Chapter 111: Exercise Saves Money, and the Money Saved Can Be Used for Exercise (Patreon)

Hu Tao grabbed Piers's hand out of nowhere. She did that all the time, but this time felt different. Usually she just seized his hand and hauled him along; this time she caught hold of it first, and then, slowly, laced her fingers through his.

Piers turned his head, a little surprised. Hu Tao bared her teeth in a shameless grin, those pretty plum-blossom eyes fixed straight on him. The dim lamplight, mixed with the last scraps of sun left at the horizon, fell across his face — and settled in her eyes.

Their steps slowed, then stopped altogether, and her plum-blossom eyes stayed locked on him, dreamy and unmoving.

"What, dazzled? Don't tell me Director Hu has fallen for me."

Piers copied her own trick from earlier and chopped her lightly on the head with the edge of his hand.

"Heh heh, that's right! This Director has fallen for you. So how about it, any interest in marrying into the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor? We're running a discount on live-in husbands right now."

Hu Tao ran with his line without a shred of embarrassment.

"Not interested." He rapped her on the head again.

"Hey, do you have to shoot me down that fast? This Director isn't that ugly, you know. Why do you look so put off?" Hu Tao puffed out her cheeks.

Some distance away, two Millelith stood watch. The younger one poked the middle-aged soldier across from him with the butt of his black-tasseled spear.

"Senior, doesn't that man look familiar? Isn't he the one who was having a fight with a girl yesterday? Looks like he's fighting with a different girl today. Should we do something about it?"

The middle-aged Millelith looked where the young one was pointing, glanced once, and turned back, not interested enough to look twice.

"We're the Millelith. We keep public order. Little things like that aren't our business."

"Still, why is that guy always fighting with somebody? Shouldn't we go over and ask?"

Freshly enlisted Millelith always burned to see justice done, and always felt the long-serving soldiers couldn't be bothered with anything. But under the rule of the Liyue Qixing, Liyue Harbor was peaceful, at least on the surface.

The middle-aged Millelith gave him a look and gave up on answering. Breaking in recruits was the duty he hated most.

"At your age, why did your parents pack you off to the Millelith?"

"Nobody packed me off. I came on my own. I'm here to protect Liyue."

There was real force behind the young Millelith's words.

"Empty talk. These aren't wartime days. Liyue doesn't need some kid coming to defend it. And you're a grown man, haven't you ever dated anyone?"

"What's the point of dating? That stuff costs a fortune! And it's useless. Better to hire a master to teach me spearwork and conditioning. Cheap, saves money, and with the money I save I can hire another master to teach me spearwork and conditioning."

The middle-aged Millelith had nothing left to say at all.

…

"So Director Hu is stuck to me for good now?"

"I do have faith in the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor's secret arts, but every technique carries risk. If something happens to this Director the day after tomorrow, wouldn't that mean I died without ever having dated anyone? No, no, no. Far too much of a loss."

Hu Tao shook her head, the picture of regret, like a merchant tallying up a bad deal.

"So? So? Any interest in dating this Director?"

"Hee hee, this Director isn't the type to force people. How about this: I'll pay. I'll hire you for one night to be my boyfriend."

And as she said it, she really did start digging out Mora.

Why did that business model sound so wrong? Bordering on criminal, even.

"Little Piers, I can pay too." Guizhong leaned in.

'Sister Guizhong, at your age you really shouldn't be copying other people's cute act.'

"Waaah, how can you say that about me? I'm barely a few thousand years older than little Ganyu, and you don't hold it against her!"

One line from Piers and Guizhong was heartbroken, wailing at the top of her lungs. The crying sounded fake, but the noise was genuinely deafening, so he had no choice but to soothe her by voice transmission.

'All right, all right, I was joking. To me, Sister Guizhong will always be young.'

Consoled in a second. Now Piers could finally give Hu Tao his full attention.

"Hold on." He caught the hand that was fishing out Mora.

"What? Have you decided not to take my Mora after all, on account of how lively, adorable and innocent this Director is?"

"No, no, no. I mean I'm turning your offer down."

"? Why? Why?" Hu Tao looked genuinely shocked.

