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(We are back to updates of roughly-respectable length at roughly-normal times, but don't get the wrong idea, I am still pretty wrecked. I've just given up on the idea of eating anything but cheap vegetables this month and have stopped trying to do my ordinary job for a bit, lol.

I feel like the last 5 chapters have been very intense on reveals, and this is the first one in a while that feels more like connective tissue. Hope it's still okay regardless.)


Research Tower | 7:41 AM | Third Day


Obviously, we tried to ask follow-up questions, but Balthazar made clear, in his usual smugly gentle manner, that the conversation was finished. So after a minute or two, we gave up, heading back for the entrance.


"Well, that was sure something," Ran said flatly. 


"What did you think...?" I asked, feeling like I'd just been mugged.


She seemed to consider this for a few moments, then clicked her tongue. "Being as logical as I can about it, I'd say it's 9/10ths likely that he's involved with the culprit somehow, and is just playing head games with us. I can't think of another reason to have that easy-going attitude towards his own life, or to tell such an insane lie."


"Only 9/10, huh..." I bit my lip. "So you think it's possible he's telling the truth."


"I didn't say that," she said. "I'm sure a lot of it was horseshit no matter which way you slice it. I'm just... Not sure which parts, right now. There's at least one thing we've seen tonight which--" She cut herself off. "Never mind. Let's not get into this until we have some proper time to ourselves, and I can mull over it properly."


I nodded. If she was thinking what I was thinking, there was one obvious theory that made what he'd told us... Not plausible, but closer to the realm of possibility. But when you more you examined, the more it seemed utterly absurd.


Linos looked up as we approached the open doorway. He'd been leaned forward in his wheelchair, looking down at the lower levels of the tower. "Oh, good," he said. "You're back. Did you learn whatever it was you wanted to, Utsushikome?"


"Uh, not really." I said. "We think he might be working with the culprit, based on how he was acting."


Linos nodded grimly. "He did seem oddly serene about the situation, and about being left behind. This whole situation is making me _very_ uneasy, to be quite honest. I'm not sure what the responsible action to take is."


"Can you us anything about who he is, and why Zeno might've invited him, sir?" Ran asked.


Come to think of it, there were still a lot of questions in that area. I'd received three very vague explanations for why Balthazar was here over the course of the weekend. He himself had said that Zeno had taken a liking to his research and invited him to the conclave for that reason, but Neferuaten had acted like I was mistaken when I called him his protégé, and suggested actually here because he was connected to him project of his-- One that he believed this event would be a good chance to explore, to the point of reversing his original vote against it. Finally, Zeno himself had told me that story about being his 'patron', on account of Balthazar being related to a deceased friend of his. 


Something about those explanations felt _off_ when set alongside one another. They could all technically be true, but it felt like trying to jam puzzle pieces together just because the colors match, when the shape itself is wrong. 


"It would be better to ask him directly, I think," Linos said. "I was about to say that it looks he and Yantho are back, so we should hurry downstairs."


"Neferuaten told me that you voted in approval of us being invited to this conclave," I said, half thinking aloud, "and that the deadlock on the issue was broken when Hamilcar offered to let him invite Balthazar for one of his personal projects. So you must have heard a little about that, right?"


Linos looked hesitant. "Again, it would be better to just ask him."


"Well, I did bring it up yesterday, but he was a little evasive about it," I said.


He chuckled awkwardly. "Well, the fact that there's now a serial murderer on the loose might change his tune a bit, I think." 


This was going nowhere. If one thing was becoming increasingly clear, it was that trying to get a straight answer from Linos about anything he considered a sensitive subject was like drawing blood from a stone. It was ironic to hear him suggest the circumstances might've diminished Zeno's reticence, when for him, the case was anything but.


"I still feel uneasy leaving anyone alone, even if they are acting suspicious, but I suppose there's nothing for it." He sighed. "We'll see what the others say. Come on."


This time, he wheeled his own chair forward, eager to get us moving. With little else to be done, we followed along. 


As we walked beside the railing towards the elevator, I could see that Zeno had indeed arrived, along with Yantho, and that they - along with Anna - had convened with the rest of the group at the ground floor. Though when I say 'Zeno', rather than his ordinary body, it was the one I'd first met them; a young woman, impossibly pale and with vivid blue-green hair. 


I had to admit, I felt pretty disappointed I'd missed the initial reaction to that.


