Pledged in Blood - Chapter Thirty Three (Patreon)

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Chapter Thirty Three

Confession

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I turned around, careful not to bowl Nesh over with my tail. I waved towards the doors, and the gryphons preceded me. Sparrow went through first and crossed the antechamber to the other door, which she pushed open. Blue Jay took another light stone, carrying it in his beak as he followed Sparrow. I trailed the gryphons while Nesh fetched his lantern. When he walked up behind me, I curled my tail around his middle, and smiled at him over my wings. He smiled back, and patted my tail, not attempting to wriggle free. Instead he walked with me as I trailed the two gryphons. 

The two gryphons were already looking around the other chamber when we arrived. It was larger, perhaps once serving as a sort of grand bedroom or extravagant guest quarters. At one end of the room was an immense hearth built into the wall. Carved stone blocks in different shapes and colors were stacked all around it, made to look like a stylized dragon lounging along the wall, with the fireplace as its open mouth, and the gratings, its teeth. I’d always liked that hearth when I came here with Melakar. Several times, we’d laid curled together before a warm fire, gazing into the flames together. 

Blue transferred his light stone to one of his paws, then hopped around in a slow circle, swishing his feathered tail. “It’s a shame there isn’t any human furniture left. It would have made good firewood.” 

I laughed, sweeping a wing across a wall where I imagined a great bed once lay. “What do you think happened to it all? Dragons who found this place long before we did probably already burned it.” I folded my wing back, playfully pulling Nesh further into the room. “Everything else is likely long since looted.” 

“There’s some debris in the other room that should work.” Nesh tapped my tail until I uncurled it and let him free. “And I imagine there’s plenty more in other rooms, or around the island, though you may have to dig some of it up from the snow.” 

“Shouldn’t be a problem.” 

The dance of light and shadow all around the room revealed that though this room did not have strange carvings, it had plenty more unexpected discoveries to offer. Where the first room was relatively barren, this one was messy. A pile of blankets and pillows occupied the corner of the room nearest the hearth. Rugs were spread around the pile of blankets. More soft things were strewn about, as if the comfortable-looking mound was gradually colonizing the rest of the stone floor. A human-style mattress with its own set of pillows and coverings lay nearby. 

Books were scattered everywhere. Some of them sat along in random places or forgotten in corners. Others were organized in tidy stacks near the all the bedding. A few scroll cases lay amidst all the tomes, along with bulging pouches. A single large, wooden chest with its top removed sat up against a wall. It held more books and leather-bound folders. Maps were affixed to the walls around the beds, with what looked more rolled up and tied with ribbons sitting on the floor nearby. 

“Now why does this look familiar?” Sparrow glanced back at me, her ears slayed and beak half open in gryphon smirk. 

“At least we know who was here,” Blue Jay said, setting his light stone near the hearth. “Or are you dragons all this messy and book-obsessed?” 

“No, not all.” I shook my head, gazing around. “He was definitely here.” 

Icy claws encircled my heart, threatening to rend it to frozen, agonized ribbons. My throat clenched and I forced myself to swallow a few times in vain attempt to ease its sudden burning. I had expected to find his scent, expected to find memories of our time together here. I had not expected to stumble into recent evidence of his life without me. Like so much else about the last few months and years of his life, what he was doing here was a mystery. The mattress indicated he brought humans here, and if that was all that remained, I’d have thought he was just here for a good time with his favorite vassals. But the books, the maps, they indicated something deeper. And together with the bed, they hinted that there may well have been a human he trusted more than me. 

I grit my teeth, hissing. No, I thought, that wasn’t it. It wasn’t an issue of trust. He hadn’t come to me because he knew I wouldn’t agree with him. He wouldn’t have come to me until everything was ready, until he had his ties forged with empires, and needed only a queen to ascend to the throne. In his mind, only that would have been enough to convince me to join him on his mad path to rebuilding our clan. 

When we were younger, he used to confide to me with all his plans, all his secrets, all his fears and burdens. I would comfort him, and help him to bear their weight. Melakar was a social creature by nature, and it helped him in his hardest times to have someone to confide in. But for the last decade, I had made myself unavailable to him. He dared not bring the truth to me, for fear that I would laugh him out of my cave, or worse, put myself in his way before he had ever finished assembling the building blocks of our would-be empire. 

And so, it seemed, he had confided in a human, instead. I sighed, wishing anew that I had not let my foolish pride and anger close me off to him. 

“Ella’s actually quite tidy.” Nesh set his lantern down next to the crate, his voice drawing me back out of my thoughts. “Her lair’s damn near spotless, at least compared to this.”

I snorted, thumping my tail. “You didn’t need to add that last part.” 

