Film Friday (Patreon)

Here's a polaroid and some instaxs of EitherSideIsFine.

I've been watching Bates Motel while I edit photos and... as much as I love the Psycho canon, it's difficult to watch. No, not because of all the murder and rape; that's fine. The mother, however, has proven to be very triggering character for me given my relatable mommy issues. 

Albert Einstein said, "People like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion." I agree with this sentiment in both a scientific sense and an emotional one. Everything you experience shapes your present experience which in turn shapes your future experience in one big compounding infinity. Each of us our own walking black hole.

I find it funny how often people are quick to tell you "it's in the past" as if that's suppose to erase it when in fact psychological professionals say you can even inherit trauma. Actual experts say you can suffer from traumatic events that happened in the past you didn't even personally experience but, conversely, according to you random person, the past is suppose to eliminate the trauma I experienced first-hand. The math here doesn't add up and physics disagrees with you.

This is my round-about way of saying I hurt, a lot, about something that started a long-time ago that I in no way consider over although I very rarely have to deal with it directly anymore. I've been through a lot of therapy but most of it is focused on reprogramming how I think and not actually discussing what happened to me, which I don't want to do but also feel like I need to because it just continues to hover over everything.

One day I won't be sad at the beneath it all, right?