Chapter 69: Report, Roswaal L. Mathers Has Gone Mad! (Patreon)

"Wait!"

Seeing that Felt was about to explode and throw the client out, Crusch hurriedly stopped her. She had a hunch: "What if that client happens to be the fifth candidate?"

It wasn't impossible.

The others looked at one another. Apart from Subaru Natsuki and Old Man Rom, who thought no such thing, everyone was basically following the same line of reasoning.

"What's that got to do with me?"

Felt clicked her tongue, not giving an inch. What she hated most, absolutely most, right now was anything to do with Royal Selection candidates. Damn it!

Subaru Natsuki had already guessed that Felt was the fifth candidate, but he was still curious about how she handled her commissions, so he couldn't help backing the idea. "Let's try it anyway, huh? I'm kind of dying to see how you used to work."

He wanted to know more about Felt, including the past she considered embarrassing history. If they drove off the person delivering the commission outside, he'd never get another chance to witness such an authentic, original-flavor re-run of the process.

"There's nothing to see... Hmph. Fine, all of you hide in the back. Except Old Man Rom, nobody's needed. Too many people will scare the client off."

Felt muttered, looking half-tsundere and reluctant, but once Subaru, that silly little dummy, had taken a stand, her attitude did a complete one-eighty. Crusch and the others didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Luckily, after the fence's warehouse was renovated, there was a side room that could be used to hide people. The whole crowd swarmed into it. Behind a thick partition, they only had to hold their breath to hear everything happening out front.

"Since this was my proposal, I'll shoulder some of the risk as well. I'll leave my insignia here. Lady Felt, at some point, please find a moment to have the other party touch this insignia. If it glows, then that person is definitely the fifth candidate."

Crusch wasn't trying to laugh at Felt. She had put something of her own on the line, placing her insignia on the table as she gave her instructions.

Felt pouted and waved a hand, thoroughly annoyed. "Ugh, you're so annoying. Got it, got it, you nag so much! Hurry up and get in there!"

Planting her hands on her hips, Felt let her aura burst out and herded the whole group into the back.

Hidden behind the partition, everyone stared at one another, and in the end they all gave low, helpless laughs.

It was strange. Given their positions, and the standing of each against the others, they should never in their entire lives have had such an experience: crowding together to eavesdrop, full of the odd thrill of cheating and prying into someone's privacy. And yet here they all were, doing exactly that.

Crammed into such a tiny space, they suddenly felt as if the lines between them had vanished. Sharing a little secret pulled their relationships very, very close.

"Hey, Knight dude, don't come so close! You're touching me! Waaah, you're not gay, are you?!"

"I can't help it! Please bear with it. I have to leave more room for Lady Anastasia and the others. Also, what is 'gay'? I don't understand it, but you seem to be slandering me somehow. I'll state in advance that I am a perfectly upright man!"

That was Julius and Al, pressed together, and Julius now under suspicion of being gay.

"Wow, Mimi's so moved! Grandpa Sword Demon, you're so nice, curling up like that to make room for Mimi and Sister Healer!"

"I'm ashamed. I'm an old relic, after all. It's only proper to yield to the children."

"Even though I'm moved too, and I wish I could be a girl, sadly Ferris is a boy. Wahhh! Mimi, come here for a hug! Ferris loves good kids like you the most!"

"Waaah! Perverted Big Brother, don't come over here!"

Those were kindly old Wilhelm van Astrea, cheerful Mimi, and Ferris, the boy-girl.

"Why is everyone crowding this one's space? Not a shred of manners, courtesy or self-awareness! That's enough, you lot. Are you deliberately taking revenge on this one? If I weren't mildly amused, I'd blast your heads off right now!"

"Oh my, so you'll put up with being squeezed out this badly, just to eavesdrop without getting caught? Then little ol' me can't let this chance slip by. Vixens are just this cunning. Take that! This is little ol' me's turf! Miss Sun Princess, begone!"