Nesh padded to the mattress, then crouched down to examine it. He put his hands on it, testing its softness. “This is fairly new.” 

“Melakar did like his vassals to be in comfort.” I walked over to join Nesh, reaching down to ease the blankets aside with a half-unsheathed claw. “He must have brought one here often if he brought them a bed.” 

Nesh moved aside to give me a little room. “Judging by all the books and things, I’d say he was coming here often, with or without vassals.” 

I lowered my head to the mattress, hoping for a familiar scent. If it was one of the vassals I once knew, that would give me greater insight on what he was doing here, or why he might have chosen to spill his secrets to them. The scent I found there was indeed familiar, more so even than I expected. The hints of floral bouquets and spices that clung to it could not disguise it’s familiarity. 

“It’s Ayrah.” I lifted my head, licking the nose. “More perfumes than she wore when she first found her way to Melakar, but I recognize her smell.” 

Something else about her scent struck me: it’s freshness. I’d expected older smells, barely clinging to the mattress years after she last laid there. But the scent I found there was far more recent than that. Curious, I turned towards the dragon-sized bedding pile nearby, and approached it. I sniffed around the floor as I approached, then investigated the pile the same way. Melakar’s scent was likewise far fresher there than anticipated. It was not as recent and strong as it had been in his lair, but he had been here only months ago. I glanced at the mattress, flattening my ears. With Ayrah, probably. 

“Ayrah?” Sparrow tilted her head, her crown feathers flared. “Is that not the woman we hope to meet with in Tivos?” 

“Yes!” Nesh snapped his fingers. “That’s where I recognized the name from. There’s a picture of her in one of Melakar’s journals. She was one of your vassals, right?” Nesh pivoted towards me. “Yours and Melakar’s, I mean.” He smirked, folding his arms. “I do believe you said she was the one who taught you the dirty words.” 

“That’s the one.” I laughed, pleasant memories drifting through my head. Many were the days we lounged under the sun, or upon soft blankets, questioning her for the human words for various parts of our anatomies. “She was a thief, back then, and fleeing persecution for her crimes. Melakar took her in, in exchange for her services as his vassal. That was back when Vevorek had started to live on his own, around the valley. He dwelled there a time to grow accustomed to hunting and providing for himself, and so on. After he left…” I trailed off to swallow at the sudden lump my sons memory left bulging in my throat. I cleared it with a sharp growl and cough. “After he left, and Melakar and I fell out, Ayrah stayed with him a while longer. They were very close friends. We already knew they’d stayed in touch, based on his journal, but perhaps they remained in closer and more frequent contact that we’d realized.” 

Blue Jay made a warbling trill, patting the human sized mattress. “Based on this, I’d say they were more than friends. Perhaps she was his Concubine, just as Nesh is yours.” 

Nesh shot Blue Jay a glare, but I only chuckled. “I think she’d have kicked him in the bollocks if he called her that.” 

Sparrow bumped Nesh with her wing. “Shame that won’t work for you.” 

Nesh pushed her feathers out of his way, then folded his arms again. “Were they…really that…ermm…sort of friends?” 

I shrugged my wings, and then gave Nesh a very sly smile, my muzzle parted, my ears flattened back and my frills partly lifted. “You say that as if she and I weren’t.”

Nesh’s expression reddened. In the odd mix of orange flicker and blue glow from lamp and lightstone, his blush looked almost purple. “You know, I find it harder and harder to tell when you’re teasing me, and when you’re serious about something like that.”

Sparrow stepped around the mattress, brushing against me in a flash of warm feathers. “With all the things Melakar kept around for his vassals, I’m starting to think he had a penchant for humans.”

“Nonsense,” I said, waving a paw as if to bat aside the notion. “He had a penchant for anyone interested in him.” 

Blue Jay warbled again, fluffing himself up. “A wise old lizard, then.”

Nesh muttered something behind us, likely thinking I wouldn’t catch it. “Wise and horny, from the sounds of it.” 

I curled my tail around Nesh’s belly, and his squeaked yelp was all the evidence I needed to tell me he hadn’t meant his comment to be overheard. “Your sarcasm is noted, Nesh, but if you find me a species out there who doesn’t enjoy mating, I’ll find you a liar.” I scrunched my muzzle. “Or, I suppose, an insect. They might not enjoy it, for all I know. Sapient species, then.” 

Nesh gave a sheepish laugh, patting my tail’s enclosing coils. “Sorry, Ella. I’ve just been thinking of him as…as this sort of, wizened old sage, like a draconic scholar. Maybe even looking to get an oversized pair of spectacles fitted! The idea that he might be taking human women out here for…for…pleasure outings has somewhat put a damper on that idea.” 

