RE - Chapter 361: This Is No Butterfly’s Fate (Patreon)

That morning, there was no alarm.

Even his internal clock had been subdued by the alcohol. By the time Alan opened his eyes, sunlight was already streaming through a gap in the curtains and falling across his bed.

He felt wonderfully comfortable, perhaps because he knew he had managed to steal a day off, with Leon covering for him.

Still, he needed to get up. Otherwise the whole day would slip past, and sleeping through it in his room would hardly count as relaxing.

Now that his mind and body had finally begun to unwind, Alan could feel the exhaustion buried deep inside him. His work had never offered him so much as a single truly peaceful day. Being called out on a mission during his time off was practically routine.

Was he feeling sorry for himself?

He chuckled softly, stared at the ceiling, swept his unruly hair back with both hands, and massaged his face.

Then he got up, stripped off his clothes that still smelled of alcohol, and stepped beneath the shower.

Water poured down like a rainstorm, soaking his hair in an instant. Streams ran over his face, washing away the last trace of drunkenness.

Water dripped from his hair and followed the lines of his taut muscles. It washed over shallow cuts, scars that had long since healed, and bruises that had yet to fade. The cold gradually overcame the warmth pulsing through his body with every beat of his heart.

When the shower stopped, Alan stepped out with dripping hair. He stood in front of the mirror and went through the familiar motions of brushing his teeth.

As he brushed, he studied his reflection. Ten years ago, he never would have believed the man in the mirror was him.

Why? He was far too handsome.

Years of training, combat, and almost daily exercise had kept him in peak physical condition. His only real vice was probably drinking with Leon.

Was he bragging?

Ha! Of course he was. After ten years of hard work, beyond the demands of his job and keeping himself safe and capable, wasn’t part of the point to show off?

Alan studied the scars in the mirror, trying to remember how he had earned each one. Most of the incidents had already slipped his mind.

People said a man’s scars were his medals. By that measure, he was a heavily decorated veteran.

After washing up, Alan threw on the casual clothes he had bought on his last shopping trip and headed out without breakfast. He could have asked Leon to make breakfast the night before, but he had a pretty good idea what Leon would have served.

...

When Alan opened the safe house door, the noise from outside rushed in. The work on Uroboros antibodies had taken them away from Washington long ago. They were now staying near a research facility farther south.

Their safe house blended right into the city, above a busy commercial district. It was the morning commute, so the noise was hardly surprising.

After locking the door, Alan headed over to wait for the elevator. Even from the fifth floor, he normally found the stairs faster. But he was on vacation today. Nothing needed to be hurried.

“Alan!”

Alan turned and raised a hand. “Oh, hey, Daisy.”

Daisy waved back. “What a nice surprise! I usually only see you after work. Something special going on today?”

Alan slipped one hand into his pocket and considered the question. “Yeah. I’m playing hooky.”

“Wow, that sounds exciting.” Daisy blinked in disbelief. “You really don’t look like someone who’d skip work.”

The elevator arrived. Alan gestured for her to enter first, followed her in, and pressed the button. As the doors slid shut, he asked, “Then what do I look like?”

“Um... some big executive who runs an entire office!”

“Hahaha. Is that supposed to flatter me?”

“Hmm... of course not.”

Alan nodded thoughtfully. So his neighbor imagined he was some domineering CEO who always worked late? “But wouldn’t a person like that live somewhere fancier than an apartment?”

“...I suppose so.” Daisy shifted her hand but still could not bring herself to take out her phone. All she could do was watch Alan wave goodbye when the elevator reached the lobby and walk away, looking reassuringly confident from behind.

Alan had no idea the young woman was kicking herself over their encounter. He just wanted a breakfast place that would satisfy his appetite. After a little thought, he settled on a few bagels to tide him over.

A short while later, he emerged from a shop carrying a bag of them and walked toward his car. Only after sitting behind the wheel and biting into a bagel did he pull out his phone to work out where to go.

Truth be told, he had said he wanted some time away almost on a whim the previous night. He had not expected Leon to agree so readily. After ten years of friendship, they hardly needed to make promises anymore. One request was enough. Either would help the other without hesitation.

That trust was precisely why he had asked to take this break on his own.

Something important had occurred to him. He had very few things anchoring him to this world. Apart from his sense of justice, there were only the handful of friends at his side.

For everything else, he had been fighting. Like a machine, he lived from mission to mission. Maybe one day he would die on one, too.

The engine started. For once, Alan left the music off. He simply felt the vibration of the car and listened to the engine as he drove out of the city.

At some point, the sky darkened and a light rain began to fall. The scenery outside gradually changed from bustling streets to deserted roads. The patter of rain grew louder, mingling with the sounds of the world beyond the windows.

Alan drove on, deep in thought.

If women could blame their mood swings on that time of the month, then he must be going through the male equivalent.

As if it had been fated, the engine grew quieter and quieter until it finally stalled. Raindrops tapped against the windshield and streaked down the side windows.

Alan did not panic. Somehow, the breakdown felt entirely appropriate.

Get out and check the engine? Absolutely not.

He was not an idiot like Victor, the kind who would stand in the rain staring at an engine he had no hope of fixing.

Alan lowered the seat and reclined, content to wait for the rain to pass.