That was Priscilla Barielle, frowning in disgust, and Anastasia, full of energy.

"Is this really okay? Puck told me to be a good girl, you know. It feels like we're doing something bad..."

"Aren't you a little too pure and innocent? But I'm sorry, I can't let you leave. I'm ashamed too, since I never imagined I'd one day do something like this. But now that we've started, all of you are accomplices. Lady Emilia, if I let you out now, it would be extremely bad for you."

"Lady Crusch is right. Lady Emilia, please endure it. Otherwise we'd betray the expectations Lord Roswaal L. Mathers has for you, and our camp would be the first one everybody joins forces to kick out."

That was innocent Emilia; Crusch, who felt the thrill of transgression and, ashamed that she wasn't as upright and incorruptible as she'd thought, was blushing faintly; and Ram, who spoke in a flat tone but was in fact quite excited, her heartstrings clearly plucked by this little secret.

"Hoh hah ha, how thrilling! Truly astonishing! Even if the Young Miss defeats every rival in the future, thanks to this little secret on today's record, I'm sure she won't lay a hand on any of you. She'll surely give you important posts, yes!"

"Ahhh, never mind whether Lady Anastasia will win like you say. You're a really scary dog-man! Your scent is so strong I can barely breathe. You're not ugly at all, but I can't handle a smell this intense!"

"Hahaha, don't be so sulky, young Otto. Getting squeezed together like this is fate, so cherish it. By the Young Miss's reckoning, it's something you couldn't get even if you begged for it!"

"I want to die..."

That was Ricardo, who looked like he was bullying Otto but in fact had a heart burning with warmth.

"Holy crap, Al, what's with you? With those bushy brows and big eyes, you were one of mine all along? Only revealing it now, huh? Wait, so there were this many people packed in here!"

"Well, Subaru was busy talking with you big shots earlier, so we all kept our mouths shut. With this many people, one line each would add up to a lot, right?"

"I figure you never asked me, bro. And you never volunteered your identity to me either, did you?"

"Do I even need to? Wherever I stand, can't you tell what kind of person I am? Born-evil Al, as punishment, you owe me a favor!"

"Geez, how are you so shameless? Fine, fine, I get it, my bad. One favor, then. Ask me for anything later, as long as it isn't betraying Her Highness."

"Al, I never gave you permission to make contact and promises with outsiders on your own. Do you want to die?!"

"Come on, Princess, it can't be helped. Bro is the most, most special person in the world to me, you know that. We've been good buddies for ages. It's just one favor. I really can't refuse him."

"Al!!!"

That was Subaru Natsuki, who had worked out Al's identity from a single word, "gay," and cried out in shock, and poor Al, attacked from both sides by Subaru Natsuki and Priscilla Barielle.

"Oh, I get it. So young Subaru and young Al are probably fellow countrymen? Oh my, ties of home. This is trouble. Young Miss, your beloved young Subaru might lean toward the Sun Princess's side because of this, you know?"

"Ricardo, don't put it in a way that gets people the wrong idea. Little ol' me doesn't have a sweetheart yet, you know?"

"That's exactly what makes it tricky. Young Miss, you're past twenty, so it's about time your heart stirred. The way you treat young Subaru is different from how you treat other men, pff! Fine, fine, I'll shut up, I'll shut up."

Anastasia probably didn't like having her feelings poked at.

"Ferris heard so many little secrets today! Love it, wakuwaku!"

"Mimi too! Love it, wakuwaku!"

"Wait, does that mean Mr. Natsuki also knows what 'gay' means? Please be sure to tell me afterward. I truly don't want Mr. Al to misunderstand me, because that word feels especially malicious. I believe I have no connection to such matters!"

I doubt that.

Subaru Natsuki muttered to himself. With Julius's looks and bearing, he obviously had excellent gay potential. Though of course, that was hardly a compliment.