“Pleasure outings?” Blue Jay turned all the way around just to stare at Nesh, his tail flicking back and forth. “Who the hell says that?” 

“Someone’s grandmother, probably.” Sparrow paged through a nearby book, chirping laughter. 

“Well what would you rather have me say?” Nesh tried to wriggle free of my tail. “I didn’t want to say, harlotry, it sounds very disrespectful. And, I didn’t want to say-”

“Mating?” I refused to let him escape just yet. 

“The human word is sex,” Blue Jay said, clicking his beak.

Nesh scratched his head. “I thought that only implied the…erm…act itself, and I rather doubt he’d fit, so I assumed they were…well I didn’t want to describe it, and now I am! I should have just said he brought her here for…” Nesh threw his hands up. “For sexcapades!” 

I burst into laughter, relaxing my tail so he could escape. “Oh, Concubine, you’re just making it so much worse!” 

The gryphons laughed with me, glancing at each other as if they couldn’t believe the word Nesh chose. 

“Alright,” Nesh said, as he smoothed out his coat, trying to hold back a laugh of his own. “That isn’t quite the word I had in mind. In hindsight, I should just have said…” He sighed, running a hand down his face. “Anything else.” 

“If it makes you feel any better Nesh.” I turned towards him, cautious with my tail so as not to knock him over or smack the gryphons. “Aside from the spectacles, you’re mostly right. Melakar was a wise old scholar of a dragon. But why can a scholar not also enjoy the pleasures of life?” 

“Oh, he can, he can.” Nesh held his hands up as if defending himself. “I’m not judging him, mind you. Just…not what I’d imagined.” He nudged at the human mattress with his boot. “Also, now I’m wondering if I’d be better off not sleeping on this bed.” 

I reached out with a forepaw to ruffle up Nesh’s headfur. “For what it’s worth, dear Concubine, I don’t think they ventured out here for that sort of pleasure. Not with all the books and maps. More likely, Ayrah had his confidence, and he met with her here to discuss his…” I circled an unsheathed claw in the air. “His operations, his plans. Especially if he was using her as a contact, even if he was allowed to meet with her in Tivos, there might be things he didn’t want to discuss with her inside the city.” 

“Such as meeting with Shevar.” Sparrow kept her tone soft and her voice respectful, but it was clear she still suspected Melakar’s motives. 

I grunted, but nodded my agreement. Much as I wished I could prove to her he was not betraying her people, even I had to admit the possibility existed. “Such as that, yes.” 

“We are about halfway to Tivos, I think, so this would be a good, isolated meeting place for them.” Sparrow gazed around at the maps on the wall, lashing her tail against Blue Jay. “It’s possible they allowed him into Tivos, especially if he proved peaceful intent, and…well…paid them off. But they’d have watched him closely. Out here, he could speak his mind, and show whatever he had been working on, lately, or whatever his latest developments were.” 

“And when that was finished, he’d show her something else entirely!” Blue Jay cackled birdsong laughter, batting Sparrow right back with his own tail. 

Nesh heaved a mock sigh, turning on the gryphons. “You’re as bad as Ella.” 

“No, I think he’s worse.” I lowered my head to nudge Nesh with my muzzle. “Now, help me look around. Perhaps if we’re lucky, we’ll find some clues here that we haven’t already found in his lair. It was only a few months ago he was here, and…” I trailed off, my mirth replaced by sudden sorrow. It hit me then, that this was one of the last places Melakar ever saw. One of the last things he ever did with his life. Probably the last time he ever saw Ayrah. “And so…so…” I licked my muzzle and swallowed hard, fighting back a sudden flood of emotion. I could no longer find the right words, and blurted out what I could. “So just look for clues with me.” 

I turned away from the others, taking a deep breath to try and steady myself. I decided to try and bury myself in the task of glancing through books and documents as dispassionately as I could, seeking anything of relevancy that might help me determine just what Melakar was doing in his final days, and what led to his murder. Perhaps we’d even find something that may help me follow him in his grand flight and finish what he started. 

The four of us wandered around the room, searching its every corner and crevice. I would not have been the least bit surprised if Melakar left other important items littered throughout the old fortress, but kept our search focused where we were for now. It was clear he’d spent a lot of time in this chamber over the last few years, both alone and with visitors. He seemed to have made this place a home away from home, and had left behind more than enough to keep us occupied. 

“Nesh, if you would, I should like to task you with emptying this crate, and exploring its contents.” I gently lifted the crate, and set it before Nesh. The leather-bound books and folders within all looked of human make, and I did not want to risk damaging anything important. Melakar had taught himself to manipulate fragile tomes and brittle pages with exceptional care, but I had not. While dragon forepaws had fingers and thumbs just as human hands did, I lacked his great experience with books not of dragon origin. “He was always better at handling delicate things than I was.” 

