World's Funnest: The Dark Knight Returns Universe w/Art by Frank Miller (Pg 42-44) (Patreon)

Once again, we revisit the World's Funnest project from 2000. Today we have the script for the "Dark Knight Returns" universe, and the inked pages by Frank Miller. I thought I had copies of Miller's penciled layouts, but apparently I don't. If I ever come across a hidden file or misplaced set of xeroxes I'll post them for sure.

The reason I remember the pencils clearly is because they posed a problem. Frank had drawn his character Marv from Sin City in a cameo, sitting at a table on page 44, panel 5 (the Batman chucked through the window bit). When I saw it I inwardly groaned (actually, I probably cursed loudly and started stressing out). The figure was large and practically front and center, which pulled your eyes away from the figure of Batman going through the window. I also felt it deflated the joke. And I didn't want any cameos by non-DC characters in the book. I didn't want to cross the continuity streams with a non-DC comic book universe. Maybe that's me being uptight, but I believed strongly that we shouldn't do that. It takes you out of the experience, it runs against the entire concept of a nerdy DC book about nerdy DC history.

Anyway, I calmed down because I realized it was a non-issue. Even if I was okay with it, DC didn't want cameos in the book for legal reasons, and put the official kibosh on it. One of the contributing artists asked about including one of their characters as a joke, so the issue had come up and people were told cameos were a no fly zone.

But it became an issue. Because DC was fine with Frank Miller's character having a cameo. Because, duh, Frank Miller. I'm sure they didn't want to possibly annoy him in any way, and I'm sure they were happy that he was doing Dark Knight pages for the first time since DKR came out. Maybe they thought it was funny or cool. Whatever it was, somehow I've got Marv okayed to be in the book. Which made me crazy, because I was dead set against it, and I had already told other artists they couldn't draw any cameos. If the cameo went through it would have looked like I was bullshitting people, and that DC was slighting those who asked. It was just a bad idea overall.

My memory is foggy on how things went during the back and forth, but obviously the situation got worked out, because Marv isn't drinking a beer in the book. I badgered DC to ask Frank to lose the cameo, and he had no problem with it. Huge relief. I was extremely stressed about it because I didn't want to piss him off or seem ungrateful or disrespectful. I felt very lucky to have had him on the project (after he had initially turned me down). I knew Frank socially from conventions and parties, introduced by mutual friends from Dark Horse Comics -- but I didn't know him. He had said some nice things about my work and I had actually just finished a Sin City pinup for a future collection (I hadn't read the comics, but I really needed the money), but I didn't feel comfortable dealing with him in a work situation. I have trouble asking anyone for revisions, it always makes me feel nervous, even if I strongly believe the change needed to be made. I hate telling people what to do (probably another reason I took on too much work on the Eltingville pilot). I'm not a boss. Anyway, "crisis" averted.

The Dark Knight sequence was a wild ride for a lot of reasons. It wasn't originally part of the book. The idea hit me the night we knew we had Dave Gibbons, David Mazzucchelli and Alex Ross on board. Three heavy hitters involved with three huge DC projects. And that made me think of Dark Knight, and it was like a comic book lightning bolt moment. I literally jumped up and babbled some words to Sarah along the lines of "Dark Knight! Why didn't I think of it?" and ran up the stairs to my studio to type up a pitch for it before I talked myself out of it. Knowing that we locked in Gibbons, Mazzucchelli and Ross emboldened me to try for Miller.

We got the okay to try, I got Frank's e-mail from a mutual friend, and...he turned me down. I wrote a reply. He wrote an e-mail back that started with "Now you've got me feeling all guilty. You were just too damn gracious."

So we found ourselves with a murderer's row of DC veterans on board. Can you blame me for being a bit giddy back in 1999? I mean, I was an extremely pessimistic person back then (these days I'm just kind of pessimistic) but how can a DC comic lose with Miller, Mazzucchelli, Gibbons and Ross on it? Well, we know how that went (womp womp), but at the time you can't blame us for thinking we had a hit on our hands.