"Stop calling me Mr. It sounds distant and annoying. Just call me by my name. I'm that close with Anna anyway. I know you're still hung up on picking sides yesterday, but out of respect for Anna, I've got no beef with you."

"You put me to shame. I'm deeply mortified... Please allow me to speak with you on a relatively equal footing after I've made my formal apology, Mr. Natsuki."

Gay!

"Huh, are Shopkeeper and Miss Anastasia especially close? I'm curious, because Miss Anastasia doesn't seem like someone who gets close to people easily. How did you do it, Shopkeeper? I want to know, because I want to get along with everyone too!"

Emilia was innocent and artless, her heart and her deeds clear as a mirror. Everything she did was for the sake of making friends.

"Hold it! What have you got against me, Miss Emilia? Little ol' me doesn't think I'm the type who keeps people a thousand miles away. Besides, little ol' me has no intention of exposing the secrets of my friendships! Natsuki-kun too. Say it, and little ol' me will punch you till you cry!"

"Little fox fists, whoosh whoosh... You really are cute, Anna."

"Being called cute makes little ol' me happy, but being teased for being weak does not! Hmph, true, little ol' me can't even beat an ordinary kid, but laughing about it is going too far. Natsuki-kun is bullying me. So mean! Puffing up angrily!"

"Wow, this is it! Captain wasn't wrong. Miss really is different with Big Brother Natsuki!"

"Mimi!"

"Even if Miss gets scary, Mimi wants to say it, because outside the trading house Miss basically has no friends at all. She's too sharp and calculating, so she can't make friends. But with Big Brother Natsuki she isn't so sharp and calculating, and it's super cute!"

"Hmph, even if you're Anna's top general, I won't let you put Anna down. She's not calculating at all. She's super nice!"

"Even though Big Brother Natsuki is bullying Mimi, Mimi likes it. Miss is super nice!"

"Super nice, yeah! I'll treat you to candy next time!"

"Yay! Mimi loves candy! Candy, candy, candy!"

Subaru Natsuki and Mimi had reached a successful consensus.

As for Ricardo, forget him. It didn't matter. He was a typical old man with no respect who just loved teasing people.

Subaru Natsuki knew perfectly well why Anastasia was so close to him: it was the little secret they'd stumbled into together back when she was disguising her identity. And a shared secret certainly doesn't hurt a relationship.

"Ugh, Subaru-kun is so biased! You're just as close to Lady Crusch, yet you only flirt with Lady Anastasia."

"Isn't that because of you, Ferris? Have you got no self-awareness at all? I'm afraid that if I talk to Cru-Cru a bit more, you'll want to tear me limb from limb..."

"Haha, Ferris might really do that, but it's fine, right? Ferris has no fighting power. He's just a useless healer. Subaru-kun is the impressive one. Last night after you left, even Old Wil said your swordsmanship was quite good."

"Ah, no, I said too much. That's not the point. The point is that Lady Crusch has high hopes for you, Subaru-kun. Ferris will keep himself in check, so please take good care of Lady Crusch too, nya?"

"I didn't mean to neglect Cru-Cru. It's just that Cru-Cru doesn't seem like someone used to this kind of banter. She's different from Anna. But not talking much doesn't mean I don't count Cru-Cru as a friend!"

"I don't mind being neglected all that much, but your words warm me. I think even under a winter blizzard, I would feel warmth from what you've said."

Crusch was poised and gracious. She truly was a person who matched her deeds and her looks.

"Ah, so Shopkeeper is good friends with both Miss Anastasia and Miss Crusch? As expected, that's amazing! Such social skill. I really want to learn it. Shopkeeper, can't you teach me?"

"Even if you ask, I don't know how to teach it. And it's not that I have any social tricks. It's really because Cru-Cru and Anna are good people themselves, right?"

Subaru Natsuki wanted to spread his hands and wave them to show his helplessness, but there was too little space, so he gave up.

