Chapter 99: Third Trial Upholds Original Verdict (Patreon)

Cosmic Superman, open your eyes. I am Zoffy.

Genshin's body lay ramrod straight, like a corpse frozen stiff in a morgue drawer. Pivoting off the soles of his feet, he slid smoothly off the bed along a gentle diagonal path and rose upright, trailing behind him a series of crisp, complete afterimages stacked along his direction of motion.

He snapped his eyes open and saw the clock read six-thirty. It was the weekend, but his rock-steady office-worker's body clock had gone and woken him up anyway.

Oh, crap, it's Sunday. No work today. Tch. Woke up for nothing.

Genshin spun around in midair like Ultraman possessing a human host, then flopped face-first back onto the bed at the same rigid diagonal angle, burying his head in the pillow.

Might as well grab a little more sleep. I'm telling you, the strongest Fuinjutsu in this whole world is called 'staying under the covers.' You feel me?

He reached out, set an alarm for seven, and as drowsiness rolled over him again, drifted back into a deep sleep.

Beep beep beep beep beep!

Half an hour later, the alarm went off right on time. Genshin reached out and silenced it.

No good, still so sleepy. It's the weekend anyway... a little more sleep won't hurt, right?

So he set another alarm for 7:15, his inner resolve retreating another step.

Fifteen minutes later, the alarm faithfully carried out its master's orders, letting out its irritating noise.

A hand emerged from the covers again and silenced it once more.

"Ten more minutes, just ten minutes, just—" This time he set it for 7:25. His bottom line meant nothing against the pull of sleep.

The alarm clock: You want a piece of me?

At 7:25, the overworked alarm clock took a deep breath.

Beep beep beep beep beeeep—!

This time it rang for a long while before Genshin finally stuck a hand out from under the covers, groggily reaching to silence it.

Squish~ His palm seemed to land on something soft and utterly captivating. It felt so good that he instinctively gave it a squeeze.

"Eek!" He seemed to hear an adorable little yelp.

Still half-asleep, Genshin hadn't caught on yet, but the short-haired girl standing in front of him had already flushed scarlet. Yet she didn't pull the hand away — she just gently shook him instead.

"Wake up, Genshin. Time for breakfast."

"Mmm~~~" The sound from under the covers was thick with sleep — clearly its owner was still far from awake. His hand gave another squeeze.

"Mmm... so small..."

The air instantly went dead silent.

A heartbeat later, a furious roar shook the entire Tsunade household.

"That is a perfectly standard size, damn it!"

At the dining table, Genshin sat with a perfectly calm face, picking up his rice grain by grain with his chopsticks. At this rate, he probably wouldn't finish the bowl by nightfall.

Hmph!

Beside him, Shizune sat puffed up with anger, turned away, refusing to look at Genshin.

Karin glanced at Genshin on her left, then at Shizune on her right. Young as she was, she already knew how to read a room, and wisely chose to bury her face in her rice bowl.

Chomp chomp chomp!

That was the sound of someone chowing down without a care in the world — as a panda, A-Bao had no obligation to read the room.

Last of all, the lady of the house, Tsunade, propped her chin on one hand, watching the two of them with the bloodthirsty delight of someone who lived for drama. Every so often she'd reach out and poke A-Bao's belly, making him shudder his fur in annoyance.

"So is this... a lovers' spat?" the drama-lover said, starting to fan the flames.

"It's all little Genshin's fault. Today— this morning, I'm not forgiving him no matter what!"

Shizune huffed hard.

"Mm-hm, it's all my fault. I was half-asleep, I shouldn't have said anything about Sister Shizune's chest—"

"Hm?" Shizune's gaze turned to knives, her expression promising to gut him alive if he finished that sentence.

"Ahem... anyway, it's my fault. Let's just eat."

Genshin lowered his head while his mind raced at light speed, trying to figure out how to placate this rarely-ruffled, softhearted secretary.

Get moving, super-brain! Think of a way to fix this, fast!

Got it! Genshin's eyes lit up!

"Sister Shizune!" he called out loudly. Karin, playing along, held up her spoon like a microphone in front of his mouth.

"Ah, yes!" Shizune jumped, answering on reflex.

"I want you to remember one thing!" Genshin said with total sincerity. "You are a beautiful girl with gorgeous, long legs! In this world of shinobi!"

"And I am a boy who likes to play with legs!"

Huh? What the hell did I just say?

The hopeful look on Shizune's face went dark in an instant. Tsunade and Karin quietly scooted their chairs a little farther away.

"Wait! Don't leave, wait! Hear me out!" Genshin scrambled to organize his words, bracing for round two.

"What I mean to say is — listen, Sister Shizune." His expression was so earnest that Shizune found herself listening again despite herself.

"You're a beautiful girl, with a pair of long, straight legs."

Shizune's face flushed a little.

"I'm a boy, and compared to your chest, I'm far more interested in your legs!"

The expression drained off Shizune's face entirely. Tsunade and Karin scooted their chairs back even further.

Ah, damn it, what is this stupid mouth of mine even saying?! Wait! Don't move further away! Wait!

"Sister Shizune, listen closely! It's because your legs are so incredibly alluring! So don't worry about the chest thing! Next time, I'll go for the legs!"

Ah. It's over.

Tsunade: "..."

Karin: "..."

Shadow had swallowed Shizune's face; her expression was unreadable. She silently picked up a frying pan.

"Wait— Sister Shizune, if I told you that was just a slip of the tongue just now, would you believe me?"

"Mm, I believe you," Shizune said, her voice still soft and gentle.

CLANG!!! A tremendous crash rang out, and Genshin went spinning at high speed clear out of the Tsunade household.

"I'm just saying... Shizune, you're actually pretty happy about this, aren't you?" Tsunade said, eyeing her through narrowed lids.

"Hehe, no way..." Even though her exploding sense of shame had sent Genshin flying in the heat of the moment, once Shizune came back to herself, she realized she seemed to have already accepted his ridiculous explanation.

So that's it... little Genshin actually likes my legs, does he?

Shizune quietly slid her hand under the table and stroked her own leg. She'd hit him rather hard just now — maybe when Genshin came back, she ought to make it up to him a little?

Taking in Shizune's little gesture in full, Karin pushed up her glasses and delivered her verdict: "Sister Shizune is such a perv."

Meanwhile — "Ugh... that hurts."

At that moment, Genshin's face was a little red, and a little flattened.

Riling the normally docile Shizune up to this degree — well, he'd brought it on himself. Still, he really had been curious what the usually gentle, soft-spoken Shizune looked like when truly angry.

Hopefully that frying pan had let her blow off a little steam.

As Genshin rubbed his face, he suddenly noticed a blind spot he'd somehow never thought of before — hadn't Tsunade originally kept a pig? A ninja pig voiced by the same voice actress as Sister Shizune, no less.

Ever since A-Bao had settled into a steady routine of freeloading meals at Tsunade's place, she didn't seem to have any plans to keep another pet. Could it be...?

Did Tonton get replaced, and is that somehow my fault?

He was strolling along at ease when Genshin's eyes suddenly narrowed. That person was...