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A little vulnerable (Patreon)

Published:
2024-11-27 22:00:11
Imported:
2026-06

Content

Hi, I wanted to make this post to touch base a bit, I’m sorry if this is a bit boring but I want to be honest here.

I’m not doing so hot, the year started hard with a lot of medical issues that I am still dealing with (bitch ass tick disease) and sadly it affects my emotions still even if I am seeing a couple of doctors for it. I was also diagnosed with ADHD and autism and I feel like a car that ran out of gas for the first time in my life.

 I can’t bring myself to watch/read the things I love, I have ideas for comics and other pieces but I can’t finish them or when I do I hate it. My therapist has had me do all the things that help with burnout, sport, other creative mediums, traveling, seeing friends but I still feel so stuck. Like I’m in a hole and I can see how to get one but my feet are frozen in place. I genuinely adore this pages and interacting with everyone and I am failing you more and more. I look back on my own stuff and I don’t know how to get back to that, it feels like I’m looking at a different person and it enrages me. I want you guys to know that I am trying really hard to fix this, I don’t want this to sound like excuses or this post to be a novel.

It’s a little pathetic to ask but if any of you has dealt with stuff like this I would love to hear about it because I want to be better so bad and any help is good.

I’m sorry again if this is boring or annoying, I just feel like it’s important for you to know this. Without all of you I wouldn’t be where I am today and I want to keep entertaining you for as long as I can because that’s a passion I know still burns really bright in me. Thank you for being here, from the very bottom of my heart.

Comments

Meow Mikesdottir

We love you, and it’s important to take time to take care of yourself. We’re all still here. Won’t be going anywhere :))

Aqueous Mutivity

No worries Jess, we love you and we'll wait! No pressure from us, I promise. Just take care of your brain and body. We'll support you no matter what. This year has been so hard on all of us, thank you for being so vulnerable with us. We love you 💖💖🫂🫂

Robyn C.M.

Your body and your mind are reacting to physical trauma. I understand completely, I struggle with something similar. What has helped me a lot is an SSRI (like an anti depressant, it's a serotonin re-uptake inhibitor) and forcing myself to he outside. The outside part is really hard, but going for sad batch walks has been a life saver for me many times.

Sriracha

Life can be so hard sometimes and it’s so important to take time to focus on yourself 💜 you seem like a wonderful person and we all enjoy your art but your mental and physical health matters and we’ll all support you no matter what hat 🫂

Goldenlove15

Thank you for being so open about your struggles, it can be really really tough to reach out for help. As someone also diagnosed with AuDHD I find that diagnosis can either feel like everything is finally explained or can just compound the questions (ESPECIALLY when faced with other health issues). The best thing I can say is to take it day by day. Your community is here for you, please don’t force yourself to create just for our sake. Prioritize your health and wellbeing ❤️❤️❤️

Sarah

I’m really sorry to hear you’ve been going through all of this, it sounds awful and exhausting. Your health and wellbeing as a person is so important so don’t apologize for talking to us about it. It’s not pathetic to ask for help, it’s actually really strong. It really sucks when something that usually brings joy and happiness becomes a chore or loses its charm. It sounds like you’re trying really hard to be better, and it just isn’t happening. I know I’ve heard of people who say that once they’re diagnosed with ADHD or autism that it feels like it gets a lot tougher to deal with, so I don’t think you’re alone in that. Just know that we all support you and want you to be happy and healthy more than anything else. 💜

Angie

As someone who was diagnosed with adhd and autism later than I probably should have been I can tell you (and I know it sounds cliche and cheesy) that it really does get better and easier (it does also take a bit of time to adjust your thinking but every person is different) And of course we are all here and we love you still so much ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🥰

Robyn C.M.

I'm sorry you're going through this. There is no easy solution. Meds and fresh air helped me a lot but it isn't a cure. Be as kind to yourself as you can be. You're whole self is trying to heal right now. That's super hard on your brain and leaves you disassociating and struggling in survival mode. Talking to someone also helps a lot. I have a therapist for my mental health but also to help with my disability and physical trauma. Give yourself a lot of grace right now. ❤️

Angie

Also as much as you are going to want to be better please remember that these things (growth and self-acceptance) take time and effort and energy and outside support also is so important. People tell me that avoidance is unhealthy and it is but in overwhelming situations, simply moving yourself away from the thing causing you distress can be such a huge help without you even realising it

