the other peoples pov of the final loop to show competence after we watched the MC struggle through the first several loops. However especially with several romances showing up it can feel a bit skeevy and manipulative of the MC to waltz in and know everything to say and do to someone to get them to eat out of her palm. Now is this foreshadowing of the mc still having walls up and not thinking that people will like the real her or still on a power trip of have big shiny red button and must use for everything without thinking if she should? I definitely could see the author setting that up. But it might be nice to see the MC run into the moral quandary’s of looping on relationships with people. To summarize a very neat idea from another author “a character realized they were brainwashed/hypnotized by an antagonist because their trust, devotion, and memories of the antagonist were too perfect and had no downsides or distrust.” Second I appreciate the attempts to play both sides of making it feel like the main character is inevitably powerful and capable of competence while also still being forced to climb through the lower ranks of power by only having cantrips and the like. However I fear a bit of sameness and Mary sue is coming into the flavor of, of course the main character will make the perfect run. I can definitely see Ravensdagger setting up something where the MC is forced to realize they can’t loop their way through the problem of either the portal no matter how much the MC wants it is too high level and she doesn’t have the pull or preparation that requires real time time to pass and not loopability to get set up or that the mc set a save before work and then found out they were going to get interrogated that day for possibly being a spy because they are clearly way too competent and picking up too many spells quickly for what is reasonable. Third and this is one i appreciate is that Ravensdagger has set the stakes low enough to be believable but still high enough that it makes sense that the MC is going to these lengths and efforts to contort themselves into some form of solution. Too many looping or time manipulation stories go from solving a basic problem in the first week to saving the world in the next month. It makes it hard to suspend disbelief and I applaud Ravensdagger for keeping stakes realistic.

Llainway

Hey mate, not sure I can provide any helpful feedback but defo loving the story. The characters are fun and the time travel shenanigans are always a blast. Definitely love seeing our girl from her own perspective then seeing her as deadline from others. Thanks for your hard work!

SDCard

Very much agree with this - Ojou seems like a great character, I also wouldn't mind seeing some characters getting more involved. Currently it's really just Deadline occasionally talking to people for help, would be good for her to have someone to depend on and trust...

ScarletIce

That's a perfectly valid opinion, I just disagree. To me, it's a lot more interesting for MC to be limited by her humanness than by an arbitrary power restriction.

Squirrel

Do you mean that was settled in the story, or like the comments or something? Never once have I seen her name show up, and I just now skimmed chapter 17 in Patreon and RR… Or are you teasing? Maybe I just missed that 😅

GryphonKnight

How is Scum different from other time loop stories ? Rule of Cool Romance Most time loops are trying to save the world by power leveling, speed running defeating the Big Bad, etc. Rule of Cool Scum is trying to look cool. Which is a unique use of a time loop power [we are not counting _Please Put Them On, Takamine-san (履いてください、鷹峰さん, Haite Kudasai, Takamine-san) because it has all the worst romance tropes of your typical Ecchi anime aimed at 18 year old boys on late night television] But really, if most people had time loop powers, they would spend most of it being the coolest in the room (social consensus building is fascinating. I recommend _Pricing Beauty: The Making of a Fashion Model by Ashley Mears_ ) Romance Most LitRPG authors avoid romance. Even Harem stories. As several erotica authors attempting to break into discovered. Harem is about trophies to put on the shelf, not people to share in everyone’s joy, and help shoulder each others pain Ravensdagger wrote the incredible Ivil Antagonist (Harem) and Stray Cat Strut If you had time loop powers, who wouldn’t use them to erase mistakes in relationships and bolster your significant other’s happiness?

Simon Casey

I understand why you gave her only one “save point” that can only move forward, it makes sense for there to be limits on her power in order to keep tension high. However seeing her start to move her save point forward almost right away essentially on a whim while actively acknowledging how little she really knows about the situation and how much she needs to do to prepare things to reach a good ending is immensely frustrating. She was handed infinite time, and started squandering it immediately because it “felt right to move the save point here” or she “wanted to grind this interaction”, despite the fact that if she had more knowledge she might not even want to participate in that interaction at all. I get that not all protagonist’s have wills of steel and you probably didn’t want to write a story where the protagonist spends years redoing the same weeks in different ways, but when you give her the potential to do infinite runs and she doesn’t even consider keeping her save point at the very start and doing a couple scouting runs to make sure she has the right idea for how to start her “real” runs, I can’t help but see her as immensely short sighted. Perhaps it’s too late/fundamental to the story to change at this point, but I really do think you could avoid this problem entirely by having some limitations on her power like “you can only go max of 1 day from your save point before you have to make another”, or “she doesn’t have full control over when checkpoints happen”, or something. Obviously if those block off other things you want to do then they don’t make sense, but any kind of limitation that helps explain why she would use her powers the way she does despite their potential for more would help. I do like the story in general, and the kind of story of perfecting short runs is well done, but with how powerful her power has the potential to be i just always have a voice in the back of my head saying “why aren’t you using this to its full potential?”. It’s like any story with a speedster in it who struggles fighting somewhat normal people. I get that the protagonist instantly winning isn’t the most fun for storytelling and narrative flow, but unless there’s a good reason for them not to just win, it’s immensely frustrating to see them struggle against people that clearly should have no chance, just because the speedster doesn’t seem to feel like winning. Anyway, rant over, thank you for the many interesting stories.