“Oh?” Blue Jay padded up alongside me, brushing his feathered tail across mine. “And here I was, certain you had plenty of experience handling his delicate things.” 

Nesh heaved a sigh, trying to ignore the gryphon. 

“Oh, I did.” I chuckled, licking my muzzle over a few particularly enjoyable memories. “But even a male dragon’s most delicate parts are still far less fragile than old human books.” 

Blue Jay squawked, flaring up his feathers. “Lucky for you dragons, then.”

“And even so, he’d learned to be so dexterous with his paws, and use the soft pads of his fingers in such ways as too…” I shivered, trailing off, then nipped at Blue Jay’s ear. “Feel free to imagine the rest of that statement.” Then I tossed my head towards the wall with all the maps spread across it. “Now get to work, dirty old bird. See if you can find us any useful clues.” 

While Nesh explored the contents of the crate and Blue Jay studied the maps, I asked Sparrow to look through anything we found related to gryphons. Several of the books were written in the common gryphon language. After a quick skim through a few of them, Sparrow discovered that one was a book of old gryphon fables and heroic myths, another a history of various gryphon clans up until the modern age, and a third all about cultural norms and practices among their species. 

“Those are the first three,” Sparrow said, stacking them up near the human bed. “There’s at least as many more in our language, as well. This is probably where Melakar used to rest on his way out to visit the clans he built his irrik oro with.” She patted the pile of books. “Studying up on our people before meeting with them.”

“Or perhaps he just wanted to impress his human friend with how fluently he could read gryphon!” Nesh popped open a folder, pulling free a thick stack of documents. “As I’m sure he had books like that back home, too.” 

“I assure you, by the time he took Ayrah out here, she was already suitably impressed by dragons in general.” I pulled aside a few larger, dragon-sized books to inspect. “And by Melakar in particular.”

Blue Jay glanced back at us over his folded, black-barred wings. “By his dexterous paws and soft pads, right?” 

I snorted, tilting my head and lifting my red-edged frills. “Among other things.” 

“Like I said, including his ability to speak many languages fluently.” Nesh shifted through a few papers, skimming their contents. 

“Actually, Concubine…” I arched my neck to smile down at Nesh. “I suspect she found other uses of his tongue far more impressive.” 

“Ah-ahem!” Nesh coughed a few times, clearing his throat. “Should have seen that one coming by now.” 

“You certainly should have.” I waved a paw towards the folders. “What have you found there?” 

“Financial documents, from the looks of things.” He flipped through a few of them. “I’ll have to take time to really go through the details, but they look like copies of banking information. They’re dated from years back, and…I suspect that whenever this Ayrah person finally left Melakar’s…” Nesh trailed off, smirking. “Shall we say, his service? She left a very wealthy woman. Not sure why she’d leave these here with him, and this is just the first folder I’ve gone through. Some of these others…” He scowled, setting his hand on an unopened folder. “This one has military markings on it.”

“Perhaps you should dig out some of your writing supplies, make a few notes of what we’ve found so we can return to it later, if need be. Remember, we’re leaving in the morning, so unless it’s something immediately important to us, we can always come back later for a more detailed examination.” I opened a dragon book bound in black leather, and delicately paged through it. “This looks to be a history of several former dragon clans, including mine.” I gazed over the assembled books at Sparrow. “Perhaps Melakar and your people were having a sort of cultural exchange.” 

“It’s possible.” She shrugged her wings. “He may have been looking for a neutral location, not in dragon or gryphon lands, to meet with them.” 

“There’s definitely a few likely such locations marked here.” Blue Jay tapped a single digit against one of the maps, his claws sheathed. “This map is a modern look at the northern half of the continent, with all of your valley on it, along with Diandrios, Shevar, what remains of gryphon lands, and everything in between. All the other little nations, too. He’s made a few markings and notes, and from what I can tell, he’s just picked out safe areas for himself. Possibly hideouts, or meeting places for contacts.”

I stared at the map for a few moments, then gestured at another one Blue Jay had been looking at. It had a lot more markings in various colors of ink. “And that one?” 

“Similar map, but this one seems to involve military formations for various nations.” Blue Jay circled a finger pad around a few colorfully marked regions. “Border fortifications with anti-air divisions, Shevar sky-crawler patrols, and places with permanent troop deployments. Which…” Blue Jay set his paw down, grinding his beak. “Could be the sort of information a spy would be rewarded handsomely for.” He flattened his ears back. “Or might just be for his safety, learning which areas were safe to fly and which weren’t.” He softened his voice. “The frontier beyond your valley is on here, too. Might have realized it wasn’t entirely safe for him anymore.” 

