I’m Not Becoming Spider-Man - Chapter 40: Judging Character in the Kitchen (Patreon)

Gwen poked her head into the kitchen and spotted Thompson helping Peter with the preparations. She caught Flash's eye and tried to signal something to him.

Baffled, he pointed at himself. What was she asking him to do?

Hang himself on the spot? Show off his dribbling?

Gwen pointed toward Peter. Thompson scratched his head, apparently understood, and promptly walked over to wrap Peter in a hug.

“...”

Flash had impressive chest muscles. He trained for football, and his build was solid.

But at that moment, Peter wanted nothing more than to kick him down the stairs. “GAH! What are you doing?! Are you actually into guys? Get off me!”

“Uh, no! It's Gwen...”

Gwen covered her face. As her hand slid downward, she stared at Thompson with the helpless disbelief of someone looking at a salmon whose brain was smaller than an almond.

“All right. Out.” She marched over and chased him from the kitchen.

“Uh, okay. Here, take this onion, then.” Flash handed her the onion he'd only managed to cut halfway through.

Peter gave it one glance and went back to cooking. “If you're here to apologize, you really don't have to.”

“How did you know what I wanted?” Gwen sighed and started chopping the onion. “Well... I did want to apologize. I shouldn't have let the conversation turn into that mess.”

It was Gwen who'd brought up the subject in the first place, after all.

“It wasn't your fault. Besides, I was the one who benefited from the whole thing,” Peter said. “I should be apologizing to you.”

“No, no, it's not really...” Gwen began, then suddenly seemed to realize something.

Had she and Peter been a little too... close just now?

No, no. Those were unusual circumstances, that was all. Exactly. Just the circumstances.

“Anyway, you've heard about Mary Jane's situation, haven't you? She's headstrong, independent, and does things her own way. But don't hold that against her. You know what her home life is like.”

“...”

“To be fair, a lot of it is my fault for indulging her so much in the past. Things are better now.”

Gwen had already drawn a clear boundary with Mary Jane and sworn she wouldn't interfere in their romantic problems. Everything she had done earlier was meant to protect her good friend Peter from embarrassment.

Even so, she couldn't help thinking that Mary Jane had gone too far.

What had Peter actually done wrong?

He'd just been caught off guard by an unexpected hug. Was that really enough for Mary Jane to become jealous and furious? Her need to control everything was outrageous.

Gwen still felt someone ought to stand up for him. “I'll have a word with her later.”

“Don't. She's the one getting worked up, not me. Trust me, she'll come apologize by herself tonight.”

“Uh... you really think so?”

“Of course.” Peter spoke with the confidence of someone who had discovered his opponent's weak spot. “Mary Jane is like a little red tiger. Most days she patrols her territory like a proud queen. If someone crosses the boundary, someone like you, for instance, she can graciously forgive them because she considers herself above it all.

“Stroke her fur the right way and she'll be delighted. But she won't thank you. She'll decide it's exactly what she deserves, and then demand even more.

“So when she throws a tantrum, all I have to do is leave her alone. Eventually she'll realize her usual routine doesn't work and won't even earn her a scrap of cat food. Once she's hungry enough, she'll come rubbing against me on her own.”

“...” Gwen looked at him with a newly complicated expression.

“What? Why are you staring at me like that?”

“It's just... you suddenly seem really frightening. No, that's not quite it. How do I explain...” Gwen took an involuntary step back.

She'd always thought Peter was the victim and Mary Jane was the wicked cat who mistreated him.

Now, however you described Mary Jane, she was only a little redheaded kitten. Peter was the person who knew exactly how to handle her.

“Dangerous. That's the word.” Gwen suddenly realized that this boy, a high schooler her own age, was far more formidable than she'd imagined. He reminded her of the secret final villain in a television drama, the one introduced in episode one and revealed as the true mastermind in the finale.

“Come on. Spend enough time with Mary Jane and you'll understand her, too,” Peter said.

“You know, Peter, sometimes I feel like you can see straight through people. It's as though no one can keep any secrets from you.”

“Is that so?” Peter nodded to himself. Perhaps he needed to be more careful about what he said around Gwen. If he appeared too perceptive, he might make her uncomfortable.

“Speaking of which... I agree with your description of Mary Jane as a cat. She really is like that. But what about everyone else?”

“Who do you mean?”

“Thompson?”

“He's extremely sensitive, and a coward underneath it all,” Peter answered. “If I had to compare him to an animal, I'd say a red panda.”

“A coward?” Gwen blinked. “He certainly doesn't look like one.”

“That's the point. People often put on the biggest display of what they lack. Thompson has physical strength, but he doesn't have much inner strength. Like a red panda, he'll bristle at the faintest rustle in the grass, trying to make himself look terrifying. It's just a bluff. Underneath, he's a very timid creature.”

Then Peter added a warning. “Don't repeat any of that. I'm only telling you because I trust you. If Flash heard it, his pride and that tough-guy image he's built might destroy him. Remember that when you talk to him. Usually, just let him say his piece. If he crosses a line with you, put him in his place, but don't humiliate him completely. That's how you can get along.”

“I see... And Harley?”

“Harley's more complicated.” Peter rubbed his chin. “She hasn't had much love in her life, and she's become accustomed to loneliness. Materially, she has everything. Emotionally, she's starved. In some ways she's like Mary Jane, except Mary Jane understands her situation and is capable of becoming independent.

“Harley isn't. She can't break away from her family, and she's afraid to step into the world by herself. She depends heavily on other people because she's never received the affection she needs.

“I'd call her a baby kangaroo, a joey still hiding in her mother's pouch. Give her a cookie and she'll be thrilled, maybe even kiss your fingers. But ask her to climb out of that pouch by herself, and she won't be able to.”

“Oh... You really understand people, don't you?”

“Only because I want to get along with them better. I actually like both of them a great deal. At least I understand how they think.”

“Then... what about me?” Gwen asked nervously.