With her, she'd also brought what I suppose would be easiest to describe as a 'hoard'. A large pile of crates and metal containers had been piled upon a floating platform similar to Kamrusepa's, though larger. The party seemed divided into two, one of which was investigating the site of Durvasa's alleged attack, while the other was gathered around this monolith.


We reached the elevator and descended. Zeno looked to be in midst of explaining something vigorously to Kamrusepa, Ptolema, Ezekiel, Yantho and Theodoros, but turned at our arrival.


"Hello, Zeno," Linos said, sounding tired. It didn't seem like he was very surprised by the shift in appearance.


"Oh, good, you're here. I was starting to worry that we'd be picking parts of you off of my walls." She pursed her lips. "You don't have Balthazar with you. I was led to understand you'd left to see him?"


"We did," Linos said, with a nod, "but he seemed adamant about not coming out now Ophelia was here, no matter what I said. He kept telling us that he wanted to just stay holed up that room until things 'blew over', and wasn't worried about staying behind."


"Ugh, what a fucking nuisance," they said, with an irritated eye-roll. "A moment." 


They put one hand on their scepter and twitched the fingers of the other rapidly, then ascended briskly into the air, floating directly up to the door from which we'd just departed in a matter of seconds. 


"Could've just taken the elevator," Ptolema said. 


"Rather irresponsible to just leave alone on the spur of the moment, to boot," Kamrusepa added judgmentally. "We've supposed to be acting with the upmost caution about that sort of thing, but I suppose _some_ people always see themselves as the exception to the rule."


I did a bit of a double-take at Kamrusepa's attitude. I knew she was an enthusiast for Zeno's work, and throughout the conference and Ran's recounting of the events which happened afterwards, it'd seemed like they were pretty in sync. But passive-aggressive hostility practically dripped from every word.


"So, now that's done with," Linos said, clapping his hands together. "Anyone want to catch us up?"


"You didn't miss altogether very much," Kamrusepa said. "A minute or two after you left, Yantho and Professor Apocyrion arrived with this stash of what is apparently research projects and data records, and after he argued with Anna for a moment, we set to preparing for our trip to the administrative center. Her ladyship, Fang, and our Biomancers decided to investigate the 'scene of the crime' first, while the rest of us stayed here and were _regaled_ with a rant about how terribly incompetent everyone else was for allowing this to have happened."


"Most of it seemed true enough to me," Ezekiel said. "This place was obviously abysmally unprepared for an attack from the inside. The fact they don't even have a formal evacuation protocol--"


"No one asked for your opinion, Ezekiel," Kam said, rolling her eyes.


"I see," Linos said, seeming a bit flabbergasted by the extent of her hostility. "Well, I'm glad that things are moving forward quickly, at least. Though..." He looked up at the massive pile. "This certainly is more than I expected we'd be bringing. I understand Zeno's desire to preserve as much of our work from this calamity as possible, but I'm not sure it'll fit in the tunnels."


"Dad, if you don't mind, II wanted to talk to you about something quickly," Theo said, from where he was standing over at the side. "Could we maybe take a minute or two...?"


"Oh," Linos said, looking towards him. "Sure, no problem."


He wheeled himself over towards his son, and the two of them moved away a bit.


"How'd the, uh, whatever-it-was that you were doing with Bal go?" Ptolema asked, as Ezekiel seemed to lose interest in our group, wandering over to Anna and company. 


"I'm not really sure if I can put it into words yet," I said, scratching my head. "He didn't exactly go out of his way to be helpful, though."


"Really?" She frowned. "We didn't talk much, but he seemed like a nice enough guy."


I decided not to try and address Ptolema's questionable character-judging skills, and looked to Kam instead to address something else that came to mind. "What were Anna and Zeno fighting over?" 


"They differed in their outlooks regarding to a critical element of our plan going forward," she explained. "Rather ferociously. In retrospect, it was a predictable disagreement."


"You should be a politician, Kam," Ran said.


_Because she can say so many words without answering any questions._ She was a lot smoother about it than Linos was, too.


"Don't get snarky with me at a time like this, Ran. I was _getting_ to the crux of it." She crossed her arms. "In short, rather than evacuating outright, Zeno believes the breakthrough that was achieved in the underground yesterday evening is too great to abandon to whomever is behind what is happening. He believes that we ought to disable the lockdown and secure control of administrative core, the security office, and the entrance to that place, then call for help."


