Revaramek the Resplendent - Chapter One Hundred Thirty (Patreon)

“Etchka! Etchka!” A voice cut through the darkness like a knife, swift and sharp. “Etchka, can you hear me?” The sound pierced the darkened veil, and light flooded through. “Etchka, wake up! Wake up!”

Someone slapped the urd’thin’s muzzle, and the little jolt of pain helped rouse him. He lifted a gray-furred hand to blot out the sun as he blinked awake. “Mmrrrhhhrn.”

“Etchka!” Whoever was speaking took his hand, and squeezed it. The touch was warm, and comforting. He savored it a moment, relishing the gentle balm it brought to the aching of his head. And then cold water poured across his face in an icy cascade. “ETCHKA!”

“ACK!” The urd’thin sat up on the sand, his ears flattened and eyes wide. “COLD!”

A female urd’thin sat alongside him, ears splayed and brow furrowed beneath her horns. “Are you alright, Etchka?”

Etchka. That was his name.

And her name was…

“I think so, Rain.” Etchka grimaced as his head throbbed harder. He wiped water from his fur with the back of a hand. “Should I not be?”

“I don’t know! You had me worried.” Rain helped him wring some of the water out of his fur. “Most of the tribe felt strange, today, after everyone was awake. And no one could find you anywhere. You’re lucky I stumbled across you, out here on the far side of the oasis. But then I couldn’t get you to wake at all.”

“Sorry…” Etchka rubbed his eyes. “Guess I musta been tired.”

“I think this is more than tired, Etchka.” She folded her arms, muzzle twisting up. “I was afraid you’d gone off to take a bath in the middle of the night, only to be bitten by something venomous. But I couldn’t find any bite marks, and you’re not feverish. So now I don’t know if you were delirious, or drunk.” She bared a few fangs at him. “I know the discovery of a new oasis is worth celebrating, but you shouldn’t drink so much kurat you go wandering into the desert, naked.”

“Naked?” Etchka lifted his head, and glanced down at himself. The urd’thin yelped, and heat flooded his ears when he saw everything exposed. He rolled away, covering himself with his hands. “S-sorry about that.” A strange thought rolled through his head, and before he could stop himself, he murmured it aloud. “I always forget my clothes…”

“Yes, I’ll…wait, what?” The female swatted him across the back of his head. “Never mind. It’s a bit late to go covering everything up now. I’ve been trying to wake you for the last fifteen minutes, so it’s not as though I haven’t seen it. I’m glad the water did the trick, though.” She poked him in the back with a dull claw tip. “How do you feel?”

“Confused.” Etchka sat up, rubbing his head under his horns. “Like…there’s too many people in my head.” A swirl of chaotic memories twisted through his mind. “Do we have a…” Pup. “Barriers.”

“Do we have ‘a barriers’?” Rain folded her arms, glaring at him. “Maybe you are delirious.”

“No…” Etchka waved her off, then rubbed his eyes. “That’s not…I was going to ask if we had a pup. But…something’s not right.”

Rain made a noise that was half bark, half squeak. “Of coursewe don’t have a pup! We haven’t even…well, you know!”

“No…No, of course, not yet…”

“What do mean not yet?” A dangerous growl crept up her throat. “You keep that up, and you won’t be able to have any pups when I’m done with you!”

Etchka growled bitter laughter. “That might have made things easier.”

Rain rocked back a little bit, narrowing her eyes. “Are you still drunk?”

Ignoring her for a moment, Etchka pushed himself up to his feet. His legs wobbled. He shaded his eyes, and turned in a slow circle, surveying the oasis, and the desert beyond it. There was no village, just basic hide and framework structures set up against trees to provide shade and shelter while the shapers built their new home.

“This is where it starts, isn’t it?” Etchka turned again, his tail bopping Rain in the muzzle.

“Hey!” Rain slapped his tail away, and stood up, shoving him. “Watch it! And what are you babbling about?”

“This is…” Etchka lowered his hands, turning back towards her. “This is where our story begins, Rain.”

“You are still drunk.” Rain sighed and shook her head. “Maybe a bath will sober you up. And I can find you some extra clothes.”

“That’s how it always goes…” Etchka turned and stared at the water. It shone blue-green, glimmering with sunlight. “No matter what I say, or do here, it always ends with me in the water, and you fetching me clothes.”