After all, he was currently pressed up against Anastasia, Crusch, Emilia, Priscilla and Ram, more or less all at once.

The space was small to begin with. He'd only managed to keep his hands from touching anyone because he'd been paying close attention. If he made any movement at all, he was bound to bump into somebody by accident.

"Mm, for that line alone, little ol' me can give you five more points, Natsuki-kun."

The back room had no windows and was rather enclosed, so even though it was daytime, nobody in the crowd could see the others' faces.

So nobody knew what expression Anastasia wore. They only knew she was chuckling, her elbow giving Subaru Natsuki a light poke.

In such a tiny space, even the slightest movement made the girl's own fragrance drift out, and Subaru Natsuki naturally caught it.

She wore a fox scarf and was as cunning as a fox, but the scent on Anastasia was quite sweet. It was nothing like Pandora's faint, delicate fragrance, a different range altogether, yet strangely, he didn't dislike it.

Then again, rather than saying he liked the sweet scent on Anastasia in particular, it would be more accurate to say he didn't dislike anyone's scent here. They all seemed pretty good.

Of course, the girls' scents were definitely more to his liking than the men's.

"Five points? What level is that?"

"Mm, let little ol' me think... Ah, got it. Roughly the level where you could borrow money from me, but wouldn't have to repay for three years?"

"Sounds like there's a catch. There's interest, isn't there?"

"Ehehe, not much. For Natsuki-kun, just one point of interest!"

"Shady merchant! If you ever borrow from me, I'll let you go twenty years without repaying, and no interest either!"

"Oh my, little ol' me is that important to Natsuki-kun? How embarrassing! Then, Natsuki-kun, try to raise little ol' me's favor toward you to that level too, okay? By the way, since I can borrow from you interest-free, Natsuki-kun's score just went up again. Now little ol' me can lend you five years' worth!"

"No thanks. If it ever gets to the point where I need to borrow money, I'll just wander the world begging with Felt. By the way, I'd lend Cru-Cru money for twenty years with no repayment and no interest too!"

"Lord Natsuki, if you need money, then within the limits my private vault allows, there's no need to borrow. I can give it to you freely."

"Wow, the difference is obvious. Love you, Cru-Cru!"

By contrast...

Subaru Natsuki shook his head from side to side. As for who was being contrasted, he wouldn't name names. Those who know, know. You get the idea!

There was no telling what Anastasia's gaze looked like now, only that her eyes lingered on Crusch for a while. "Miss Crusch really knows how to strike last. She's giving little ol' me a headache."

"But I don't have any money..."

Emilia's tone sounded rather dejected. She didn't mind having no money herself, but if friendship had to be measured by how much one could lend, then since all the money belonged to Roswaal, she couldn't lend a single coin, and that left her a little down.

"That was just a small figure of speech. Besides, aren't you a Royal Selection candidate, Emilia? How come you've got no money?"

"Because Lady Emilia is indeed special... But Shopkeeper, you may be mistaken. Lady Emilia having no money doesn't mean she can't use money. Lord Roswaal L. Mathers' wealth is vast, and all of it is available to Lady Emilia. That includes the expenses of this trip to the Royal Capital, all of which are funded by Lord Roswaal L. Mathers."

Ram said it flatly. She mostly kept to listening, but the moment Roswaal came up, she stepped right out to defend him.

"By the way, why do Miss Emilia and Miss Ram both call young Subaru 'Shopkeeper'? Is there some special reason?"

As a member of the canine family, Ricardo had a truly lively curiosity.

Emilia blinked, with no sense of secrecy whatsoever. "Oh, that's because when I met Shopkeeper, he was already the shopkeeper, you know? Miss Priscilla and Al know that too."

"There's nothing special about that. Actually, I'm a bit curious why Bro calls two big shots like Lady Crusch and Lady Anastasia by such intimate, exclusive nicknames."

