SAD in the summer (Patreon)

It's no secret that I have depression. I'm very open about it in my videos and on my social media because, honestly, the more honest we can be about these things the easier life becomes for people living with them.

Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD is a form of depression that follows a seasonal pattern. In the majority of cases SAD is associated with heightened depression in the winter months and, consequently many associate it with reduced light, a perfectly reasonable assumption.

My SAD really comes into play in the summer months so, where does that leave me? My depression kicks in at it's highest gear from April to August, ironically I love the weather and want to be out in it but I can't always manage it. I often joke I'm so northern that the sun makes me depressed but in reality what is going on to trigger this change?

33% of British adults experience SAD and in 29% of those cases it is associated with the winter months, what I experience is far from unheard of but it isn't the norm.

So why does my depression get worse in the summer? I have a theory that it is due to the fact I feel I should be working in all daylight hours and just burn myself out, although it is only a theory and is personal to my behaviours, this happens to 4% of British adults and we cannot possibly all be living the same way thus I'm ultimately probably wrong.

I'm writing this from my bed the sun is beaming in through my window my cat is chattering at birds this empty hole inside me is nonsensical, of course, depression doesn't care if it makes sense, it's still here and so many of us need to just learn to live with it. 

SAD won't ruin my summer, I'm nothing if not stubborn and I am going to enjoy myself, but this mystery stumbling block will continue to throw me off on what should, by now, be a predictable schedule.