Chapter 29: The Naked Man Who Fell from the Sky (Patreon)

After the Poison Young Master went flying off, the Poison Elder finally spoke the words he'd been meaning to say: "The princess is now surrounded by retrograde demonic poison, and it happens to be naturally repelled by the poison arts and demonic energy we cultivate..."

[Qingque: Hahaha this Poison Young Master is hilarious! Terrible at it, but loves to show off anyway!]

[Paimon: But come to think of it, shouldn't the princess be on the verge of the poison overwhelming her heart right about now?]

The Poison Crone said, "The only person who can get close to the princess now is someone who knows nothing about poison arts and carries not a trace of demonic energy—and he'd have to be handsome, too."

The Poison Child squatted on a rock, swinging his little legs. "But besides the Poison Young Master, where are we supposed to find another handsome guy around here? It's not like one's just going to fall from the sky."

The words had barely left his mouth—

A stark-naked figure appeared in the sky above their heads, then dropped straight down onto Lan Yan. Their lips met, and the poison inside her body was drawn out.

[Fu Xuan: ...In all my years, this is the first time I've had no idea how to react.]

[Qingque: By the Emperor's Bow, this plot is even more absurd than my most outrageous excuse for slacking off!]

[Lumine: Hahahahaha I'm dead! He said a handsome guy would fall from the sky and one actually did! And stark naked, too!]

[Billy: Whoa, whoa! I did NOT see this coming! Straight to mouth-to-mouth?! Isn't this cure a little too... advanced?!]

[March 7th: Gusttave, do you have to be this outrageous?! Fresh off a rebirth and you go streaking to force a kiss on an underage princess?! You've dragged the Daoist of Great Peace's reputation through the mud, hahahaha!]

[Silver Wolf: Makes sense—Ultimate Life Form regenerates, no clothes is normal. Landing face-first and kissing away the poison—this counts as a hero-saves-the-damsel cheat built right into the system.]

[Hu Tao: Whoa! This Director has lived this long and never seen such a wild way to cure poison! By the way, the princess has already been taken full advantage of—did it even cure her?]

[Keqing: Such indecency! In broad daylight, stark naked, committing such a shameless act—utterly improper!]

[Elysia: Oh my, staging such a romantic hero-saves-the-damsel scene right after being reborn—this gentleman's entrances really are endlessly unpredictable, aren't they?]

[Nicole: Tsk tsk tsk, if this happened in New Eridu, it'd make front-page gossip headlines. I've already got the title picked out—'Mysterious Naked Man Falls from Sky to Save Princess, One Kiss Cures All Poisons—Has the Nanguo Princess Secretly Fallen for Him?']

Lan Yan's brain short-circuited for three full seconds.

Second one—something had slammed into her face. Second two—the something that slammed into her face was a person. Second three—that person wasn't wearing any clothes, and his mouth was pressed against hers!!!

"Mmph—!!!"

Lan Yan instinctively tried to push him away, but the weakness from the retrograde demonic poison eating into her heart-meridians left her unable to even lift her hand. Stranger still, the moment his lips pressed against hers, the poison raging wildly through her body seemed to find an outlet—flowing out ceaselessly through the contact of their lips and teeth.

The man seemed to have noticed something too.

He'd meant to pull back.

But feeling the surge of poison gas rushing out of Lan Yan through her lips, he paused for a heartbeat, then—kept right on drawing it out.

[Lumine: ??? Why is he still going?]

[Paimon: I know he's saving her, but no matter how I look at it, this looks like he's just taking liberties!]

[Silver Wolf: Is it possible he's just taking liberties on purpose?]

Outside the poison mist, the Five Poison Guardians finally got a clear look at what was happening inside.

The Poison Crone's mouth fell open, and her cane clattered to the ground. The Poison Elder's hand froze mid-stroke through his beard, his narrowed eyes now bulging wider than copper bells. The Poison Child's mouth dropped into a perfect "O," wide enough to fit an entire egg.

Only the Poison Young Master, who had just crawled out of the bushes, stood frozen at the sight, as if struck by lightning.

"I... I... she... he..." the Poison Young Master's lips trembled, his finger shaking as he pointed at the two locked mouth-to-mouth in the poison mist. "What gives him the right—what gives him the right?!"

"Probably because he isn't wearing clothes," the Poison Child analyzed earnestly.

"What does that have to do with wearing clothes?!" the Poison Young Master exploded.

[March 7th: Hahahaha the Poison Young Master's defenses are shattered!]

[Qingque: I'm dying laughing—he waited so long for that first-kiss spot, only to have a naked man drop in and steal it right out from under him!]

[Paimon: I know it's tragic, but I really can't stop laughing, hahahaha!]

Inside the poison mist, the very last trace of the retrograde demonic poison was finally drawn out.

Color returned to Lan Yan's pale cheeks, the chaotic demonic energy in her body gradually settled, and the stalled cultivation technique of her Myriad Poisons Body began flowing again. She gasped for breath, her damp lashes fluttering open, and then—

her eyes met a face just inches from her own.

It was... actually a pretty good-looking face.

Clear, well-defined brows, sharp features, skin so flawless it seemed unfair, a faint golden aura of spiritual energy drifting around him. In this valley thick with poison mist, he looked impossibly clean, as though he'd dropped in from another world entirely.

Actually, no—he really had dropped down from the sky.

Lan Yan's mind raced: the poison was gone, her body had recovered, and the person in front of her had saved her. But—he was naked, and he'd just kissed her. No, wait, not kissed her—drawn the poison out. But their lips had definitely touched, which basically rounded up to a kiss. So—this man had kissed her. This man wasn't wearing any clothes. This man was actually pretty handsome. This man had saved her.

It was too much information all at once; Lan Yan's little head nearly started smoking.

She shoved him away with a sudden burst of force, her small face flushing bright red, her little hands frantically wiping at her lips, eyes wide with fury. "W-w-who are you?! Why—why aren't you wearing clothes?! What did you do to this princess?!"

Gusttave—yes, this naked man who had fallen from the sky was indeed Gusttave—stumbled back half a step from the shove, spreading his hands with an innocent look. "If I told you I was just passing by, would you believe me?"

"Passing by?!" Lan Yan's voice jumped up a full octave. "Does passing by mean passing through the sky?! Does passing by mean going without clothes?! Does passing by mean...mean..." She trailed off, unable to finish the thought no matter how hard she tried, and settled for glaring at him even more fiercely.

"As for the clothes..." Gusttave glanced down at himself, expression unchanged. "I just got reborn, so they haven't had time to grow back yet."

The answer was so absurd that Lan Yan momentarily had no idea how to respond.

Reborn? Clothes that hadn't had time to grow? Did this man think she was an idiot?!

[Kiana Kaslana: Hahahaha even though he's telling the truth, it really does sound completely absurd!]

[Silver Wolf: Ultimate Life Form: can regenerate, but regeneration doesn't come with free clothes. One star.]

[Ruan Mei: Reconstructing a body from scratch genuinely wouldn't include any external objects. So nudity is entirely logical.]

[Asta: Dr. Ruan Mei, your focus is, as always, uniquely bizarre...]

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