Secret Agent Chapter 095 - A Luxury Experience (Patreon)

The tall woman with pointed ears wearing a kimono clasped her hands together at roughly shoulder height and bowed, but only slightly.

“Welcome back, Lordling Vladimir. Welcome, Jack Werdruf, to my humble establishment.”

There was a wispiness to her voice, yet it carried clearly. Belatedly, Jack realized that all the sounds from the rest of the establishment and the outside had cut off when the door had closed, and that the only sounds he could hear originated in this room.

Vlad waved a hand. “Please, Madame, I’m no Lordling. I’m merely an [Actor].”

Zack noticed the Madame’s eyes drift calmly to the maid, then back to the scion of House Vampire. Her expression was serene, the hint of a pleasant smile on her lips. Then, without further response to Vlad, she turned to Zack himself. Her eyes trailed up and down as she took him in, wearing cheap, loose trousers and a similarly cheap shirt.

“Ahem, yes, today I have brought my friend and fellow [Actor]. He has, I’m afraid, joined that, that…”

“The weightlifting club at the docks,” Nerezza supplied helpfully.

“Hmph.” Vlad scoffed. “Regardless, Jack here is a consummate gentleman.”

“I’m sure,” the Madame said with a playful lilt. “Jack, let me explain the rules.”

The rules were more along the lines of a spa, rather than the brothel Zack had half expected. Keep his hands to himself, respect the privacy of other guests, and so on. And then followed an explanation of the course Vlad had selected for them.

A thorough wash and scrub by attendants, followed by a soak in a private bath, then cosmetic treatments, and finally a deep tissue massage before moving the lounge.

“The lounge has private alcoves, as well as an area for socialization with other guests, should you wish to do so. You may stay as long as you like until sunrise, at which point we ask all the guests to depart. Do you have any questions?”

“No, Madame. Thank you.”

Vlad softly brought his hands together, in a not-quite clap. “Wonderful. It’s always a pleasure to see you, Madame Azriel.”

The Madame dipped her head in a brief nod to Vlad. “And you as well. Jack, enjoy your visit.”

The doors behind them opened silently, and yet once more they could hear the faint sounds of water flowing and people speaking in low tones. They left the Madame’s office chamber and the doors, again, closed of their own accord.

And what followed was a five star luxury spa experience, though Zack had no proper frame of reference.

He and Vlad were led down a hall past a line of doors to a tile lined room full of steam where two women wearing robes of simple design and high quality waited with various bathing instruments.

“I will guard your property, young master, Master Jack,” Nerezza declared.

“Mhm, thank you, Nerezza,” Vlad said almost absentmindedly before turning to the robed women. “Jess, Delilah, what a delight to see you again! Are you well? As I said before, this is Jack, my fellow actor and friend, and he’s currently staying with me…”

Vlad was a total chatterbox, and the two women responded postively.

Jess was the older of the two, perhaps in her mid-thirties, while Delilah was perhaps in her late-twenties. Notably, Delilah had the same olive skin-tone and dark hair and eyes as Ronaldo, while Jess had the more normal light brown hair that most Fortinians had, and hazel eyes.

Was Delilah from the tribes of the south, too?

“Jack!” Vlad said sharply, pulling him from his woolgathering.

“Hm? What?”

“Relax. I can practically hear you thinking and dwelling and ruminating from all the way over here.”

The two men were seated on surprisingly comfortable stools while Jess and Delilah scrubbed them with loofahs using pleasantly scented soaps. Zack’s skin and hair dye was long gone by this point.

Zack sighed. “I’ll try.”

“No, no, don’t try, do!”

Jess playfully smacked Vlad on the shoulder with a wet hand.

“And how’s he gonna do that if ya keep tellin’ him what to do?” she scolded. “Let the man think! Sometimes ya just need to let tha thoughts think themselves out.”

“Jack,” Vlad looked over with a worried expression. “I’m not bothering you, am I?”

“Tell him yes!” Jess said.

Delilah giggled as she scrubbed his left arm, working her way out from his shoulder to his hand, but otherwise she stayed out of it.

“No, you’re not bothering me…” Zack replied. Vlad breathed a heavy and overly dramatic sigh of relief, while Jess sighed with exasperation. “I’ve just been busy.”

