Dead Tired - Volume Four - Chapter Eleven (Patreon)

Chapter Eleven

I clacked my hands together. There was far too little flesh for the gesture to be called a clap, of course. In any case, a nearby undead ambled over with alacrity and bowed low. “Good sir, if you would be so kind as to inform one of the Death Butlers to bring the Skill-O-Meter over.”

“Skill-O-Meter?” my loyal Limpet asked. The question was even enough to detach her eyes from Miss Cinder.

“The name of the device which will measure our kind Cinder here’s potential,” I said. “I considered many names. If it took on a different form I may have called it a talentoscope, or the skilluminator, but I settled for Skill-O-Meter.”

“A good good good name,” Cinder said with a bob of her head. 

It wasn’t too long that one of the death butlers arrived, followed by a small gaggle of lesser undead carrying with them a large plinth. This was installed in the centre of the round (we could hardly call it a square when it didn’t have ninety degree angles) and then they mounted a device to the top. 

The Skill-O-Meter was about two hand-spands long and tall, with an indent in its brass frame that revealed a multi-facetted quartz crystal the size of an ostrich egg. Everything was firmly secured in place. It would take someone of considerable strength to move the device now, which was good, because I worried that some fools may well try.

Seeing one’s own potential written out was all well and good, but seeing other’s and then comparing those to your own was sometimes rather galling to some people. Others might wish to steal it, either on account of the semi-precious materials that went into its fabrication, or because such a device could be incredibly useful in a day and age where merely saying ‘Status’ no longer revealed one’s skill sheet.

“How does it work?” the Limpet asked.

“Quite simply,” I replied. “First, a technician must place their foot upon this pedestal behind the pillar, then they must flick three of these nineteen switches at the back here. You see how the panel opens up for easy access? Doing so does nothing, but it does make it seem like the device is complex and magical and that ought to prevent some people from trying to steal it.”

“Uh,” the Limpet said limpetishly.

“Don’t worry about it,” I replied. “For the actual use of the device, place a limb of your choice upon the top of the gem at the centre of the device and wait. Ah, did we find a baseline yet?” 

The last was aimed at the Death Butler, who bowed his head slightly. “We have, milord,” he said before gesturing across the space towards a rather plain looking young man. 

He was from Yu Xiang, judging by the garb he wore. He stumbled forwards, bowing with every third step to myself, Cinder and the Limpet. “Hello? I was told that someone lime me was needed for something?”

“Indeed. Nothing harmful. I give you my word,” I said. “What is your name?”

“Niu Pu Chen, sir,” he said.

“NPC? Yes, you’ll do just fine. Stand over there for a moment. Yes, perfect. Lady Cinder, if you would do the honours?”

Cinder curtsied, then stepped up to the Skill-O-Meter and touched the gem atop it. It started to glow, then glow brighter and brighter.

“Is it safe?” the Limpet asked.

“The device is new. It needs to pass its skillibration tests first,” I said. “Once it has, it will be far faster. We’d hardly want to suffer long lines. Though, perhaps I should have used a better gem.”

“What kind is that?” she asked.

“Quartz,” I said. “Instead of a diamond. Diamonds would be better, but they also make people greedy. Whereas quartz has always been... hehe... ade-quartz enough.”

“Master,” the Limber groaned.

Unfortunately, my revelry was interrupted by the machine finishing its task with a loud ding!

A small floating screen appeared, projected above the plinth. It was a shortened form of a proper status sheet, but it would be more than enough to judge someone’s rough capabilities for the purposes of placing them in the correct bracket. 

Name

Class

Secondary Class

Cinder

Ashen Monk

N/A

Strength

Race

Alignment

15

Human

Neutral Good

Dexterity

18

Current Level

EXP to Next Level

Constitution

32

485

8

Intelligence

Hit Points

90

10

Armour Proficiency

None

Wisdom

Armour Class

2

13

Resistances

Poison

Charisma

Flaws

Weak-Lunged

12

Affinities

Evocation (Ash) 

Conjuration (Ash)

“Oho,” I said as I scanned through the page. “Some impressive stats for someone so young. You might want to do something about that affliction with your lungs, however. I’m certain that there are some potions that could help, and I think curing that would give you a small boost.”

“Thank you,” Cinder said with a bow, though her eyes flicked back to the screen immediately. She started when the plinth made a noise then spat out a tiny scroll. The undead nearest the machine grabbed it, unfurled the page to check its accuracy, then gave it to Cinder.

“Now, for comparison’s sake. Mister NPC, if you would be so kind as to touch the device in the same place as Lady Cinder here?”

The young villager jumped forwards and did just so, placing a trembling hand onto the quartz. This time it was only moments before a new status screen appeared.

Name

Class

Secondary Class

Niu Pu Chen

Villager

N/A

Strength

Race

Alignment

12

Human

Neutral

Dexterity

10

Current Level

EXP to Next Level

Constitution

8

235

11

Intelligence

Hit Points

20

8

Armour Proficiency

None

Wisdom

Armour Class

0

9

Resistances

None

Charisma

Flaws

None

8

Affinities

None

I scanned through, but didn’t find anything particularly interesting to note. “Thank you,” I replied before digging in the pockets of my coat. I found a coin and flicked it over to him. “Your time is appreciated.”

He grasped the golden coin, eyes lighting up before he bowed several more times and stepped away with as much speed as he could without being undignified.

“So, with this we can have a good idea of how strong someone is. I guess we can compare the numbers between people to have an idea of what they all mean,” the Limpet said. “But how will we draw brackets?”

“Simple!” I declared. “Once we have had all of the competitors use the device, we will sort them by relative strength and then divide those into three evenly-sized categories. The outliers in the lowest and highest category may had a disadvantage or an advantage, but that’s just how things will have to be for now.”

The Limpet nodded even as she moved around and positioned herself next to the device. Once Cinder had her back turned, she quickly darted her hand out and tapped the quartz.

Name

Class

Secondary Class

Fenfang Fang

Warlock

N/A

Strength

Race

Alignment

8

Human

Neutral Neutral

Dexterity

10

Current Level

EXP to Next Level

Constitution

22

140

7

Intelligence

Hit Points

105

13

Armour Proficiency

Light

Wisdom

Armour Class

10

5

Resistances

None

Charisma

Flaws

Shortsighted

9

Affinities

Rapid Learning

Hmm, perhaps I could give my little student a portable version of the device? Or better yet, I could wait until her magical skills grew and teach her how to cast the spell to see her own status herself. 

While comparison tended to come with an entire heap of negative emotions, comparison to ones-self was often a powerful motivator. 

The Limpet’s little frown suggested as much. I think that she was going to be pushing herself soon, to at least catch up to Cinder. “Don’t worry, in a few decades you’ll be quite a bit stronger than you are now,” I assured her.

“That’s... I’m not even a few decades old now,” she complained.

Youth. I shook my head. “Ah, now, onto more important matters. Miss Cinder, will you be joining the competition?”

“I think so, yes yes yes. The change to combat people at my level and above doesn’t come up too frequently. It would be a good way to grow more powerful as a warrior, and it’s as good a reason as any to spend some time sharpening my skills.”

“Very wise,” I said. “You might want to take some of the time we have left for training. There are several strong undead that I’m certain would welcome a sparing partner that’s more lively than another undead. And it’s a well-known fact that those who seek greatness just before a tournament or similar event tend to experience explosive growth.”

“I have heard of such things in stories, yes,” Cinder said. “I hope to experience it myself.”

The Limpet pouted off to the side. “Then how am I supposed to get any stronger?”

“Perhaps get back to studying?” I tried. “A caster grows best with a bit of cramming!”

***