I can't remember if I wrote the script for the DKR pages before or after Miller agreed to work on it. The script was one of the hardest for me to write for the book, but it's also some of my favorite writing in it. I sweated getting the DKR narrative style down, wanting to both parody the noirish tough guy talk while at the same time reveling in its pulpiness. The panel-to-panel went very smoothly, it made sense to do a straight parody of much of the original comic. But I went through a lot of revisions trying to nail down the narration. I was working off DKR with David Goodis, Jim Thompson and James Ellroy in mind (I haven't actually read any Spillane), and trying to hook it all into DC jargon like "faster than a speeding bullet", et al. It's clipped and terse, and I don't usually write that way, so I struggled a lot with it to get it right. Or close to right.

Looking at it now, there are a few lines I'd like to revise for cadence or just not hitting me right. On the whole, I'm really happy with how the narration runs.There were two revisions to the script, the description of DKR's Green Arrow as "the gimp Robin Hood" was something I wouldn't have included if I had written the piece later on. I'm glad they asked me to change it. I forget what the other revised line was (it was 27 years ago!). I still like this segment a lot. If nothing else, the teeth jokes are funny. Especially the teeth for pearls bit. Sometimes I'm clever (27 years ago, at least).

Enough blathering. Here's the script and notes.

GENERAL ART NOTES

- Mr. Mxyzptlk's narrative captions should be colored, as the captions often were in Dark Knight. I'm not sure what color to use though...

- Actually, how are we going to tackle the coloring for this sequence? We'd want it to reflect the look of the original DK series as much as possible, it was so integral to the book. I dunno if Lynn Varley would be interested in this but I sure as heck would like to have her contacted about it.

NOTES FOR FRANK

- Mr. Mxyzptlk changes appearances several times in the book, based on the era. I think it would be best if we based his appearance here on his original look from the 1940's, the suit and tie and hat look will serve the pulp-feel of the material better than the orange skirt-thing they gave him in the '60's. I say take the little creep and work him up the way you see fit for the Dark Knight "universe".

- Bat-Mite should look pretty much the way he always does, he doesn't have much to do with the sequence past the punchline and as a motivation for Mxy, so don't worry too much about the little guy.

- I'm working off the old Dark Knight vibe and heavy panel page layouts and only have three brief pages to do the bit, so if the last two pages are panel-packed, my apologies -- I really got into it.

- Please have fun!

PANEL ONE

An angry, fed up Mr. MXYZPTLK "pops" into the air near the Crime Alley section of Gotham City, before an actual alley strewn with snow-covered garbage and battered trash cans. A small "burst" effect can be seen around the imp, similar to the one used whenever he teleports in the old '60's comics. Snow drifts around him, falling from the dark gray skies above.

1) CAPTION: I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I AM.

2) CAPTION: THE PLACE LOOKS FAMILIAR...BUT THEN AGAIN, DON'T THEY ALL?

SFX (by Mxy) - POP!

PANEL TWO

Mxy floats through the dark, twisted alley -- passing old, tattered wanted posters for Oswald C. Cobblepot and Selina Kyle. As he makes his way towards a dim yellowish light at the end of the passage, he looks up, cocking an ear skyward.

3) CAPTION: I HEAR GUNFIRE AND SHOUTING FROM ABOVE -- MAN'S INHUMANITY TO MAN TYPE STUFF. NOT THAT IT MAKES ANY DIFFERENCE.

4) CAPTION: THE MITE'S HERE. THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS.

PANEL THREE

A good-sized panel. Mr. Mxyzptlk hovers in the extreme foreground, his face twisted in disgust as he sees SUPERMAN AND BATMAN standing about twenty feet ahead of him beneath the yellow light of the green lamppost. The two superheroes turn to stare in bewilderment at the strange floating little man, it's apparent he's pre-empting the climactic fight from Dark Knight #4. Below the combatants is BAT-MITE, who nervously hides behind the base of the lampost and some garbage. In the background behind the supertypes is ROBIN and GREEN ARROW, positioned atop the dark, hulking assault tank. In the deep background are black, insect-like military helicopters, buzzing the scene like vultures.

