Blog and Updates (Patreon)

I'm slowly starting to feel normal again, slowly. The last month was... traumatic. It wasn't all bad, just too much at once.

I'm settled in Portland now, in a basement that I'm trying to convert into an artsy girl-cave of DOOM. I just got offered a very part-time job bartending at one of the strip clubs here, and I have halfheartedly begun to use dating aps. I just started going back to the gym and taking Copper to the dog park every day. I'm trying hard to eat healthy and sleep regularly - it's almost like I'm a real adult!

I think the lead up to Christmas than Christmas itself. It was a sad thing to dwell on, being alone in a new city, sorta broke, and possibly having cancer. Oh, in case you missed it on Snapchat, those weird health issues I've been having? My doctor thinks she saw something that might be cancer and I have to get a biopsy. Whooooo! A big part of me just wants to leave it alone and let the universe determine my fate. I haven't decided one way or another yet. Nonetheless, that among other dramas were heavy on my mind leading up to the holidays in addition to your normal, run-of-the-mill holiday blues. 

It's hard to feel alone and unlovable on the holidays, especially when so many people rely on you. Disregarding my abusive parents and traumatic childhood, it's partly my own fault I feel alone and unlovable; I have trouble seeking out the things I need and when I do it's usually from the wrong people. I don't feel I can turn to my siblings because they need me and I never want them to feel like they'd be harming me by relying on me because I know I'm all they have. I never want them feel alone like I have and continue to feel. 

Anyway, I'm on the upswing and trying to catch up everything I neglected in the last month during this transition. I'm sorry I've been such a slacker here, guys. Thank you for continuing to support me and I promise to be back on a better, more regular production schedule.

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Ashley French

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*There was probably more updates but I've been doing a shit job of keeping track.

**Photo above is by Nova Amor