Accepting Tea and Care (Patreon)

She set the mug down in front of me on the table, steeped tea, with precisely enough room left in the mug for too much milk (just the way I like it.) I was sitting with my youngest, he was asking me about tadpoles. Without breaking the conversation I stood up, grabbed the mug and headed to the fridge for milk when Max turned around, milk and sugar in hand and looked at me, disappointed. “Can’t you just relax?” she teased.

She was bringing me what I needed. She’s that kind of lover. I kissed her face and thanked her.

I’m not really good at letting people help me, but it’s not because I don’t want help, I’m just not used to getting it. I don’t leave space for it. It would have never occurred to me that she was going to bring me what I needed. I didn’t expect it. (I’m learning.)

I guess when I think about it, I’m that person in most of my interactions. I like helping, and being in service. I’m always trying to make folks comfortable, to be a few steps ahead of what anyone might need. I know how good it makes me feel to offer that kind of care to someone I love. I want to give her space to care for me.

Our first date was almost a year ago, and when she opened the door of her truck for me I assumed she needed to get something from the passenger side and stood back, out of her way. She’s a gentleman. I haven’t spent much time around gentlemen.

It was awkward at first, I’m independent, always have been, I don’t need anyone to open doors for me. I kick ‘em open myself. Getting to know Max meant learning that she wants to take care of me, it’s not a burden or a job, it’s not even an expectation, it’s how she expresses her love. Her language, my babe of few words. So I tried to let her. I learned to stand back at the hotel and smile at her adoringly as she reached ahead and held the door open for me, I learned to relish how it made her glow.

Next time I’m in her kitchen I will sit on my hands and let her make me a cup of tea, and I’ll remind myself how good it is for my sons to see me basking in her care. How important it is sometimes for me to just relax. (I’m learning.)