Ran snorted. "Seriously? Do they realize that maybe three people are already dead, including two of the only six people here qualified to defend shit?"


Yantho cleared his throat, and he looked over to see that he was holding up his tablet. Seven. Saci is experienced with using the Power to fight.


Ran frowned. "Okay, seven, but the point still stands. We're not exactly a great record so far. ...actually, where is Sacnicte, anyway?"


Yantho looked hesitant. I don't know. Our quarters are in the main building, so I'm hoping we might find her if we make our way there. The only reason I'm here is because I was helping the professor with a task before everything begun.


Ran nodded, a more solemn, sympathetic look entering into her gaze. "Yeah, let's hope."


"I have to admit, after thinking it over, I do have to take Zeno's side on the issue," Kamrusepa said. "If it were anything else, I'd agree that everyone's safety took absolute priority. But we've talking about possibly one of the most revolutionary inventions in the past millennium, and one with a prototype that is deeply dependent on the facility in which is based."


"That sort of contradicts with your usual attitude regarding this stuff," I said. 


She eyed me. "What's _that_ supposed to mean?"


"Well, you've always given the impression that your ideology is based in enlightened selfishness," I said, scratching the back of my neck. "You want to help other people, but your own life comes first."


"Su, there's a difference between refusing to compromise on ones own dreams or be forced into an ideology of perpetual self-sacrifice, and _cowardice_," she said, as if this was a self evident truth. "No one should ever be compelled to cast away their life for the greater good, but sometimes one is called forth to gamble it by sheer mathematics of the conscience. If no one had fought against the royal family during the Tricenturial War, we'd all be living in an authoritarian dystopia, and I should hope you don't think I'm yearning for that. And in this case, we're talking about something that could hypothetically save _trillions of years_ of aggregate human life." 


I frowned, not really convinced that the distinction she was trying to draw existed, but I didn't want to fight over it. "I'm not sure it's as valuable as you're making it out to be. What happened to Anna is pretty incredible, but Linos was saying to us a few minutes ago that it's obviously limited... The only reason it works at all because of what the Ironworkers left here."


Kamrusepa snorted. "Professor Melanthos is a very smart man, and I am sure he means well, but he suffers from a failure of imagination in this case-- Or perhaps doesn't grasp how truly spectacular a discovery has been made. There are over a billion people in their 6th century or older who would do _anything_ to spend a minute with that machine. It's worth more than the order itself. Even if it couldn't be replicated, this facility could be converted into a production line that could restore thousands of people a day to perfect youth. More, probably, if it could be optimized for groups rather than individuals." 


I tried to imagine the scenario Kamrusepa was envisioning - of this place redesigned as some sort of mass-communal fountain of youth, with entrances established all over the Mimikos and leagues of grey-haired venerables wheeled in daily, only to return as fresh-faced young adults. ...somehow, I doubted it would be that simple. When there was something of immense value in very limited supply, human beings didn't usually behave so civic-mindedly.


"I mean... It can't fix dementia, right?" Ptolema said. "Associative collapse happens 'cause the brain gets too old and _weird­_ to connect with the pneuma properly. Even if the rest of the body being fresh could make the brain a bit younger too, it still wouldn't affect that."


"Perhaps," Kamrusepa said, "but it's still a massive step. It's still not clear if associative collapse dementia is even a wholly physical problem, or if it's partly psychological-- Some people never develop it, and with this technology, they could hypothetically live forever. It's not a silver bullet to the back of mortality's skull, but it's at the least a bat to the base of the spine."


Kam sure had a way of wording things, sometimes.


"Anyway," she said, looking put-off, "Her ladyship, inversely, felt that it would be most prudent to just cut out losses and run. A rather _easy_ position for her to hold, since she's currently the only person alive to have been received the treatment that's at stake. But it isn't as though I can blame her being afraid, after what happened to Bardiya."


"If you agree with Zeno," I asked, "why do you seem so hostile about them, now? You were acting like they were being completely unreasonable."


In truth, I already had a pretty good guess. Maybe I was fishing for drama to try to get my mind of the existential horror that had been the conversation with Balthazar. 


Kamrusepa sighed in an irritated manner, looking away as her face tensed up. "Well, it's because they were doing that ridiculous thing with their body, of course."


_Right._ I was on the mark, after all.


"I didn't want to say anything, but I was sort of wondering about that too," Ran said, her brow low. "That girl was literally Zeno?"