He had no plans to call a repair shop. It was not about saving money. This was exactly what he needed right now. A place cut off from the world suited someone who felt so cut off from it himself.

He watched the rain trickle across the sunroof and tried to smooth the tension from his brow. Then something beneath the rear door caught his eye: a crumpled ball of paper.

“What’s that?”

He reached back, retrieved the paper, and spent a moment hesitating before carefully unfolding it.

Just as he suspected, Leon had left it there. But what was written on it...

Alan decided he had better sit upright for this.

‘Hey, Alan, you bastard.’

“Starting with an insult, huh? You blond bastard.” A vein twitched on Alan’s forehead, but he kept reading.

‘You act happy all the time. Do you seriously think I can’t tell how you really feel?’

“...Damn, Leon. That’s terrifying.”

‘I know not having a girlfriend is getting to you.’

“I’m going to kick your ass when I get back!”

‘Kidding. I know you’re keeping something to yourself, and I’m sure you think it’s for the greater good.

‘I’ve tried more than once to get you to tell me the truth, but you always avoid it, mixing lies into the truth and truth into the lies. Do you have any idea how worried that makes me?

‘Still, I’ve noticed something. Whenever I look sadder than you do, you start worrying about me instead of thinking yourself into the ground.’

Without thinking, Alan turned on the music. He rested a hand behind his head and read on.

‘Do you honestly think I’m still that miserable? No, Alan. With you around, I stopped dwelling on my sorrows a long time ago. No matter how much something hurts, a drink with you can make it all fade away.

‘And while I’m at it, thank you again for getting Ada and me together. I never imagined she returned my feelings. Without you, we might have kept them buried through all those dangerous years.

‘Then again... thinking about that just makes me feel even sorrier for you. :)’

“I seriously don’t know whether to laugh or cry, Leon.” Alan reached the bottom of the page and turned it over.

‘I’ve wondered what the answer could be. Are you homesick? Tired of the fighting and killing we’ve done together? I’ve even considered ridiculous possibilities, like you being a time traveler from the future.

‘But I remembered how you fought and reacted like any other civilian back in Raccoon City, so I ruled that one out.’

“You managed to rule out the right answer.” Alan smiled, though a heaviness settled in his chest.

‘Did you think I’d give up? Not a chance. You’re my brother! We’ve survived death itself. Are we really going to let something like this defeat us?

‘I’ll admit something. Back when you started seeing Victor for treatment, I secretly got that idiot to give me your medical records. Just in case, I took them to a private hospital I trusted for another opinion. I hope you don’t mind.

‘Given how things turned out, I’m glad I did.’

That caught Alan by surprise. He had never known Leon had gone that far.

‘The doctor used a bunch of technical terms I couldn’t follow, so I asked him to explain it in plain English. Want to know what he said?

‘He said you have extraordinary mental resilience, but you’re carrying far more pressure than anyone should. If you don’t address it, you might never have a breakdown, but life will gradually sink into a permanent hangover, until everything feels still and lifeless.

‘It’s worse than what I went through, and it’s not something we can fix by trading a punch or two.

‘You might lose interest in everything you once enjoyed, and the sadness could come rushing in whenever you’re alone.’

“...I... Well, that doctor knows his stuff.” Alan opened his mouth, then managed only a rueful smile.

‘I hid one of these notes in every car you own. Don’t ask why I didn’t bring it up directly. The doctor warned me that if somebody else points out the problem before you recognize it yourself and want to deal with it, it can make things worse.

‘You barely ever bother cleaning out your cars, so if you found this note, chances are your emotions are all over the place right now.

‘I really don’t know what to do with you.

‘Am I supposed to wait until you turn against the whole world, then come after you and kill you myself, you bastard?

‘Damn it. If that ever happens, I’ll never forgive you!

‘And I’ll never forgive myself.

‘Hey, Alan. I’m right here beside you.

‘That’s all I wanted you to know.

‘If you read this and still choose to keep quiet, then there’s only one thing I can say.

‘Even if you really are that much of a bastard, Alan, I’ll wait for the day you finally tell me!’

By the end of the letter, Alan was rubbing his brow again and again. He could not understand why his eyes suddenly felt so swollen.

Maybe his eyes just needed to pee.

“You know I don’t usually go in for this kind of thing.” Alan stared at the note, preparing a few sarcastic remarks, only to find them stuck in his throat.

“...No. I’ll tell you all that to your face.” He folded the letter and gently set it on the passenger seat.

“Does the truth really matter so much? Everything has changed now. Those memories...”

Alan gripped the steering wheel. As the moments passed, the last of the tension in his chest slowly began to give way to acceptance.

“But since everything has changed, maybe I can finally tell the truth without being afraid of the consequences. Right?”

He tried the ignition, but the engine only turned over weakly.

“All right, I know I was wrong.”

The engine still refused to start.

Alan pulled the key out with trembling fingers and swore. “I said I was fucking wrong, okay? I’ll apologize to his face!”

He thrust the key back in and turned it. This time, the engine sprang to life with a roar. The tires squealed against the pavement as he turned the front wheels sharply, swinging the rear of the car around until it faced the way he had come.

Alan glanced at the warning lights scattered across the dashboard and smiled.

“Maybe a minute ago I would’ve worried about all that. But now?”

He floored the accelerator, sending the engine’s roar echoing down the road.

“Who cares?”