5) CAPTION (top of panel): I FOLLOW HIS TRAIL THROUGH A FILTHY ALLEY FULL OF DIRTY SECRETS --

6) CAPTION: -- AND THAT'S WHEN I SPOT THEM.

7) CAPTION (bottom of panel): THIS WORLDS FINEST.

PANEL FOUR

Mr. Mxyzptlk gestures towards the tank with his thumb and pointer finger shaped like a gun. The tank explodes, immolating the blasted shapes of Robin and Green Arrow. Superman instinctively guards Batman from the blast. Bat-Mite is also protected from the explosion, he stands behind Batman, holding his fingers in his ears to dampen the sound.

8) CAPTION: THEY'RE IN MY WAY. BUT NOT FOR LONG.

9) CAPTION: I MAKE FAST WORK OF THE CROSS-DRESSING BOY WONDER AND THE GIMP ROBIN HOOD.

PAGE TWO

PANEL ONE

A furious Superman streaks away from Batman, gunning toward Mxy like a rocket escaping a doomed planet, his face tight with anger, his fists stretched out before him. Hovering by Batman, Bat-Mite uses his little hands to tug on the power cables connecting Batman's augmented suit to the lamppost, in an ineffective attempt to convince his hero to leave. Burning debris litters the ground, a charred slingshot lies near Batman's feet.

1 ) CAPTION: KENT TAKES THE DOUBLE SNUFF HARD, LIKE I KNEW HE WOULD.

2) CAPTION: HE MAKES HIS PLAY STRAIGHT FOR ME --

PANEL TWO

Tight on a grim, determined Superman as he streaks through the air, his jaw set, his eyes hard as diamonds made from crushed coal.

3) CAPTION: -- FASTER THAN A SPEEDING BULLET.

4) CAPTION: MORE POWERFUL THAN A LOCOMOTIVE.

PANEL THREE

Mxy points his finger-gun at the oncoming Superman, whose head erupts in a small wet explosion just as he reaches the imp. Obviously we can't get too gruesome here. Maybe a silhouette shot? Or perhaps Mxy pointing the finger, and the result shown as a shadow on the wall behind him, with some blood and Superman's outstretched hand in view? If nothing else the explosion can serve to cover the mess if shown outright.

5) CAPTION: DUMBER THAN AN OX.

6) CAPTION: I THINK BAD THOUGHTS AND HIS HEAD'S A POLLOCK PAINTING SPLASHED ACROSS A BUSTED FRAME.

PANEL FOUR

Mxy hovers about six feet in the air over Superman's body -- he's holding up the Mess of Steel's ragged cape, which flutters in the wind. We can't see Clark's pulped head, but there's a hint of the corpse crumpled below. The alley wall behind Mxy is spattered with blood. It also sports Batman's winged shadow, which falls on Mxy as well -- causing the startled imp to turn towards the off-panel source of the dark, demonic shape.

7) CAPTION: I TAKE A SECOND TO GLOAT. IT'S A SECOND I DON'T HAVE...

PANEL FIVE

Batman is all over Mr. Mxyzptlk, punching the floating imp viciously across the face with his massive gloved fist. A spray of blood flies from Mxy's nose and mouth and he loses his grip on Superman's cape, which blows away. Batman's power cables stream behind him, they've been cut to allow him to leave the lamppost.

8) CAPTION: ...BECAUSE THAT'S ALL THE TIME IT TAKES FOR THE BOOGEYMAN TO INTRODUCE ME TO A NEW TASTE SENSATION...

PANEL SIX

Close on Mr. Mxyzptlk, using his fingers to wipe the blood pouring from his smashed mouth and nose. A thin red spittle trail runs from his smeared fingers to his busted lip. He looks at the red stuff on his fingers in fascination, as if he's never seen anything like it before and can't believe it came from inside him.

9) CAPTION: ...MY OWN BLOOD.

PANEL SEVEN Mxy -- hovering before Batman's face -- smashes the Dark Knight across the face with a big brass-knuckled fist. The blow smashes Batman's helmet off, and blood and teeth fly from Batman's shattered mouth. The spiked knuckleduster doing the damage has the word "HATE" on it, the one on Mxy's other hand says "MORE HATE".