"Oh, I guess I never told you," I said, looking to her. "That was how he... Uh, they... Looked when we first met. Apparently it's a 'proxy body' that they like to inhabit remotely sometimes, along with a few others. They talked about it like it was an exercise in intellectual stimulation-- Expanding their perspective."


Kamrusepa scoffed, repeating the words 'intellectual stimulation' while shaking her head.


"Man, you guys should have been here when-- When they first came down," Ptolema said, sounding somewhere between amused and embarassed. "Everybody was so thrown off. I asked a bunch of dumb questions and got yelled at, and I _still_ don't really get it. Ezekiel's eyes were bulging like his brains were gonna roll out of his ears."


"That bad, huh," Ran said flatly. "Well, whatever floats their boat, I guess."


"It was just such a disappoint to see someone I had so much respect for engaging in such a self-indulgent display," Kamrusepa said, frowning deeply. "I feel silly for letting myself lose a little respect for Grandmaster Amat yesterday over what were truly trifling differences in personal philosophy, when a figure whom I thought shared my values so completely could do something like this."


It hurt a bit more every time I heard someone mention Neferuaten's name. The pain of what'd happened was slowly starting to slip through the shield of numbness around my heart. But I could keep it wrapped for a while longer by yelling at Kamrusepa. "I knew you were conservative about this stuff, Kam, but it's kind of uncomfortable to hear taking this so seriously. I mean... It's odd, sure, but you're usually so excited about being transcending the human condition in other contexts. Singling about this..."


To my surprise, she looked genuinely quite hurt and offended in a way I rarely saw, the displeasure showing in her eyes. "...I rather resent you calling me 'conservative', Su. I'm not angry because he's breaking a social convention or doing something 'unnatural'. It's because it's flippant. Conceited"


I frowned. "Conceited."


"Yes!" She exclaimed, getting strangely frustrated. "Zeno is a man with a lot of resources - far more than any ordinary person could ever hope to obtain - and he's using that to play around with sex like a, I don't know-- A child with some fancy new toy. You saw the way he _designed_ that thing. 'Intellectual' or not, it's a distraction for him, even though there are people for whom this sort of thing is gravely important."


"You mean women, generally?" I bit my lip, looking to the side. "Actually, I'm not sure I want to have this conversation after all--"


"No, Su, that's not what I'm getting at," she said, outright irritated. She stepped closer, hushing her tone. "I mean people like, well, _potentially_ Ophelia. Or any witch who has bad luck." 


'Witch' (I'd also heard 'Fetch', though that seemed to be less common) was a somewhat-crude slang term among arcanists for people who'd experienced assimilation failure, though I understood it'd originated from laypeople from the Mourning Period, before governments had realized the 'importance' of keeping the whole situation quiet. ...I suppose it applied to me, even if my circumstances were a little more particular. In this context, it wasn't hard to figure out what Kam meant.


It wasn't like Zeno hadn't also come across as painfully un-self-aware when the topic had come up during our meeting - his colorful line about how our generation were 'make-up artists for the human condition' still lingered in my head. But...


I hesitated, feeling like I'd got myself into deeper waters with whatever this was than I'd really intended. "I mean... He's a privileged person, I guess... But this feels sort of, uh..."


She scrunched up her brow, and sighed, stepping back. "Never mind. I shouldn't have expected you to understand what I meant." She made a dismissive gesture. "It's not like our perspectives on the social philosophy of sex and gender will have much bearing in a survival situation, regardless."


"Is this why you're always so weird about this stuff with Fang, Kam?" Ptolema asked. 


Kam glanced at her. "I'm not 'weird' about Fang, Ptolema. I find that sort of affair harmless. I just don't understand why they--"


Fortunately, Zeno themselves floated back down at this moment, putting a bullet point on this incredibly awkward arc of the conversation. "Well, that was frustrating," she said.


Linos took notice of their return and gestured for Theo to wheel his forward, whatever they were discussing apparently resolved. "What's going on?"


"It appears that you were right, and my ward has shed all interest in self-preservation," Zeno said, idly flipping their scepter into a loop before reattaching it to their waist. "I set up some additional protection for them, but they refused to consider any suggestion for how travel with Ophelia might be possible. No to staying at a distance while fully covered, no to enchanting their respect appearances, no to me stuffing them in a box and levitating them around. The most they'd permit me to do was cast a few protective incantations." She shook her head. "I swear, they've been acting fucking ridiculous all weekend, but this has to take the cake."


