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Chiaroscuro III (Patreon)

Published:
2016-03-07 07:38:23
Edited:
2024-06-06 04:12:29
Imported:
2026-10
Tags:

Content

Chiaroscuro III

NOTE (June 5, 2024): This content has been TEMPORARILY removed due to Google's unethical AI scraping. The content will be moving to cryptpad hosting, as soon as possible.

Welp right back into this! This is going to be a priority concentration from now on, but not the ONLY thing I'm doing like I did with Skiagraphia for the last few months. Probably every other month there will be a chapter, with other story updates in between.

This series is also going to be Patron-only from now on; no more of the rewrites are going to be posted publicly, including the ensuing books and their rewrites too. They'll be released publicly some other way, eventually, whether self-published or trying to go through an indie press I haven't decided yet, but that's why they'll be here only from now on. 

Files

Comments

Alex

A great read as always! (: I really enjoyed it. I love reading the rewrites and seeing the differences. Even though it's been a really long time since I read the original draft (I don't even remember when honestly), I really like seeing how much stronger Alan's voice is. Like it was really well written to start with and now these are all just amazing!! I like the first impressions of Maedajon in this chapter. I also laughed at describing his and Keyd's relationship as being complicated like a Facebook relationship, it genuinely made me laugh! But with Keyd's reaction to Alan being sort of dismissed, I wouldn't be totally surprised if Maedajon has a sort of sense of what's going on? Or at least can tell there's more than what Keyd's telling him. I also like the scenes with Chelsea and the casual mentions of Alan's siblings later in the scene with Ocirr. It makes him seem way more fleshed out and like he's more rooted in his own life on Earth. His background feels a lot stronger and I think it makes him more believable. I also think it makes his confused/lost feelings after being introduced to the idea of new worlds/aliens/magic come across stronger, too, if that makes sense? I love going back and reading stories after knowing how they pan out and seeing what you can spot early on (I'm a big rereader I reread everything). I like how we can already see things that become a part of Alan/Keyd's relationship this early, like Keyd always sneaking up on Alan, and Alan bringing up completely unsexy things after intimacy, even if they didn't have sex or anything in this chapter. But man, props, watching the "goodbye" between Alan and Keyd even though I know it's not a goodbye at all was sort of heart wrenching.

Teromain

I'm glad you enjoyed it! One of my main goals (other than just continuity and making things smoother and more well-integrated) was Alan's voice. Reading the old drafts makes me cringe because it's not how he's supposed to sound, but I really only got a solid idea of his voice by the end of the third book. His attitude and the things he says/thinks are pretty similar but the way he says it, just his vocab and speaking style even, is totally different in the drafts than it should be, or at least how I really want it to be. I'm glad it's coming across stronger now! And also that his background and relationship with his family seems stronger too, that was another big goal. Since they won't even be seen until Nocturne I definitely wanted them have a presence beforehand, not just to a reader but that they affect what Alan thinks about things and his attitudes. Maedajon got a little bit of a different introduction here than the draft, he was kind of written as more intimidating the first time around and even though there was some of that here, Alan is supposed to have a really different attitude towards Maedajon than Keyd does, which is that he's generally an okay guy. And Maedajon definitely picked something up, or at least he's already going…huh. He's not sure, and he knows Keyd generally does this kind of thing where he insists other people get the credit he thinks they deserve, but yeah Keyd wasn't subtle at all. But because of it Maedajon basically mentally marked Alan as someone to treat in a less diplomatic/reserved manner, and more friendly instead, because even if Keyd and Alan /were/ just friends he wants to show Keyd he's listening/paying attention to him and the things he cares about. He's trying very hard to make a connection with Keyd at this point in any way he can. This whoooole part has changed from the draft, because there was all the stuff about fixing Keyd's wing and Ahieel showing up again and Keyd's thing about Ociir which hasn't even been mentioned yet only hinted at, and a lot of it was a little high-school drama-y (which isn't necessarily unfitting because neither Keyd nor Alan are mature at all about relationships at this point, but I didn't like it overall) but I think them having sort of resigned/disappointed/sad drama is better than misunderstanding/angry/who do you LIKE MORE drama, haha. Also Keyd did leave without saying something fairly important, because Alan wouldn't let him say it, and that'll come up really quickly in the next chapter.

Kevin Wotipka

Just finished it. It was funny to see Keyd being so unsubtle. Esp. when he jerked his hand away from Alan—I was thinking "well that wasn't obvious at all". Almost like there's a part of Keyd that wants his father to know. (Dammit I wasn't finished; why does pressing ENTER cause this thing to post? Good thing there's edit) Anyway, I've freed up some time if you want to send it over.

