"Building a Lifeline (For My Ancient Spider God)" (Patreon)

Hey everybody!Totally forgot to post this with our Stop Making Sense episode, so, here it is as a New Year's Treat!Enjoy A.J.'s follies in the desert/resurrection of an ancient spider god!“Building a Lifeline (For My Ancient Spider God)”Music by Talking HeadsLyrics by A.J. DittyA.J.:AND YOU MAY FIND YOURSELF STANDING IN THE EGYPTIAN DESERTAND YOU MAY FIND YOURSELF TAKING OUT A SIZABLE LOANAND YOU MAY FIND YOURSELF IN CHARGE OF A MULTIFACETED CONSTRUCTION PROJECTAND YOU MAY FIND YOURSELF IN AN EGYPTIAN COURT WITH A CEASE AND DESISTAND YOU MAY TELL THEM ALL, “WELL, WHAT CAN YA DO?”PRAISE BE TO SHAYGOBI, LET THE SPIDERS ALL RAIN DOWNOH THE GREAT SHAYGOBI, LET THEM FLOW UP FROM THE GROUNDBUILDING A ZIGGURAT NEXT TO THE NILE’S WATERSBUILDING A LIFELINE, FOR MY ANCIENT SPIDER GOD.

AND YOU MAY FIND YOURSELF, STILL IN THAT SAME COURTROOMAND YOU MAY HEAR THEM ASKING “DO YOU HAVE THE RIGHT PERMITS?”AND YOU MAY ANSWER BACK “I DIDN’T REALIZE I NEEDED THEM”AND THEY WILL GRIMLY NOD, “YEAH, YOU KINDA DO!”

FILLING OUT PAPERWORK, FORM 2A IN DUPLICATEFILLING OUT PAPERWORK, TRYING NOT TO THROW A FITBUILDING A ZIGGURAT, NEXT TO THE NILE’S WATERSYOU’LL NEED A LIFELINE, OR IN PAPERWORK YOU’LL DROWN.

YOU MUST INITIAL HERE, YOU MUST INITIAL HEREYOU MUST INITIAL HERE, YOU MUST INITIAL HEREYOU MUST INITIAL HERE, DON’T FORGET ABOUT HEREYOU MUST INITIAL HERE, YOU MUST INITIAL HERE!

LET’S TALK ABOUT ZONING, CAN’T FORGET ABOUT ZONING!CAUSE THERE IS WATER, FLOODING THE FOUNDATIONREMOVE THE WATER, THERE’S JUST MORE WATERREMOVING THE WATER FROM THE BASE OF THE STRUCTURE

MOURNING THE EMPLOYEES, ALL THAT WATER MADE THEM DROWNDODGING EMPLOYMENT FEES, MEANS THE UNION’S COMING DOWNINTO THE RED AGAIN, AFTER THAT MONEY’S GONETAKE OUT A BANKING LOAN, FOR THAT WATER UNDERGROUNDPRAISE BE TO SHAYGOBI, WHO WILL BE WORTH THE INTEREST RATESOH HOLY SHAYGOBI, THIS SPIDER TEMPLE WILL BE GREATINTO THE WEB AGAIN, AFTER YOU’VE TRAPPED US ALLA STICKY LIFELINE, IN OUR GOOEY, HOLY GOWNSYOU MAY ASK YOURSELF “WHY AM I TRAPPED IN THE WEB?”YOU MAY ASK YOURSELF “HOW MANY SPIDERS IS TOO MANY?”AND YOU MAY ASK YOURSELF “ARE WE PEOPLE, OR ARE WE FOOD?”AND YOU MAY SCREAM TO YOURSELF “MY GOD. WHAT HAVE I DONE???”

LETTING HER EAT YOUR BRAIN, AS HER WEBBINGS ARE UNFURLEDLETTING ME TAKE THE BLAME, AS SHE TAKES OVER THE WORLDBUILDING THIS ZIGGURAT, NEXT TO THE NILE’S WATERSWAS SUCH A HUGE MISTAKE, GOD SOMEONE SAVE ME FROM MYSELFUNLEASHING SHAYGOBI, OH MY GOD SHE’S GOT JAPANFEAR THE GREAT SHAYGOBI, SHE’LL DEVOUR EVERY MANINTO THE SHIT AGAIN, AFTER THE WORLD’S DEVOUREDTHROW US A LIFELINE, SO WE CAN BEGIN AGAIN…

OH, GOD! OH THERE’S SO MANY SPIDERS!OH! OH! WHY DID I DO THIS?!?!*Spider noises*