Sunny

Hey, as someone who also had a very hard year I feel you very much. I know how it is to loose a passion that made you to the person who you think you are. I used/was a writer and I loved doing it and entertain the people but same as you I look back and grief for the person that I used to be. But life is full of changes and instead to grief over the past you, I think it's important to embrace the new you that comes in. And I am sure there is one thing you really dont have to worry is, that your community that you build will always be there for you and have your back❤️

uncoolmars

you’re definitely not alone, i’m going through something really similar. i haven’t been able to get diagnosed, but i highly suspect i have adhd and autism as well. not to over share, but i quit my job two years ago and have been dealing with a really bad burnout ever since. i’m finally at a place where i feel hopeful about my art and starting a patreon similar to yours, but for advice: be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling. i know how frustrating it is to not be able to produce the type of art you’re imagining. for me, stepping away from art for a bit can be helpful. i took a break from drawing to focus on other hobbies. also, an option is always to just draw for yourself and not for us to help respark your passion/get out of the block. i’m sorry, i don’t really think this was all that helpful, but i just more so wanted you to know you’re definitely not alone! burnouts are never fun, and i know how scary/stressful it can be when they last longer than anticipated

Cristina Alcazar

As a person that has dealt with a massive depression era as well as burnout on top of it, I understand that empty/irritating feeling. I lost my previous passions but at one point decided To just throw everything I knew to the side and do things I normally didnt do. I realized I needed to be more social/active so I joined a volunteer group and looked into sewing as a new passion which helped a lot! Now I can revisit my old passions and rekindle that joy I had. For your case, I can only suggest just resting in your own space and perhaps revisiting older things, such as what sparked your passions and things you loved. Even things that used to upset you. Maybe even just old memories. Personally it's always nice to revisit the origin of things now that you are more experienced and knowledge. I always learn new things doing so with my new perspective. I know you'll get over this! It's just gonna be a bit of a rough road till you find the right track with all these new life developments!

wrought.thought

This speaks to me. I have fibromyalgia, and was diagnosed as AuDHD a few years ago. I was also just diagnosed with a rare genetic eye disease. It fucks your mind up when you have so many things crop up in a short period of time. HOWEVER, I will say this: It gets better. I've lost interest in some of my old hobbies, but picked up new ones. I try to do solo travel once every year or two. I wasn't able to do stuff like that before therapy and medication. I do still struggle with the mental health side of things, and like other folks have saved, you need to give yourself grace in this situation. It's hard accepting that some things won't work. Or that some people won't be empathetic and understanding. However, my life has been getting better, slowly but surely, and the biggest thing to keep in mind is that you need to prioritize YOURSELF. PLEASE.

Pendule

Je t'envoie tout mon soutien, je te souhaite d'aller mieux, et sache que tu auras notre soutien quoi qu'il arrive, alors prends autant de temps pour toi que nécessaire car ta santé est le plus important ♥

Cataclysm

Like so many of these other wonderful messages you're getting here, so many people, especially creative types struggle with this sort of stuff. Health problems, psychically and mentally, take you down hard. And burn out makes it worse. I'm in my final semester of art school, graduation is in two weeks. I'll have a degree and all I feel when I look at my thesis project is disappointment. I've worked on it for months and fought with it and now I just hate it. I hate making things right now. And it makes me feel terrible that I hate it. But I know one day I will look at it and be proud of the work I did, even if that day isn't today or tomorrow or even a year from now. And that helps a lot. Acknowledging that even if I don't feel good today and everything sucks, someday things will feel better. And I look forward to that day even if I'm struggling now.

Sadie brimeyer

You aren’t giving excuses but you are giving reasons. I’m also on the double spectrum. Burnout can last months at a time. Sometimes up to 3 months. Though it will last longer when trying to push through it. My father once said “once you learn how your mind works, you can learn anything. “ The diagnosis is part of learning how you think and react. You’re going to be ok. Be patient with yourself even if it feels like the world isn’t. With adhd and Autism you need more time. Time to heal, sleep, think. Give yourself time. Depression is a common factor with it as well. Anxiety and perfectionism. Please talk to your therapist about treating these to help ease everything. I’m on medication for mine there are other treatments. Make sure you get some sunlight when you can. Rewatch old movies. Read about other people’s stories that relate to yours. And remember we are here for you. Sorry for the ramble.