My heart sank into my bowels. I swallowed, staring down at my paws. Had he seen his own death coming, and pushed on just the same? I tried to force strength into my voice. “Thank you. See what else you can find.” 

The four of us returned to our work. Nesh did as I suggested, retrieving a pen, ink, and a writing pad. He made notes of his own discoveries on one page, mine on another, and those of the gryphons on a few more. For now I decided to make do with a basic cataloguing of the broad details. We could always return and spend a few days more exhaustively investigating everything if we needed too. 

When Nesh finished going through the crate, he moved to another larger pile of books near where Melakar had made his bed. From their number and position, I suspected they were some of his most recently used tomes. I let Nesh start looking through them as I perused a few more dragon language books I already had. I had not made it through many more before Nesh called for my attention. 

“Ella?” Something in his voice had changed, some odd sort of trembling worry that set my nerves on edge, and left my wings tingling. “I…I think this one’s for you.” 

“What do you mean?” I pushed the book I’d been skimming through aside, and padded towards Nesh. 

“It has your colors, for one.” Nesh brushed his fingers over the black leather bindings of a wide, thin book. Red and silver markings ran around the edges of its cover, and down its spine. It looked brand new, compared to the others. “And it’s mostly empty. I think it was meant to be a journal, or something akin to it. There’s only a few pages with writing, and it’s all in the dragon language. But…” Nesh cracked it open, and ran his fingers across the top of the front page. “I recognized your name, at the beginning. It looks just like the carving you showed me in that cave.” Nesh swallowed, and slowly turned the book towards me. “I think it’s a letter for you.” 

“Oh…” 

Lumps of ice formed in my belly, the cold trickling out into my blood. That did not bode well. I took a deep breath, and gazed down at the top of the page. The writing was achingly familiar, every sigil in my name scribed with loving care and perfect precision. It was certainly not dictated. Melakar had written it himself. I knew, then, what that meant, and the beginning of the letter only confirmed it. 

Ellamyriss,

My Dearest, Sun in my Sky,

I am sorry. 

Let that be known, first and foremost. 

It was all I could do just to keep my legs from giving out then and there. I already knew what this was going to be. On shaking paws, I slunk to the pile of blankets and pillows that occupied the corner of the room. I flopped down onto Melakar’s former bed, and took a few breaths to try and steady myself. Nesh followed my, kneeling down at my side. He set a hand upon my foreleg, gently stroking it. 

“Is…” His hand stilled, but only for a moment. When he spoke again, he continued his comforting caress. “Is that the sort of letter I think it is?” 

I swallowed a few times, my tongue suddenly glued to my teeth. It took effort just to force a single word. “Yes.” 

Nesh nodded, patting the back of my forepaw. “I should let you read it, then.” He twisted around to gaze back at the gryphons. “We should give her a little space.” Then he glanced back at me again. “Unless you’d rather we stayed?” 

I shook my head, then curled my neck to nose at Nesh’s chest. “No, I’d…rather be alone to read it. But thank you. Can you bring it here?” 

“Certainly.” Nesh rubbed my nose, then rose up to his feet. He fetched the book and brought it over to me, setting it down before me. Then he wrapped his arms around my head, behind my horns and over my frills. He hugged my head to his body. “I’ll be nearby if you need me.” 

I returned his head with a single foreleg, then pulled my head back. “Thank you, Nesh.” 

Blue Jay and Sparrow both approached me, their heads low and tails lower. Both of them brushed my folded wings with theirs. The caress of feathers against wing membranes was slightly ticklish, but the inherent message of comfort and support was greatly appreciated. Each also nuzzled my neck before they turned away to follow Nesh out. 

Blue Jay glanced back my way. “Let us know if you need anything.” 

Sparrow did the same. “Yes, please do. Till then, we’ll give you some space.” 

She stretched her wing across Blue Jay’s back, and ushered him out of the room. Once they were outside, the eased the door most of the way shut, leaving it open just enough for Nesh to make it through, should I call for him. Their murmured voices and footfalls soon faded away, leaving me alone with Melakar’s letter. 

I stared at it for a long time without reading a single word. Now and then I glanced around the room instead, seeking any kind of distraction. Knowing what was going to be in this letter made it all the harder to bring myself to read it. But I knew I had to. I owed it to myself, I owed it to Melakar, to read whatever words he had scribed for me, regardless of how painful they may be. 

“Wish I had some alcohol.” 