So even for her, Balthazar's behavior had been circumspect. Huh.


"I hate to suggest it," Linos said hesitantly, "...but if you think they're in a state where they're acting without regard for their own safety, then perhaps we might consider ways to protect against their will--"


"Don't be ridiculous, Linos," Zeno said, her whole demeanor suddenly hardening. "We're in a precarious enough position as it is without trying to force people to act in their best interests. Based on what I heard happened with the Mekhian girl and her mother, you've understood that already."


This shut down Linos's suggestion quickly. He frowned, clasping his hands together.


"But _anyway,_" Zeno said, switching back to the more flippant speech pattern they seemed to adopt when in this persona, "we've spent enough time here being sitting ducks. We need to get moving before whoever is doing this pulls one over on us."


"Ah, forgive me for asking..." Theodoros said, obviously anxious of being snapped at, "but is it really optimal for you to traveling with us using that, er, proxy? Isn't your real body vulnerable, somewhere?"


Zeno snorted. "You really are a lot like your father in bearing, little boy. It's practically eerie." They pressed a switched on the highly-stacked platform, and it began to follow them. "You've misunderstood the explanation I gave. My 'real' body isn't the one you saw at the conclave earlier - that one is just designed to emulate its original appearance. In fact, it isn't even ambulatory. I've condensed it size and broadness of function in order to best protect it and maximize it's lifespan."


"Oh," he said. "Where is it?"


"It's stored in a safe location," she explained, with a smug little smile."Don't worry. I've ensured that it's safe from the reach of the culprit, and that it will be easy to extract if push comes to shove."


"Is it in this pile?" Ptolema asked, gesturing to the platform and its cargo,


Zeno blinked, looking towards her. "What?"


"These, uh, boxes," she clarified. Is it in one of these?"


"I-- Of course it's not in one of the boxes," Zeno said, glaring at her. "Don't ask stupid questions. Now let's go."


With that matter apparently settled, we headed over to the other side of the room, where Anna, Ophelia, Seth, Fang and Ezekiel were waiting. Altogether, the group was back to being uncomfortably large. 


"Progress report, your ladyship," Zeno said, strolling over. 


Anna glared at him, was a lot less intimidating now that she looked the way she did. "The majority blood belongs to Durvasa, which is not a good sign."


Linos frowned. "Only the majority?"


"Based on how it looks right now, about 20% of it is from some kinda animal," Fang said, sitting up from where they had been kneeling and casting some kind of incantation. "It's hard to identify? But we at least know it was a mammal." 


_A divine beast..._


"It is obvious what the culprit intends us to believe," Anna said, "but this damage to the floor looks closer to the product of an explosion than something torn apart. It's possible that there are trace substances we have missed which would indicate as much. "She narrowed her eyes. "But all of this is wasting time. Even if it may already be too late, now that we are together, we should pursue the trail without further hesitation."


"Fair enough. No more fucking around," Zeno said, stepping towards the crack and drawing her scepter once again. "Linos, Anna. Raise your barriers."


They did as a much, and a few moments later, we all began to descend to the sub-level beneath the semi-transparent floor. But as soon as I was down there, I noticed something disturbing.


The massive sealed doorway, the one that I'd first noticed following my visit to Zeno... A visible chunk was now missing from it that I hadn't been able to make out from above, like it'd been punctured, _torn open_ from the inside. 


Beyond, I could only see blackness. But I could feel a chill in the air. It was far colder here than anywhere else in the sanctuary thus far. 


There was no time to ask questions. Our group hurried over to a more mundane door at the south end of the empty chamber, to which the trail of blood led. Zeno opened it up, and it led to another of the subterranean tunnels I'd now seen several of, this one looking as though it'd been dug fairly recently. 


The blood trail quickly diminished to just droplets, along with the occasional more aggressive smear along the walls, After a few minutes, we turned a corner, and then another, leading to one of the older halls with more classical, dungeon-like stonework. We were probably under the main headquarters's bioenclosure, now.


"The administrative core is straight ahead," Linos said.


"Look, though," Fang said, pointing at the floor. "It looks like the trail breaks to the right?"


It did. In fact, it looked we were _meant_ to notice. Suddenly, it was a full-blown splatter again, veering distinctly to the side. 