"The Director is this cute. Can you really bear to say no?" She blinked up at him, all innocence.

"Look, Director Hu, this scene right now is exactly like the farewell between the hero and heroine in a novel, right before one of them dies. Usually, once that heartbreaking little episode wraps up, those wretched authors kill the heroine off. Or the hero."

Piers laid a hand on her shoulder, dead serious.

"So, to keep the story from moving on to the next part, I refuse."

Hu Tao snorted with laughter.

"Does our Adeptus Piers read romance novels too? And here I thought only girls read that sort of thing."

"Surely no one kind of novel has only one kind of reader. Miss Hu Tao, are you sorting the populace into categories?"

"!!!"

Hu Tao's face went blank on the spot, hollow-eyed, like a reaction sticker come to life.

"I'm joking. But I really don't want to act out such an unlucky little tragedy."

"No. This Director is going to date tonight, and there's nothing unlucky about it. I'm the Director of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. What could possibly be more unlucky than the work we already do?"

Looking at how stubborn she was, Piers could only give in.

"Fine, fine. Consider it me keeping a kid company."

"! What do you mean, keeping a kid company! What part of this Director is small!"

"Every part."

"You don't look any older than this Director yourself."

Hu Tao was beside herself.

"An adept's age doesn't matter. Even when you're old and your hair's gone white and you can only stand next to me leaning on a cane, I'll still look exactly like this. And at that point, I can still say I'm keeping a kid company."

Something seemed to occur to Hu Tao once he'd finished. Her whole attitude turned around, softening considerably.

"Never mind, this Director is magnanimous, I won't hold it against you. Either way, I'm dating tonight, and we're already holding hands. Adeptus Piers wouldn't dodge his responsibility, would he~"

She raised their interlocked fingers with a smug look on her face.

"No wonder Mr. Zhongli says he can't keep up with you."

"? The consultant badmouths me behind my back! Well, fine, fine. When I was little I used to badmouth my dad behind his back too."

As she spoke, Hu Tao pulled a fistful of bills out of a hidden pocket in the side of her skirt, every one of them under a different name.

"Ugh, bills, nothing but bills. Every single day I'm cleaning up after the consultant's bills. I feel like a mother tidying up her children's messes. Thank goodness for our partnership with the Adventurers' Guild, or the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor would be in a financial crisis."

Rex Lapis's mother? That's an awfully high station. Sister Guizhong counts as my master, and she's the same generation as Rex Lapis. So if Hu Tao counts as Rex Lapis's mother, what does that make her to me? My grandmaster? Am I dating my grandmaster…?

"Speaking of which, if we're dating, what exactly do you want me to do?"

Hu Tao was quiet for a while.

"Now that you ask, you've really stumped me. I've never dated either. I just figured that having the title at least means no regrets. We can go on the same as always. Except you have to change what you call me. Call me Walnut."

Hu Tao didn't act like someone in a relationship at all. She probably only wanted somebody there beside her. Every night before this, there had only ever been her.

Nobody understood the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor's secret arts better than she did. She was not coming back from this trip, so she let herself be bold. Everything she had wanted to do and never dared, everything she had wanted to say and never said, if she didn't say it now she never would.

"All right, Walnut. Where to?"

"No idea. Wherever we end up. There are plenty of people out at night, so it won't be boring. And when it gets to the middle of the night, you can just stay with me."

She went ahead and hugged his whole arm to her chest, imitating the sappy couples she'd seen out on the streets.

They wandered on and, without noticing, ended up at Scent of Spring. Sister Ying'er was getting ready to close for the day, packing away her incense, when she looked up and saw Hu Tao coming down the street with Piers's arm in her arms.

Being off work had already put her in a good mood, and the sight lit her appetite for gossip like a match.

"My, my~ Isn't this the little Director from the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor? And this gentleman looks familiar too… ah, look at my memory, I can't place him. Not that it matters. From the look of you two, congratulations, congratulations!"

The remark left Hu Tao flustered. Whether the flush on her face came from embarrassment or from the firelight inside the lanterns, no one could say.

"With a face like that, Director Hu saves on rouge. Still, we do carry incense and sachets here. Care for a little?"