“Oh, does it?” Rain snapped her teeth at him. “If you prefer, I can kick you in the testicles, and leave you writhing in the sand, then let you fetch your own damn clothes. It’s an increasingly tempting offer.”

Etchka backed out of range, grinning at her. “I’d rather not take the chance, if it’s all the same to you. But…” He licked his muzzle, tilting his head back to stare at the vast blue sky. “It’s as if all the little choices and moments don’t matter. They all lead to the same outcome.” He rubbed an ear. “But the big decisions change everything,even if we don’t know we’re making them. Sometimes all we want to do is help, but we don’t even realize we’re weighing life and death, freedom and imprisonment. Or…or if the pup will be angel, or demon…”

Rain took a single, slow step towards him. “What are you talking about, Etchka?”

“I forgot to put the barriers up.” Etchka tapped his forehead. “Or maybe I just…didn’t know I had to do so. I still remember. From last time, from before…”

“Etchka…”

“You…you sense it, don’t you?” Etchka crouched down and scooped loose sand. He stood back up and let it flow through his fingers. “That we’ve done this before? That you’ve found me here, before. Naked, in the sand.”

Rain’s eyes widened, and her ears slowly flattened. “How did you know that? When I saw you, unconscious, by the water? I swore I’d seen you that way before.” She whimpered, and clutched at the base of her horns. “Something feels wrong, in my head. Like it’s too full of someone else’s memories. I think…we were out the desert? Sitting on a dune, and watching some kind of storm.” She took a shaky breath. “There was lightening, and…” Rain gasped, ears shooting up. “The sky!” She looked up, turning in place as if searching for signs of damage. “It was falling!”

“You aren’t supposed to remember.” Etchka splayed his ears. “It must have been because you were with me, when it all ended. I think I’ve started things over before, but…” He lifted his hands, staring at them. Grains of golden sand clung to his gray fur. “I think that’s the first time you were ever with me, for it.”

“We never made it that far, before.” Rain lowered her gaze, and took a step towards him. “That was…what you said, right?”

“Something like that.” Etchka shaded his eyes again, peering across the desert. “It’s all coming back to you, too, isn’t it?”

Rain nodded, solemn. She gently took Etchka’s hand. “We…we had a pup.” Rain traced a finger along the lines of Etchka’s sinews, ruffling the fine fur. “But he…he didn’t…” Her voice trembled. “He was…”

“I know.” Etchka pulled Rain against him, hugging her. His throat tightened. “You don’t have to say it.” Etchka stroked her neck as she sniffled against his chest. “I thought I could save him, but…”

Rain shook her head, fighting back tears. “You undid the whole world, just to save your son.”

“That wasn’t what I wanted.” Etchka stared out across the rolling sands. Everything looked so empty. “I didn’t want to end things. I just wanted to change it.” He ran his hand across Rain’s ears. “But maybe even I can’t change what’s already happened. I think once it exists, it will always exist. I can create, and I can destroy, but I don’t think I can simply…” He scrunched his muzzle. “Erase, and change. I cannot simply erase our son’s death, and replace it with his life. Not without…”

Rain glanced up at the sky again, fighting tears. “Destroying everything that happened after that moment.”

Etchka swallowed. “So it would seem.”

“So after we…” Rain shuddered, her fur bristling. “Died, you-”

“We didn’t die, Rain.” Etchka rubbed her shoulder, smoothing down her fur.

“Says the immortal deity.” A playful smile broke through Rain’s worry.

Etchka managed a bittersweet laugh. “We don’t know that I’m immortal.”

“If you say so.” Rain rested her muzzle on his shoulder, her voice softening. “Whatever happened, you must have put the world back together, and started it again right here.”

Etchka managed a bittersweet laugh. “For me, Rain, it always starts here.” He licked his nose, his brows furrowed beneath his horns. “To my unconscious mind, this is where my mortal life begins.”

“How…” Rain lifted her muzzle from his chest, staring up at him. “How many times have you done this?”

Etchka’s ears drooped. “I don’t know. But I don’t think that was our first life, together. Maybe this is just…” He kissed her nose. “The first time I let you remember. Or…maybe it’s just the first time I let myself remember.”

Rain gave a plaintive whimper. “But…why would you keep doing this to yourself?”

