Blog: Everything is Terrifing (Patreon)

You know what would be awesome? A day where I sat on the couch with someone I feel comfortable with and did nothing but watch TV.

There's just so much going on lately, both good and bad. My insomnia is back ten-fold and I've started waking up every 30 minutes when I do sleep. I have no idea what that's about but it fucks with my emotional stability.

Anyway, I've been, shocker, working a lot as well as getting ready to tour. Booking is going well and I'm getting all kinds of great ideas for shooting Justine along the way.

Every day I feel less and less hopeful about my romantic future. I don't want to get into details but I just keep striking out, HARD. I know I'm an independent woman and shouldn't fucking care, but I do. Rejection fucking hurts. It especially hurts when you put a lot of energy into the person and they made it seem like you should make that investment and then treat you like you and your feelings don't exist. Also, I want to share my life with someone; it be so much more amazing to have a partner in all this. However, I think I'm too old, too smart, too cool, too damaged, and too independent for any man not to be terrified of me. I miss K; he and I were the same but he probably never cared about me to begin with, I was just something to keep his loneliness 

Every day I feel less and less hopeful about my romantic future. I don't want to get into details but I just keep striking out, HARD. I know I'm an independent woman and shouldn't fucking care, but I do. Rejection fucking hurts. It especially hurts when you put a lot of energy into the person and they made it seem like you should make that investment and then treat you like you and your feelings don't exist. Also, I want to share my life with someone; it be so much more amazing to have a partner in all this. However, I think I'm too old, too smart, too cool, too damaged, and too independent for any man not to be terrified of me. I miss K; he and I were the same but he probably never cared about me to begin with, I was just something to keep his loneliness in check. Ouch my broken heart.

Overall I'm doing great, and I'm sure I'll feel even better when I'm on the road, I just have some moments where I would literally kill for a hug.