October 2024 breakdown (Patreon)

Sorry to have roughly disappeared the past month. it's been a bit of a hellzone for me.

I don't want to dwell on this too long, we've all shed too many tears and have been knocked winded by the times so I'll keep it short: i'm job-hunting. PAtreon and youtube is great but it isn't very feasible at this time.

My previous work I thought I could push myself to fit in but it just wasn't working out. Let's just say after an evaluation from the office I've been told to take a mandatory 3 months off. So I'm bumrushing a lot of things like finding work or something to fill it in. i'm also meeting with mental health professionals.

I know it sounds a bit vague but i caused a lot of trouble for the office after breaking down a few too many times. it wasn't a bad workplace but the work might have driven me insane.

I appreciate you all being patient with me, but I don't know how well I can stick to a proper upload schedule. I want to at least offer this as a warning or a notice to anyone who needs to finance themselves properly.

I've run longer than most folks and I'm forever grateful. if I had to say what I'm feeling right now, it's tired and confused. I'm doing what I can to move forward but I'm kind of a mess finding a right or open direction. I've also been easily distracted and easily distressed recently and it's frustrating how shambled it feels. But I'm finding ways to overcome. Family's helping whatever way they can and some friends are coming out oft he woodwork to help me.

More and more it feels like I should start making motivational vids, for myself as well as you guys, just words of kindred pain to know we aren't alone. Heck that sounds more like a biography. Not sure how that would work after slobbering over digital men for the past few years but it might be a good arc .😅

Streams have been more for a schedule to keep me connected and moving forward. I've been drowning in my own thoughts more than I'd like to admit but getting pulled to game or stream ahs helped me remember that I have friends expecting me, waiting for me.

Thanks to everyone showing love and patience. I don't share a lot here but it felt only fair I keep you guys up to speed. I'm gonna do my best to at least post weekly an update.