Jeyjey

I am so sorry that you feel the need to apologize to us for something entirely out of your control. You are doing the best you can and we can all see it and are on your side! I had to deal with a burnout too around 2 years ago and I'm still struggling with the fallout. For me going to therapy, the psychological dayklinik (Tagesklinik) and taking a year sick leave really helped. Falling back on Ressources like hobbys, sport but also friends and family also helped a lot. Never think you are a burden and share your troubles with someone close. Identifying the main issue or the trigger and the distancing oneself from it, I think is the best way to start. Then from a safe distance you can start working your way towards overcoming the bad days and becoming more stable. You are already taking all the necessary steps but while something can break in an instant it takes time to put it back together. Please allow yourself to take this time and I promise once you come back and feel like a version of yourself again, we will all be here welcoming you. You are doing great and I'm extremely proud of you!! You can get through this, no doubt about it 💕💕

Sabrina

As someone struggling with depression for years now I feel you as well. Thanks for being open about what you're dealing with right now, it's not easy. Best of advice I can give you is: Don't try hard. Stop it. For real. Trying in itself is enough, but comparing yourself to a time where you felt better and wanting to go back and improve so badly, it's all just gonna make everything worse. Because in my experience, that kind of pressure will feed right back into depression and feel like paralysis. I'm still coming to terms with this myself. Hell, I still have to learn to NOT beat myself up when my body or mind is exhausted, because it's okay to rest and perform less than usual. Another advice if you haven't already talked about this with your doctor: check out possible forms of medication. Antidepressants for example can be scary, but for me it changed the world. And they're also not there to stay for the rest of your life. Also, if they're not working you can always stop taking them as well. And lastly, I can really recommend the book "how to keep house while drowning" from KC Davis, since taking care of yourself, your family and your household is especially hard when you're depressed. Davis is a therapist herself and the book is depression and ADHD friendly to read (really imo it's genious). It also changed the way I look at certain things and helped me take pressure off my shoulders not just with chores but with the general way I approach life now. I really hope this helps in one way or another and I wish you all the best!

Scotty

I noticed the beginning of burn out. I worked a full time job, went to school and had a secondary job for years. I then went on to work a full-time job, did volunteer work, had a sport club and a secondary job for five more years. A month ago, I reduced my hours and took a break. I already feel a lot better. That's just what worked for me. Try not to stress yourself out.

Madleon

Im also autistic and when i was going through something similar than you the thing that helped me the most is to just take a break from everything. I know its not something everyone can afford to do but if you can, just take a couple of weeks or month where you do nothing and think about nothing. This is what i did and then i started to get into things i enjoy to do little by little, step by step when i started to feel better. You dont have to get scared of deceiving us. For now you should allow yourself to shup off your brain for a little bit !

Juice

I got diagnosed with depression last year and the biggest help to me was reminding me that I HAD DEPRESSION AND WHAT I WAS FEELING MADE SENSE … AND THT’S OK! And it’s not forever. You being open with it is also great! Everyone needs help!

Ciera

I have adhd and I haven't officially been diagnosed with autism but the people around me seem to think that I have it. I haven't experienced burn out quite to the level that you have, but the best thing for me is to just take a break. I quit trying super hard and go back to things I've always enjoyed. I call them my old stand bys. I watch Tangled or one of my other old favorites. It can be hard to make myself start it but once I start I tend to go all in. I fall deep into all the content I can reach and it sort of inspires me to reach for more things I like. I haven't been able to watch anything new in a long time but I'm getting there. It also helps to have someone sit with me. Definitely listen to your therapist. Maybe try some deep introspection or something and try to find something you really wanna do. I've been here a while and watched you struggle. I'm really rooting for you! Take your time and do whatever you need. We'll be here for you no matter what!

Metap

Just wanted to say, first and foremost, thank you for opening up and trusting us with all this. It is being vulnerable and it’s a big step and I think that’s a very good thing. I had depression & anxiety that really teamed up and took over for awhile & would take me down particularly bad in the fall (I live in the US in the Philly area, so when it would get darker & colder I would struggle a lot more). At some point, it was so bad that I just felt completely stuck, like I was under a pile of heavy blankets and I knew there were things I needed or wanted to do, but I just couldn’t. There were days where even trying to decide what to wear for the day was too overwhelming to figure out & id just stand there feeling helpless. At some point meds & talk therapy helped me climb back out of that hole. Finding activities that felt fun but not overwhelming, stimulating & took me outside the house were very helpful. Being with friends, getting lots of sunshine & getting my vitamin D up to normal levels (mine was dreadfully low). That was several years ago now & I am doing much better. I no longer need the meds to help with the depression and I see my therapist once a month instead of biweekly. So it can take a lot of time & patience, but you will get there. 🩷 Beyond all that, I have chronic migraine. I have, on average 16 migraine days a month. (My newest meds have dropped my days significantly, but made me loopy so we’ve had to adjust the dose, so the headaches have come back some). I have daily meds, supplements, rescue meds, and treatments that I get every 12 weeks. It’s a juggling act. So I understand your frustration with the health issues, too. Just sharing all this to say that you are not alone, even if our challenges are not exactly the same. Thinking of you & hope things improve for you! Never hesitate to reach out if you need an ear (I’m @blue.valkyrie on Instagram) Hang in there, be gentle and patient with yourself and don’t ever feel like you’re not giving us enough. When you need time to yourself, take it! We will be here when you return with smiles and hugs. 😊