“For our family, I think.” Something cold and sharp shifted, deep in Etchka’s belly. “I don’t think we’re meant to have a child. I think I always lose-”

“Stop.” Rain put her hand over Etchka’s muzzle. “I shouldn’t have asked. We’re…” Her fingers trembled against him. “We’re not meant to know any of this, are we?”

“I don’t think so.” Etchka lifted his snout from Rain’s hand, then nuzzled at her ears. He savored her perfumed scent. She smelled of reed flowers, and hand-fruit peels, fragrances she made herself and rubbed into her fur after she bathed. “But I likeremembering you. Maybe that’s why I let us remember. Because I don’t want to start all over, and lose our time together.”

“Me either.” Rain shook her head, trailing her fingers through his fur. “But if we know how our story always ends, then it will never work, because…”

Etchka took a deep breath when Rain trailed off. “We’d never try to have a family together, if we already knew we were doomed.”

“But that’s why we did this, right?” Rain sniffed, and brushed Etchka’s fur back across his face. “To give our son a chance at life? So maybe we use those memories to do things differently. Now, maybe when the moment comes, you can use your powers to…” She faltered, her ears drooping. Rain looked away. “To do whatever you must, to save our son.”

Pain twisted inside Etchka’s heart. Last time, Rain almost died birthing their child. Only his intervention had saved her life. And by then, it was too late to save their son. Etchka hung his head, sighing. “I wish you wouldn’t talk as if we have to choose-”

“What if you do?” Rain sharpened her voice, grasping his hands. “What if that’s what this is all about? What if some grand law of nature even you can’t comprehend says that gods aren’t meant to have families? What if fate says you have to choose one of us to save?”

Etchka bristled, snarling, deep and feral. “If we’re right about me, Rain, then I’m a god.I refuse to obey any so-called law, natural or otherwise, that denies me my family.”

A knowing smile spread across Rain’s muzzle. “And as a god, in your grief, you would tear the world apart and build it anew, over and over.”

All the fire left Etchka in a rush. His shoulders slumped, and his tail hung limp. “Is…that what I’ve been doing?”

“I don’t know, Etchka.” Rain cradled his head in her hands. “But I do know that I just watched the world end with you, and yet? Here we are, alive and breathing. I’ve scarcely come to terms with what you might be, let alone what that means for us. Or…” She swallowed. “What that might mean I am. But if this grand story is all happening again?” Rain put a hand against Etchka’s chest, over his head. “It’s happening because you couldn’t let go of our son. And, truth be told…” She sniffled again, tears shimmering in her eyes. “Neither could I. I lost myself in caring for you, while you were suffering. But I assure you, my love, your grief was but a mirror for my own.” Rain curled her fingers around his ears, gently caressing them. “We chose this path, together. And so shall we walk it together.” She took a shaky breath. “But I need you to promise me, something.”

Etchka’s voice trembled. “I can’t, Rain. I know what you’re going to ask, and-”

Rain quieted him with a gentle kiss, then spoke with her muzzle still brushing his. “Etchka, how many lives have I lived with you, while our son has yet to live at all? Before everything ended, I asked you to let our star shine. And I ask you the same, now.”

“But, Rain-”

“If there is ever a choice to be made, Etchka?” Rain stared into his eyes, steely determination shining behind unshed tears. “I want our son to live. You understand?”

Etchka nodded once, a pained whine escaping him.

“I know, love, I know.” Rain pressed against him, hugging him tightly. “At least we have more time together now, right?” She pulled back, forcing herself to smile. “Time we’ll appreciate all the more.”

Etchka kissed the tip of her muzzle, smiling. “That we will.” His smile soon faded. “Do you think I should hide some of our memories, though?”

Rain scowled, tilting her head. “I’m not sure. You must have let us remember things for a reason.”

“Or, I just forget to put my barriers up again.” Etchka glanced down at his naked body. “Like my pants.”

“Perhaps.” Rain ruffled the fur across his chest. “In either case, trying to bury your memories is what lead us down this path, last time.” Rain grasped his hand, twining their fingers. “Whatever you did to yourself before? It left your conscious and subconscious fighting. Their war injured your mind, Etchka. I don’t want to see that happen again.”

