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Nutrition (Patreon)

Published:
2023-01-31 02:40:03
Imported:
2026-06

Content

do not eat the bears

Files

Comments

Ting

Polar-Bear-Eatenitis?

carmanut

Don't fucken tell ME not to eat the bears

Zig Justice

Not sure about polar bears, but I once knew someone with a chronic case of "eaten by wolves"...

Dave Van Domelen

Wouldn't eating the livers of the bear help against scurvy, or am I misremembering?

ValdVin

Obscure disorder? Faye is on her way to trichinosis from eating improperly cooked polar bear meat. Of course, first, she'll have to get north of the Arctic Circle.

wyatt wustrau

Bears are scared of limes like other diseases... This changes things

Andrea Andrew

After all this time, Fate still struggles financially. I hope something happens so she and Bubbles can be financially secure.

Miyaa

I hope it’s not the ADHD thing of forgetting to eat all day and then do a $30 binge on Taco Bell food.

Zak Reichle

Bubbles still just being the best girlfriend

Vicki McLachlan

Polar bear livers contain a toxic level of vitamin a. Do not eat polar bear livers.

Michael Boettger

Scurvy is largely due to a lack of vitamin C. And too much liver can lead to vitamin A toxicity.

BobC

Getting eaten by polar bears is better than bipolar bears.

Andrew

Not to be confused with ‘specially curvy

Wynn Donivan

Corollary: also do not eat the livers of any other member of carnivora. Same issue.

Tannerbot

Bubbles really is a good girlfriend to faye.

Sean Kinlin

Chronic rather than acute?

Sean Kinlin

Polar bears are a cowardly and superstitious lot...

at0m

I read this in TIL today on reddit

Wynn Donivan

Made me think of that episode of House MD with the guy suffering from aphasia

Sean Kinlin

Frostbite is certainly not obscure.

Andrew

Hanners has made a protein powder & wheatgrass latte to sneak some actual food into Faye.

atomicBlaze21

Ah, Bubbles is starting to use contractions unconsciously! Nice detail, Jeph!

Damian

Too much polar bear liver is roughly a bite of it.

NekoIncardine

Bear meat is actually safe to eat if cooked and is a staple in some regions. Just, as warned elsewhere, avoid the liver.

TechTechPotato

Seriously though, polar bear liver has so much Vitamin A it can kill you. Never eat polar bear liver.

Captain Button

Yeah polar bear liver can screw you up that way.

Captain Button

This is not the first time nutritional deficiency diseases have come up regarding Faye. Previously there was a mention of a beans and rice combo, which is important for getting the right amino acids if you aren't eating much animal protein.

James Redekop

You don't have to be north of the Arctic Circle to meet polar bears. You can find them as far south as 50 degrees N. (Admittedly, that's well north of MA...)

Andrea Andrew

Also, make sure you cook out the trichinosis paradise.

Captain Button

Rose hip tea is good for preventing scurvy.

Zig Justice

Yes. To be fair, it WAS in a video game. . o O (It was me, okay?! I got eaten by wolves a lot for a while in Elden Ring! ...Fortunately I got better.)

Jennifer Doyle

I suspect this, rather than financial instability.

Rich Holmes

Adding Trichinosis Paradise to my list of possible album titles

Minzoku Bokumetsu

comediabursitis (comedi ab ursi = eaten by bear)

Nikki

As someone who has eaten bear meat before, I do not recommend it except in case of emergency.

Andy Kailhofer

I think it's a matter of preparation. I had a hunter's stew that was made from bear, venison, and beef with assorted root vegetables that was stunning. I mixed it with the largely made out of mushrooms vegetarians do at the event and it was elevated.

Todd Ellner

You only get a little protein from that.

Todd Ellner

Location. Location. Location

Dan Curtis

Remember for bears, if its brown lay down, if its black fight back, if its white....you're gonna die on sight.

Todd Ellner

The contractIons are coming about five minutes apart. Is she in second stage labor?

Todd Ellner

Enough about your love life

Sean Kinlin

And they're good at eatin'.

Joseph Bonnar

The members of the Polar Bear Lobby wish to thank Vicki McLachlan for her important public service announcement.

Captain Button

Sometimes you eat the bear .... sometimes the bear eats you.

Captain Button

I thought the way you told brown bears from black bears was to climb a tree. If it follows you up the tree and eats you, it's a black bear. If it knocks the tree down and eats you, it's a brown bear.

Czarzhan

Saw a Quora answer to a question of what you should do if you were in the Arctic and saw a polar bear on the ice and you had a gun but no quick way to escape (like, by air). The answer was basically, if you want to avoid being dismembered alive, since polar bears don't bother to kill you before they start eating you, is to use the gun. But not on the bear, that'd just piss it off.

Finvaara

Yeah, I can't imagine hiking in bear country, including the arctic, without a proper BEAR gun. Only because I like being alive and I don't think I can run faster than anyone else I might be with.

wargrunt42

Despite over a century's worth of medical advancements, there's still no known cure for Eaten By Bears Disease.

