Bumper, your Neighbor (Patreon)

Seems like every time you're in the backyard, your neighbor, a big fella who everyone calls 'Bumper' is outside in his. He's usually just wearin' a tank top, tattered underwear, and his favorite old trucker hat. He gives you a friendly smile under his unruly beard and a tip of his hat whenever you make eye contact with him over the fence. He doesn't have a wife or girlfriend that you've seen, and if you didn't both live in this part of the country, you might even think he was hitting on you! One sunny summer day he invites you over to his place and offers you a beer. Having nothing better to do, but mostly because you've always thought the old codger is pretty dang cute you take him up on his invitation. You plop down next to him on a lawn chair in the middle of his back lawn. The two of you get to chattin' but it's never much more than smalltalk. After several beers, Bumper starts pawing at his crotch.

"Hot day like this, feelin' good and buzzed, don'tcha jes' wanna beat yer meat?" He asks you with a sly grin on his face.

You're not exactly sure what to say, but then he's unbuttoned the fly of his boxer briefs and hauled his junk out onto the lawn chair between his hefty thighs. You blink in surprise, the beers clearly slowing your reaction time to the situation.

"Let's jes stroke ourselves this firs' time. See who shoots farther!" He suggests. "Nex' time though, I got sum other stuff in mind!"