Chapter XLIII

Her friends had discovered something big last night, and then they refused to tell her what it was. Which was mean and not nice. Carrot had to go back home and worry about it the entire time. She knew they had found something because they weren’t trying to hide the fact. The little whispered conversation and the looks her way. That laptop had a secret on it, and for some reason, neither Mister Silas nor Iris wanted to let her in on it.

But the reason they gave her for refusing was... well, not entirely wrong.

They said she was tired, magically exhausted, and in no condition to be stressed out about something she couldn’t do anything about.

So... that was actually quite nice and considerate. 

Still, it meant that after she dismissed her Vow and was left feeling particularly woozy from it, she still had to get home without knowing and that bothered her a heap.

Iris was nice enough to pay for a taxi that drove Carrot back to her apartment, then she navigated her way up the stars feeling like every step was a chore. She barely mustered the energy to help any of her neighbours, and the lady who lived a floor down from her even asked if Carrot was feeling alright.

Everything turned out alright once she made it home.

“Hi mom!” she called out. 

“Sweetie? Oh, how was your day, sweetpea? Did you have fun with your friends?” came her mom’s voice from the kitchen.

Carrot nodded, even if her mom couldn’t see. “I did! We... uh, got ahead a lot in our projects, I guess. And I’m pretty sure I’m stronger now!”

“That’s nice! Are you hungry?”

“Yes, please,” Carrot replied.

She tossed her shoes off with a kick, then stepped away... only to stop, turn, and go place her shoes where they belonged in a rack. What if someone tripped on them? 

Carrot paused after that. Was something wrong with her?

“Carrot?” her mom asked.

“I’m coming!” she said before darting over to the kitchen.

Her mom was at the counter, one eye on an old tablet propped up on some books where a soap opera was playing and the other was paying attention to a big pot of stew. Then her gaze turned up and took one look at Carrot. “Oh!” she said.

“Mom?” Carrot asked.

Her mom slid a long wooden spoon out of the stew and set it atop a folded paper towel, then she rushed over to Carrot and swept her up in a hug.

Carrot didn’t know why the sudden hug, but she didn’t protest it. Instead she hugged back.

Almost instantly, she could feel a pressure slowly leaving her, as if there had been invisible weights pressing down down and melting into her mom’s arms was like pulling each one away, one at a time.

Carrot sniffled a little. “It’s okay, sweetpea,” her mom said.

“I didn’t even say what was wrong,” Carrot whined.

“But it’ll be okay anyway,” her mom said. “Did you want to talk about it?”

Carrot considered it. Usually she’d say yes, but she also didn’t want to burden her mom with all of the stuff going on. So, instead, she shook her head. “No?”

“That’s okay too.”

The hug lasted a very long time, until Carrot felt a lot better. Hugs, she knew, didn’t cure all ills... but they helped with a bunch of them. Eventually, she slowly pulled herself out, and then her mom bustled her to a seat and gasped before rushing back to the stew. She’d almost burned it!

Carrot sat, hands on her knees and feet kicking out. The kitchen-noise that her mom made, the clinking of bowls and chopping of veggies, was nice. Even the low volume of the meaningless soap opera helped. It was very normal.

Something inside her didn’t feel normal, and she didn’t like that very much.

The stress and anxiety and the worry was getting to her. It felt like a bar running across the inside of her chest, right under her diaphragm. The hug had helped, though. 

She had an inkling as to what caused it. The darker magic that she had been pulling into herself was tainting her own. 

She wasn’t sure where magic came from, beyond just... around. Still, when she cast a spell using ‘outside’ magic it was trickier to do than when using ‘inside’ magic. So she definitely had a sort of internal reservoir of magic to use.

That magic was Carrot-flavoured. It was hers. It felt warm and soft and familiar. The magic just in the air was usually pretty neutral, like lukewarm water.

So, if grabbing magic from daemons was mixing in some badness into her magic, then wasn’t she tainting her reservoir? 

The logic felt pretty sound to her.

When she was only helping the occasional daemon return to being a normal animal, then it probably wasn’t all that bad. Like walking next to a highway with a bunch of stinky cars. It was gross, but it wouldn’t hurt if it was just a walk.

What she’d been doing lately, especially since she made her Vow, was more like... sticking her whole face into the exhaust of a big truck. 

It was a lot more gross and worse and was definitely bad for her. Carrot coughed lightly just thinking about it. 

So, what next, then?

She was pretty confident in her ability to filter out the bad from the magic, but that was for much smaller quantities.

Maybe... she could use that big lump of magic to cast a few big spells? The idea struck her out of nowhere, and she figured there was no reason not to try it.

“I’ll be back, mom.”

“Are you sure?” she asked. “Where are you going?”

“Just outside. I need some fresh air,” Carrot said. “I’ll be back soon.” She gave her mom a quick hug, then darted out the door. Their apartment didn’t have a balcony, but there was one at the end of the corridor. It was kind of narrow, and it looked out into a really rough backyard and to the back of a few other apartments, but that was fine.

She stood out there and regretted not having a winter coat on. The air was a smidge nippy. That was fine. It smelled a bit like cigarettes, but the cool breeze was fresh enough. So, she took in a deep breath, then considered what to do next. A big spell.

Actually, before that, it would make more sense to test if it was even possible. So, she pinched off a bit of that less pure magic and formed it into a basic spell.

“Black Petal Thorns,” The spell spun into place, then shot off, three small and rather anemic thorns flying off into the distant sky.

Usually, she tried to conserve her magic, to recoup what she could but now she just let it go.

It wasn’t bad.

Now... if she did that will all of the tainted magic, because of the way it was mixed in, she’d basically be emptying out her reserves. Something she’d never really done. At least, not on purpose. 

That felt a little unwise.

Carrot spent the next couple of minutes cycling her magic around and focusing the bad to one spot, then she’d funnel that into simple spells that she shot out into the evening sky. She was a smidge worried that someone might see it, but the fleeting spells didn’t go that far before fading, and from the corner of the eye they might as well be birds swooping into the sky.

After a while she felt a little better. She wasn’t sure if it was just getting rid of the yuck, or if it was being able to actually do something about her problem, but either way, the bar in her tummy wasn’t pressing in as hard. 

With that done, she sighed, then turned back in. When she slipped back home, there was another warm hug waiting for her, and a big bowl full of stew and some freshly baked bread too.

Carrot smiled. Her mom was the best! 

Carrot ate until her tummy felt pleasantly full, then carried her bowl to the sink despite her mom telling her not to worry about it.

After that, she changed into her pyjamas, brushed her teeth, had a nice chat with Bathemious where she told him all about her day, and finally she crawled into bed. It wasn’t even late in the evening yet, but her bones felt heavy.

The secret was still there. Mister Silas and Iris were still hiding something from her, and tomorrow she’d have to ask about it.

But that was tomorrow.

Tonight, she was home. Tonight, the yuck in her magic was quieter. Tonight, her mom had hugged her and fed her stew.

Carrot pulled her blanket up to her chin and, before she could worry herself awake again, she fell asleep.

***