Melody Haren Anderson

I like Miss Ojou and find the fact that our protag is like "I'm not going to scum save this with her." then seemingly does because she realizes she's not impressing this woman is funny. I'll mention that her skipping her save point forward over and over seems... unwise, and wonder if she can grow that over time. One of the things that slightly bugs me is I'm not sure why she isn't able to draw magical power back to a save point (other than to limit her growth) since it seems she did that her first time. Was it a special event, or was it more she hasn't mastered it to allow drawing magical energy back with her?

Mason

Love it so far, would like to see her interact more in her Corpo team as well as she grows. Likely they will need to know she moonlights as her skills ramp up too fast. Opportunity for conflict and growth.

Alanna Fry

I think the setting is fantastic and the characters are interesting. I think the corpo team could use more developing/interaction and I wouldn't mind a little handwaving on certain time skip sections to keep the pacing relatively smooth. I immensely enjoy the interludes showcasing her final run of a situation from another character's perspective, it really highlights both the work she puts in and the fact that she's a goofy idiot sometimes

Anti-No

One series of interactions I really liked was the ones with The Fixer. The social interactions were facinating.

POtato

One thing I would like a bit more exploration of is the manipulation inherent to this kind of story.

Ez Abc

Please no harem. I’m 100% for sleeping around & having FWBs, fuck buddies, just happeneds, etc. Maybe even a longer-term thing or poly thing. Just no harem. Ugh.

Ez Abc

I particularly love that Deadline isn’t a min-maxer and that she’s just doing her various things as the vibe, mood, or mindset hits her. I also like the constrained stakes of the story. ‘Keep the local breach from happening’ is so much more interesting than ascending to godlike powers & yeeting planets around. 👍

Moezaeyik

I didn't start reading until you had posted 60~ chapters, I'm skeptical of time plots. I have really enjoyed this though. I think you've made good choices with the limits imposed on the protagonist both power and human. I think there are a few fuzzy details here and there, probably a product of going so fast.

Pendragoon

One thing you REALLY need to explore and soon is how incredibly manipulative she is being in regards to Fran. Like, what she's doing is so incredibly toxic that it is setting off ALL of my warning systems for abusive relationships. The last interlewd was completely ruined because I kept getting flashbacks to my first boyfriend who did something similar to me. (He put on an act to get me in bed, used me, then became a completely different person once he thought I was hooked. And he was right, that whole mess fucked me up for months) Right now the building relationship between them is so incredibly tone-deaf that I will likely drop the story if it continues, which sucks because everything else is really damn solid so far.

Ledabot

A bit late maybe, but I've got two idea. The first is some kinda person who has a magical perfect recall. The idea being, when they see Deadline, out of nowhere, they magically remember all their interactions. A hard counter to her rewinding if you will. Partly because I'm worried she's slowly isolating herself from everyone around her and partly because it's good conflict if she has someone she has to fight differently. She might even be able to anchor herself with them idk. The other thing is I 100% see Deadline going down exactly the same path as mr Asshole the last chapter if things continue like this. She necessarily treats everyone she interacts in an awful fashion by isolating herself out of time. I think I remember the blurb saying out girls greedy, but she's really gotta step up soon and actually lock in with them and tell them what she can do if she wants to even start being less manipulative

Flying Goat

I have not fully caught up (I just started reading the series, not sure why I put it off so long. Currently read up to chapter 68). The portals seem way too easy to me. She has a really powerful ability, but even with minimally using it, the portals feel like cakewalks. Also, reading about goblins being beaten easily just isn't all that interesting. I am enjoying the series, but I feel that fewer in-depth description of portals would improve things, and when you write in-depth about ports, you should have more rewinds + changes in approaches, and difficulties causing rewinds to be needed.

