Beneath Your Chin, Where I Am Safe (Patreon)

10.10.22

I laid curled against you last night. My head tucked beneath your chin, your heartbeat in my ears. Your arms wrapped around me and I found myself captured by you. My headspace remained submissive, my body buzzed from the pleasure you offered, my lungs only now began to rest easy. I laid my hands upon your chest, your skin slick with sweat; the smell of you, of me, of both of us - it stained the air with tender affection. Your palms ran down my spine, firm and calming. You squeezed me to you, providing welcome pressure to help me relax after a night of ravenous hunger from both of us. I let my eyes flutter close for a moment and relished in your body heat, in your smell, in the way you felt against me. I was struck, yet again, by how much I loved how you held me. Even a night such as this - you do not forsake me, you do not disengage after the lust has been satisfied. You hold me. You cherish me. You let me cherish you.

I kissed along your jawline, along your neck. I pressed my face to yours, instinctually nuzzling you in an attempt to earn more of your affection. Words have not yet returned to me. I found them heavy on my tongue. But there is something I wanted to say, and after a few more attempts, I can work out a sentence:

You really want to marry me?

Yes, you said as you stroked me. I rested my face against your chest again, curling up under your chin where I felt safe.

Do you really want to marry me? You asked in turn.

Oh yes, I said. I want to marry you so bad. I’m excited. I’m excited to marry you.

Oh? You hummed, the smile evident in your voice.

Why? I prompted. Why do you want to marry me?

You kept me tight to you. I found myself lulled into a gentle mimicry of your breathing as I listened for your answer.

Because you are kind and patient with me, you said at last.

I opened my mouth to tell you that you deserve kindness and patience - that anyone should be offering those to you. But you went on. You spoke with such gentle warmth, that I found myself never wanting to leave your arms. I wanted to stay there, where I felt safe and cared for, tucked under your chin where nothing could get to me.

I thought of how I told you I wanted to wait until our first anniversary to get engaged. I thought of all the reasons why I had wanted to do that - responsibility, the opinions of others, fear of moving too fast, not wanting to move as fast as my brother - and I thought of how all of that mattered less than this. Than how I felt with you.

I missed your sternum. I held you close. And I wished I had never said anything at all, for all that mattered is if we were happy. If we chose this - if we chose each other - and if we felt proud of our choice as we stepped forward in life together.