“Nor do I.” Etchka sighed, his tail swishing in frustration. “But there’s things in my head I shouldn’t know. Knowledge my mind can’t process. It’s not as bad as it was before, but…I feel as if I focused on it, I could see this world existing in many places and times all at once, and…” He lifted his free hand, tapping under his horn. “It’s more than this mortal consciousness can handle. I can’t even tell if I put our old world back together, or if…” Etchka waved at the desert. “I just built a brand new one, and took us there, instead.” He splayed his ears, whining again. “And there’s so much more. Knowledge not just of what happened long ago, but what will happen. Things that will eat at me.”

Rain took up his other hand. “Then you hide the things you absolutely have to, but let us remember the rest. Remember what you’re capable of, but also why you must hold back. Remember who you are to the world, but also, who you are to me. You need to find…” She worked her muzzle, seeking the right word, and then smiled when it came to her. “Balance. You need to find a balance, between what you truly are, and what you wish to be.”

Balance between god, and mortal.

“Alright, Rain. Will you help me, then? Help me decide what to remember and what to forget? Will you help me find my balance?”

“Of course, my love.” Rain kissed his muzzle, then backed away, tugging on his hands. “You said this story starts with a bath, right? Come on. I’ll take it with you this time.”

*****

With Rain’s help, Etchka made small, precise alterations to their minds. They left most of their memories intact, fearing that hiding too much of the truth would only lead to the sort of eventual mental breakdown Etchka suffered last time. Only that which they deemed dangerous was walled off. During the process, there were several hard decisions to make, for both of them. But once it was over, Etchka could not even remember the criteria used to decide, let alone what choices they made. Together, they returned to the tribe to begin their lives anew.

Over the weeks it took to build their new village, Etchka made a show of courting Rain. After all, no one else knew they’d already spent half a lifetime together. He shaped her new raindrop brooches to weave into her fur. Then he wrote a song for her, based on an old melody he could never quite get out of his head. When no one else was around, Etchka grew Rain flowers that had never before existed. In return, she made him clothing with elaborate and beautiful patterns stitched into them, and carved him new knives and tools. Rain even worked with her shaping until she was able to sculp him figurines from sand, like he used to make in his dreams.

Etchka and Rain were the first in the village to officially become mates. Just as before, they built a house together on the outskirts of the village. They added plenty of shelves to decorate with their sand figurines and shiny shells collected from around the oasis. Rain wished to learn to play pipes, and drums, and so those too were put on display.

The Tribe shaped up differently this time around. Etchka was not sure why. Though he was once again elected their Prime Shaper, no council of elders was elected alongside him. Instead, it was decided that the Prime Shaper should personally lead the tribe. Before Etchka knew it, he had been made their chief. All major decisions and serious problems were now his responsibility.

Etchka consulted with Rain in private. Neither understood why it was different this time. Had they made some small change that affected something larger? Or would their lives always go a little bit differently? Etchka wished he could remember just how many times they’d tried this before.

Though Rain could only remember her previous life, Etchka still had glimpses of many more. Occasionally he even recalled an unfamiliar tribe, and a female with unusual, golden-beige fur. Strangest of all, he sporadically even saw himself wandering the sands alone, or with a tiny pup at his side. It was as if he was glimpsing multiple pasts and futures all at once. Etchka did not know why he still saw such things.

At least the strange visions did not destabilize him this time. He never lost track of himself, or the life he was currently living. Etchka spoke to Rain about his memories often. Together, they determined it was probably his previous attempts to completely stifle those remembrances that caused some of their problems. When his dormant powers awoke, they had eaten away at his mental walls, and filled his mortal mind with more lives than it was prepared to comprehend. This time, by allowing himself bits and pieces of his greater existence, his consciousness had more time to adapt.

With no more need to explore his true powers, Etchka found it easy to keep his strength hidden. As their chief, he preached the greatest of his powers should only be used in emergencies. He taught the tribe that the gods had given him limitations, to ensure the urd’thin would never grow too reliant upon their shaping. When healing grievous wounds was required, he feigned great effort. He acted pained, as if mending their injuries forced him to take their pain into himself. He often leaned upon Rain after it was done, panting and struggling just to make it home.

Etchka worked to ensure the tribe had other ways to care for themselves, too. Rain already knew a great deal about medicines, as well as treatments for diseases, minor injuries, and infections. Etchka used his shaping to expand her knowledge, by exploring new combinations of medicinal plants and other substances. Rain then passed that knowledge on through weekly lessons to all interested.