Tierhon

Yeah not knowing the MC's name drove me back into the chapters looking for it thinking I read it but missed it, but no. It became funny after a while though, not sure why.

RavensDagger

Hehe! It started as a gag, and now it's a joke!

Tierhon

I pretty much agree with HikinBear. I'd only add that a longer loop eventually would be appreciated. Assuming a long loop isn't burdensome in and of itself, the longer loop would add some additional challenges, and allow for different "routes" within the loop giving you some flexibility or variety in the story especially if run multiple times. I can see the MC getting bogged down from excessive looping and taking a vacation somewhere, as her relative time was at least six times actual since her first reset. The regular "news weeks" she is doing are pretty much staycations which can get a little cabin feverish depending where her breaking point is. It would allow you to explore the MC's detective ability or lack thereof. Tracking down a cause or precursor to an event that was noticed near the end of a vacation. Hehe, no need for return tickets.

Sauce Master

To prevent Deadline from being Louise 2 And have her reflect on that she could teach Fran. Kind of a hold her arms while golfing and learning about her fiercer side. That way Fran can shoe she has some fire in her. Make it more of a tit for tat instead of deadline completely take over. Fran knows deadline can be perfect but she can still give her a run for her money right? She's ambitious and aims high. So give her something or someone to not just inspire but also a desire to surpass or show her worth as an equal. To know that she would've had the strength to save herself. Deadline did kind of take that from her. And I think her magic emotion ambition can do that

Sauce Master

I also think you did the interlewd great. There was a safe word and you were fine. But it can lean on the possible Louise side. We didn't get the deadline perspective, and we last saw her with jane in a past timeline. I know that in cyberpunk futures sex isn't as huge a thing as people hold it to today. So dont beat yourself up too much. Some people can't separate now and then. Some people cant take an escalator without the rails being colored in rgb with hand holding Also if she is "becoming" Louise that's a growth point. Either way there's gonna be a culmination of Fran and Deadline and whether itll only be business or if itll be more. Though at the moment it seems like a bit of both since she's the first to know about the futute

Lars

My favorite scene so far is the Mizu interlude. I also liked Fran being escorted through the dungeon (particularly the trick at the end with the fake Void spell calling back to info from the first? run). So I'd like more of that kind of scene sprinkled in as payoff for Deadline's hard work:) I'm not so keen on the pure social manipulation interludes. They're borderline off-putting to me, and I'm happy every time you come up with reasons for Deadline to stick with the first, imperfect interaction — and when she clues people in on the time travel stuff and give them some inter-timeline agency. Something I'd like to see happen is Fran becoming aware of Deadline working at Luna corp. (e.g. seeing her in uniform outside a portal) through happenstance right after she sets a save point. That might shake their dynamic up a little in a good way I think.

traxx

I think there is an instinct to make your MC a 'good' character. Or at least someone who is trying to be good. I think it might be more interesting to make her slightly more pragmatic. Her whole motivation is preventing the city from being destroyed because dying sucks. Given that, it would make more sense for her to be willing to make more sacrifices of morals in service to it. Also possibly playing with the fact that the more she loops, the less other people feel real and the more they feel like puppets of themselves. I don't think you need to go full murderhobo but allowing your character to react more naturally to stress, the threat of death, and a life with few consequences I think would make her feel more real. Definitely enjoying the story though.

Asheric

Save scumming is pretty much exactly my favorite kind of world design. I'm less in love with time loopy powers but tying them to regret is an excellent way to balance them and then have her use them more like a real person would. I absolutely love seeing the mc from other perspectives so that angle is great. I will also say... i love erotic content. It legitimately skeeves me out when someone is fully ok with blood and mirder but not love and pleasure. That being said with time powers there's some really serious concerns about consent and manipulation and deadline should probably take a chapter to explain how she stays moral when there's so much opportunity for abuse. I would suggest: first loop inform partner that she will be looping and erasing it... that she hasnt looped yet... and giving them the option to 1. Let her practice until they get the most mindblowing orgasm(s) of their life. 2. When she reloops not doing anything. 3. Do it in one run. Having sex and then resetting seems too much like having sex with someone in their sleep imo which is fine... if it's consentual. Practicing feels too much like manipulation imo. Unless they talk about it. Plus i absolutely love ethical discussions about magic shit. But that's the only question mark on another great series. And I'm excited to see her get more creative with her looping and uncover more personal spells. Also she still needs to get that grimoir translated.