14. Learning How to Be Fair. (Patreon)

Gwen POV:

Playing with Petey felt different today.

Not different like bad, different like when you realize you’ve been doing something one way your whole life and suddenly someone shows you another way and it makes your head feel fizzy.

At first, we were just in the backyard. The tire swing creaked in the sunlight, the grass was warm and the sky looked like it went on forever. Em Jay crossed her arms and said she wanted to go on the swing first.

“I should go first.” She said. “I’m the guest.”

Before I could open my mouth, Petey tilted his head like he always does when he’s thinking.

“That makes sense,” He said kindly. “Guests usually go first.”

Em Jay’s chin lifted.

“But,” Petey continued, glancing at me, then at Betty and Glory, “other people might want a turn first too. Gwen, what do you think would be fair?”

Everyone looked at me.

My heart jumped.

I thought about it. Thought about how I always let Em Jay go first because it was easier. Thought about how Betty and Glory hadn’t said anything but were watching quietly. I think they also want to ride the swing.

“Well,” I said slowly, “maybe… maybe we can take turns? Like, Em Jay first because she’s a guest but then Betty, then Glory, then Petey and then me?”

"But perhaps Betty and Glory can also go first if she wants since Em Jay always goes first." I say.

Betty shakes her head sideways. So does Glory.

Petey smiled at me like I’d solved a very important puzzle.

“That sounds fair.”

Em Jay huffed but she climbed onto the swing anyway.

That happened a lot.

When Em Jay wanted to choose the game, Petey would say, “That’s a good idea. Gwen, do you want to add anything?”

When Em Jay tried to change the rules halfway through, Petey would ask, “Is that what everyone agreed on?”

And when Em Jay reached for one of my dolls. The one Mama gave me, with the blue dress and the tiny stitched smile my hands froze.

I was about to let go.

I always do.

But Petey leaned close and whispered, “You don’t have to give something away just to be nice.”

So I swallowed and said, very quietly but very clearly, “Em Jay, I don’t want you to take that one.”

The world didn’t end.

Em Jay stared at me. Betty gasped a little. Glory blinked.

And Petey nodded, like I’d done something very brave.

MJ POV:

It wasn’t fair.

None of it was fair.

Gwenny had a big house. Parents who smiled at her. A dad who built her a tire swing. A mom who hugged her for no reason. Toys she didn’t even care about half the time. Clothes that fit. Food that didn’t come with yelling.

And now she had him.

That boy who kept looking at her like she mattered. Like her choices mattered. Like her voice is important.

Every time I tried to take control, he twisted it around without yelling, without pushing just making it so Gwenny had to decide.

I hated it.

I hated how small it made me feel.

Something inside me snapped.

I dropped to the ground and kicked and rolled in the grass, dirt sticking to my arms and hair.

“It’s not fair!” I screamed. “She has everything! Parents, toys, food, love and I don’t have any of that!”

My throat burned. My chest hurt. I didn’t even care who was watching anymore.

I just wanted someone to see how much it hurt.

Peter POV:

She was hurting.

Not in the way adults hurt. Their pain is sharp and hidden but she was hurting in the way children hurt, raw and spilling out everywhere because they don’t know how to hold it yet.

I remembered a book Uncle Ben checked out for me at the Stephen A. Schwarzman Public Library Building. Child Psychology and Emotional Development. The chapter on displaced anger. On entitlement born from deprivation.

MJ didn’t want Gwen’s things.

She wanted the stability of Gwen’s life.

I sat down beside her in the grass.

“It’s not your fault.” I said quietly.

She hiccupped, still crying.

“You’re too young to understand why your life is like this.” I continued. “But I’m going to tell you anyway.”

She looked at me with red, angry eyes.

“It’s your parents fault.” I said simply. “They failed you.”

Her breath caught.

“But that doesn’t mean you have to become like them.” I added. “Your environment can be a chain… or it can be a reason. A reason to be better. To do better.”

She didn’t say anything.

Then Gwen wrapped her arms around her.

“It’s okay, Em Jay.” Gwen said, voice small but steady. “You’re my best friend. You’ll always be my best friend.”

Em Jay broke.

She sobbed into Gwen’s shoulder, fists clutching her shirt like she was afraid Gwen might disappear.

Betty joined the hug. Then Glory.

A pile of tangled arms and grass-stained knees and shaky breathing.

A shadow fell over us.

“That was beautiful, Peter.” A voice said from above.

I closed my eyes and exhaled slowly through my nose.

…Of course it was one of the adults. The annoying ones.