Al didn't want to say much. He was sure Priscilla didn't want to say much about it either, so he played along and fired a question straight back.

Subaru Natsuki was about to answer: "Well, that's because..."

"Stop!"

"Don't say it!"

Before he'd even finished, Anastasia and Crusch cut him off in unison, with identical reactions.

It wasn't anything shameful. Anonymous inspections and traveling in disguise weren't bad things. But some matters were better known by as few people as possible.

Above all, both Anastasia and Crusch felt that it was a memory worth treasuring, a little secret known only to themselves and the other person, a shared recollection that was rather fun and interesting.

"Heh!"

Priscilla seized the moment to sneer at their reaction, but sneer as she might, it couldn't change what Anastasia and Crusch thought.

"My, my..."

Otto sighed with deep emotion. If he hadn't met an enlightened master, he'd probably still be a down-and-out wandering peddler. How would he ever have the qualifications to stand in a place like this, listening to the conversation of great figures standing at the peak of the kingdom, even of the world?

Of course, being a wandering peddler wasn't bad either. It was just that as Subaru Natsuki's Internal Affairs Official, the world was wider and freer for him!

You work as a down-and-out wandering peddler; I get to be one of those accepted by great figures. Both of us serve the kingdom, after all.

From everything he'd heard so far, apart from Lady Emilia, who truly, truly, truly should never become king under any circumstances, every one of the others seemed to have her own strengths as a ruler.

They weren't discussing that at the moment, of course, but you could tell just from watching how each of them behaved.

Even so, no matter how many strengths, how many advantages and how much charm these Royal Selection candidates had, he had long since made up his mind. He would help his own Boss Subaru Natsuki make his gamble, and help his ambitious Boss rise to take Goose Town and become county magistrate. Ah, no, rise to take the kingdom and become emperor!

Luckily, Boss Subaru Natsuki was hiding it quite well. At least judging by everyone's behavior, nobody had yet seen through Boss's raging ambition, his scheme to overturn the kingdom and build a second kingdom of his own.

"Shh!"

At the very moment Otto couldn't help getting emotional, the towering Ricardo clapped a hand over his mouth to silence him.

Because footsteps had appeared.

The moment they heard the footsteps from outside, obviously those of the client coming to hire Felt, everyone in the little room instinctively fell silent and held their breath to avoid being discovered.

And outside.

Felt, arms crossed, her small foot stamping impatiently, looked the newcomer up and down.

Black hair, long hair, big chest, brown stockings, long legs, tall frame, revealing outfit, high heels.

It was obvious at a glance: an exhibitionist and a wicked woman who used her good figure to seduce men. Stinking bitch, stinking slut!

Everyone knew Felt hated these tall, big stinking sluts more than anything. Go die, bastard!

Felt snorted through her nose, arms folded. Though she was much shorter than the woman across from her, a little shrimp, she still tried her best to project an air of looking down from above.

"You've come," she said, in what she considered an aloof tone.

"Oh?"

Elsa Granhiert, the Bowel Hunter, froze for a moment, then smiled. "Yes, I've come."

Felt shook her head. "You shouldn't have come."

Elsa paused. "But I've come anyway."

Felt sighed. "A pity. A real pity."

"What's a pity?" Elsa asked.

Felt looked at her and spoke slowly, word by word. "One look and I can tell. Someone like you only commissions big jobs. If you'd come at the right time, it'd be my lucky day. But sadly, you came at exactly the wrong time. You shouldn't have come, and you didn't need to."

"It's just that I've already come."

Elsa also answered unhurriedly.

She had no idea what was going on. She didn't know Felt, and she'd hardly ever been to the slums of the Kingdom of Lugunica, so she didn't know how astonishing the changes were here compared with before, how utterly earth-shaking.

But even without a comparison, she could easily tell that this place no longer looked like somewhere that would take on a thief for hire.

