Pledged in Blood - Chapter Thirty One (Patreon)

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Chapter Thirty One

Sky

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When it came time to sleep, the cavern’s small size proved useful. Though only a small measure of heat made it from the fire into the cave, it remained trapped within the enclosed space, helping to keep the chill’s edge off. Once the four of us squeezed in for the night, the small space prevented the warmth we brought with our bodies and our breaths from escaping too swiftly. 

There was scarcely enough space for the four of us to get comfortable, but I trusted the gryphons enough now that I did not mind sleeping alongside them. As the largest of our group, I settled in for the night first. Sparrow and Blue Jay then spread out their immense white blanket and tossed it across me. Laying still as gryphons pulled a blanket over me was a little odd. I preferred to think that I was a queen being attended by her subjects, rather than some fledging bird being tucked in by its parents. 

Blue Jay and Sparrow crawled in under the blanket, next. Normally I might not want gryphons pressed up against my scales, but warm feathers would certainly be appreciated in a cold night. One of them settled in on either side of me, and once they were comfortable, Nesh joined us with his bedroll. I wanted him to be the last one in under the blanket to make sure no one accidentally stepped on him. He spread his bedroll down near my forelegs, then snuggled down into it. 

Beneath the vast white blanket, the air was soon pleasantly warm. Normally having something over my face while I slept would irritate me, or leave me feeling smothered by the overly warm, humid air of so much captive breath. But given how cold it was outside, I knew it would never grow unpleasantly hot beneath the coverings, even with four us. 

I had no real trouble falling asleep, despite laying between two former enemies who once tried to claim my life. Perhaps the gryphons had earned more of my trust than I’d realized. Or maybe I was just that exhausted from our day long flight. Though my body was healed now from my various battles, I probably still needed as much rest as I could get. 

I woke only once through the night, when one of the gryphons got up to go relieve themselves. The movement of feathers against my scales, and the influx of cold air as they lifted the blanket stirred me. So long as I was awake, I decided to follow their example and do the same, lest my bladder wake me again before morning. I returned and found Blue Jay waiting for me. He held the edge of the blanket up for me to slip under, then followed me beneath it’s warm embrace. When I curled in against Sparrow, she made an irritable chirping noise, so I offered her nearest ear a few licks, gentle apology for waking her. Nesh, meanwhile, snored softly, completely nonplussed by our excursion. 

In the morning, I hunted breakfast for us while Nesh and the gryphons packed up their blankets and travel supplies. I happened upon a small herd of antelope feeding upon bits of sagebrush protruding through the snow between stretches of bluffs. I snatched one up and brought it back to share with the gryphons. Nesh sliced a few hunks of meat off to cook for himself. By the time we were finished with it, there was little left but gnawed bones and bits of especially unpleasant viscera.

We returned to the sky after feeding. Once again I took the lead, guiding us further southwest, towards the great lake that edged our territory. Much of the day was spent flying over rocky, boulder strewn hills, and thick forests of pine. Where their boughs poked through the snow, swaths of green-gray clashed with the white shroud coating the land. land was unfamiliar to me, and the coating of snow gave everything a hypnotic, disorienting sense of sameness. After a few hours of flight, snowy hills and icy pine forests all looked the same. Thankfully, I had a naturally good sense of direction. More importantly, the sun made an excellent guide. By tracking it’s progress against the azure expanse above us, I was able to maintain my general heading. 

As we flew, I considered the sky. According to old legends passed down by our long lost Singers of the Stars, the sky itself was in and of itself a sort of deity, not unlike the great elemental dragons. It saw everything, ever-watchful of the world so far below. And to those winged creatures brave enough to try and reach it, it provided shelter and comfort when our time was at an end.

I suppose every race, every religion, had their own name for such a place. We called it The Sky That Shelters, a place of solace and comfort, of endless, joyful flight, and of peace eternal. The sky ever watched dragons throughout their lives, and when they lives at last came to an end, then the sky itself opened to accept them onto its warm and loving embrace. 

Or so believed dragons more spiritual than I. 

I saw no warmth in the sky, only a cold, uncaring indifference. It gazed at us, detached and disinterested, and when we died, it did not open for us. It only watched us die. 

And yet, as I flew beneath the vast cerulean cloak that covered the world, I could not help but hope I was wrong. Melakar had believed in the Sky That Shelters, though he rarely ever spoke such belief aloud. In our youth, he often visited the last Singer of the Stars our tribe ever had. He cherished all the old rites and beliefs. In his adulthood, he taught our son those legends. And in his dying moments, he offered me the sky’s blessing, beseeched the sky that shelters and the wind that carries to keep me safe. Melakar had believed in those old tales so deeply, even as the last of his blood poured into the snow. I could only hope that he was right, because that meant that somewhere, Melakar still existed. That somewhere he flew on forever, peaceful and content, and sheltered within the endless sky. 

