Chapter 41: Cocainus Nasaldrake (Patreon)

Bane stared at Sebastian in silence for several long moments. When he finally spoke, his tone carried a note of seriousness. 

“Ignoring this suggestion of yours, if what you are saying is true, and you truly uncovered all of this… then you may very well be a better detective than Batman.”

“Thank you,” Sebastian said, “but no. At best, I am his equal. The truth is, he is a lunatic consumed by a single purpose. His entire existence revolves around his parents’ death and his desire to eradicate crime. His mind filters everything through that lens. If not for that unhealthy obsession, he would have uncovered many of these things long ago.”

Bane considered that before saying. “And you? What drives you?”

“I am a sane person with no goal in life,” Sebastian replied. “I simply look into things to keep my mind occupied, so I do not lose it entirely.”

Bane’s voice was flat. “You sound like an insane person trying to convince himself he is still sane.”

Sebastian chuckled softly. “No. I know I am sane for now. I can still distinguish right from wrong. I simply choose to ignore the more questionable aspects of my life and treat them as normal.”

“Like your cult?” Bane asked.

“They are not that bad as long as you don’t piss them off” Sebastian replied. “In fact, they are among the least troubling parts of my life.”

He sat down on the weight machine and began to lift with steady motion.

“I do not see any inherent purpose in this life, it just feels too fake.” he continued. “Everything is… hollow and pointless. I continue to live out of sheer spite of someone I despise.”

Bane watched him for a moment before speaking. “What you just said is sufficient for some to classify you as insane.”

Sebastian smiled faintly. “It means I am aware of what I am doing.”

The rhythm of metal and movement filled the space for a few seconds before Bane spoke again. “Have you considered attempting something different? Find something to do with your life?”

Sebastian did not stop lifting. 

“I founded a religion centered around Cocaine, turned that drug into a medicine, fuel of superpower and even perfume.” he said dryly. “I doubt I can be more creative than that.” He paused briefly, then added in the same calm tone, “Before that, I considered jumping into the chemical vat that created the Joker and Harley Quinn. I even tracked it down. I thought it might be easier to exist as a laughing maniac than as a sane person.”

Bane’s eyes narrowed.

Sebastian continued. “I stopped at the last moment. The smell was unbearable.”

“The smell? That’s what stopped you? You say this,” Bane replied slowly, “and still insist you are sane.”

“There is a difference between depression and insanity,” Sebastian said. “And understanding the problem does not equate to having a solution.”

Bane crossed his arms. “Then why are you depressed?”

Sebastian’s smile disappeared entirely. His face went blank. 

“Everyone I knew is gone,” he said quietly. “And I remain fully aware of everything around me.” He let out a faint breath. “It is ironic. People call me insane, yet insanity might be the only escape from my thoughts. Yet I can’t have that, I am too spiteful to just let go.”

Bane was silent for a moment. “I would be lying if I said I understand.”

“That is for the best,” Sebastian replied, “You might actually lose your mind if you tried.”

The moment lingered only briefly before Sebastian’s usual expression returned, as if a mask had been placed back over his thoughts. But just as quickly, a white flame ignited near Sebastian.

Bane looked at the fire curiously. Sebastian raised an eyebrow as the flame condensed, and from it emerged a small childish figure, no more than three or four years old. The child’s skin, hair, and eyes were all unnaturally white.

Sebastian said. “Why did you come here, Coca?”

The child looked up at him. “Papa… sad again.”

Sebastian’s expression softened.

“Sorry, you felt that.” He said. “I will try to keep it under control. But you should not leave Mama Snowflame like that. He will worry.”

Bane glanced between them. “Should I be asking questions?”

Sebastian stood, stepping away from the machine before lifting the child into his arms.

“This is Cocainus Nasaldrake, The White Line God of Restless Fools and Terrible Ideas,” he said with complete seriousness, “Our god. And my son.” He shifted the child slightly. “Say hello to Uncle Bane, Coca.”

The child gave a small wave.

Bane’s gaze was full of confusion. “Your god and son? How does that work?”

“Coca was born from the remnants of the demon god I mentioned,” Sebastian replied. “Combined with a significant quantity of cocaine, the devotion of followers, and a certain application of magic. As the one of the two responsible for his creation, I am, naturally, his father.”

Bane stared at him. “You are telling me… you created a god?”

“Yes, where there is a will, there is a way,” Sebastian said. “You do not believe gods emerge from nothing, do you?”

Bane asked, “And those devotees believe in him?”

“He may appear as a child, but he is among the most powerful beings on this planet.” Sebastian glanced at the child. “Isn’t that right, Coca?”

The child smiled and nodded.

Bane remained unconvinced. “That is not persuasive.”

Sebastian’s smile widened. “Coca, lend Papa your power.”

White flame erupted instantly, engulfing Sebastian. When it receded, his appearance had changed, his skin paler, his hair turned white, his eyes glowing with an intense white light, and there was a thin white halo surrounding him.

He let out a quiet chuckle, the sound carrying an edge that had not been there before.