Perhaps the most important lesson Rain delivered was on the careful use of Star’s Blessing. The herb was one of the rarest plants in all the desert, but also one of the most valuable. Every part of the plant had extensive detoxification properties. Given quickly enough, it could counteract not only the ingestion of poisons, but also the venom of animal bites and insect stings. Furthermore, it possessed the ability to halt the rotting of the mind, and make thoughts clearer.

Rain and Etchka decided to ensure that Star’s Blessing was cultivated throughout the village. Etchka used his shaping to subtly alter its requirements, to make it easier to grow. Then, to prevent it from being abused, Rain spread a serious of rumors. She claimed it caused terribly unpleasant side effects if used while healthy. Recalling his last experiences, Etchka also told the tribe it caused strange hallucinations. In the back of his mind, Etchka wondered if it simply allowed one to see existence as it truly was.

One day, Etchka found himself wondering just how Star’s Blessing worked so well, for so many ailments. Rain kept several such plants in their home, and Etchka decided to indulge his curiosity by studying one with his shaping. No sooner had his powers touched its leaves than he saw himself, standing in muddy sand. A female urd’thin stood near him. Her fur was golden beige, like the sand just before dawn.

“Mica.” Etchka spoke her name aloud without even realizing it.

The name struck a memory. Mica was the priestess from the stories of their people’s history, who tasked the urd’thin with journeying across the desert. The very same journey continued generations later, spreading the urd’thin throughout the land. It was why Etchka’s people were here…wasn’t it? But then, why did Etchka remember her? Just how many times had he done this? Had he known her, once? He musthave. For her saw her in his dreams, and when his mind was not well, he had called Rain by Mica’s name.

In the memory, Mica was watching him shape a plant into existence. Slowly, a green stem rose from the mud. Leaves sprang forth, unfurling like tiny green banners. A blossom grew at the end of the stem, it’s black petals redolent with white spots. The flower’s center was vibrant gold. He was growing Star’s Blessing. No, Etchka thought. He was creating Star’s Blessing.

In his memory, he explained to Mica what it was.

You’re all still so fragile, and there are so few of you. You need something to keep you safe, when I’m not around. So, I’ve made this to protect you from the desert’s dangers. It can neutralize any poison, cure any ill, even those of the mind.

So, if we’re dying, this will save us?

Only if used in time. It can prevent a poison from taking hold, but it cannot repair the damage that’s already done. After all, you said it yourself. Sometimes stories have to end. You must accept that.

I do. I think you’re the one who struggles to accept that you’ll have to let us die, someday.

Their voices rang so clearly in his head. Everything in the memory was so vibrant. Mica’s scent teased at his mind. The sand was warm beneath his feet. The wind ruffled his fur. It was almost as if the sensations were still new, back then. Right after he’d given himself a…

“Mortal form.” Etchka lifted a hand, staring at it. “Was I something else, before?” He grimaced, then left the plant behind to go and find Rain.

Once outside, Etchka stared up at the sky. He savored the sun’s warmth against his face. The breeze rippled through his fur, just as it had back then. He sighed, wandering around behind their home. Rain was there, cooking a few freshly caught birds over a bed of glowing coals. She smiled and waved at him, waggling her fingers, then returned her attention to her work. Etchka joined her, but waited while she carefully turned over the half-cooked fowl.

Rain dusted off her hands, turning towards him. “I wondered when you’d be done studying those flowers. Learn anything?”

“I think I used to be God.” Etchka scratched an ear.

“Oh, is that all?” Rain smirked at him, then prodded at one of the sizzling birds with a knife. “I thought we’d already established that, what with restarting the world, and all.”

“You’re hilarious.” Etchka slunk up behind his mate, and circled an arm around her waist. “I meant, a tribe actually saw me as their God. I think I made Star’s Blessing for them. Probably because I was gonna do…” He gestured at himself with a free hand. “This.”

Rain craned her neck around to look him over. “What, forget to put your pants back on after you’ve dried from your bath?”

“Huh?” Etchka glanced down and cursed.

“Actually, being a god might explain why you always forget the simplest things.” Rain nipped his ear, then giggled. “It’s alright. I don’t mind seeing your goods on display. Just don’t get them too close to the fire, hmm?”

