How I Slowly Turned Gay, or Bi, or… Whatever 05: Spying with The Prince of Ass (Patreon)

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How I Slowly Turned Gay, or Bi, or… Whatever

Part 3: Call To Adventure

Chapter 5: Spying with The Prince of Ass

The next morning my phone vibrated next to my head while I was still half asleep.

Logan: Hey. Wanna run some errands with me?

I smiled. It was like a date without being a date.

Me: Sure

Logan: Sweet. I'll be at the bookstore in like 20 mins.

I showered and dressed faster than I had ever done for a girl.

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I found Logan at the service counter in the back of the store, standing behind a couple of girls returning rental textbooks. He had on this hoodie in a washed out light pink-purple, the color that a lot of frat guys on campus had started wearing. I liked that hue, because guys were wearing it even though it was slightly feminine.

He saw me coming and gave me the chin-up nod, and slid half a step sideways so I could stand next to him in line. I was smiling a little too much and I couldn't really help it.

"Morning," he said.

"Hey."

"You got here fast."

"I was already up," I said, which was a lie, and he smiled at the receipt in his hand like he knew it.

The errands were minimal. He had a textbook to return, a package for the frat, a tub of protein powder to buy at a store off campus that he handed to me to carry. He talked the whole time and I laughed a lot, and a couple people nodded at him pretty much everywhere we stopped. I liked being the guy standing next to him when they said hi.

When he was finally done, we started walking through campus. I didn't want to ask what was next, thinking that might steer us toward parting ways. We kept talking as we headed toward the athletic building. I was half a step behind him again, the same as the night before, watching the back of his neck and the roll of his shoulders under his shirt.

"So when did you first get with a guy," he said.

"Josh," I said quickly.

"Who's that?"

So I told him about Josh. His open nudity, and his perfect butt and giant dick. Becoming friends, and eventually taking him to the screening room, the night on the couch, the "helping me figure out if I'm gay" favor that turned into two crazy nights and then nothing. I hadn't said any of that out loud to anybody, and it was sort of cathartic. I got to the part where I told Josh I was in love with him, and how Josh looked at me like I was a little kid.

"He said I made him up in my head," I said, sitting down on a random bench next to us. He joined me, sitting close as I went on. "Like I finished his sentences for him and invented a whole perfect person. He was honestly way smarter than I gave him credit for."

Logan nodded slowly the whole time, his hands in his pockets, and he didn't laugh at me, which I'd been bracing for.

"He's right, though," he said. "That's like, textbook projection. You put a bunch of stuff onto him that was never really there. You're a dominant personality and your nature is to form people into how you want them to be."

He said the words easily, with a bit of authority.

"What's your major?" I asked.

"Neuroscience," he said. "But we end up taking a lot of psych classes too."

I nodded as he went on.

"You didn't fall for him. You fell in love with a pretty door and never looked inside the house."

"Garbage metaphor," I said, smiling. "Sounds like AI."

"I didn't make it up," he said back.

"Fuck all you smart people in college. I was like, top of my class in high school, now I'm just average among all you Ivy-leaguers."

He chuckled. "Shut up. You're a catch. You're gonna do great things."

I didn't say anything for a second because my chest tightened around my breath.

"You're deflecting anyway," he said as he put a hand on my thigh. "It's hard to face these things sometimes."

I looked him in the eye, and felt an intensity run through me. It was like anger, but directed at the universe. I'd spent a month turning that night with Josh over in my head and never once cracked it open the way Logan just did, and so casually. Josh had read me, and that gutted me. But Logan seeing me clearer than that felt like the opposite. It wound me up more than anybody ever had, more than his tattoo or his lewd twitter videos, and I was standing next to the experienced, slutty guy who had all the knowledge in the world, about people from every angle. I wanted to be like him. I wanted to be inside him. Or something like that. I didn't even know. I just had a lot of feelings.

"You do this a lot?" I said. "Reading people."

"Not really," he shrugged as he got up off the bench. I followed him and we kept walking. He grabbed my hand and held it, even though we were surrounded by people. My face heated up, and I kept my eyes on the pavement, but I squeezed his fingers back, and that stupid grin from the bookstore crept onto my mouth again.