Yuu

Thank you for opening yourself to us, is normal to feel that way. I don't have adhd or autism (well maybe a little) but that shouldn't stop you for doing what you love the most. Sometimes taking a long break is necessary in order for the creative juice to pump up. For me, talking with my friends about my situation worked and also got made me feel understood. I still have some art block in me but doing other stuff also helped me, I study animation for video games and one of the things I like to do is 3d modeling. Maybe changing the media can help you see art in other perspectives and inspire you to create new things just like you do now. Also resting is very important, so if you need to take a break feel free to do it. You work so hard that a great rest is needed 🥰🥰🥰

plvvsh

Hi jess. I don't think I've literally ever commented before, but I've been a lurker and supporter for a long time. I wanted to let you know that you're not alone. In August of 2023, I though I had carpal tunnel. That started a very long and exhausting health journey that I'm honestly still on and still trying to manage. I've been diagnosed with MCTD, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Fibromyalgia, an Arrythmia, Tachycardia, and recently I've started having seizures. I'm also autistic on top of that. My life has completely changed, I'm no longer able to work and I can't do much of anything that the regular person is able to do. I tell you all this to say, it does get better, and things change. It's strange, you kind of slowly learn to adapt to yourself and find joys in things again. You are in the hardest part of it all right now, and it's so easy to feel hopeless during it. But it's not hopeless. Things will come back to you naturally, it just takes time. Give yourself some grace, things changed, you're allowed to be different because of it.

Ami

Honestly being burnt out is so incredibly normal, and one of the worst parts of being a creative. It’s okay to feel stuck and uninspired, and ADHD burnout only makes it feel worse because you want to do things but physically can’t. I’ve been dealing with burnout and ADHD burnout myself for the last few years and I can’t give a confident answer on when it might go away, but I do think you’re doing all the right things to deal with it. Sometimes a change in scenery can help. Have you looked into ADHD medication with your therapist? I find that even on particularly bad days it can help me get even a little bit of something done, even if it’s just in a different hobby or something. Please don’t ever feel pressured to do something every day or every week. We all deserve a break now and then - and some of us just need breaks a little more often than others. Please prioritize your health (both mental and physical) and we’ll still be there when you’re ready to post. I hope things start getting easier for you soon. Wishing you all the best!!! 🩷

Kai Jones

Hey Jess! My name is Zakaiya. I’ve struggled with this and I currently am. If you don’t mind to chat, please feel free to check your DMs on Instagram! The username is Afroangorasmagisterium

Sof

Hey Jess! It’s really tough when you’ve been running on performance mode to try to shift down into a rhythm that doesn’t kill you. My advice is to literally do nothing for a while. You don’t have to be productive to be worthy of living. I’m a student and after the end of every semester i will hibernate for at least a week to get my stress levels back to regular. ADHD is a two sided thing: you have a lot of energy but it does run out. Please take care of yourself, art will never abandon you and we are excited to see wherever your journey takes you. 🫶😘 much love

Sash

Hey, girl. I’ve been a lurker for the past few months because my own health shit put me energetically out of commission for most things I enjoy as well, including leaving slavering comments on your delectable smorgasbord of art ♥️ I’m proud of you for all the effort you’ve been putting out to get back to a good place, but in my experience, if you’re doing all the right things and still feeling like shit, that’s when it’s time to retreat into hermitdom for a spell. I don’t mean cut everyone and everything out of your life, just give yourself constant permission to say no: to lay wherever you’re comfortable and stare into nothingness, to start doing a thing and stop five minutes in because nope, actually it doesn’t feel good in your brain right now. If you feel like you need to draw but you also know you’re probably going to hate it, draw on loose paper, maybe take a pic for posterity, and then Kobe that shit into the trash—or burn it, if you’re feeling spicy, nothing like a good fire to warm a tired soul. If there’s anything you habitually “save up” for when you feel you “deserve” it—burning a candle, watching some much-beloved garbage that doesn’t inspire you one bit, listening to an album you’ve been sitting on, etc.—INDULGE YOURSELF. Because even if you don’t feel like you deserve good things and rest and kindness, you DO. Any mean parts of your brain are just gonna have to shut the hell up and deal with it. And it’s totally normal and totally okay to feel like crap during all this, because none of it is easy, even if it sounds like it in text. Allowing yourself to do nothing and then actually *doing nothing* is very difficult when you’re used to working as prolifically as you do. It’s not going to feel good, but gradually, I promise, it will start to feel more okay. Gradually, that little voice that’s yelling at you all the time—that you’re not doing enough and that what you’ve done is shit—will tire itself out. If you like somewhat mindless phone games (or something similar that you can zone out with for a good ten minutes at least), pick that up when you decide to not do a thing and the voice starts up its rhetoric. Try to give the voice as little attention as possible, because it isn’t helping you so much as it is taking up all your oxygen. Give yourself space to breathe. Art skills like yours don’t disappear in a day, and if you’re worried they will, draw some fuckin boxes and cones and call it a day because that counts!