“Hmm…” Delilah hummed, starting to scrub his hand and fingers carefully and gently.

“All the more reason to rel—”

Smack.

“Some men,” Delilah finally said, with a husky, somewhat deeper than expected voice, “can only relax when their work is done. Often the kind of men who do not confide in anyone, even their wives, until matters are settled to their satisfaction.”

Her hands paused, holding his left hand for just a moment, before she continued scrubbing gently.

“Such men are strong, until they are not.”

“Brittle,” Jess said.

Delilah nodded. “Yes, that is the word. Brittle. These men need to be reminded that hunting every day makes a spear dull.”

She didn’t smack his shoulder, but rather, patted it gently, then started washing his side.

“Hmm…” Zack hummed to himself.

“Well that’s all I’m trying to do,” Vlad pouted.

Zack saw, out of the corner of his eye, as Delilah shot a glance in Jess’ direction.

“And you’re a good friend, Vlad. And our [Hero]!” Jess said.

“Oh, please,” Vlad said, feigning bashfulness.

For the rest of the time they were being bathed, Jess told the story of Vlad’s valiant vanquishing of the vile, vicious thurgenrats, leaving Zack’s mind free to wander, since he had heard most of this story already.

Once clean, Delilah and Jess gave them clean robes and slippers and guided them to another small room, this time with a bath large enough for four men to sprawl out in.

“I’ll have my usual, Jess. Jack, what would you like to drink?”

“Drink?”

“If I might make a recommendation,” Delilah said, “I believe you would enjoy the taro milk tea.”

Zack hesitated. “What are all the options?”

There was a plethora of drink and even snack options: cocktails, wines, beers, teas, juices, pastries, nuts, even sardines and french fries of all things.

“French fries?” Zack asked.

“They are a sliced potato dish, fried and salted with a number of different garnish options,” Delilah explained.

“You know,” Vlad said, “those do sound good. I’ll have those with my Bloody Mary.”

Bloody Mary? The cocktail?

The Earth God had mentioned that Goddess Arianna had brought over several [Heroes] before Bradley, but that was a lot of cross-pollination.

“Jack?” Delilah prompted.

“Ahem, I’ll have the taro milk tea.”

“Any snack?”

“I’ll leave it up to you.”

Delilah smiled. “As you wish.”

Jess and Delilah left to fetch their refreshments and Vlad and Jack climbed into the pool of water. It was the perfect temperature, and they both let out sighs of pleasure as they relaxed. All it was missing was water jets and it would have been like a hot tub.

For a few minutes they simply sat in companionable silence, and Zack’s racing mind finally began to slow.

The orphanage. Roxy. Leveling up. Sienna. The Guild and the information cards. Sandra’s scathing review of his [Acting]. Bradley and that whole [Hero’s Journey] thing. The Goddess. His unique skill. The Kingdom and the Church. His task from the Earth God.

Earth.

The hot water started to loosen tension in his muscles he hadn’t known he’d been carrying, and he melted against the tiles.

Soon enough, Jess and Delilah returned, and brought with them a platter on which sat their drinks and their snacks.

Sure enough, it was a real Bloody Mary cocktail, just like on Earth, and a plate of french fries drizzled with a red sauce of some kind. Zack sniffed. It wasn’t ketchup, though…

His own drink, surprisingly to him, was a purple color, and accompanied by a plate of cookies. He felt his eyebrow raise almost involuntarily, and Delilah raised the corners of her lips.

“Sweets are fuel for a busy mind,” she said, and left it at that.

Vlad started chatting with Jess about the food and drink, and Delilah simply waited off to the side as Zack munched steadily. The taro milk tea, though Zack didn’t know it, was a popular drink on Earth as well, and he found himself quite fond of it. The cookies were soft and flavored with fruits, though he didn’t recognize them, and in the same way his muscles had relaxed in the hot water, the sugar helped his racing mind to untangle all the knots it was twisted in.

Before he knew it, the drinks and snacks were completely consumed, and a pleasant feeling of fullness settled in his stomach.

“Would you like another taro, or would you like to move on to the massage?” Delilah asked.

