Dark Maiden | Night V Excerpt (Patreon)

March 30th Update // I'm still in the weeds with it, but nearly finished. As I was playtesting last night there was a scene that was problematic, even as a dark romance lover and it felt like I'd be pushing boundaries if I left it as it was. As such, I am modifying the Dark Maiden route to give readers the option to reject Kerach and only have Serax and Valdricht as lovers. If you choose to reject him you won't be able to have him later, doing the rejection route is already a lot of extra writing and will require modifying the DM pregnancy storyline. We'll talk about that in my next post. //

Context: This is the start of Dark Maiden Night V, picking up right after MC's dream in the kitchens with Miscilla.

Excerpt

A chill runs through you as you wake. The warmth of the kitchens is gone, along with the scent of raw fish and the sound of the young women chatting. There is however the scent of woodsmoke and fresh hides.

You open your eyes to find yourself staring at a dying fire. A small flame dances precariously atop red coals and charred wood. There's a heavy arm banded around your waist. Serax clings tightly to you like a child with a doll. He also claimed all of the pelts for himself, leaving your front exposed to the chilly air. Behind you he snores lightly.

You blink to clear your eyes, and then see Valdricht on the other side of the fire. He sits with his back against one of the supporting rods of the tent. His arm rests on an arched leg, while his dark sword is propped between his legs. Although it is tucked away in its leather scabbard, you know how quickly it can be out and pressed to your throat.

✧ Tense✧ Relax

It's impossible not to stiffen at the sight of it. Even though Serax explained to you why Valdricht attacked you, you can't feel wholly at ease, especially with that sword so close at hand. How long until you inadvertently do something else to evoke his wrath?

"Sei, sei," says Valdricht in a drawl. He makes a limp gesture with his hand, and you realize that he's conversing with Kerach. You have to angle your head to get a good look at the other male. He sits near to the door flap, terribly far from the fire, considering he wears nothing but a large pelt hung over one half of his body.

Your gaze catches on his chest. It is an odd mix of Serax's and Valdricht's. His muscles are bulky and his chest is quite long, though unlike the other males, his chest is generously covered in white hairs. The hairs are sparse at the top of his chest, but grow thick as they reach the V-shaped arch at his hips. Whatever is between his legs is covered by the pelt. You're curiously disappointed by this.

Disturbed by your own lascivious gaze, you quickly shift your eyes upward to Kerach's face. It's then that you're caught. The large, blue-skinned man regards you with a small frown, his head slightly tilted.

✧ Apologize✧ Say nothing

"S-sorry," you stammer, quickly averting your gaze. Your eyes fall instead on Valdricht, who is also staring at you now.

It's difficult to say which man is more unnerving. The white wolf-like ears atop Kerach's head should make him endearing, yet only serve to remind you that he is neither human nor wholly a shadewalker. And Valdricht's beauty feels less alluring and more otherworldly. His black hair and robes remind you of the indifferent void of a Nazralti night.

Realizing neither male understands you, you take your hand and form a fist, then draw a circle on your chest. The gesture feels so natural, more so than any of the signs you've yet made. You wonder what it says about you, that the word "sorry" comes so easily to you.

Perhaps I am a considerate person, you think. A dark voice whispers, Or a wretched, burdensome one.

Kerach repeats the gesture, his brow creasing. He looks to Valdricht, who shrugs when he glances your way. Valdricht gestures for you to go to him.

✧ Go to him✧ Hesitate

By now, you know that when Valdricht beckons you, compliance isn't optional. However, you do hesitate. For a few seconds, you simply stare at his hand. It's long enough, you hope, to show him that you aren't an object to be moved around at his pleasure. Even when you rise from your bed fur—a task that necessitates prying free from Serax's hold—you do so slowly and deliberately.

Valdricht's eyes never leave you as you make your way to him. You don't even see him blink. He pats the floor next to himself and you sink to your knees, eyeing him warily. Your defiance is undercut by the fact that you have to tilt your head back to look up at him.

