Chapter 20: Funeral (Patreon)

Lying in the snow, Rin's eyes were closed as she took small, panting breaths. Her pretty face was flushed a rosy hue, a combined effect of the alcohol and their exertion.

For the first time, Shinji found himself thinking that this girl was actually... a little cute and good-looking. She was no longer just a two-dimensional character from the anime and games of his past life.

—She was a living, breathing girl. Everyone in this world was a real, living person.

"Really now," Shinji sat up, rubbing his head with a somewhat helpless expression. "Why did it take until now to realize something like that?"

Rin, also sitting up, asked blearily, "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing, never mind." Shinji pushed himself up from the cold snow. "Let's go back. You'll catch a cold. I'll play the gentleman for once and see you home tonight."

"Seeing a girl who's been drinking home doesn't need a reason!" Rin retorted, swaying as she stood up. She placed one hand on her hip and pointed a finger at Shinji with the other. "That's just basic common sense!"

"Says the one who secretly drank underage! You have no right to talk about common sense!"

...

By the time Shinji had seen Rin home, it was already 2 a.m.

He finally made it back to his own house around 2:30 a.m. But before he could get close, he saw Sakura standing outside the gate, holding an umbrella, waiting for him.

"Welcome back, Nii-san."

"Yeah."

Shinji responded casually, seeming indifferent. But secretly, he took note of Sakura's small hands, red from the cold, and her feet in sandals, also flushed bright red.

The thick layer of snow piled on the umbrella's surface was proof of just how long his little sister had been waiting for him in the freezing snow.

What a silly girl, Shinji sighed inwardly.

"You should take a bath first, Nii-san. Don't catch a cold."

"Yeah."

Shinji gave another noncommittal reply. But as he stepped through the doorway, he added,

"You too. Don't catch a cold."

Hearing this, Sakura froze for a moment. This was... the first time in a very long while her brother had shown any concern for her.

"Yes!" Sakura responded firmly, her voice full of emotion.

...

Tohsaka Residence.

In the steam-filled bathroom, a now sober Rin was curled up in the bathtub, hugging her knees. Her face was flushed a deep, burning red, as if it might drip blood.

"What in the world was I doing...?"

The shameful state she was in while drunk relentlessly assaulted the young girl's sense of propriety.

Overcoming those memories and getting any sleep tonight would be... very difficult.

...

January 8th, the last day of the holiday break.

Just under two weeks after Shinji had begun to change his perspective on this world, a phone call from Shinto, Fuyuki, delivered the news of Tōsaka's death to the Matou household.

It was a call from a hotel Tōsaka frequented.

Standing at the doorway of the hotel room, Shinji looked silently at the man lying on the bed, dressed in hotel-provided pajamas—his father in this life—who had already ceased breathing and all signs of life.

Beside him, a glamorously dressed woman, around twenty-five years old with a decent figure and looks, was crying and repeatedly explaining something to the police.

Things like how it wasn't related to her, how she had warned him to take that kind of medicine according to the dosage, and how she found him dead when she woke up in the morning.

A few police officers were patiently comforting the woman, acting as if she were the family member.

"Are you Matou Shinji-san?"

"Yes." Shinji nodded.

"The cause of your father's death has been determined. It was indeed an accident. While taking erectile dysfunction medication, he severely overdosed in pursuit of... heightened effects..."

Shinji didn't really hear what the police officer said after that.

Only one thing caught his attention during this moment: after he had sent his father's body off in the hearse prepared downstairs, the woman, completely changing her previous demeanor, approached him with a beaming smile and handed him a business card.

She secretly informed him that she knew many other "nice young ladies."

Shinji couldn't help but let out a wry laugh. This thick sense of reality once again made him profoundly aware of how real this world was.

Seeing Shinji accept the card, the woman left satisfied, her high heels clicking on the floor.

The woman, fantasizing about future contact with such an "upper-class" person, could never have imagined that she would soon be forced to leave Fuyuki City.

...

At the funeral.

Dressed in a black Western-style suit, Shinji looked with utter calmness at the tombstone engraved with the name "Matou Tōsaka."

No matter how much Shinji thought about it, he never expected his father—whose body he had secretly been nourishing with spiritual energy and for whom he had occasionally mixed special ingredients into his alcohol—would meet his end in this way.