10) CAPTION: I DON'T PARTICULARLY COTTON TO IT, SO I LET HIM HAVE A GLASS OF HIS OWN.

PANEL EIGHT

Batman raises and fires his sonic weapon, shattering the lamp in the background. But it doesn't affect Mxy, who has two cartoony corks stuffed into his ears as he violently crams a large pie into Batman's kisser. Blood and teeth fly from the pie's impact, along with whipped cream and a large red cherry.

11) CAPTION: HE WASTES THE SONIC ON ME, AND I ALMOST FEEL SORRY FOR THE OLD BAT.

PANEL NINE

Close on Batman's bruised and bloodied face, unceremoniously covered with dripping pie. He's angry and a bit bewildered, and there's a slight hint of fear in his puffy eyes. Several of his seemingly endless supply of teeth are missing from his grimacing, broken mouth -- a few ejected bicuspids sit atop a sliding pile of whipped cream like sprinkles.

12) CAPTION: HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO MAKE OF ME.

13) CAPTION: I'M NEITHER SUPERSTITIOUS OR COWARDLY.

PAGE THREE

PANEL ONE

A hovering Mxy calmly pulls open the lapel to his coat, and a massive boxing glove springs out several feet on an extended arm, smashing hard into Batman's chest. Batman is blown back, his arms and legs jerked away from him by the force of the blow -- which also lets loose a few of the caped crusader's teeth.

1) CAPTION: I'M SOMETHING ELSE.

2) CAPTION: SOMETHING HE'S NEVER MET BEFORE.

PANEL TWO

Mr. Mxyzptlk floats down and delivers a vicious kick to Batman's groin. Batman doubles over in pain as several more bloody teeth fly from his mouth.

3) CAPTION: SOMETHING HE CAN'T BEAT.

PANEL THREE

Mxy floats up high and smashes a shovel across the back of Batman's head, causing an explosion of teeth to eject from the Dark Knight's mouth.

4) CAPTION: HE KNOWS IT, TOO. BUT HE DOESN'T QUIT.

5) CAPTION: NOT EVEN AFTER I TURN HIS SKULL INTO A CALCIUM SLOT MACHINE, JACKPOT-JIVED AND PAYING OFF BIG.

PANEL FOUR

Mxy hovers over a mangled and broken Batman, working him over with a giant pair of evil-looking pliers, the jaws clamped down hard over Batman's chest and back, crushing his ribs, sternum, scapula, clavicle and some other stuff I don't feel like going into. Batman's shattered arms and legs are at odd angles, he looks like a broken puppet, it's a miracle he can even stand.

6) CAPTION: NOT EVEN AFTER I BREAK EVERYTHING HE HAS TO BREAK.

PANEL FIVE

A small panel, close on Bruce's anguished face, reacting to his heart giving out for realsville. Perhaps a red abstract EKG line flattens behind him, emulating the "heart attack" visuals in DK #4.

7) CAPTION: FINALLY HIS TICKER GETS WISE AND THROWS IN THE TOWEL FOR HIM.

PANEL SIX

From inside a darkened bar. Batman's corpse sails through the large plate glass front window. Shattered glass explodes into the air, mixed with some of Batman's remaining teeth. In the background, through the broken window, we can see Mxy "standing" triumphantly in the air.

8) CAPTION: I THROW WHAT'S LEFT OF HIM THROUGH A WINDOW, JUST TO HEAR THE SOUND.

9) CAPTION: AND I SWEAR I SEE ANOTHER FORTY TEETH FALL OUT OF HIM AS HE GOES THROUGH.

PANEL SEVEN

Close on Mr. Mxyzptlk, immersed in fire. The flames dance all around him, but they don't burn him or his clothes. Smaller flames dance in his cold, dead eyes, which stare out at nothing. He smiles broadly, cruelly, blood trickling from his mouth.

10) CAPTION: THEN I TORCH THE UNIVERSE.