Valdricht picks up the nearest fur and then uses both hands to wrap it around you. As he does so, he says, "Thyssavar."

He gives you a pointed look, tugging lightly on the pelt until you repeat the word.

"Thyssavar? The pelt?" You tug on it and look to him for confirmation.

Valdricht nods. "Thyssavar."

You can't help but smile, especially when he goes on to show you the hand sign for pelt. He points to his chest, and then moves his fingers up his arm like a skittering animal. You repeat the gesture, though by the time you've done it, you've already forgotten the word and need him to repeat it for you once more.

Sitting close to him, you can see dusky half-moons hanging behind Valdricht's eyes. You realize that what you took for a drawl earlier was the weight of fatigue.

"You're tired," you tell him. You give your best impression of fatigue, dramatically drooping your posture and yawning. "Tired."

"Tired," he repeats.

Your skin prickles at the sound of him speaking your language, albeit with a heavy accent, making the word sound more like tyr-t. Even so, you nod enthusiastically.

"Tired," he says again, this time with a nod. "Sei, Merja. Eri tired sairyn."

He moves to stroke your hair and you forget to flinch. It's hard not to lean into his touch.

"Vrethros," he says. "Tired. Vrethros."

This one proves even more difficult to pronounce. You can't think of any word in your own language that starts with "vr." Unlike when Serax teaches you words, Valdricht does not accept adequate pronunciation and makes you repeat the word until you've said it correctly. Although it's somewhat annoying, you do appreciate his patience and that he's even taking the time to teach you.

Perhaps a bit optimistic, you attempt to impress him.

"Thy vrethros zairyn?"

Valdricht rewards you with an indulgent smile.

"Zairys," he corrects, emphasizing the proper form of the verb.

"Oh." You clear your throat. "Thy vrethros zai...rys?"

"Sei. Eri vrethros zairyn," he affirms, his smile tightening.

Kerach signs something to him, drawing his attention away. Their movements are too fast and strange for you to decipher, though you sense they are discussing you.

All the talk of tiredness has you feeling your own fatigue. It's impossible to say how long you've been sleeping, but clearly it wasn't long enough.

✧ Lay down next to Valdricht✧ Return to Serax's side

My Thoughts

I like this little exchange and it's something that's a bit lacking in Dark Maiden. Just time where they're socializing and there's nothing overly sexual. I also like sleepy Valdricht, he's nice. A note on the Wyransith, thysselach is the word for bed furs, while thyssavar is the word for fur/pelt. I feel like I already had a word for tired, since it's so basic, but I couldn't find it in my word bank so I made a new one. I'll also be using a loose form of ASL for the sign language. I was previously making it up as I went and finally I was like, "wtf are you doing, this is whole real language already, why are you making this so complicated?"

I particularly like the choice at the end of this scene, which gives the MC the opportunity to express her preference in sleeping partner. In general, I like seeing the MC subtly bond with Serax as the story route progresses. Unlike in other routes where the MC has an initial preference for Valdricht, the early Dark Maiden episodes have her leaning more towards Serax, particularly after the events of Night IV, where she's now wary of Valdricht.

As this chapter progresses, we'll get some more relationship development with Serax, but also with Kerach, something that will cause a lot of friction. What I love about having Kerach in the dynamic is that he and Serax are oil and water. They really do not like one another. It's a tension that runs in the background of their typical day to day lives, mostly because they simply tolerate each other. However, with the MC in the mix, they're forced into direct competition. This plays out slowly in the Classic route, but ramps up quickly in Dark Maiden, and it's a lot of fun to write.

I realized this afternoon that I'd written that the Dark Maiden excerpt would be Saturday morning. I meant to write Sunday morning, but I hope this is an okay compromise. I will be working on the public build launch tomorrow, so I likely won't have the next dev log until Monday. However, I'll definitely squeeze in a bit of Dark Maiden writing. The final draft is around 25% done right now, with the caveat that the final 25% will take longer than the initial passages, as it's essentially a big ol' orgy and there are a lot of moving parts.

-Mortish