Teromain

Yeah, Maedajon definitely didn't miss that. It was almost a kneejerk reaction for Keyd, he really didn't plan on being so horribly unsubtle but he's just so incredibly paranoid for understandable reasons. The enter thing is terrible, I always write replies in another document and copy them over to reply here so I don't accidentally send them before I'm done. -_- I'm trying out a new beta, so if you want to take a break for a little bit you totally can; at least for this chapter, I have no idea how it will work out in the long run. Though if you still want to look it over too I'll send the link!

Nicky Silber

yaaaaay Chiaroscuro's back!!!! Since I never read the original drafts, I wanted to read the story in sequence and thus didn't read Skiagraphia, so it's been, jeepers, since August since I've read Light and Shadow. I actually reread chapter 2 so I could remind myself of all the deets. I can't believe I have to wait a month or more for the next chapter!!! I got to the end and was like "no, no, no! You can't leave, Keyd! Not now that everything's going so well between the two of you!" Nothing seems quite as lonely as Alan going back to "normal" life after he's known such excitement and friendship and love. I csn't wait to read the commentary! And I hope to read chapter 4 at least next month, or no later than May!!! Love, -Nicky

Teromain

Wow that has been a long time then! Well it's back and it'll definitely be updating regularly! May would definitely be the next month a chapter would go up in. There'll be a little preview of the next chapter and the commentary as well before that, too. I really want to get the rewrites for this book finished this year or close to it hopefully, so it's a definite priority. :)

Potatoe

My thoughts, as I read:

Teromain

I think Patreon ate your comment

Potatoe

Or maybe I had no thoughts? Haha, no, I just pressed enter intending to make a new line, but that submits the comment unless you hold down shift. Full comment coming soon. I'm still reading.

Teromain

Yeah that enter=post thing is so terribly annoying! I didn't know about the shift thing though, that's nice

Potatoe

Okay, actually this time: My thoughts, as I read: 1. Alan stop thinking about how Keyd's dad is so handsome and has a cool sounding name. 2. I'm laughing over Keyd being defensive over Alan. I don't know if his dad realises Keyd's into Alan at this point, but I can't help but think he does because Keyd is being so obvious. And he's just like. Judging whether this Earth boy is quality boyfriend material for his son. 3. Does he ever actually take Chelsea to see a movie before fucking off to an alien world? 4. Alan: sends Ociir away so that they don't waste each other's time. Alan: stares at a wall. 5: "Fuck me," I said - that's a little forward, Alan. I wonder how this translates. I assume it doesn't come across as a literal request for sex. 6. Keyd's dad: So how did you repay your friend for his kindness? Keyd, who has arrived home looking slightly rumpled: Uhhh. 7. A major in "fucking art" would actually be helpful here, Alan.

Teromain

Hahaha omg 1. one of the comments in the notes version is about this. Or at least it's about me making fun of this :D 2. Maedajon sure realizes /something/. What, he's not quite sure yet. He's overall getting a very mixed impression of Alan between Alan's general lack of diplomacy but his generally decent answers; he's really not sure what to make of him yet. Other than that Keyd clearly cares about him in some way and that's meaningful. 3. Have to wait and see! 4. pffffffft. Alan just wanted some quality staring-at-a-wall alone time. 5. Hahaha. It translates as a generic "!!!" surprised exclamation, not even as swearing. Or as a request for sex. Unless he'd said it meaning that. 6. Keyd has to now go off and be upset for a while at screwing up with Alan, or what he perceives as screwing up anyway (he didn't manage to say something fairly important to Alan). He's not going to interact or see anybody for a little bit. And he'll neaten up before then :D 7. Hahah XD

Callia P

I'm so glad you're making Chiaroscuro a priority now because I don't think I could handle being left hanging for long after this emotionally charged chapter (never read the drafts). I'm just trying to figure out how they do manage to be together, since I read allll the spoilers without hesitation lol, but I'm coming up blank. I'm really kinda just proud of Alan for how considerate he has been lately; all throughout Tenebrism I was like 'wow he's really bro-y and kinda inconsiderate with the way he talks to and takes care of his alien guests', I never disliked that about him but I gotta facepalm sometimes when he doesn't consider his actions or words carefully enough haha. But now of course he has the benefit of knowing them and their situation better but he just seems to have matured a lot in these few weeks.

Teromain

It's definitely a priority now! I really wanted to get Skiagraphia done because it took way too long to finish that book in general so it was a hard drive to the finish, but the rewrites are definitely now a big goal to get finished at a decent pace. I'm really aiming to try and get Chiaroscuro done by the end of this year. Poor Alan's just kind of thoughtless sometimes; he's never purposefully mean but he can definitely be a huge unaware idiot about what he's doing or saying (or forgetting to do or say). But he has matured a little already even in this short amount of time, and whenever he does realize he's been doing something stupid he'll try and make up for it as best he can. He tries very hard :)