"That passageway leads nowhere," Anna said. "It was for the expansion of the greenhouse, but that idea was abandoned. There's nothing that way but a small storage room."


"This smells like a trap to me," Ezekiel said. 


"Yeah," Seth said, nodding along. "Gotta agree."


"I swear, the lot of you are acting like characters from an adventure novel," Zeno said. "In a circumstance like this, divine first, think later." She started casting.


Linos followed, along with Fang, reciting the _Moment- Emulating Arcana_ again. I had to wonder if all this redundancy - multiple barriers, multiple divinations - was going to lead to us running out of eris. Obviously, everyone was afraid of being stabbed in the back, but the best tactic against a party as big as ours would be a war of attrition. And on that front, it was worrying.


Besides which, Divination was a powerful tool, but it was still limited. It terms of direct observation, it only had the range of any other incantation - about 10 meters - and it couldn't predict the actions of human minds. All arcanists would know those limitations, and whoever was doing this would have to be a master of subverting them.


Zeno, who finished first, suddenly frowned sharply. "It's safe," she said. "But Durvasa isn't here."


"What?" Seth said. "But the trail--"


"Just come and see for yourself," Zeno said, lowering their scepter. 


Our group followed the trail around the bend, then to a side-door, presumably leading to the storage room Anna mentioned. The lights here appeared not to work, though I wasn't sure if that was done intentionally by the culprit, or was just a product of the fact this area's construction had been abandoned - the hallway even gave way to uncut stone at the end. But we still had our lanterns, so it was no problem. Someone twisted the knob of the old wooden door, and... 


I wasn't sure what I was expecting. It was a storage room, though it barely seemed to store anything other than some blocks of stone and what looked like rope. There was nothing to see except for what we were obviously meant to.


On the floor, the blood trail terminated flowed into what looked like it was meant to be some sort of ritual circle - the sort you would see in ancient superstitions about magic. Runes were carved in something that looked like Eme, but was subtly different to the point that it came across as gibberish. 


There was only one part in distinct Eme which I could read, and it was far larger than the rest, placed at the very center: The transliterated name of Durvasa.


Comments

ice_lemonade

no indication of where samium is or what (if anything) the council members have done to protect him ... IS HE ALSO IN ONE OF THE BOXES

