Modeling Set: Pola Bear (Patreon)

It's hard for me to look at these pictures and not think about the rest of this day. After this shoot, I went to work... stripping.

I know it sounds better and everyone prefers to call it "dancing" but I want it to be clear exactly what I've been doing in order to right my finances as quickly as possible.

I started dancing in August partly inspired by the fact that guy I have been dating since April didn't bother to even text me on my birthday. Yes, I was worried about my finances and was upset at how slow it was taking me to recover from all the bullshit I endured earlier this year, but I also just stopped giving a fuck. I stopped caring what people thought of me, I stopped caring about dating, and I desperately needed attention and I didn't care how I was getting it.

It's not as bad as I thought it would be all these years, but it isn't particularly good for my overall health. 

On this particular day, I ended up gaining a new regular whose company I really enjoyed, enjoyed too much. He's still my regular and I still like him a lot but it's a very weird dynamic that I haven't fully processed. It just... messes with my head and reminds me of how lonely I am and how badly I want a family and how I think I'm getting further and further away from anyone ever really wanting me. Hellllloooooo biological clock and existential crisis!

Anyway, here's another shoot from Pola Bear. $15+ Patrons can see the hundreds of images Pola and I have shot since I moved to Portland in the dropbox folder Modeling / 2019 / Pola Bear.