RE - Chapter 347: Too Clever for Your Own Good. Remember, You’re an Idiot (Patreon)

With some deliberate guidance from Alan, Chris was now holding a grenade launcher while Leon carried a rocket launcher.

Alan himself held a spray can and spoke with complete seriousness.

“Looks like they’re not going to open the door for us.”

“Well, that’s about what I expected. Once you melt through the lab door with that stuff, we’ll just...”

Leon aimed the launcher toward the laboratory, rested his finger lightly on the trigger, and silently mouthed one word.

“Boom.”

“Same here.”

Everyone hiding inside the lab immediately began to panic.

“We can’t stop something like that with guns...”

“We’re screwed, we’re screwed, we’re screwed.”

“They’re not even planning to take us alive!”

Excella was on the verge of a breakdown.

So much for injecting herself and taking everyone down with her...

Curiosity got the better of her anyway, and she foolishly asked one of the researchers, “Um... could the Uroboros test subject survive a rocket launcher?”

The researcher’s mouth twitched into what might have been the ugliest smile of his life.

“You tell me.”

“Oh no! He’s spraying that stuff!”

The researcher rushed to the monitor, trying to figure out what Alan was using. Unfortunately, the laboratory door sat right in a blind spot. There was no way to see what the liquid was, much less what it was doing to the door.

But judging by the way those three had been acting...

“It’s probably some extremely corrosive chemical.”

“...Can the lab door withstand it?”

“I honestly don’t know.”

The researcher shook his head, his expression grim.

“If it can’t...”

“Simple. We all die!”

Meanwhile, Alan slowly coated the laboratory door with the liquid from the spray can, then put the canister back into his backpack.

He crouched down with one hand still inside the bag when Leon asked, “How long is this stuff going to take to eat through the door?”

Before Alan could answer, the sound of corroding metal suddenly rang out.

Only then did he stand and shrug.

“Three or four minutes? It’s a pretty big surface. Just enough time for them to make themselves presentable.”

Inside the lab, someone actually started straightening his collar on instinct.

As expected, everyone immediately stared at him.

“...Ahem. I’m just doing what I can.”

That answer somehow made the mood in the laboratory sink even further.

Right.

This was the last thing they could do.

As more researchers and guards began fixing their clothes, the three people who could loosely be called their leaders could only watch helplessly.

Could they really blame them?

At this point, it was little more than a final act of self-deception.

Irving stared at the monitor, where the three men outside had disappeared into dark positions for an ambush, then spoke with a grim expression.

“...How about we surrender?”

“Irving?!”

“What? You want to die here?”

Excella opened her mouth several times, but nothing came out.

Eventually, all she managed was a weak question.

“Weren’t you terrified of Wesker?”

“Yeah, I was. His methods... all I can say is...”

Irving clenched his teeth and forced himself not to think about what had happened.

“But when your life is actually on the line, what does any of that matter?”

He looked at Excella, then the researcher, and finally the people around them who had already resigned themselves to death.

“Are we really going to die in the middle of the ocean without even trying? Let ourselves become food for rotten fish and shrimp?”

Excella and the researcher both fell silent.

Irving watched their expressions, and the mocking sneer buried deep inside him surfaced once again.

No matter how capable Wesker was, even he could be dragged down by subordinates this pathetic.

Seriously...

“Hahahahahaha... This is too much. This is fucking hilarious.”

“You?!”

Irving checked his watch. With the fake sound of metal corroding still coming through the monitor, his expression hardened.

“Don’t you have that Uroboros sample?”

“...What are you suggesting?”

“Give it to them. Isn’t that what they want? They get the virus, they destroy the virus.”

“But this is...”

“What? Right now, that thing is your lifeline!”

Seeing Excella hesitate, Irving turned toward the researcher.

“You’re supposed to be smarter than her, right?”

“...”

“Oh, I get it. You’re too scared to answer. Fine. You only have to make one decision. Give it to me, or sit here and wait to die.”

The researcher hesitated.

Of course he did not want to die, but he was not stupid either.

Something about this felt wrong.

Unfortunately, his desperation to survive had already clouded his judgment, and no matter how hard he thought, he could not figure out what the problem was.

In the end, his hands trembling, he pulled a vial of the Uroboros Virus from his pocket and handed it to Irving.

“Good. This is the only one?”

Before the researcher could answer, Excella cut in.

“That’s right. Just one... It’s extremely difficult to produce.”

Irving glanced at her but did not press the issue.

He walked over to the lab bench and gave everyone one final warning.

“From this point on, I’m handling things. You people stay put. Understood?”

“Understood...”

“Hah. What a pathetic response. You sound worse than the peasants who spend all day whining and begging for their lives.”

Irving stopped wasting time. He ordered everyone to unload their weapons and throw away anything capable of killing someone.

Then he pressed the button to open the laboratory door.

With a low hum, the door slowly slid open.

The flashing red emergency lights outside spilled into the pristine white laboratory, instantly shattering what little composure remained inside.

Everyone’s heart jumped into their throat. They were terrified that the next blink would bring a grenade or rocket straight into the room.

Irving stood at the front of the group and shouted into the dark corridor.

