BOBUS: "Waiting On a Song From Steve" (James' Version) (Patreon)

Hey, patrons!

A.J. here. Sometimes when I'm making the commercials/interstitial segments, a lot of stuff ends up on the cutting room floor (most of it, admittedly, for the best). But I thought maybe it might be fun, every once in a while, to release some of the interstitials that run a BIT too long but are, I think, still worthy of seeing the (color and) light of day.So, in that spirit, here's the extended version of "Waiting On a Song From Steve" which I have dubbed "James' Version." While I stand by making the cut for the episode, there's a couple of rhymes and moments in the extended version I liked and thought maybe y'all might like too! I hope you enjoy it!Lurv,A.J.

"Waiting On a Song From Steve" (James' Version)Music by Stephen SondheimLyrics by Dr. Samuel Bultch, D.D.S.James:(Spoken)Steve?Why are we three days from critics coming to see the showAnd we don’t have any songs for Act Two?Steve?What the fuck, Steve???We’ve been waiting since the final DRESS.

DEVISE A NEW SHOWHEY THAT’LL BE SWELLTHAT STEVE’S A GENIUSAND NOW WE’RE IN HELL.

WAITING ON A SONG FROM STEVEJUST ONE-

PATINKIN’S A WRECKBEGINNING TO CRACKBLOOD PRESSURE’S RISING-IS THIS A HEART ATTACK?JUST GIVE ME A CLUE, STEVEA TINY LITTLE CLUEYOUR SONG’S ARE PAST DUE, STEVEYOUR SONG’S ARE PAST DUE!

Steve:(Spoken)Do you ever think about the word Tostito?Tostito.

James:

SONDHEIM’S FUCKING BAKEDHIGH, STONEDTHAT’S YOU STEVE, YOU’RE SO BAKEDHIGH, STONEDI WISH IT COULD BE MEHIGH, STONEDGOD, JUST WRITE A SONG!WELL THERE ARE WORSE THINGSTHAN WAITING FOR NEW PAGES ON A SUNDAYTHERE ARE WORSE THINGSTHAN WAITING FOR NEW PAGESBEING WRITTEN BY A MASTERAS YOU’RE PUTTING IN NEW STAGINGAFTER MOVING FROM OFF-BROADWAYON A SUNDAY!

Steve:(Spoken)I think I’m gonna write a musical about bees next.It’ll be called “What’s the Buzz”It’ll be about bees.

James:(Spoken)What are you TALKING about?!?!OHP! Heart Attack!HEART ATTACK!!!!(Sung)WELL IF YOU WANT CLOUTAND RESPECT AND A HIT SHOWHIT ‘EM WITH SOME GUSTOSONDHEIM IS A NO-GOIF YOU WANT A SONGTHAT IS STRONGAND A PROCESS THAT WON’T PREMATURELY AGE YOUI’LL ASSUAGE YOU

YOU WANT A WEBBER, PORTER, KANDER PREFERABLYGERSHWIN, MENKEN, SCHWARTZVIABLESOMETHING NICE THAT’S FUNRELIABLEAND CLEVER

ALL IT HAS TO BE IS DONEWE LUNCH AT ONEJUST MAKE IT DONE.

STEPHEN’S STYLE IS PATIENTSTEPHEN’S STYLE’S OBTUSE.

BUT CHRIST, STEVETAKE SOME ADVICE, STEVEJUST GIVE ME SOMETHINGSO THERE’S AN ENDINGWITH SOME CHILDRENAND ARTHEY, THAT’S A START!SO GET TO WRITINGI’LL BE HERE DYING!

OH SHIT I’M ALIVEI THOUGHT I WAS DEADI THINK I’D LIKE THATBUT I’LL WAIT INSTEADSteve:(Spoken)What if the bees had a government?

James:WAITING ON A SONG FROM STEVE!

Steve:(Spoken)They’d call it a bee-mocracy.

James:THAT’S NOT EVEN A WORDWHAT’S HIS THING ABOUT BEES?THE SHOW CAN’T OPENIF I BREAK HIS KNEES!

WHERE THE HELL IS MANDY?STARING AT A WALL!THAT’S ALL FINE AND DANDYBUT NOW HE’S TOO SMALLCURLED UP IN THAT BALL!GOD THIS IS SO FRAUGHT!!!

WELL THERE ARE WORSE THINGSTHAN WAITING FOR SOME PAGES ON A SUNDAY!THERE ARE WORSE THINGSTHAN WAITING FOR SOME PAGESAS YOU’RE PUTTING IN NEW STAGINGAFTER CRYING IN THE AISLEAFTER SENDING SOME POOR INTERNTO GO OVER TO A KINKOSIN THE MIDDLE OF MANHATTANTWENTY BLOCKS FROM STEVE’S APARTMENT!ON A SUNDAY!ON A SUNDAY!WHERE’S THE NEW SONG-?

Steve:(Spoken)I think the score for the bee musical is gonna be jazzy.Do you like jazz?

James:STEVE!!!!!!