Sash

Check out akprzy on instagram if you need some audio-visual coaching in being kind to yourself. You’re a great artist and really fucking funny besides, and I want you to get through this because the world needs all the art and humor it can hold. Your work has brought me genuine laughter time after time after time (and other feelings, naturally, nudge nudge wink wink and so forth). Even though I don’t know you personally, I know you’re a cool-ass person, and cool-ass people deserve to feel freed and uplifted by the things they love doing. Anyway, text-spew over. Stay sexy, xoxo

Moshka

Hi! I also struggled with this. I had a really tough time in my Life where i thought everything was falling apart. What helped me was to cut back on my activities and social life. I stopped forcing myself to do stuff and talk to people and only did it when i felt like it. This gave me a fresh start and helped me to calm down and i started to enjoy my hobbies again. Meeting friends and family stopped feeling like a burden and i enjoyed my time with them again. Don't force yourself to draw, read or watch ANYTHING that doesn't spark joy instantly. This will pass, it will get better. But you need time and you need to start giving yourself the benefit of the doubt and be able to breathe. Please don't force yourself for us, we will still support and wait patiently. If you still want to chat: My Insta DM's are always open (for everyone reading this!!) michelle.sharl33n Take care ❤️

Talon

💜❤

Bluehail

Never apologize for this!! We support you!!!!!!! ❤️

haber konium

I genuinely think it's so important to put yourself first with this stuff. Take steps back when you need to, power through when you can, and be kind to yourself cos dang we're only human 💛 only natural to stumble every once in a while.

Sitnfrizn

I have a really hard time this year too, I had been looking for a job this whole year, I've been unemployed since December last year. I nearly went into depression bc of the rejections and dissapointments. What helped me, was finding new hobbies that kept me occupied. I started a pokemon card collection, crochet, haircare and skincare. Those were the only things that kept me positive this year. I know it is not quite the same situation, but maybe it helps you if you find a new hobby. Not that you give up on your current ones, but trying something new excited me and also gave me art inspiration. Hope this helps and please dont apologize for having a hard time!😟

hope

youre so valid in all of this. i’ve been having a year from hell, and after getting through graduate school it just felt like the floor fell from underneath me and i cant even crawl my way back to surface level. i think being exhausted is normal and im hoping things get better for you. all the love 💛

Mina Ashidhoe

Hey girlie, I hope you know ur not alone and that you’re completely valid for your feelings. Also you’re an artist that puts out such a large amount of content in the time people barely post for their Patreon, so it’s totally fine if you take a break to catch up and take care of yourself. I went through this when I discovered I had adhd too and I was cranking out content for tiktok with friends n a gf n then we broke up and I didn’t have the same group of friends anymore for my fun group project stuff (it was our bonding creative time) and I burnt myself out quick doing it alone since I’ve always had more fun being silly and working with other ppl. I had to step back and take care of myself and my hobbies and just have fun instead of trying to force myself to do it, that’s what I feel like you need to do. Step back for a bit, (easier said than done) because trying to force yourself to be creative can make you resent the thing you love and it’s a terrible feeling, and you’re such a wonderful artist, I know youll recharge and get back at it in no time! Plz don’t feel like ur letting us down, thank you for being real and honest with us 💖

Titties McGee

You are NOT failing anyone! We're here to see your art, and it is here! You do not need to be producing a constant stream of new works. I know it sucks when you WANT to be creating, but please don't make it harder for yourself by feeling like there's some looming expectation you need to meet. I've had the "what if it never gets better? what if I'm never back to my old self?" spiral many, many times. Dozens of bipolar mood episodes that all had me asking myself that. Every single one of them passed. You do the best you can to get outside, sort your medication, and connect with the people you love, and that makes it shorter, but the best thing you can do for yourself is try to believe that it will pass so you can relax a little.