It occurred to Piers that if they were dating he really ought to buy her something, but before he could get a word out, Hu Tao grabbed his hand and ran, face burning.

"Hey, hey, don't run off."

Sister Ying'er felt a pang of regret. She should have held back a little. Hu Tao might be brash most of the time, but underneath it all she was still just a girl who had never dated anyone.

Normally, when Hu Tao dragged Piers around, she thought of him purely as a friend, so it meant nothing to her. Holding his hand now meant something else entirely, and of course she'd started going shy, and Sister Ying'er's teasing only made it worse.

Hu Tao was a girl who loved a crowd, but with his hand in hers she suddenly wanted somewhere with nobody in it, terrified that someone else would recognize her.

"How about… we go to Yaoguang Shoal? You know that technique that moves you in an instant, don't you…"

Her head was down, buried against his chest; she didn't dare raise it to look at his face. She'd assumed Piers would be the shy one, and instead here she was, unable to face anyone, dreading that somebody would call out "Director Hu" at her.

Hu Tao was almost regretting all those days spent going door to door peddling coffins, which meant just about everyone living in Liyue Harbor knew her by sight.

"Sure. Tonight you call the shots."

Piers steered her around a corner, and under its cover he used Lemniscatic Wind Cycling and teleported away. Yaoguang Shoal lay north of Liyue Harbor, right about at the limit of what he could cover in a single jump.

"We're here." He brushed aside the bangs hiding her face, his fingers grazing her cheek by accident.

This kid, why is her face so hot? Is that really a normal temperature for being flustered?

Hu Tao slowly wriggled out of his arms. The cool night sea breeze blew across her face, and the scalding heat finally eased off a little.

"What are you staring at me for? Is there something dirty on my face?"

Her speech was fluent again, at least, though it lacked her usual confidence; she only dared to talk with her head down, eyes on her own toes.

"Walnut, we're in a relationship now. Isn't looking at you a perfectly normal thing to do?"

The hand that had pushed her bangs aside didn't withdraw. It cupped her cheek instead, careful and gentle. There was nothing improper about the contact, but the sight was still enough to make Guizhong, watching from the side, blush.

"Little Piers, you were faking it all along! I misjudged you completely. You're wonderful with girls!!"

'Sister Guizhong, do you know anything about the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor's secret arts? Never mind. None of the techniques you gave me covered anything like it, so you probably don't. Put simply: if nothing goes wrong the day after tomorrow, Hu Tao will die. She has two days and one night of life left.'

There was no strength in his voice over the transmission, because he truly couldn't think of a way to save her. Zhongli would surely step in, but… what if it wasn't enough?

Even Morax was not all-powerful. If he had been, Guizhong wouldn't have died, and the Yakshas wouldn't have died. Which meant that even Morax couldn't do everything, and Piers wasn't willing to gamble. He needed a fallback. He couldn't rely on Zhongli alone.

"Such a lovely girl is going to die? What a shame…"

Guizhong shook her head, the bashfulness of a moment ago giving way to sadness.

Then Hu Tao let go of the hand she'd been gripping so tightly, went back to her usual skipping bounce, and covered a good stretch of ground in a few strides.

There were no lights out here. Once she'd put some distance between them she couldn't make out his face anymore, and the nerves in her chest loosened a little.

Then she noticed that the hand she'd had laced through his was strangely cold. She lifted it and found the palm completely soaked with sweat; the sea wind was evaporating it, which was why it felt cold.

They'd been holding on so tightly that not even the sea wind could work its way between their palms, so she hadn't felt it. It had only felt warm.

Having caught her breath, Hu Tao decided she could handle this after all and walked back toward him. The nerves earlier had just been the crowd, she reasoned. Now it was only the two of them, and if anyone was going to be embarrassed, it ought to be Piers.

To relax as much as she could, she simply decided to treat him like Xiangling in her head.

"Heh heh, Adeptus Piers, dating isn't only about holding hands, you know. Come on, give me a hug…"

She marched straight at him with both arms held out. But the moment she saw his face clearly again, that unmistakable hammering of her heart came right back, heat climbed up her face in a flush, and her firm, steady gaze started darting everywhere.