Michelle's Journal (6/10/26) (Patreon)

Dear Journal:

Tonight was my first session with Dr. Chen.  He’s nice.  He actually listens and seems to care—two things I can’t say about most men I’ve met.  Most just drool and stare at my tits. 

He encouraged me to keep this journal as a way to self-reflect.  Great.  The last thing I want to do right now is self-reflect.  Especially when every time I pass my reflection, I notice a fresh pound or pimple.  I want to forget the past few months, but how can I when the evidence keeps staring me in the face?

Of course, trying to forget is what got me into trouble in the first place.

Take prom, for example.  It should’ve been this magic moment.  Something to cherish forever.  But instead, I ate, drank, and smoked too much.  Now all I remember is being groped by Chip Larson—Chip Larson! —in the shower stall of the boys’ locker room.

Well, that and cringy snippets of my drunken confession to my sister. 

Ugh.  It makes me want to eat chocolate cake and wash it down with vodka.    

But that would just make my problems worse.  “When you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging,” Dr. Chen told me tonight.  I’ve heard that expression a million times before, but I never really thought about it.  Maybe because I’ve never been in a hole like this before?     

I definitely never needed therapy before.  Or maybe I did.  Maybe if I had gone to a therapist six months ago, I wouldn’t be in the mess I am now.  

Better late than never, I suppose.  

And, of all people, I have my little sister to thank.  Of course, I wanted to strangle her when I found out she’d outed me in therapy, but the old Jessie would’ve outed me to mom and dad.  She would’ve gotten me in trouble, not helped me.  She could’ve piled on, kicked me while I was down, but instead she showed me kindness.  Kindness I’m not sure I deserve.

Therapy has obviously helped her become a better person.  Maybe it will help me, too.    

--Michelle