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Chapter Seven - Spiders

Added this to Chapter Three:

>>So, she emptied the entire kitchen, setting things out on the ground behind the lot. When it grew too dark to see, Rosario frowned, then looked over her spell list and cast [Light] one of the most basic utility spells she had. She made sure to only feed it a smidge of mana. The spell created a glowing ball that she gently placed above the door. She created a few more, setting them here and there to give her light from every angle.

>>The hardest part was when she discovered a fat spider clinging to the corner of the room, revealed by her light. She summoned her broom and gingerly picked it up with the bristle end, then, while holding it aimed at the door, she cast a quick [Gust] and blasted it out the back before suffering through a full-body shiver. 

>>Disgusting little thing.

***

This maid woman was strange, Cricket decided.

It wasn’t just a little strangeness. After all, she was an Elf! Those were uncommon enough in these parts that Cricket could have dismissed some of the strangeness as just a bit of a cultural clash. No, Rosario the level two [Scullery Maid] was strange-strange.

For one, she didn’t know basic history.

This was, of course, fertile ground for imaginative (but slight) reinterpretations. “And so, with great candor, grace, candor, and violence, the five Great Heroes defeated the five Great Generals of the Demon Lord’s army, and brought peace and prosperity to all the lands! Except Lithos, which was kinda left to rot.”

Rosario nodded along. “Two additional questions,” she said. “First, do you actually know what ‘candor’ means, and second, can you expand on the five Great Generals?”

Cricket snorted. She was caught! “I think it’s a type of bird? As for the five Great Generals, they’re all dead, so what’s it matter? If you really want to know... actually, maybe don’t go asking around?”

“Why not?” Rosario asked. It sounded like she was genuinely curious.

Cricket debated a quick lie, but for all that it would be funny, it could also land Rosario in a spot of trouble and Cricket was a trickster, not a betrayer. The maid had given her warm food, a bath, and a job.

“The five Great Generals ran a crusade across the world at the Demon Lord’s behest. They did some rude things, as one does in war, and now if thou speak their name in the wrong place, some may curse you. Most won’t. It’s been three generations for humanity, and more for others, but the long-lived? Why, you may have been around when they rampaged, no?”

“I... see. Just their names?”

“They have Titles, of course,” Cricket said.

“And titles are?” Rosario asked. She didn’t put the right weight on that word. It lacked gravitas. 

Cricket stared at her all the same. Children knew what Titled were. It was like being unaware of rain and sunlight. Still, perhaps the maid was leading her on for a reason? “A Titled is anyone who reaches the Titled tier in their job. The fourth tier. One day, I may reach level fifty and turn my [Jester] into [Harlequin] and if I spend the rest of my short little life working particularly hard, I may become a titled [Death Jester] or [Troupe Master] or some such. And then I’ll be granted a Title, by the Adventurer’s Guild or the Kingdom itself. Perhaps... Cricket the Most Magnificent and Handsome and Available?”

Rosario chuckled lightly at the last part, which had Cricket standing taller. 

There was no greater joy than making someone laugh. That was the troupe’s motto. It wasn’t here anymore, but... well, that didn’t mean that she couldn’t be happy anyways. So, she grinned, then gestured ahead. 

They had made it into the forest near the Emerald Brook. A lot of the traveling they would do was going to be across open plains, following the rather meandering river, but there were a few places where the road cut through a small forest.

Cricket glanced up. The sun was on its way down, but they had another hour or three of light left before they would have to set down camp.

“So, what are their Titles?” Rosario asked.

“Hm? Oh, the Great Heroes or the Great Generals?” Cricket asked. The Titles were a safer subject. No one would get too prissy if someone referred to a General by their Title. It was the names that were dangerous. Knowing them alone might suggest that someone was a worshipper, and those were... an issue.

“Yes, those,” Rosario said.

“Well, you have The Corpse King, who made a mess of the Bowman’s woods. Very unpopular there. The Red Hand, who defended Alpta and the cities to the west. Not so hated. The Butcher of Hazelfort. You can guess where his name is cursed.”

“Hazelfort? The large city on the edge of the Bowman’s Woods?”

“That’s the one,” Cricket said with a nod. So, she knew some geography. “Then there’s the Faithful Maid, who went missing, ironically, and the Wicker Witch, who almost destroyed Thornethorn.”

“The Faithful Maid?” Rosario asked. 

“You chose the Job without knowing about her? She’s a local legend!” Cricket said. She spun around and walked backwards. The old cobbled road was even enough for it. “Story goes that she was the last defender of the--”

Cricket paused, then spun around. There was a noise.

Bandits? They weren’t too common, but most were pretty civilized. They’d ask for some change and move on, really. Especially if she flashed her adventurer’s ring. 

“You heard that too?” Rosario asked. 