What exactly was that employer Roswaal thinking, sending her on a job this out of touch? It was a total relic, not the least bit up with the times.

Luckily, though Roswaal was hopelessly old-fashioned, the code words he'd given her still worked. After she gave all three, she really did meet Felt, the one Roswaal insisted must be the one to steal the insignia.

Felt kept her cool. "So, what's your request?"

If she weren't putting on a full performance of how she used to work for that silly little dummy in the room behind, she wouldn't be able to stand it for another moment. She'd just want to viciously squeeze Elsa's huge boobs until they burst, so they'd stop being such an eyesore, jiggling around over there!

Sadly she couldn't act on impulse. She had to go through the whole process first.

Hmph, but on the other hand, it wasn't without benefits.

The side room behind was so small and sunless. Those lofty Royal Selection candidates, Crusch and the rest, had probably never in their lives experienced such a cramped, stifling place. Heh heh, this time she'd make them taste some hardship.

You brought this on yourselves. Don't say the great Felt is bullying you. Just endure the malice of the magnificent Felt, kyahaha!

Elsa nodded, going by the book, thinking that after all this nonsense they'd finally reached the point. In all the jobs she'd done, there had never been this much nonsense. "Have you heard of the Royal Selection?"

"Naturally," Felt said, with a nod.

"Then this will be easy."

Elsa was brisk and decisive, without a trace of hesitation, and her words were startling. "I want you to steal something for me. That something is none other than the Royal Selection insignia of the known candidate, the half-elf Emilia!"

"!"

It wasn't Felt who was shocked. It was the whole crowd hiding in the little room behind.

Everyone was still instinctively holding their breath in their hiding posture, but their pupils had contracted sharply and they were collectively stunned, all turning to look at one another.

Hiring someone to steal a Royal Selection insignia?

If you can't even keep your insignia, you naturally lose your status and qualification. It would be like being thrown out before the game even started. Who was so vicious as to do something so poisonous to Emilia?

Whoever benefited from Emilia losing her insignia obviously wouldn't be an outsider. It could only be another candidate. And it just so happened that every camp and every person connected to the Royal Selection was right here.

In other words, there was only one truth: the mastermind was someone in this very room!

This was serious. If the culprit were dragged out, then having used such a despicable, low-class trick in front of so many witnesses, that person would be the one disqualified instead.

But no matter how they looked, looking this way and that, they couldn't think of anyone who would do it.

Whether it was Crusch, Anastasia or Priscilla, or even their subordinates, none of them seemed the type to be this shifty and sneaky.

As for Emilia and Ram, it went without saying. How could anyone in the world possibly hire someone to steal from her own camp? Ha ha, right?

Though there were no lights and it was very dim, an unspoken consensus had silently formed among everyone present.

There was no way they would let that client go now. Once the one outside finished talking and wanted to leave, heh heh...

Thinking of running? Hmph!

"Steal Emilia's insignia?"

Outside, Felt repeated the commission, exchanged a glance with Old Man Rom, and saw the utmost speechlessness on each other's faces.

If you'd asked for anything else, even assassinating the Council of Wise Men, Elsa could probably still have walked out today. But of all things, it had to be this request. Now I'd say her leaving today is very doubtful.

It was a perfect illustration of what it means to seek your own death.

Felt waved a hand, ready to end the topic. "I can't do this one. Go find someone else."

"No need for that."

But Elsa shook her head, and to Felt's surprise, there was more.

In her mind she recalled the patch to her assignment that Roswaal had rushed over to add in the last second before she set out for the Royal Capital. "If you can't do this one, there are others."

Felt sighed helplessly. "Haa, fine, then go on and say it."

Elsa nodded, then spoke slowly, word by word, her face completely serious.

"Felt, Anastasia, Crusch, Emilia, Priscilla, and one called Pan-something. Pick whichever of them you want to take care of, whichever you can kill, and take this job. Killing any one of them will do!"