“Every cell in my being is burning with white hot ecstasy,” Sebastian said smiling, “Would you like to see me make the entire city go high with divine Cocaine?”

Bane stared flabbergasted as he said “So you can borrow the power of a literal cocaine god of your own creation? How the hell does that work?”

Sebastian replied “I told you what you need to do. If you meet the requirement you can do any domain you want, something like protein god or venom god can work really.”

Bane said “And you decided to do it with Cocaine?”

Sebastian replied “Why not? And look at my work!! Who is the cutest white little drug god in the world?”

The little child in his hand said “I am!!”

Sebastian chuckled then added “Or do you want me to be like these disgusting animals who started the Holy Milk Church?”

Above on the roof, the heroes stared dumbfounded down below at what was going on. Their mind struggled to keep up with the ridiculous amount of information they are receiving.

Robin whispered “How does he do that?”

Just as he whispered those words, Sebastian turned to look upward at them with glowing eyes. Before any of them could react white fire manifested behind them and white chains came out of them tying all four of them at the same time.

Sebastian stepped out of the fire, still holding Coca in his arms. He said “What kind of heroes are you? Where are the morals you preach or does eavesdropping count as a virtue these days?”

The four struggled to break free as they looked at Sebastian's unfriendly expression.

Sebastian said “Don’t bother, these are magical chains. And even if you break free, I can literally drown you in kryptonite.”

The mention of Kryptonite was enough to make Superman and Kara stop resisting entirely, the last thing they wanted was Sebastian carrying with his threats.

Kara said with a friendly smile “Hi Sebastian, we didn’t mean to eavesdrop, we came to look for Mad Hatter, we heard he is visiting Bane.”

Sebastian paused then disappeared in a wave of white flame, before appearing again a moment later in the same fashion with a confused Bane.

Sebastian pointed at the four heroes and said “They came to look for Mad Hatter after they heard he is visiting you. And Superman is pretending to be Batman.”

Bane looked at the four for a moment then said “By any chance, did you also go by Bruce’s office?”

Kara’s eyes twitched and said “Yes, can you let us go? And no kryptonite please.”

Sebastian narrowed his eyes “How long have you been here? What did you hear?”

Superman said “We really came here to look for clues about Bruce just like you expected.”

Sebastian said “So you have been listening from the start, maybe even before I arrived.”

The four heroes went silent watching Sebastian frowning at them.

Sebastian said “I really hate people spying on me, I wonder what I should do with you four.” He narrowed his eyes “What about I pump you with enough white ecstasy that you won’t remember your names?”

The four now became truly worried.

Batgirl said “We wanted to come in earlier, but you kept switching topics and we got side tracked by them.”

Sebastian said “You are putting the blame of your actions on me?”

Bane commented “To be fair, she makes a good point. You do talk a lot and switch from one weird thing to the next. It is hard to keep up with you.”

Kara said “See!! Even Bane agrees!!”

Sebastian looked at Bane with a frown and said “Please don’t validate their points.”

Bane shrugged.

Sebastian looked back at them as Kara said “We are really here to ask about Batman whereabouts. We are sorry about eavesdropping, next time we will knock on the door.”

Batgirl said “You said before you are not that bad of a…”

But Sebastian interrupted her “You stay silent, you are the last person I want to hear preaching from.” Batgirl went completely silent as Sebastian continued “Now, what should I do with you four?”

Kara said “You can be the bigger person and forgive us or at least don’t do something outrageous."

Kara and the other three were really worried Sebastian would come up with something crazy. His retaliation record so far painted a very bleak look for their current predicament.

Sebastian thought for a moment then looked at Coca in his hands and said “Coca, Snowflame should have been teaching you how to punish bad heretics. Why not decide on the punishment of these four.”

The four heroes had a look of relief, that innocent looking childish god would definitely be better than whatever Sebastian would say.

Coca looked at the four then smiled and said “Make them… play… without clothes.”

The four heroes stared shocked at the child, even Sebastian froze as he looked at Coca. Bane commented “What the hell are you teaching him?”

Sebastian said slowly “I am… not sure… Coca, does Snowflame punish people like that?”

Coca replied “Mama makes them play naked and wrestle”

Sebastian said “I see… The bat is in Wayne’s Aerospace. I need to have a serious talk with Snowflame. ”

Sebastian disappeared with Coca, and with him the four heroes were free.

Bane commented “Acting like a concerned parent is the most normal thing he said or did tonight.”

Bane turned and walked without waiting for the heroes' response, he had nothing to do with them.

As for the heroes, they stood there not sure how to react about all of this.

Kara said “Well, it ended better than I thought.”

Robin commented “If I see that Snowflame person, I am thanking them.”

Superman said “At least he told us where Bruce is, let’s go and save him… I want to leave Gotham as soon as possible”

Superman truly had started to hate Gotham, it was dark, depressing, they treat kryptonite like candy and now a literal cocaine god is involved. His respect for Batman had shot through the roof. No wonder the man was so grim, he was dealing with this madness every single night.