I licked my nose. I should have brought some Kralgoor, or something even more potent from Melakar’s collection. But the closest thing we had was a bit of Nesh’s medicinal spirits, for cleansing wounds. I was not about to drink that. Or was I? It might ease the burden a little, if it didn’t burn a hole in my stomach. I glanced towards the door, half debating calling Nesh back in just to ask him for some. 

I sighed, and turned the book back towards me. “May as well get this over with.” 

I took a deep breath, and forced myself to read the words Melakar had penned for me. 

Ellamyriss,

My Dearest, Sun in my Sky, 

I am sorry. 

Let that be known, first and foremost. 

I am ever so sorry for the part I played, in our coming undone. Sorry for every furious word, every biting remark, every little thing I did that pushed you away. Sorry that I lacked the courage to return to you, years later, with head bowed, only to ask if I could make things right. I know you well enough, dearest Ellamyriss, to know you may reach a place where upon you blame yourself solely for our dissolution. But the blame is not all yours to bear. It took both of us to build our life together, and together, we tore it apart. 

So for my part, I am sorry. 

“I’m sorry too,” I said, my voice a breathy murmur. I took a slow breath, and read on. 

If, as I suspect, you’ve also apologized, then consider your apology accepted. 

I snorted, making the pages flutter. “You always thought you knew me so well.” I sighed, flattening back my frills. “You were usually right.”

Know also that I forgive you. Not just for the end of our life together, but for every transgression you ever made against me. I always forgave you, Ellamyriss, even if sometimes it took longer than others, when the pain and the anger lingered as a deeper, festering sort of wound. In the end they always healed, and I always forgave you. So whatever grudges you think I may bear against you, whatever wrongs you think you committed, whatever regretful memories about me keep you awake at night, please, release them. I am ever so sorry for every wrong I ever committed against you, and I forgive you every wrong in turn. 

With that out of the way, I shall get straight to the heart of the matter. 

“Of course, I forgive you.” I sniffled, curling my tail around my paws, and managed a little smile. “But you could never get straight to anything, you babbling old lizard.” 

If you are reading this, then it can mean only one thing. Well, two things, I suppose. I might have finally dredged the courage up from the murky sediments of my heart to present this to you in person. Perhaps I’m even sitting in the corner, my head curled under a wing, pretending to read a book so I don’t have to look at you while I read it. We can only hope. But more likely, by the time you read these words, I will have long since returned to the Sky That Shelters. I will…actually, no, there’s a third possibility as well. Perhaps I have simply misplaced this letter, as I misplaced so many other things in my life. If you’ve discovered it on your own, but I am not dead, please return to me so that I may sheepishly explain myself in person. 

Rumbling laughter spilled from me, a blessed respite from the increasingly heavy weight settling within my chest. “Told you, Melakar. You never in your life got to the point, so why start now?”

Let us assume then, that I am dead. 

What a strange thing to write. What a frightening concept to imagine. But imagine it have, and all too often, lately. Should the worst happen, should my fears come to pass, then I know you will not rest until you have avenged me, no matter what I may say to try and dissuade you. So I will say only this.

Revenge will not save our valley. 

Bloodshed will not save our valley. 

But I know your heart, dearest Ella, and I know that despite the way we grew apart, your blood will burn to avenge me, even unto your own demise. So I ask this of you. If blood for blood is your only choice, then do not seek it blindly. Be not deceived. If I am slain, then my slayers may not be who you think. For among those you may think my murderers, there will be allies to you, and there will be traitors. 

Seek the traitors, Ella, for if I am murdered, it is at their hand.

I slowly lifted my head, sucking in a breath. It was all I could do not to shout out to the gryphons, to Nesh, to call them back in and point to the page. To yell and scream at them that I was right, that was traitors amongst their people who had him shot down. Here was the proof of it! And yet, despite my own iron-clan belief, what was proof to me would only seem like ramblings to anyone else. There were no names, no evidence. Had I discovered this letter before all of the evidence of his work back in his lair, I’d have no idea at all what he was talking about. 

It dismayed to think that in a way, I still didn’t. I pressed on.

I suspect I should explain myself, and to do so, I must start at the beginning. Or, at the least, shortly after Vevorek left the valley for good, and we had our final parting. And yes, I know, that’s putting it very gently, but we both know there’s no need now to rehash the things we said, or roared at one another. Without you, without our son, I felt adrift. Increasing, I turned to Ayrah for solace and companionship. You remember Ayrah, surely? A thief female, a thief on the run from justice. I took her in and made her my vassal. With you gone, she became my chief sounding board, my greatest friend. You remember, I used to take her flying,, took her to visit the little villages around the valley, taught her to speak our language, and others, and so on. You were there for much of that. 