11) CAPTION: IT FEELS GOOD. BUT IT'S NOT ENOUGH.

PANEL EIGHT

A thin panel, pulling back to show Mr. Mxyzptlk at the bottom of the panel, looking out at us in surprise. Behind him is a white, blank void, there's nothing out there save for a few small whisps of dissipating smoke -- and Bat-Mite, who sticks his head and part of his body out from the right side of the panel in the "background" behind Mxy. Bat-Mite shouts at Mxy with a laughing, taunting expression, his hands held up to his mouth so as to be heard better.

12) CAPTION: THE MITE WAS STILL OUT THERE.

13) BAT-MITE: HEY, MXY SPILLANE! YOU CAN QUIT TALKING TO YOURSELF NOW!

PANEL NINE

Same shot. There's a teleportation "burst" effect occupying the space where Bat-Mite previously was. In the foreground Mxyzptlk stares straight out towards us, his shoulders sag and he wears a weary, unhappy expression on his face that lets us know his bubble's burst.

14) CAPTION: NOW I REMEMBER WHY I HATE THE LITTLE S.O.B. SO MUCH.

SFX (by or across "burst" effect") - HA HA HA HA

15) MXY: HE ALWAYS SPOILS MY FUN...

SFX (by Bat-Mite's "burst" effect) - POP!

And so ends the "Dark Knight Returns sequence". Our protagonists next travel to the (then) Modern DC Universe, in a sequence drawn by Doug Mahnke and Norm Rapmund.

This is the 18th post in this series. Previous WORLD'S FUNNEST retrospective posts can be found here. Hopefully the links work. Search "WF retrospective" if I goofed!

1- The original pitch for World's Funnest (aka, Last Imp Standing) is here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/worlds-funnest-64684036

2- Brian Bolland's cover with original, alternate colors can be found here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/worlds-funnest-65353388

3- The Silver Age era script (pgs 1-18), w/Dave Gibbon's inks:  https://www.patreon.com/posts/worlds-funnest-1-65064249

4- The Phantom Zone sequence (pg 19) w/Mike Allred's inks: https://www.patreon.com/posts/worlds-funnest-66166610

5- The Golden Age Introduction part 1:  https://www.patreon.com/posts/worlds-funnest-66906681

6- The Golden Age Introduction part 2:  https://www.patreon.com/posts/worlds-funnest-2-67170515

7- The Golden Age era (pgs 20-21), w/Sheldon Moldoff's inks: https://www.patreon.com/posts/worlds-funnest-67320529

8- Earth 3 (pg 22) w/pencils by Stuart Immonen and inks by Joe Giella:

https://www.patreon.com/posts/worlds-funnest-3-67916213

9- Earth X/Freedom Fighters/Quality Comics (pg 23-24) art by Frank Cho

https://www.patreon.com/posts/worlds-funnest-x-69815979

10- Earth S/The Captain Marvel Family (pg 25-27) art by Jaime Hernandez

https://www.patreon.com/posts/worlds-funnest-s-72647636

11- Earth C/Captain Carrot (pg 28) art by Scott Shaw!

https://www.patreon.com/posts/worlds-funnest-c-74571937

12- Earth prime (pg 29) art by Stephen DesStefano

https://www.patreon.com/posts/worlds-funnest-w-76938797

13- The Fifth Dimension (pg 30-32) art by Jim Woodring

https://www.patreon.com/posts/worlds-funnest-w-82928891

14- Jack Kirby's Fourth World (pg 33-36) art by David Mazzucchelli

https://www.patreon.com/posts/worlds-funnest-w-88510930

15- Super Friends/Hanna-Barbera segment Pt 1 (pg 37-39) art by Jay Stephens

https://www.patreon.com/posts/worlds-funnest-w-112719630

*16- Super Friends/Hanna-Barbera segment Pt 1 (pg 37-39) art by Jay Stephens

*A post apologizing for not being able to find the script for the segment.

17- The DC Animated Universe (pg 40-41) art by Glen Murakami

https://www.patreon.com/posts/worlds-funnest-w-140953090