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I feel like I started my quarantine strong; I was proactive, kept myself busy and on a schedule, and was staying positive. Unfortunately, two weeks in, I'm struggling to keep my motivation going.

I'm stressed about the future, both in relation to current circumstances and as a whole.

I haven't heard back from unemployment yet and most of my bills are still due despite my attempts to extend them. 

My brother in Arizona has been sick for about 2 weeks and has all the symptoms of Covid but is unable to get tested anywhere and isn't sure at which point he would need to go to the hospital. Although I know he is likely to be fine, I wish I was there to keep an eye on him. 

This who situation makes me really worried about the state of our country and its future. 

I'm pretty sure someone was in my backyard the other night (Copper reacted in a way she does only in  response to a human in our space who shouldn't be). I got extra locks for my windows but the whole thing made me really scared to be living alone in a time of a crisis. I keep having these weird Purge-like fears popping up in my head.

Quarantine isolation triggers my existentialism and whether or not my life has any direction or purpose, if I'm doing enough to find and fulfill that purpose, if living is even worth it.

I've been sleeping too much. It's broken sleep with lots of nightmares but I've been staying in bed too long. 

I hope you're all doing better than I am mentally. 

In positive news, I've been spending a lot of time working on creative projects and have finished 3 books. The books are: Thriving in Sex Work, Unfuck Your Brain, and Infinite Jest.

Have you done any reading during this time?

Photos are of Jasmine.