What you likely did not know, is that even before Vevorek left the valley, I sometimes also took her on my guardian duties. She rode upon my back as I flew patrols, armed herself with human weaponry, helped me chase off bandits, or any other little threat we may see, taught me what to keep watch for as far as the humans might hide their cannons and other weapons pointed at the skies, and so on. 

In time Ayrah invited me to see her world. I did not tell you, at the time, because I knew you’d only chastise me for taking such foolish risks. That you wouldn’t believe me if I tried to tell you that Ayrah chose only villages and cities she knew would be safe for dragons to visit. 

I was certainly cautious at first, alighting well outside their walls, laying on my belly upon their roads. I think they were quite startled at first when I began to converse with them in their own tongue. Offerings of coins and jewels helped to smooth over their early fears, and having a human there, by my side, talking to me as a friend, helped put them further at ease. 

Such wondrous things I saw. Machines that streak across the ground on rails of iron, belching smoke. Great halls built of stone, and steel. Roads that stretch further than I could ever fly. Great, bloated ships that drift across the sky. Odd pumps, that look as if they’re mating with the earth, yet draw blackened sludge from it, sludge that carries great value. And the foods, oh, Ella, the foods. Meats covered in spices, cooked over flame. Fruits that make your muzzle pucker. Cakes so sweet they almost hurt. And custard. Oh, Ella, Custard! You’ve never had anything like it, I assure you. 

There were so many things I wanted to tell you about, but I knew you did not wish to hear of them. And then, one day, some time before our great falling out, all my wonder turned to horror. 

That was the day I first saw their army. 

If I’m gone, then I suspect you’ve seen it too. It is a terrible thing, like a force of nature inflicted upon the land, a mass of humans and their allies so great as to be uncountable, a force unfathomable to our ancestors. It hit me then, that all the wonderful things I had seen, meant something far more insidious. Even in our lifetimes, Ellamyriss, we have seen their weapons grow by leaps and bounds. Our ancestors feared poisoned arrows, our parents feared ballistas, and we feared cannons. 

But until I saw their army, gathered and ready for war, I did not truly understand it. 

We have been left behind, Ella. 

It is not a matter of if, or when, but a certainty that has long since come to pass. 

We are a relic, too busy gazing only at our own valley to realize that the world we once dominated has long since brushed us aside. Our son, and if the gods allow it, his own children, they will not fear arrows, or ballista. They will fear weaponized machinery, upon the earth and in the sky. If they stand against it, alone, they will be crushed. 

You called me a coward, once, for wanting to leave our valley as so many others had done. But you had not seen the things I have seen. I could not explain them to you, because you would not have believed the truth of it. You’d have thought I was exaggerating, or tried to convince me it was our duty to face any threat. Please understand that I did not want to abandon our home out of cowardice. I only wanted to save our valley. It had become all too clear to me that to stay here, to fight for this place, was to die. 

I could not be party to that, but nor could I talk you out of it. So I began to look for a different way to save our valley. I believed, all my life, that violence should be a last resort, a means only to protect yourself and those you love in the absence of any alternatives. To that extent, I also knew that sometimes, in the end, violence was not enough. 

Violence, war, they would not save our valley. The humans were coming, and there was nothing you and I could do to stop them. We could fight, and slay them by the hundreds, and it would make no difference. In the end, we would fall from the skies, bleed out into the earth, and the valley would be lost. 

For nothing.

I agonized over this reality for a very long time. I tried to get you and Vevorek to leave with me, but you refused. Your duty to our people, to our valley, it had hold over your heart and soul like no other. And when Vevorek chose to leave without us, you blamed me for it, and I blamed you for the fact we weren’t going with him. 

And that, for us, was that. 

Since that day, I have been working to save our valley, the only way I know how. 

With peace.

It sounds so foolish to put it to so simple a word, so quickly after describing the inevitability of their victory, the unfathomable force of their army. But I believe in my heart, Ella, that peace can save us, can save our valley. Can save our people. 

It has already saved the gryphons, if not their society, their culture. They will likely argue the truth of it with you, but history tells me of a time when one of their greatest clans faced annihilation. And rather than fight until their death of their species, the largest of their clans chose alliance. It is a choice borne out throughout history, throughout civilizations. Small nations band together to fend off larger nations. Large nations forge truces to avoid destroying one another. Even the greatest of our clan’s Queens once forged alliances with our rivals, to prevent war. 

And that is what I propose, Ella. Alliance, with the humans. As their allies, as their equals. But to forge an alliance, we must have an empire. And alas, two dragons does not an empire make. One dragon, two dragons, that is not enough. At best, a human kingdom may call allied two dragons friends. At worst, they will call them their pets. 