So many times, he had seen Tōsaka complaining in private about his immense stress, drowning his sorrows in drink.

He had only done some minor auxiliary work. The workload Shinji himself handled was several times greater, and he never felt the pressure was that overwhelming.

What a man with such poor stress tolerance... Shinji thought.

Did he feel disgust for this man?

Probably not. Although this man couldn't handle pressure, he was just like Shinji's true self—he utterly despised the path of magecraft and this decaying family.

In a way, he might not have been a very qualified father, but for a magecraft family like this, he wasn't that bad. In fact, he was far, far better than most fathers in magecraft families.

At the very least, Shinji had never truly rejected him in his heart, always regarding him as his real father.

Memories from childhood, from before he regained the memories of his past life, slowly surfaced in Shinji's mind...

『I told you it was a long time ago, didn't I?』

『Just like the library you often visit, the Matou family has lost its ancient power!』

『We are just ordinary people now!』

『The Matou can no longer use magecraft!』

『You absolutely cannot become a magus.』

『You have no idea how lucky you are! Shinji!』

『There's no need to use magecraft at all.』

『Forget about magecraft. It's fine to just be an ordinary person.』

『Do you understand?』

Tōsaka's words flashed through Shinji's mind repeatedly. This man had also advised him, tirelessly and earnestly, over and over again.

Father, I'm sorry. Until your last moment, I never let you know that this "son" of yours was actually just like you, never having the slightest interest in magecraft from the very beginning.

My true nature is exactly the same as yours, Father. I just wanted to live a carefree life, like a wild bird in the clouds.

I'm sorry...

Watching Shinji, who had been standing there with his head bowed in silence for over three hours, Sakura, in a black dress, finally stepped forward and stood beside him, perhaps hoping to comfort him in this way.

Sensing Sakura's presence, Shinji took one last look at the new tombstone, then turned and walked away without a word.

No one knew how tightly Shinji's hands were clenched in his pockets, or how many times he had almost failed to hold back his emotions.

Shinji understood in his heart that the "Worm Grandpa" was merely a microcosm of the magecraft world, which had no morality to speak of. Tragedies like Sakura's were commonplace in the magecraft world of this reality.

Perhaps in his previous life as an anime fan, Shinji had once yearned for such a world. But after truly arriving in this world, he found he couldn't like it at all.

It was a putrid world woven from various desires, its staleness nauseating.

Magi were not worthy of praise.

Even if some magi, like saints, held ideals of eliminating human evil, erasing all human karma to save humanity at its root...

...they were still not worthy of praise.

Evil, fundamentally, stems from things like desire. If all desire were completely eradicated, humanity would probably be truly destroyed.

And then there's "Karma." Explaining this term is a bit troublesome. It's one of the earliest philosophies originating from Indian religion. Simply understood, "Karma" is a person's actions and deeds, while "karmic habit" is the "habit" formed by repeated actions. For example, if a person often curses, it eventually comes out as soon as they open their mouth, forming a "verbal habit." This "verbal habit" is caused by karmic habit (habit).

What Buddhist practice refers to as "eliminating Karma" means "eliminating karmic habit." Karma, as fact, cannot be eliminated, but karmic habit can be eliminated. The karmic habit that poses the greatest obstacle to practice is the long-ingrained habit of letting the mind lead, of logic leading the way. This is an accumulated habit that practitioners must first overcome.

As for the ideal of a certain "saint" to eliminate all Karma, which would mean eliminating all "facts" in the world—i.e., all actions and deeds of all people—in Shinji's view, that is pure nonsense. It's not just grandiose and empty, but completely unrealistic.

Turn all of humanity into ageless, deathless spiritual entities?

Don't bother with all that trouble. Why not just research how to turn all humans into unthinking stones? Then all Karma, all evil, would be gone, and there would be no more disputes.

The condescending, self-righteous ideals held by these magi, who see themselves as superior to ordinary people, are what Shinji rejects the most.

Whether it's Kiritsugu from Fate/Zero, Zōken, or the Einzberns, Shinji cannot agree with any of them.

...They should just disappear! Everything related to magecraft and mystery should just disappear from this world!

This thought that suddenly popped into his mind startled even Shinji himself.

After dispelling such thoughts from his mind, Shinji finally breathed a sigh of relief and cursed inwardly.

Damn, I almost fell into demonic thinking!