And perhaps…visiting me in my dreams. 

I don’t know why that thought popped into my head. But, suddenly, I was reminded of the dreams I’d had, with the waves sweeping across the land, and Melakar imploring me to save my own life while I still could. I knew they were only dreams, knew they were only my slumbering mind trying to answer questions my waking mind could not. And yet, some strange, hopeful part of me wished they were more. 

By the time we landed for lunch amidst a flattened, boulder-strewn floodplain, the idea had grown into a question. I tried to hold it bay as I hunted, and again as I ate with the gryphons, but the by time Nesh was boiling his tea and cooking his own portion of meat, the question was gnawing at my tongue, and it was all I could do to keep from blurting it out. 

“Nesh,” I finally said. I sat on my haunches across the small fire from him, shifting my weight nervously. “I have something foolish to ask.” 

Blue Jay opened his beak, but whatever asinine thing he was about to imply was cut off when I twisted my head around to shoot him a murderous glare, and snarl. Instead, he gulped and busied himself talking softly with Sparrow about the progress we were making on our travels so far. 

Nesh chuckled, quirking a tiny, furry eye ridge. “Yes, Ella?”

“Do humans…” I shifted again, curling my tail around my paws. “I mean, I know some do, but…your people. You’re…quite religious, are you not?” 

Nesh turned his meat skewers over, giving me a sidelong look. “I’m not sure I’d say, ‘quite’ religious.”

“And yet I’ve long since lost count of the number of times you’ve told me not to blaspheme.” I snorted, rumbling a little amusement. If only my laughter eased their irritating tension bubbling away in my belly. I was not even sure why I was so nervous about what I wished to ask him. I suppose I felt a great fool to even want to ask such a question. “I’d call that quite religious.” 

“Perhaps by your standards, yes.” Nesh checked the kettle, and then poured some tea into a drinking bowl for me. He poured a bit more for Sparrow, and finally for himself. “Why do you ask?”

I took a slow, steady breath, steeling myself. Even then it was difficult for me, and I knew not why. While I sought my voice, Nesh sipped his tea, patient. A few memories flickered through my mind, unbidden. Memories of Melakar comforting me in difficult times, or whispering encouragement to me, before some difficult decision, or when I feared I was not yet ready to be a mother. Then another, more recent memory. After I had killed the dragonslayers, and sat back to watch the sunrise, I had imagined Melakar watching it with me. Somehow, it had eased the emptiness just a little. 

Hoping it would help, I tried to do the same now. I imagined Melakar sitting next to me, putting a wing across my back, a paw over mine. In my mind, he leaned his head and neck against me, nuzzling at my scales, and speaking soft encouragement into my ear. Just ask him, Ella, he won’t think you a fool.

The thought made me smile. While Nesh might not think me a fool, I surely looked like one when I instinctively leaned my head into Melakar’s touch. A touch that wasn’t really there. At least I hadn’t put my weight against him. If I’d toppled over into the snow, I’d have had a lot of embarrassing explanations to make instead of one embarrassing question to ask. 

“Nesh, do you believe in…” I got most of the words out, but the last few caught in my throat. After all the teasing he’d endured from me about his beliefs, here I was asking him for a serious answer about them. “In an afterlife?” 

Nesh sipped his tea, then slowly set his cup down on the little stump he was using as a saucer. “Yes, Ella, I do.” He put a hand to his chest. “But, that’s just me, I certainly can’t speak for everyone. Did you mean me, specifically, or my country? My religion?” 

I grunted, turning my eyes away. I focused on the distant horizon, where snow met sky. “You, I suppose, or your people, or…or…all of it.” I licked my nose in a moment of uncertainty, flicking my tail tip towards Nesh. “Let’s…just say you, for now.” 

“I do, yes.” Nesh picked up his tea, and moved around to sit next to me, gently patting my scales. “I believe in it very much, actually. What do you want to know?” 

“I…” I faltered, then sighed, my head hanging. “I don’t know, Nesh. Anything, I suppose. Your afterlife, it’s…called heaven, right?” I’d heard the name from vassals, but rarely paid it any attention.