Such was not always the case. Time was, a single dragon would make a great and powerful ally to a human kingdom. They could keep a castle safe, or lay fiery waste to an invading army. But now, humans have cannons to protect their castles, and flying ships to rain fire upon their foes. And no longer do their populations number in the thousands, but in the millions. 

The time when a kingdom might writ a great alliance with but a single dragon is now long past. If we alone were to offer them an alliance, we will be ignored. If we stand between them, and what they intend to take from our valley, we will be brushed aside. If we fly against them, with fire and fang, we will be blasted from the skies and ground beneath their boots their boots and their machines. 

You have to understand, dearest Ellamyriss. 

We.

Are not. 

Enough.

Not on our own, not without an entire empire behind us. And that, Ella, is exactly what I intend to build. An empire of dragons, of gryphons, of any and all who would call us friend. And with that empire, I intend to sow a great alliance with the human nations who already crowd our shores, flood our valley with their armies and their machinery. 

I will save our clan the only way I know how. 

Through peace. 

And when the time is right, when I have built enough bridges between our peoples and others for this dream to find its way into tenuous reality, then I will come to you at last, Ella, to bestow upon you the Queen’s Mantle. Or so was my grand dream. But if you’re reading this, then it means my efforts have likely been my undoing, as I have lately come to fear. 

Sometimes I fear I’ve flown too far, that the Winds That Carry have snatched me up, and hurled me towards something inescapable. I’ve been doing this a decade or so, now, and met with kingdoms ever at each other’s throats. The further I pursue this, the more danger I put myself in. I accept that. If my death would save our clan, our people, then I will gladly breathe my last.

In truth, sometimes I feel that Sky That Shelters is already calling me home. At night, I dream of the stars, I hear them singing to me. When I close my eyes, I see them, bright and shining, and I hear their song, and the light grows and grows until it envelops me. When I wake again, I can feel some creeping thing, like fate, slinking through the shadows towards me. But I will not turn away. I will not abandon our home, our people. 

I will build our empire, or die in the attempt.

I go in a few months to meet with their armies again, in hopes of feeling securing a meeting with their empress. I must admit feeling more uneasy than usual. It has become clear to me that not all along them wish to see their leadership make an alliance with dragons. I fear they may betray me, or worse, to use me as a scapegoat an some misguided attempt to seize power. If I do not return, and you cannot turn yourself from the red tide of revenge, then seek the traitors among them. 

And then promise me that you will take up my cause. Promise me that you will bear the Queen’s Mantle, and all the terrible burdens of rulership. That you will do all in your power not only to see a great empire for dragons, rise from the ashes of our clan…but to see that empire forged in an alliance that will secure our place in history for generations to come. 

To build a home where our son can return from the north, and raise a family of his own. 

I, in turn, will offer you a promise, and a confusion. Firstly, the promise. Should the worst happen, I swear to you that I will fight to the last breath for our valley. And when I am overwhelmed, I shall resist the sky’s eternal call as long as I can. I shall struggle, to my very last drop of blood, just to make my way home. 

To make my way to you, Dearest Ellamyriss. 

Which brings me at last to my confession. I still love you. I have always loved you. I know not if you still feel the same, but in this moment of uncertainty, I want you to know. That even in our darkest, angriest times, I never stopped loving you. If I am to die, then my last act in life will be to do whatever it takes, to see you one last time.

Ella, you were always the sun in my sky. I shall love you evermore, in this world and the next, until the stars themselves fade and die.

Your old bastard,

Melakar 

In stunned silence, I stared down at Melakar’s words, unable to breathe. I put a trembling paw on the book, hot tears running down my muzzle. My throat clenched, and my aching lungs refused to work. He…he didn’t know…if I…still loved him? 

And yet, he had expended himself, just to see me…

Just to die in my arms. 

Without ever hearing the truth fall from my tongue. 

That I still loved him, too. 

“No!” I cried out, my voice little more than a ragged croak. 

I wanted to scream, to roar, to shake the heavens themselves with my voice, and tell him of course I still loved him! But it was far, far too late, and now I could tell him in my dreams.

“No…” This time my voice came as a broken whisper. 

Tears spilled onto the pages of the book, and I snatched it away, fearful my coming sobs would ruin the ink. I meant only to move the journal aside, but the emotions surging through me took hold. With a snarling roar, I hurled the book across the room. It smacked against the wall, and bounced to the floor in a crumpled heap. Then I too, crumpled, curling up on what was once Melakar’s bed. I stretched my wings across my face, and in their comforting warmth, let the sobs take hold. 

Nesh was there moments later. He came unbidden, in silence, and more welcome than he’ll know. He slipped beneath my wings and took my head into his arms. Without a word, he cradled my head against his chest, and held me while I cried.