Vlad was laying with his head back against the tile at the edge of the pool, and failed to react with a look of utter relaxation on his face. Leaving it up to Zack to decide.

“I’m ready for the massage,” he said.

Vlad half hummed and half groaned, and then rose from the tub. Zack followed suit, and they were given new, plush robes designed to wick away the water on clinging to their bodies, and they were guided to a room with just the faintest scent of incense and two massage tables.

Zack had thought he was relaxed, a minute ago.

Delilah proved him completely, totally wrong.

There had to be a [Skill] involved, because Zack had had massages on Earth before, and they were nothing like this.

All Zack’s prior plans for asking about the [Hero] fled his mind and all he could do was groan with satisfaction as Delilah worked out knots, loosened muscles, and skillfully manipulated pressure points that left him a puddle afterward.

Not so Vlad. Vlad chatted cheerfully with Jess as she worked, asking about her family, her coworkers, and so on.

Zack made a feeble attempt to [Memorize] what they were saying, to make some attempt to gather information while he was here, but Delilah’s massage interrupted the [Skill].

And so he was forcibly made to relax, in body, mind, and spirit.

The massage might have taken only minutes, it might have lasted hours. Later Vlad assured him it was a one hour massage, as that was what was included in the package.

After the massage they were taken to yet another room, where this time Vlad was treated with an ointment for protection from the sun, while Zack had his false scar re-applied and his skin and hair redyed. Delilah made no comment about it as she worked, and when she was done she showed Zack her work with a hand-mirror, while Jess did the same for Vlad.

“This makes me feel like an amateur,” Zack pouted to Vlad. Vlad chuckled.

“Compared to Madame Azriel’s girls, you certainly are, Jack. But you’ve been with the Troupe, what, a handful of weeks? Skill comes with time and effort.”

There was a soft knock at the door, and then Nerezza entered carrying their clothes, freshly laundered and lightly scented with what seemed to be lavender. She stepped back and allowed Jess and Delilah to assist Vlad and Zack in redressing, and then they were guided to the lounge. It was a large, open room with more private alcoves along the walls, some with curtains and others with privacy screens and others completely open. Men and women mingled freely, the staff distinguished by their uniform robes. Here and there staff members carried platters of refreshments. The guests, on the other hand, had a number of options. Tall standing tables, low couches, large cushions directly on the ground, and low tables on which sat a number of simple board games. Zack recognized checkers, chess, and go, among others.

“Tonight is the night, Jess,” Vlad declared, leading the way to an empty alcove with a privacy screen.

Jess tittered as she followed. “Oh, I don’t know about that, Vlad…”

“The young master has yet to best Miss Jess at chess,” Nerezza said.

“But tonight is the night!” Vlad declared once more.

“Are you familiar with chess, Jack?” Delilah asked as they followed.

“Yes, I’ve played before,” he answered.

“And you know all the rules? Castling and en passant?”

Zack furrowed his brow. “Yes, of course.”

“Oh, good. Would you be interested in playing a game? Or would you like to observe Vlad’s attempt?”

“Let’s play,” he said. Moving around after the massage had helped bring some sharpness back to his mind.

They got situated, and without asking, Nerezza pulled the privacy screen across the opening of the alcove, dimming the light slightly. Once the screen was fully pulled across, by some magic, the sound of the rest of the lounge was cut off.

“Jack,” Vlad’s family’s maid said, “I ask for your discretion about what you witness here.”

“Of course,” Zack said, puzzled, until he saw Vlad’s impulsive first move.

Oh.

Vlad was terrible at chess.

He moved pieces seemingly at random around the board as he chattered with Jess, who kept up a smile as she deftly moved pieces around herself, prolonging the game and keeping it as even as possible.

Zack was himself no grandmaster, but he knew enough not to open himself up to the Fool’s Mate.

“So,” he said as he advanced his King’s pawn to the center of the board. “I heard that a [Hero] was summoned.”

Delilah met his eye, and advanced her own King’s pawn to block his. “Indeed!” she said brightly. “And he’s already slain his first demon!”

Zack started.

Wait, Bradley already fought a demon?

When?

He’d thought the demons were penned up far, far away.