“Well…” Nesh scratched his chin. Hints of scruffy fur were starting to show. “That’s the common word for it, yes. I mean, there’s lots of different names, depending on religion. Though if you want to get specific, heaven is sort of a blanket translation of a number of places and concepts, and…” He sipped his tea, trailing off. “Sorry, I suppose the official name for the place my people believe in would be Aeturnium, but it’s sort of become known as the Golden Plain. Which, is possibly a mistranslation of Golden Plane, as in, a different aspect of existence, and…” Nesh quieted again, smiling up at me. “Isn’t this normally where you’d chide me to ‘cease my ramblings’ or whatever you may say?” 

“I think, Nesh…” Sparrow spoke up, her voice soft and reverent. “She just wants to hear a voice other than the one in her head, right now.” 

I flattened my ears back, looking away. I cursed Sparrow for her incisiveness, and thanked her for saying what I could not, just the same. 

“Oh…right.” Nesh gently patted the bowl with my tea in it. “Drink it before it gets cold, Ella.” 

“Yes, mother.” I gave him a smile, then lowered my head to lap at the tea. The slightly bittersweet, herbal flavor and the warmth it brought me made for a pleasant balm for my jumbled thoughts and uncertain soul. Halfway through, I lifted my head, fixing my eyes upon him. “I was thinking about the Sky That Shelters. About how Melakar believed in it.” 

“See?” Nesh smiled back at me, gently cupping my chin in his hand. “The tea always helps. Mother used to always give me tea, or something else warm, when I couldn’t quite clear my head. If she knew I had something to talk to her about that I couldn’t put words too, she’d give me tea, or warm milk, or something else.” He rubbed my nose, memories drifting behind his eyes. “Usually tea. So, Melakar believed in…?”

“The Sky That Shelters.” I tilted my head back to gaze up at the sky far above us. If I’d hoped to find it somehow looked warmer, and more sheltering, I was only setting myself up for disappointment. If anything, it looked colder and emptier than the last time I’d gazed at it. “It’s a sort of…afterlife, I suppose. For dragons.” I waved a paw at nothing in particular. “We have a lot of old adages, based on legends from our pasts. Our Singers…” 

Out of the corner of me eye, I saw the gryphons staring at me. When I realized how silent they’d gone, I glanced towards them. 

Sparrow tilted her head when she caught me looking. “I’m sorry, Singers? You dragons sing?” 

I hadn’t meant to involve them, but I supposed I may as well explain, now. “Singer of the Stars. It’s a title, of ceremonial importance.  They were high ranking members of the clan, who offered the queen or other rulers spiritual advice. Think of them like…” I waggled my half-unsheathed claws. “Shamans, priests, priestesses, you might say. When our clan was still vast, they were believed to hear the stars singing to them. The star-song brought guidance, and so the Singers carried it to our clan, sang it to our people. And in return, they sang back to the stars to tell them stories of our clan, for it was believed, even the stars grew lonely. So they sang to anyone who would listen, and rejoiced when someone sang back.” 

“That’s…” Nesh rubbed his head fur. “Oddly beautiful.” 

“It’s probably bollocks.” I snorted, shaking my head. “But it’s bollocks Melakar believed in. For all his knowledge, all the books he read, all the things he learned, he still believed in the old ways, and the old legends. He believed in what the Singers told us, and they spoke of a great Sky That Shelters, a truly endless place that opens to us when we die, and provides our…” I swallowed, rubbing the scutes of one foreleg with my other front paw. I wasn’t sure I believed in any of this, but sometimes, I wished I did. “Our consciousness, a place to persist. To be peaceful and sheltered, for all of time. An endless, warm sky where we drift in peaceful, perpetual flight with all the other long-lost dragons.” 

“That’s also a beautiful idea.” Nesh gently grasped one of my fingers and gave it a soft squeeze. “It’s…not that different from some of the other ideas of heaven out there, either.” 

“It’s a children’s story.” A hint of bitterness crept into my voice, like fire bile dribbling over my tongue before I could stop it. “Meant to comfort us when we die, when our loved ones die. I have…never believed it to be more than that. When I look at the sky, I don’t see shelter, I don’t see warmth, or concern. The sky, to me, is…” I tossed my head. “Uncaring.” 

“Gryphons believe it’s sad.” Blue Jay spoke for the first time since the discussion began. “The sky, I mean. Not…not literally, but, the legends say the sky is ever-sad. It watches everything we do, and when we ascend towards it, when we try to reach it, we are as its friends, its loved ones, it’s children. It watches us grow, it cradles us when we’re aloft, and inevitably, we die. Over and over, the sky watches us live, and grow, and die, and never can it do anything to help us. To comfort us.” Blue Jay slowly shook his head. “To save us. And so sometimes, the emotional overwhelms it, and it hides itself away behind clouds. The storms are its rage at its own helplessness, the rain, its tears of sorrow. So maybe it’s not uncaring, maybe it’s just…helpless.” 

