Epiphabee (Patreon)

Hey everybody!Another musical episode, another tune from the vault of the Dr. Samuel Bultch, D.D.S. archive. As Sondheim and Bultch were working on their one and only collaboration, a jazz musical called "What's the Buzz?" that was unfortunately lost to time, many of Sondheim's old songs were refashioned to potentially fit into what he referred to as "the ultimate Sondheim experience" and "the greatest American musical ever made" and "like Anyone Can Whistle, but with bees." This is one of those songs. Please enjoy!-CV“Epiphabee”Music by Stephen SondheimLyrics by Dr. Samuel Bultch, D.D.S.Feat. Eleanor Philips as “Mrs. Hornet”

Hornet:All this buzzin’ and swarmin’What is it now, drone?

Sweebee:I had him and then-

Hornet:That bumble busted in!I saw them both buzzin’ down the streetAnd I said to myself: “The bee’s in the bonnet for sure!”

Sweebee:(Sung)I HAD HIM.HIS THORAX BARE BENEATH MY HAND-

Hornet:There there, drone, don’t jet-

Sweebee:NO I HAD HIMHIS THORAX THEREAND HE’LL NEVER BUZZ AGAIN!

Hornet:EASY NOWFEEL MY FUZZI KEEP ASKIN’ YOU:“WHAT’S THE BUZZ?”

Sweebee:WHEN?WHY DID I WAIT?YOU TOLD ME TO WAIT!NOW HE’LL NEVER BUZZ AGAIN!

THERE’S A HOLE IN THE WORLD LIKE A HELL-HOT HIVEAND IT’S FILLED WITH BUZZERS WHO ARE FILLED WITH DRIVEAND THE JAZZERS OF THE WORLD REFUSE TO JIVEBUT NOT FOR LONG

THEY ALL DESERVE TO FLYTELL YA WHY, MRS. HORNETTELL YA WHY

BEE-CAUSE IN ALL OF THE WHOLE BUZZIN’ WORLD, MRS. HORNETTHERE ARE TWO KINDS OF DRONES AND ONLY TWOTHERE’S THE ONE PLAYING JAZZ AT THE PROPER PACEAND THE ONE TAKING WALKS ON AN UPRIGHT BASSLOOK AT ME, MRS. HORNETLOOK AT YOU!NO WE ALL DESERVE TO FLYTELL YA WHY, MRS. HORNETTELL YA WHYBEE-CAUSE THOSE TRAPPED IN THE SYSTEM SHOULD BEE SET FREETILL THE REST OF US GET BEEMOCRACYWE ALL DESERVE TO FLY!

AND I’LL NEVER SEE WASPANANO I’LL NEVERHUG MY QUEEN TO MEFINISHED!

ALL RIGHT!YOU BEEHOW ABOUT A STING?COME AND VISITYOUR GOOD FRIEND, SWEEBEEYOU BEE, TOO BEE?EVERYONE TAKE WING

I WILL HAVE JAZZ FLUTES!I’LL HAVE POLLINATION!

WHO BEE, YOU BEE?NO ONE’S IN THE AIRCOME ON, COME ON!SWEEBEE’S WAITINGHE WANTS YOU BREEDERSYOU BEE? ANYBEEDY?GENTLEBEES, NOW DON’T BEE SHY!NOT POLLENNO NOR STAMENNOR SOME HONEYCAN ASSUAGE MEI WILL HAVE JAZZ!AND I WILL STICK HIM DOWN WITH SOME HONEYCOMBIN THE MEANTIME I’ll STING ME SOME LESS HONORABLE DOMES!AND MY LUC-BEEHAS BEEN SQUISHÉDAND I’LL NEVERSEE MY QUEEN AGAINBUT THE WORK WAITS!I’VE A HIVE A LASTAND I’M FULL OF JAZZ!!!!

Hornet:(Spoken)That’s all very wellBut what are we gonna do about the Ital-bee-an?