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We came up on the loading side of the athletics building, past the dumpsters, and it hit me somewhere around the corner of the wall that I hadn't even done a direct comparison between myself and Logan, my instinctive sizing up I did with other guys. I had been sort of humbled by Josh immediately, getting mogged by the size of his dick and the roundness of his ass right in my face, running the tape on who'd win. Same with the Grindr dude in the dark, some animal part of me registered a theoretical competition, even mid-hookup. I did it without thinking, always, even when I wanted to fuck a guy. It was just how my brain looked at another male.

But I hadn't done it once with Logan. Not walking behind him staring at his ass, not watching the cumshot videos, not now. He had a good body, simply put, but there was nothing to win. Whatever pulled me toward him was different than that, and I wanted to be near him more than I wanted to beat him at anything. With Josh, I was bigger than him, and he had the giant cock. And that was our detente. This was new, and it wasn't about Logan at all, it was about me, that I could stand next to a better body and not need to keep score.

"You're kind of fucking up my whole personality," I said after a beat of silence. "In a good way."

He grinned at that, and slowed down as we approached the side of the building that water polo players entered on. It was the space I was familiar with by now. Freshmen had to go in and gather supplies from the equipment room sometimes, which gave us some private access. I looked up at the building, just thinking about how much went on inside it.

Logan's arm brushed mine, and he didn't move it away. By the time we reached the side door of the building, the whole vibe of hanging with Logan had basically pooled in my gut, like butterflies in my stomach but mixed with some actual stress. There was a slow heat flowing through me that wouldn't let my feet stand flat, my weight rocking from one foot to the other. His hand had drifted to the small of my back again, steering me, and it slid a little lower into my waistband.

"Private tour?" he said, his face suddenly close to my ear, and I felt his breath on me when he said it.

I turned my head and instead of answering I reached over and put my hand flat on the front of his shorts, right on the bulge, in the open air by the dumpsters where anybody rounding the corner would've seen. I squeezed once. He went still, and then he laughed under his breath, looking down.

"That's a yes, then," he said, looking back up at me.

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I got the door with my key card and we stepped into the hallway leading to the equipment room. When we got to the end, I opened it slowly and quietly, since I wasn't supposed to be here at that time.

The door opened to the long, concrete space full of steel shelving loaded with medicine balls and folded mats and racks of dumbbells and pool lanes and all the good stuff, one buzzing light in the back left on. The door quietly clicked shut behind us and cut the outside off, and in the quiet I heard something that made me grab Logan's arm. We both froze for a moment.

There was a rhythm of breathing, two breaths, coming from somewhere in the room with us. Skin, and a bench frame ticking against the floor in time, and low whispers, from the far side of the shelves where the mats were stacked. Somebody was already in here. Two somebodies.

In my head, I felt like I knew the breathing before I even saw a single part of him. I'd heard the same soft panting up close in my ear as I touched him intimately and he returned the favor. My gut pulled tight and dropped, and I looked at Logan, and Logan put a finger to his lips and pulled me by the wrist down the row, quietly, until we could see skin through a gap in the shelving between a stack of kettlebells.

It was Josh's bubble butt, bending over a girl, with his chest on her back, covering her with his body so she was completely hidden from us except for her skirt shoved up and sticking out to the sides. He was behind her with his hands on her hips, going at it. My old private crush, out here on a Saturday, doing to her what he and I had done to each other. I should've felt gutted. Instead Logan's hand was already sliding down the front of my shorts, and I turned and got mine into his, both of us pressed into the shelving, watching Josh through the gap, breathing on each other's necks, and the swallowed stone I'd been carrying wasn't anywhere noticeable anymore. We just watched Josh's butt tense quickly as he pushed into the lucky girl who was taking his big dick. I could see the joy in his body expressed through his quick rhythm as he picked up the pace, chasing his pleasure. It brought up the beautiful memory of us doing that together.

The girl's phone suddenly vibrated on the floor, buzzing as it lit up, and she twisted to look at it and said something quickly, half a laugh and half an apology. She was out of sight from our vantage point as she pulled off him and yanked her clothes back on. Josh made an exasperated sigh as he stood up, putting both hands on the back of his head, standing there, hard and abandoned showing his big, wet boner right in our eyeline. She was gone in about ten seconds, the outside light stabbing in and cutting off again.

And Josh, breathing hard, still facing the wall, still not turning around, spoke at normal volume.

"You know I can see you guys."

Logan didn't even flinch. He stepped out around the end of the shelf, unhurried, and pulled me by the wrist along with him.

"You wanna finish what you started?" he said.

My eyes went wide witnessing Logan's boldness.