“I can’t tell if you believe me, or not.”

“And I can’t tell if you’re crazy or not.” Rain’s tail bumped up between his legs. “But I love you just the same.”

Etchka shivered, nibbling at her neck. “That’s hardly fair.”

“No, you’re right, it isn’t fair I have to love you. Why don’t you shape me into loving someone normal?” Rain smirked over her shoulder, brushing her tail back and forth against him. “Problem?”

“You know what I meant. It’s not fair to tease me while you’re cooking, and we haven’t got time-”

“Seems like plenty of time, for you.” She clicked her teeth at him, giggling. “I doubt our food would even burn before you were spent.”

“That’s a lie, and you know it!”

“Well, Chief God, I’ve got to find some way to bring your ego back down, don’t I?” She flattened her ears back, and flashed him a wicked grin. “Maybe I could just do it with my tail.”

“You could not just do it with your…nrrrrhhhhh!” He groaned when she wriggled it against him.

Rain ignored him, shifting the meat above the flames again. “It’s almost ready.”

Etchka stared down at himself, mostly hidden in the bushy fur of her tail. “It’s definitely ready.”

Rain burst out laughing, shaking her head. “We’ll deal with it later, love.” She slipped away from him, leaving him exposed and shivering. “So, you really think you made Star’s Blessing?”

“It sure seemed that way.” Etchka grunted and forced himself to focus. “Saw myself making it, like a memory. And Mica was there, too. The old priestess, from the tales.” He splayed his ears. “That must have been a long time ago.”

Rain fetched a wooden platter and used her blade to spear one of the cooked birds. “Was she your mate, before me?”

“You’re not jealous of my past lives, are you?” Etchka grinned, but when Rain only glared at him, he scratched around a black horn. “I don’t think so. She seemed more like an emissary.”

“She was a priestess, after all, at least according to the stories.” Rain tilted her head. “Your stories.”

“Honestly, I’m not sure I ever had a mate until you.”

“So that’s why you’re so quick.”

Etchka bared his fangs in playful snarl. “If you keep teasing me like that, I’m going to have to prove you wrong.”

“If you’ve not yet figured out that’s what I’m hoping for, I’m not sure you deserve the chance.” Rain moved the other bird away from the coals, and onto the platter, blackened skin hissing and crackling. “Now come eat.” She settled in the shade behind their home, and patted the sand next to her. “You can prove me wrong later.”

As time went on, some of the other mated couples soon had pups to look after. Though Etchka and Rain were in no hurry to try for their own child again, they wished to be prepared when the time came. For now, they trained with the midwives. Rain passed on all her knowledge of medicines, and they taught her all they could about the birthing process. She learned to help other females through it, as well as what to expect when she one day gave birth.

One of the first pups born was a female named Ibba. Etchka still vividly remembered saving her life. Previously, everyone saw him do the impossible, and mend her mortal wounds. This time, Etchka and Rain kept careful watch on Ibba as she grew. They even warned her parents about her mischievous habit of sneaking away in the middle of the night. Nonetheless, she still proved adept at escaping their watchful gaze.

When the rakatch began to nest, Etchka knew the fateful night was near. Each evening, he took Rain for a walk around the oasis, secretly keeping an eye out for Ibba. When at last they spotted her one night, making for the shoreline, they were ready. Etchka and Rain arrived just as Ibba picked up a baby Rakatch, intent on carrying it around like a pet. Almost immediately, the furious mother emerged from the deeper waters where she had been hunting.

Before, the Rakatch had snatched up poor Ibba in its jaws. This time, Etchka threw himself between them, waving his arms and making for its nest. When it turned on him, Etchka led it away. At the same time, Rain whisked Ibba back to her house. As soon as the others were out of sight, Etchka simply put the Rakatch to sleep. He picked up the wandering youngling, returned it to its nest, and slipped away before the protective mother awoke.

His plan worked out just as he had hoped. Ibba was so frightened by the experience she never wanted to sneak away from home again. The rakatch and its brood survived, and Ibba amended her wandering ways. And unlike when he healed her, Etchka did not feel as if he’d altered what was meant to be. Instead, it was as though this time, Ibba was meant to live all along.

Etchka could only hope that meant his pup was meant to live this time, too.