I clenched my jaws, flattening back my frills. “I like that more than I should admit. As if we once had similar beliefs, and then mine twisted them to be…artificially optimistic.” 

“Or, the gryphons grew more pessimistic.” Nesh finished his tea and retrieved his skewers from the fire. He set them on a stone to cool. Little coils of steam rose from the meat, drifting away into the cold air. “Though, dark as it maybe, your people’s beliefs also have a…tragic sort of beauty to them.” 

I turned my eyes towards Blue Jay and Sparrow, looking them each over. “Do your people have…an afterlife belief?” 

“Most of us. Though the specifics vary from clan to clan.” Blue Jay stretched a wing to brush Sparrow. “Her people’s version is probably different from mine.”

Sparrow gave a little warble. “Ours is…more about peace and happiness, and sunshine and warm winds.” She jerked her beak at the male gryphon. “Theirs is more about eating and drinking and mating.” 

I rumbled laughter, thumping my tail against the snowy ground. “That does sound better than just…floating in the sky.”

“I think so, too.” Blue Jay mantled his black-barred wings in showy display. “I’m not totally sure what I believe in, myself. Most of my clan are focused more on…survival, enjoying our daily lives, that sort of thing. But we still had a spiritual side. In the olden days, some of our clans used to believe that our ancestors and loved ones would come to visit us, as spirits, to try and guide us, or help us with our struggles.” 

“Visit you?” That stirred something in my heart, something I was not sure I wanted to acknowledge. I sighed, lowering my head. “I like to imagine Melakar does that. I…I’ve imagined him, at my side, comforting me. Advising me. And sometimes I…I see him in my dreams.” 

“That’s normal, Ella.” Nesh patted my paw, then stroked my limb. “I still see my father in my dreams, sometimes. It’s…always bittersweet to wake from it. I’m happy to have seen him again, and…yet I know he’s still gone, that it was only a dream.” 

“Precisely,” I said, my voice scarcely more than a murmur. “He’s…always trying to help me. Trying to get me to flee, actually, before…some great wave sweeps the valley clean, and obliterates me. I know it’s only a dream, and I know it was just…” I waved my paw in a circle. “My mind, trying to decide if I should stay and die for the valley, or flee like a coward, but live. But I wish…I wish it was really him. I wish I believed he was still out there, somewhere, in the Sky That Shelters, or anywhere. But I know in my heart, he’s just…” I swallowed hard, setting my paw back down. “He’s just gone.” 

“You don’t truly know that, Ella.” Nesh stood up to put his hand over my chest. “You believe it, but you don’t know it. Just as I believe in the gods, and the afterlife, and the Mother of Light and Father of Darkness, and the Creator Child. We can believe these things with all our heart…but that doesn’t make them true.” He sighed, and dropped his arm back down. “The fact is, no one knows what’s true, nor can we know until…well, until we die.” Nesh lifted his face, smiling at me. “And when that day comes…let’s just hope that Melakar was right, and we’re right…” He waved at the gryphons. “And you’re wrong, and that there is some kind of afterlife. Because I for one, plan to go on existing even after I die.” 

I laughed harder than I should have at that, but it was laughter I so desperately needed. It lifted my spirits, just enough. I grasped Nesh in both forelegs and hugged him tight to my body. “Thank you, Nesh, I needed that.”

“You’re…welcome, but…please don’t squash me!” Nesh made a noise halfway between a cough and a laugh, patting my scales. 

“Sorry.” I let him go, then nudged him towards his food. “Now eat your lunch before it gets any colder.” 

The truth was, I hadn’t meant just the laughter. I meant the conversation, the sharing of beliefs…the possibility that maybe, just maybe Melakar did still exist. In some form or another, one way or another…maybe I’d get to see him again someday. I still didn’t really believe it, but it was a comforting ideal to cling to. And when I felt adrift on life’s dark, lonely waters, that was truly what I needed. Something to cling to. 

But…it wasn’t really an ideal I was clinging to anymore, was it? It wasn’t some impossible hope that kept me from sinking. Not anymore, anyway. Now, it was something far more real and tangible. What kept me from drowning in despair now, was friendship. 

It was Nesh. 

Smiling, I stared at the sky.