Reporting Live From Quarantine (Patreon)

What the ever-living fuck is going on?

I'm very much in shock that this is even happening. More than anything, I am pissed I am unemployed for the first time since I was 17. This fact has really undermined my already limited sense of security. I can't remember the last time I had less than 2 payroll jobs let alone no jobs. I am angry that within less than 24 hours of it even being considered a possibility to close businesses, my jobs were instantly taken from me. The moment they shut down the first state, I texted the booker where I danced and asked to be put on every shift available for the next 5 days. The very next day I was there at open (10am) only to learn at 3pm we would be closing two hours earlier than normal. I was terrified and danced until we closed because I definitely was not prepared financially to take a month off of work. It was physically and emotionally exhausting. I drove home aching all over and crying.

Since then (a whole 3 days later!), I've tried to keep busy and be more positive about it all. I'm fortunate to have online supporters like you and I cannot begin to describe how lucky and grateful I feel about that. I also have people looking out for me; a photographer paid me to help him build a wall in his backyard and do yard-work yesterday, my boss is allowing us to raid the perishable food at work, and I'm in supportive group chat with other creatives informing one another about resources. That's a pretty decent quarantine situation compared to many others.

To keep myself from wallowing in despair, I went into hyper-preparation mode. First and foremost, I felt it was my personal responsibility as the social media director for my club to begin promoting all our dancers' side hustles; I knew firsthand how scared they all were and I think a club should take some responsibility for their financial well-being. I was also hoping that if we did this, other clubs would follow suit and I would feel less useless in this crisis. I put a lot of my initial energy into this and I'm glad I did.

Second,  I went through my to-do list and got everything done that needed to be done in-person before everything inevitably shuts down. 

Third, I started taking all the necessary precautions for 4-weeks of a total quarantine. Having grown up poor, I was doing pretty good with food because I keep a good deal of non-perishable food around. My cabinets are filled with canned food, dry pasta, rice, and my freezer is filled with frozen meat. As for household items, I usually buy bulk because I hate going to the store so I already try to minimize how often I do. However, I did have to drive around a bit to find a couple hygiene items and pet-care things. Otherwise, I wanted to make my home as comfortable as possible for isolation so I spent a great deal of time cleaning and organizing EVERYTHING. 

Now I am finally ready to settle into 4 weeks of isolation... sorta. I'm very specifically not suppose to isolate because of how intensely it fosters my depression. I'm terrified of what my mind may do to me in the next few weeks. Work, derby, and the gym contribute so much to keeping me grounded in reality, I don't know what I'll do without them. I'm trying really hard to replace them with content creation, self-improvement, and general creativity and I'm excited to do that but I'm not sure it will work. Fingers crossed it does.

Anyway, I hope you are all well and potentially fortunate enough to have a quarantine buddy (I'm not sure Copper is emotionally prepared to be my Wilson). I hope I can keep you entertained during this crazy time and we all come out of this healthier, better people.

Photo by Jeff Wall.