“Yup,” Cricket said. She smiled and tried to look confident, but nonetheless slipped her hands into her inventory and pulled out a trio of knives. They were old, well-worn, and maybe a little more dull than they’d once been, but they were good second-tier weapons, and she was a decent fighter with them. [Knife Throw] and [Juggler] were both handy skills to have at times.

“I can hear something, it’s strange,” Rosario said.

Cricket nodded, tensing up. It was coming from the woods, off to their right, the same direction as the river. A predator? They were usually cleared out by the Adventuring Guild along the road, but this was near the river, they’d come over to drink sometimes. 

Then she saw what it was at last, and the tension bled out of her.

A [Jumping Spider] came scuttling out of the woods.

It was about as tall as Cricket herself, with long mandibles and many, many eyes. But it was just a first tier monster. Nothing too dangerous; and they didn’t hunt in packs.

“W-what is that,” Rosario said.

Cricket almost giggled. Not a fan of spiders, then? “It’s a most terrifying foe!” she said. “A [Great Jumping Spider] Flee, oh maidenly one, or watch as I sacrifice myself to save us both from its ravenous ma--”

She paused as the air grew suddenly, dangerously, heavy.

Every one of her instincts told her to stand very, very still.

Rosario had raised a hand and was pointing her palm at the spider. Her face was set, emotionless, but... but Cricket could feel the fear in the air. It was tinging the outpouring of raw magical energy that was blasting off of Rosario like heat out of a [Blacksmith]’s forge. That was a lot of mana. That was a very, very lot of mana.

“What are yo--” Cricket began.

“[Disintegration Beam].”

The air screamed. 

At first, the magical attack formed a glowing circle the size of the town square. Then that circle shrunk, the runes and markings becoming tiny, glowing script as the spell condensed into the size of a coin.

Cricket had spent some time around a [Mage] or two. The Troup had a [Firebreather] who knew some pretty advanced magic. There were some at the guild, too, and of course [Enchanters] and other jobs that had magic use amongst their many skills. They tended to pick up a Spell or two along the way.

She had never felt this much raw mana being torn out of nothing and pressed into the shape of a spell.

The most surprising part, perhaps, was the speed. A spell beyond the simplest cantrip required an aria, a song or poem or something. 

Rosario had spoken two words. The circle formed in a blink.

Then the spell launched.

It started as a narrow beam. So thin and small that it was almost invisible. A thread of gossamer in the wind. 

The spell exploded. A burst of energy ripped out of it, and Cricket was sent flying backwards, ass over teakettle. It was only years of practicing her [Acrobatics] skill that let her land on her feet at the end of that.

The air was fire and heat and dust.

Then it was all sucked inwards and... nothing.

The spell ended with a tiny, pitiful little shriek, like a kettle being pulled off the fire.

The entire right side of the road was missing.

No, that wasn’t true. The spell was more precise than that.

There was a tunnel missing. Like a giant had scooped a section of the world away. It started narrow, then grew wider, and deeper. Soon, the missing section intersected with the river. Water was rushing into the gap.

In the far, far distance, she saw that the side of an entire mountain was glowing red-hot in the cooling evening air.

She slowly turned towards Rosario, who had composed herself.

The [Scullery Maid] level two, cleared her throat. “I don’t like spiders,” she said.

***

They made camp, and it was rather awkward, but she was playing her role as [Maid] and so didn’t comment on it.

The first bit of awkwardness came from their lack of any camping equipment. She had spare skirts to serve as blankets, and... that was it. She considered turning them into a tent, that was will within her ability as a [Seamstress] but it would ruin the image. Maybe as they travelled? 

Or maybe not, she didn’t want to lose any of her dresses. 

So, that was one part. The second was their food and water situation. Which was to say, they had none. 

She had some leftovers, at least, so not quite none. And they did have a fire, thanks to a utility spell, but that was it. 

The other half of the awkwardness was the strange looks that Cricket was giving her.

Hardly her fault.

That spider was the size of a (small) car!

It got what it deserved.

She may have poured in more mana than was necessary. A slightly upcast [Firebolt], which was a cantrip, could blast apart a wall. A powerfully upcast, upper-tier PVP spell like [Disintegration Beam] took to the upcasting a little better.

She settled on the ground, trying to look prim and proper about sleeping under the stars. Well, the stars and a few small shield and warning spells.

Cricket had settled down too. The talking was kind of over. Hopefully the morning would bring back the rather pleasant mood.

Though...

She did recall something from their discussions already.

“Status,” she muttered. The system menu came up, same as it had been. No levels for the spider kill, but [Maid] didn’t level from combat, obviously.

She was more interested in one of the sub-menus.

“Titles,” she muttered next.

Rosario Thorn

Titles

The Faithful Maid

The Black Apron Archmage

The Guardian Sword of Hellisdarl

“Ah... well, that might be complicated to explain,” she muttered.