dryff

Thanks for the chapter! I'm sorry to hear things are still physically rough for you, but glad to see that your head is clear enough to write at least! I hope that bodes well for your recovery and that you won't have to keep pushing through brain fog too much, that's always an awful state to be in. I really liked this chapter a lot. Rather than feeling mundane or disappointing, it's actually really refreshing to have a breather from the intense reveals and to get a chapter with the cast getting to chat about relatively trivial stuff! As interesting as the top-level mysteries are, the general moment-to-moment character interactions are what really make this story for me. You really write your characters' conversations and mannerisms in a way that they come alive. I laughed out loud at Zeno just sighing and floating up to Balthazar on hearing about his stubbornness (and being clocked by Ptolema lmao), and it was interesting to see where the conversation with Kam went. It was surprising to see that kind of position from her, but it's very believable given her opinionated nature and I can definitely sympathise with her feelings in a case like this, even if I'd probably have more mixed feelings about it. I always appreciate your characters having more nuanced and complicated reactions to these things than I'd normally expect. I'm also kind of curious about Zeno and Linos using they/them for Balthazar a few times and whether that means anything. I've been thinking a lot about the bigger picture plot since the last chapter, and I feel like I'm getting a clearer sense of things now. Balthazar's attitude makes a lot more sense now - after looping that many times the whole scenario must feel pretty banal, and he's probably gotten tired of trying to talk to people only to have them forget everything a few days later. At the same time I can see that Su must have found him insufferable to work with and try to make plans with, since he seems to have reached a fatalistic attitude where he's not even sure anything outside the sanctuary is real any more (I'm guessing that he was already at the sanctuary by the start of Day 1 and thus hasn't gotten to periodically see the outside world with each loop like Su has), and might even have done some messed up things in previous loops based on that fatalism to warrant Su's intense dislike of him. So, it seems like Su and Balthazar have both been retaining memories between loops all this time, but Su seems to have done something to make this the final loop and repress her memories this time around (probably related to the "request" she made in the intro). I'm getting the impression that for some reason Su wanted this last loop to play out "naturally" without previous memories interfering, given that she's repressed her own memories and seems to have gotten Balthazar to promise not to interfere with anything either (at least that's the most sense I can make of his behaviour given what we've heard so far). This is probably why Balthazar allowed the prosognostic event to happen this time, whereas normally he would presumably try to avoid it happening given foreknowledge. (Which is probably also why he's so confident of Ophelia's innocence - presumably on some loops she's died from the prosognostic event and the murders have still happened! Even if he generally tries to avoid it, you'd expect some accidents to have happened over thousands of iterations.) This also makes the role of the director and playwright pretty interesting. I'm starting to wonder if they might represent (part of?) the entropic consciousness that Neferuaten was talking about. Thinking about the way Balthazar described the looping events as being prevented from going exactly the same every time due to stray random factors and some things carrying over each time, it seems a lot like you could think of those stray factors as a form of "entropy". In that light, you could see the director and playwright's role as being to deliberately push those random factors in particular directions to create different trends and variations in the scenarios over time - just like Neferuaten described entropy doing on a bigger scale with the collapse of star systems! Whatever consciousness governs these things may well have taken an interest in the time loop as an interesting situation to play around with for their own entertainment and/or that of other higher-dimensional beings, which would make a lot of sense of what we've seen in the intermissions. As for how Su plans to end the loop, it would seem like the most obvious way would be to somehow mess with the machine that's presumably causing it. That would make the component Fang brought in a particular red flag, since Su specifically mentioned that it looks different to what she remembers from past loops. It could be that Su has somehow arranged to change the component in a way that will sabotage the machine (though it seems to have still worked enough to restore Anna). Of course that raises the question of why you wouldn't just stop Fang from bringing a component at all, which would presumably prevent the whole thing completely, but again it seems like she wants to keep the events relatively intact for reasons we don't understand yet. Either way, it feels like the pieces are all coming together and we're getting a much better sense of the big picture now, which is exciting - though of course none of this really illuminates the main mystery of who is committing the murders and why, which will be the really tricky part. Now on the other mystery that the last few chapters have been going into, which is the nature of Su's condition. I'm a lot less confident on this one, but I have come up with one really farfetched theory - maybe our narrator actually is (or identifies herself as) the original Utsushikome, and is trying to bring back the nameless island girl, rather than the reverse! Perhaps the other girl actually succeeded in erasing herself from Utsushikome's body or restoring her consciousness to prominence, and now Utsushikome feels responsible for her sacrifice and wants to bring her back, in a weird infinite loop of guilt! Okay, that specific scenario seems pretty unlikely, but since I thought of the idea I do feel struck that nothing in the narrative that I can remember actually contradicts it, whereas the narrator does seem to casually identify with and associate herself with Utsushikome's memories on a lot of occasions. Things like the acclimation log scene could actually be about Su trying to make a conscious effort to distance herself from and break her association with Utsushikome's memories, rather than trying to associate herself with them more! It could be that she actually wants that "low association" to become "no association"! And it does seem important that our narrator recalls her own memories down to the exact day, but that these last few flashbacks in which she identifies herself as a different person from Utsushikome have just been noted down as "long ago", suggesting that we might actually have been looking at a different person's narration altogether. I feel like I'm almost certainly missing something, but I don't think I'm totally on the wrong track either because it does make a lot of things make a weird amount of sense, even if it's not quite clicking. Looking forward to the next chapter, and best wishes for your recovery! As is probably obvious, I really love your story a lot and spend a lot of time thinking about it!

ice_lemonade

I'm kinda with you in that I think there are a bunch of things in the story supporting the idea that the island-kid-takeover story is not quite true, and in particular there are a few bits that seem to suggest there ... may not be any "external" problem with Su/whoever at all any longer. But I can't get a consistent story that really clicks to me. I really think there's got to be a hint in the joke scene from chapter 1, Su is doing something weird and self-defeating, clinging onto some fake reason to be depressed because she can't deal with the fact that she doesn't have a reason. One possibility I thought of was that su was transplanted into island-kid (possibly to save Su's life or something - it was supposed to be a "twisted act of love" or something) and then island kid got super face surgery to look like Su. Then it didn't really "take", and Su's mind got kicked out... and now it's just island kid who looks like Su and has some of her memories. And island kid knows that, but refuses to admit it (for ... some reason). But if my suggestion is true, why does the character have Su's smarts & weird math powers? And how do we square any of this with the fact that Zeno seems to think Su is her grandfather?