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A CONTENT UPDATE DISGUISED AS ME TELLING YOU ABOUT MY THERAPY SESSION LMAO (Patreon)

Published:
2023-04-12 21:15:03
Imported:
2026-06

Content

Hey guys!

So I wanted to hop in and quickly talk about some things I've been thinking over the past couple weeks since my last therapy session (btw therapy good, if you are able to, highly recommend lmao).

Basically one of the big things we talk about in these sessions is the way my body reacts to stress and how periods of heightened anxiety always coincide with periods of prolonged stress for me. In this most recent session we were getting into the "why" of it all and came to the point that I have an intense hatred and fear of letting people down/being a burden/being a disappointment etc. Fun.

Now, obviously my logical brain is like silly silly there's no need to feel that way BUT as we know, the anxious side of our minds aren't exactly logical so... yeah

These past couple weeks I've been trying to think on that and work out where else that could be applying in my life i.e. what other areas I could be afraid of disappointing others and thus creating stress for myself and the most obvious one to me is.. this. 

I'm the first person to stand up and say that I love what I do and I know I'm so so so fortunate to have a community like you guys that allow me to do something I love but of course there's pressure that comes with it. I have an obligation to supply you guys with content right? Right. But it's becoming increasingly clear to me that I put *too much* pressure on myself. Don't get me wrong, all the things I watch and react to.. I want to watch and react to - I would never watch something I really didn't want to - but I keep falling into the trap of trying to do too much at once.

You'd think after nearly 3 years (!!!) of doing this I'd have figured out the right balance by now... lmao.

Anyway, all this is to say that things are gonna be changing somewhat around here. I know I change things like every couple months and that must be frustrating for you guys - it is for me as well trust me - but I think this, in the long run will be the best for everyone.

Essentially my plan... is to have no real plan. At least for the time being, until I'm mentally fully back on my feet again, I'm just gonna film what I want, when I want and try not to worry about letting people down.

I understand that this may mean that if whatever show or content you've especially signed up here for isn't coming as regularly as you'd like that you may want to back out of your pledge and that's absolutely fine. I get it completely. But please know that if I could watch everything at once, I would and I'm doing this for the sake of my mental health which, as we know, has to come first.

This goes for all content as well btw. Variety shows, live stages, album listens, even requests. I need to stop putting too much pressure on myself because if I do, I'm constantly gonna be stressed and I'm not gonna be able to heal.

Speaking of requests, yes this does mean that they may take longer to come out and I apologise in advance for potential delays. They will all be watched of course and I highly doubt it will take me too long to catch up but if you decide to back out of your pledge before I've had a chance to watch your request, feel free to message me (preferably here on Patreon as I rarely see dms on discord) and when the time comes I can send you a link so you can still watch it once posted.

I hope this all makes sense and I once again thank you for your endless patience and understanding during these past few months where things have been so up and down for me. I already feel a weight lifted off my shoulders just typing this so I know it's the right thing to be doing.

Got a couple things on the way tonight as well as the April request form for you requesters.

Thank you for reading, hope you're all doing well. Look after yourselves, always.

- Kaia

Comments

Sanna

Take care of yourself, Kaia. Your mental and physical wellbeing is always first priority <3

Matt Evans

I really appreciate that you prioritize your mental health and make a point to let us know that's what you're doing. I'm happy to monetarily support you no matter how much you post on the Patreon. Keep up the great work, and keep prioritizing yourself! 😊

Davids12345100

As someone else who has dealt with their share of anxiety I can’t tell you how glad I am, and how refreshing it is, to have you deal with and share you struggles with us so openly! All I’ll say is that your health comes first, no ifs ands or buts…….film what you want when you want and I’ll be here to watch it when you do! Thanks for the update!

safe_cave
>>106226062

Thank you buddy. I believe very strongly in being open about mental health struggles as much as I can. Silence is the birth place of stigma and struggle and there's enough of that going around lmao

Rakurai

I’ve been a patron to Form of Therapy over the last year and they’ve been going through a similar thing. If it’s affecting not only your content but your daily life there’s nothing more important than prioritising yourself. Take whatever time you need it to slow down and take a breather. I became your patron because I love your reactions and you as a person so I’d support whatever your actions are going forward to not only give the best content but be your best self xx

Yue pocky

Your mental wellbeing should always come first. Take all the time you need and go at a pace that is best for you.

peachyshoemin

I'm glad you're putting your mental health first, as my favorite reactor I do want the best for you and always take your time. :)

Bria A.

Hi, we are absolutely ignoring my feed glitching out on my phone and me accidentally commenting on the wrong post! 😅 As someone who is also fresh off a therapy session, therapy extremely good lmao. I’m proud of you for having this breakthrough and more than happy to wait for you to do whatever makes you happy and least stressed at your own pace! Have a good one. 🤍

Guthwulf

The mind does funny things, that only very rarely are logically. :) Speaking from my own experiences here. Remember when I voiced my concern that your shedule is way to much? ;) You said here in this blog post now: I have an obligation to supply you guys with content right? Right. My perspective on that: I understand where you're coming from (my mind works similar), but no you don't have an obligation to supply any content! Patreon is not a subscription service. It's a way for us to financially support you (and other creators) in what you're doing. That means we like you as a person (!) in some way. So (surprise!) we also want you to be healthy and happy with what(ever) you're doing. Of course we're interested to hear your thoughts and will never stop making more requests. ;) But you don't owe us any specific amount of content. If your health or mood is bad, your content would suffer anyways. Sure some people might go to Patreon because they want to get some specific content. But they will subscribe whenever that content is available and they also will be gone after they have seen that content (which is fine, nobody has unlimited money). I strongly believe that for you to be successful longterm you have to foster and grow a community, that is here for you as a person, not for specific content or amount of content. Of course consistency (like a shedule) and transparency (to manage expectations, especially not overpromising) is important, but more important is, that you take care of your health and happiness as good as possible. As for YouTube: Y'know? YouTube subscriptions don't expire ;) Sure the allmighty algorithm is scary, but at least your subscribers will still and always be there. ;) I know its hard to not feel pressure, but I hope those thoughts help at least a little bit to maybe look at it from another perspective and make it a bit easier.

Oro The Nymph

Good for you. Also, as an aside, as you age, you will discover how few effs you have to give.

TehLaser

“I have an obligation to supply you guys with content right?” Absolutely not. You could, if you wanted, stop tomorrow, maybe issue a few refunds (optional in my opinion, Patreon is not a store), and be done with it. You do this because you want to, not because you have to. Or at least I hope that’s why you do it. You are not obligated to continue a thing just because you’ve started it. You are not obligated to continue a thing just because some people on the internet like it. Put yourself first. You owe us nothing.

TehLaser
>>106366339

(And yeah, you probably knew all that, but I said it because it sometimes helps me to hear things I already “know”)