“Don’t shoot! We surrender! We’ve already disarmed completely! We’re showing you every bit of sincerity we’ve got!”

Hearing him, Leon patted Alan on the arm and gave him a thumbs-up.

Alan grinned as if to say, Piece of cake.

Chris, meanwhile, looked thoughtful.

Damn. You can do that?

Irving slowly stepped through the doorway with both hands raised and stared down the silent corridor.

“Did you hear me?”

Still no answer.

Then he noticed the backpack near his feet.

Had that Asian guy left it there earlier?

Irving glanced ahead a few times and casually kicked the bag onto its side.

The spray can rolled out, followed by a small voice recorder.

The can had four Chinese characters printed on it, meaning one thing in English.

Deodorant Spray.

And from the recorder came the exact sound they had heard inside the laboratory.

Metal corroding.

“Fuck! We got played!”

“You figured it out too late!”

Gunfire erupted from the darkness.

Muzzle flashes lit the corridor as bullets punched through all four of Irving’s limbs.

His screams instantly drowned out the recorder and echoed through the passage.

Several guards tried to dive for the weapons on the floor.

They never reached them.

Bullets went through their heads first.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. If you’re surrendering, at least act like it.”

Alan stepped forward and aimed his gun at a researcher in the back who had been edging toward the control panel.

“Or would you rather find out what a bullet feels like? Trust me, it stings a lot more than pouring alcohol into a wound.”

After that, no one dared move.

Leon used the opportunity to take control of the console.

Now both the way forward and the way back were sealed.

Excella looked utterly defeated.

The researcher beside her was even worse.

He had already shit himself.

Alan and Chris took one look and ignored him.

They had seen plenty of people scared out of their minds before.

Alan told Chris to watch the others, then walked over to Irving.

“Irving?”

“Ah! Y-you’re stepping on me!”

“Oh, sorry. I did that on purpose.”

Keeping his boot planted on one of Irving’s wounds, Alan crouched down and asked gently, “Does it hurt?”

Irving swallowed the curse on his tongue and forced out a twisted smile.

“No.”

“Then I’ll press harder.”

“AGH!!! You bastard!”

“You said it didn’t hurt. If it doesn’t hurt, how am I supposed to interrogate you?”

Irving clenched his teeth through the pain, but he really had no answer.

He had dug that hole himself.

Of course, Alan knew there had never been a correct answer. He was the one deciding the rules.

“All right. If you want to live, tell me something valuable.”

“Hah... What’s the point? I’m going to die either way... Gah?!”

“Of course there’s a point.”

Alan moved his boot to a different wound.

“There’s a pretty big difference between being tortured to death and dying quickly. Want me to explain?”

By then, Irving was in too much pain to care about dignity.

“I’ll talk... I’ll talk! Stop stepping on me!! There’s a vial of the Uroboros Virus in my pocket. That’s what you’re looking for! I have more information too, I swear! You’ll want to hear it! I’m still useful!”

Alan raised an eyebrow and lifted his foot.

Irving’s face immediately relaxed with relief.

So Alan casually nudged the wound with his boot again.

“Talk. Fast. You have thirty seconds.”

“...Fine. I know where Tricell’s secret base in Africa is. It’s underground beneath the Ndipaya tribe! Wesker told me himself!”

Alan raised an eyebrow. “Wesker? Why would he tell you?”

As he spoke, he glanced toward Excella, who was still clinging to Chris’s pant leg and begging for mercy.

Excella heard everything.

She stopped pawing at Chris and looked over at Irving. He was battered and sprawled on the floor, but the look he gave her was the look someone reserved for a complete failure.

“Hahahahaha! Why else? Even Wesker thinks Excella is completely useless! He appreciates my ability to read the situation, so he told me those secrets and told me to be ready to replace you at any time.”

“...Impossible! You’re lying!!!”

Excella immediately started screaming at him, looking around for someone, anyone, to back her up.

Then she realized not a single person was coming to her defense.

Only the researcher who had collapsed on the floor in terror gave her an encouraging look.

Who said idiots did not have rights?

He was going to support her anyway.

...Excella was so angry she nearly laughed.

Alan, on the other hand, was very pleased with Irving’s information.

It saved him the trouble of figuring out how to discover the tribe on his own.

“Very good. I’ll reward you with a bullet later.”

Once Alan took the Uroboros Virus and walked away, Irving finally let out a breath of relief.

“How’s it going? Finish with the data?”

With his back to Leon, Alan kept watching the prisoners as he spoke quietly.

“I copied everything we need to produce a vaccine, then deleted the rest.”

“Perfect. That means most of our mission is already done.”

Leon nodded, removed the storage drive, and tucked it safely into his backpack.

Chris saw the two of them return and knew the important work was finished.

He kicked Excella away with obvious impatience.

“Begging now? Where was all this before Tricell got itself into this mess?”

“Chris, considering how much Tricell has always supported the BSAA...”

“Sorry. You gave that support yourselves. What does that have to do with me?”

“...You...”

Excella gave up and sat on the floor, utterly defeated.

The three men had nothing more to say. They simply turned to leave.

“Wait. You’re just leaving us here?”

“Oh. Almost forgot.”

Leon turned around and casually tossed a small round object into the crowd.

“Tip. Keep the change.”