Ursus Ridens

Fudd's disorder: awtic wabbit syndwome.

Todd Ellner

The nearest Arctic Circle to Faye is in Wyoming

Tom @ Magic Chopstick Games

So I Google “bear gun” and the first “people also ask” question is “What kind of gun do bears use?” 😶

Clifton Royston

I was wondering if someone would bring up that old line.

PixelThis

I don't know that I'd classify getting eaten by polar bears as a "disorder"

Tudza

Well they do have the right to bear arms.

Simon Green

Ha! Joke's on Bubbles, there won't BE any polar bears in 10 years.

Simon Green

I believe bear meat is better eaten than eaten by.

Nikki

Sometimes you get the bear, sometimes the bear gets you.

Todd Ellner

Take a gun. Just remember to file off the front sight

Leak

Live polar bears also contain toxic levels of polar bear. Especially do not try to eat a live one's liver!

Leak

@Todd: damn, you beat me to it...

Leak

So who'd win in a fight (no weapons) - Bubbles or the polar bear?

Leak

I heard that Faye has been bearly eating lately...

Sleepy John

I don't think the bears are dumb enough to pick a fight with someone their own size, and Bubbles certainly wouldn't.

Bagge

Bubbles would pet the polar bear

Adam

~Without a Paddle Dan: What are you doing? Jerry: I'm taking off my shoes. Dan: Why? Jerry: Because I run faster with no shoes. Dan: You can't outrun that bear. Jerry: I don't have to outrun the bear. I just have to outrun you.

Chauncey

In my experience, uncircumcised ones ;)

Sehrys

polar bears do occasionally fight/hunt walruses and other creatures their own size (or even bigger/heavier than them), so who knows! maybe Bubbles smells like prey 👀

Chewbacca

[Exit FAYE, pursued by a bear]

Leak

Oooof...

Stephen Wells

Bubbles can lift a tank. I think a polar bear would not be a threat to her.

Miyaa

They wouldn’t fight. Bubbles would find fresh seals for the polar bear and the bear would accept boops on the snoot. Meanwhile another polar bear is accepting belly rubs from Emmitt while their mom is worried how bad of an influence the bears are to them.

Nova Frye

She's gonna get beriberickettscurvy

Courtney Welch

I know two people who were mauled by polar bears. The thing that stays with me is one of them saying the worst part was the sound of the bear's teeth on his skull. That's an uncomfortably concrete description for an auditory thinker like me...

Drew Blas

Someone already made the Beriberi joke. But if we're talking polar bears and arctic explorer diseases - the thing to worry about is either trichinosis or Vitamin A toxicity - both most likely coming from eating polar bear. So sounds like we should stay away from them regardless of who has the gun...

Halloween Jack

In that case, absolutely do not go to YouTube and look up "polar bear plexiglass box". No fang-on-skull action, I promise! The plexiglass box is tough. But you do get a very good look at Mx. Bear's dentition from inside the box.

Courtney Welch

Oh, I've seen the dentition rather close up on a number of occasions. Among other things, my family used to own the head-mounted skin of a good-sized bear. It took some months before my little brother would go anywhere near it, but he would have been around four, so kind of understandable.

ValdVin

Considering the disappearing Arctic ice, does 50N still hold?

Mad Marie

I would have thought that “comediabursitis” is inflammation of a fluid-filled cushion adjacent to either upper arm bone.

Mad Marie

Trogdor had s-curvy.

Mad Marie

Try to stay away from the polar bear lobby.

Mad Marie

If it’s green, stop eating those mushrooms you found.

Mad Marie

^bad news bears?

Mad Marie

Seems like the easiest way to avoid trickynoses is to stay away from the top end of the bear?

ValdVin

Someone already made the trichinosis joke (me) but I appreciate any effort to raise awareness of this disease which is the scourge of Arctic exploration (well, except for scurvy).

awgiedawgie

I'm thinking the bipolar bears would be worse. All snuggling with you one minute, and then chewing your arm off the next.

Clifton Royston

Well the standard DSM criterion for disorder is along the lines of "Does it interfere with your ability to function daily?" Even though I haven't experienced the case of being eaten by polar bears, for myself I would have to guess probably yes.

PixelThis

Though, generally, I would think a disorder is something you have the possibility of recovering from or living with. Death by polar bear seems a trifle out of scope 😆

doorbender

Do you know how horrible scurvy is?

Mad Marie

Didn’t see it, ValdVin! Congrats on acquiring trichinosis first!

William Cole

Yes! I read about it in Ryan North's, How to Invent Everything (which is great, btw). The crazy thing is that humanity figured out how to prevent scurvy multiple times, but kept forgetting about it or changing to methods that didn't actually work, because we didn't really understand the underlying mechanisms.

Jon Guyer

If there are no trees, it's a white bear