***

Comments

Astroid8

Yes, that would be complicated to explain. It would be funny though

Joel Tone

That’s quite the overkill. I wonder if somepeople can see others’ titles? Thanks for the chapter

Nyx

I'm in love with this story.

Mirthfilled

So perfect; I can’t wait to keep reading!

Cyrus McEnnis

There's no such thing as overkill, there is just "ARGH A SPIDER" and a plantive "OOM" as a slowly cooling patch of bubbling spider-fat stills in the breeze

JDoop

chapter 7 review: 8/10 sweeping, 8/10 maid, 11/10 eve reference, 15/10 scaroused bug, 9/10 titledrop.

gostsamo

> that was will within her ability well

BWH

Enemy spiders should be taken out by a judicious application of cleansing flame. *Looks at the glowing, melted remains of the mountain* Yeah, a good disintegration can do in a pinch...

Genebeep (LadyLinq)

So, while I like the concept and the writing has been fine, I'll admit I've been wondering where exactly the hook is that prevents this story from being a slightly quirky overpowered isekai story. Then I read this chapter and aha! There's that hook! :D

Nyx

Pretty sure that was a mountainside in the far distance that was bubbling. The spider-fat evaporated instantly.

Cyrus McEnnis

Fair point, well maid. All I'll say in response is that narrative causality trumps magidynamics.

Ainsel

well, she did successfully remove the spider ... and any spiders behind it for a considerable distance

Peplum

It would be interesting to know why the Demon King was captured and not killed?

BWH

Hey, Cricket? Don't think we didn't notice Death Jester in your list of desired Titles. You know, a certain maid deprived Demon Lord just might be in the market for a jester too...

astralFitz

Big ambush spooder be like not being

Manlor

Hopefully other people can see titles! That would be funny!

Arne Zerndt

Do DJs get a Shrieker Cannon in this world as well?

tr13ze

Thanks for the chapter 😁

Michelle Goodman

probably removed a few unlucky bandits and maybe even a pompous idiot or two...

Ivy

Are we sure she got the spider though?

Kevinati

How did the [Jester] react to the [Disintegration Beam]? *Cricket* Edit: Yes Raven, I'm here in your patreon too! You can't escape the puns!

Brian

This story is wonderful 😁

Doxx

You never kill spiders with force. What if it’s pregnant? Then you have hundreds of baby spiders scurrying. 💀

Lee

Thank you for the chapter! The plot thickens!

Menthewarp

point out the eve reference?

Menthewarp

We never did see the body... gasp!😮

Aldous Russell

Thanks! "Bowman’s woods" has different capitalisations. I think "Adventuring Guild" is supposed to be "Adventurer's Guild". "W-what is that," should have a question mark.

Matt Cannon

Its obviously so they can stick him into a vat and start extracting Argent energy from him to solve the current energy crisis. This is an absolutely foolproof (good thing too since there is a professional fool in play!) plan that has a 0% chance of causing Mars I mean Earth I mean whatever planet they're currently on to be overrun with demons.

Matt Cannon

Much like the waistline of an aging quality tester at the Doritos factory, the plot thickens.

Matt Cannon

There is also an argument to be made for inconsistency in things like this. Look at regional variations for carbonated beverages (pop, soda, and coke). So long as each character is consistent, that can be used in fun ways. And spark some hilarious miscommunications between characters. "You said to go to the adventurers' guild, so I did and y'all never showed up! I was standing right in front so I could see the city gate and you never went by!" "Wait, what? You can't see the city gate from the Adventuring Guild!"

OshiFantasy

every story you produce is a delight to read. I love the setup and am excited to see how Rosario navigates the world. Most importantly I'm looking forward to seeing just what flavor of disaster lesbian she turns out to be :3

AllenR

Eh. It's no SCS ork moida-fest. But it's ok. I guess. I'll allow it.

BWH

The prim and proper, not at all prone to overreacting, type of course! 👩‍❤️‍👩

Riking

Thinking about how to design a working exposure therapy exercise.."Okay, so the objective is to deal with the spider with the lowest level of collateral property damage that you can manage."

Wurschtelpotz

Wait, NOBODY commented on this??? Start at "There was a tunnel missing" and read the two sentences describing the aftermath. How do you shoot DOWNWARDS (even if not very steep), creating a tunnel down into the earth and end up ON a mountain??? Must be a mountain on a continent thousands of kilometers way, passing through a section of the planet's upper mantel to reemerge into air.

Zorgdub

Wait, how can the beam hit the ground, drill into the bottom of the river, and end up hitting a mountain?

Zorgdub

> A powerfully upcast, upper-tier PVP spell like [Disintegration Beam] took to the upcasting a little better. Since this is talking about how well [Disintegration Beam] takes to upscaling, it should start with "powerfully upcast".

LAUGHING TUXEDO

Bold of you to assume there was even any spider left to melt

Cyrus McEnnis

Aramid polymers are stubborn >.>