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The Waiting Game (Patreon)

Published:
2024-04-15 21:56:37
Imported:
2026-06
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Content

I've been feeling this to some degree or another for over a year now, and it's been especially prevalent the past few months. Which, if you can imagine, makes writing and drawing a comic about it feel pretty shitty. It's better now that it's done, but I kind of really hated making this for a while there in the middle.

To really drive the point home to me, I finally had a consult last week for a fairly simple outpatient procedure. Afterward, they said they would contact me soon about scheduling the actual surgery, which looks to be some time in… September.

At this point, I'm kind of glad it's at least September of this year.

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Comments

Taigan

On Friday, I went in for my latest round of blood tests. I’ve been frustrated with the lack of increase in my estrogen levels since I started HRT 15 months ago. My target value is 150-200 pg/mL. All last year it never got above 50. We finally made a change in my medication in January and the result on March 11 was a new high of 78. So it was with some trepidation I awaited the new results. Would they continue to improve or had they merely reached a new level of stagnation? The results reached my inbox this morning and I actually held my breath as I clicked on the link. It was 1085. No, I did not add an extra digit there by mistake. I don’t know how to feel about that. Those are pregnancy level hormones. Part of me thinks “whoa, that’s way too high!” Another part of me thinks “maybe I’ll finally get some results now!”

SpinelessOrange

You can have as many minutes as you need here. <3 I'm sure we are all willing to share a little of the waiting.

Tamsin Davis-Langley

Holy hell, this is relatable in ways I don’t even know how to articulate. Just… yes. This. Thank you, Robin.

Kari Jane

oofff... This hits. wow.. this... yeah.. this hits. I can't even get any surgeries because my insurances don't cover but i still feel that waiting ... laser... electrolysis... significant boobage... I feel ya girl..

NerdyFiona

This is all too accurate. Decades before transition spent not really living. But transition isn't really where a new life begins, it's only where new life *starts* to begin. Still years to come before I can really just...live. I'm so tired of *waiting* to live my life.

Rose

Oh hell. This hits so incredibly close to home. So many of your comics do. I'm in my mid-30s, 20 months into HRT after 15ish years of waiting for my egg to re-crack. In the midst of electrolysis, voice training, new wardrobe, and everything else. Just transitioned at work. Just got scheduled for a surgery consult... in 7 months. The changes so far have been wonderful and absolutely worth it, but dang. When do I get to just relax and enjoy it and be seen correctly, y'know? When do I get to finish up all this transition stuff and free up all that time and energy for all the other parts of my life? Things are definitely improving, and the journey has been great overall, but man does the waiting game suck.

Shagorche

Started HRT 6 years ago, still not in a position where I can be out of the closet. Don't think I'm waiting for things to get better anymore, just feels like things are winding down. I knew that it would be hard when I started it, just didn't think that the grim determination would be the most positive experience I'd have.

pieps

oof, I felt this one. thanks for putting this into a tangible form.

Daphne☆

*exhausted sigh* Yes. Solidarity, sister.

Zeniya Starr

I totally understand this too. Those decades before, especially. All those years of “I’m probably trans, but I don’t need to transition,” then finally doing so and being so much happier and crying because “why did I wait?!”

Faith Ekstrand

I feel this in my bones... You're not at all alone. 🫂

Patrick M Fitzgerald

I'm sorry that to have to wait so long to get to where (and who) you want to be. I hope that no other delays occur.

Melonie Rappe

Oof. I feel this so hard, and I only just passed my 1 year mark on HRT. The waiting is *so* exhausting.

Sarah Peper 🏳️‍⚧️

Same same 😢 it's exhausting and it kinda feels like life is passing by while I'm waiting. Sending love an hugs!

Jamie Ellen

Feel this so deeply. I didn’t start my transition until I was 67, and I see just how limited my time is. I was lucky that it only took 8 months to get my hormones. Been on hormones now for over 2 years. Started the paperwork process for my gender surgery last year, and after 6 months of gathering all the required documents, I received notice that I had 100% funding for the surgery. Now I am gathering the documents and filling out forms for the surgical clinic (expecting a surgery date in about 6 months). Even my name change paperwork is taking forever. I'm already over 4 months into the supposedly 3 month process and have been told that staff shortages mean it'll be another 3 months.

WoolyWumpus

Robin, your work is so deeply relatable. Sunday was my 3 year anniversary of starting HRT, and this is a perfect encapsulation of how it feels to be transitioning in my mid-thirties. Thank you for putting yourself out there and being vulnerable with your art like you are. It's so amazing to be able to share your comics with my friends and family to give them some insight into what it's like to be trans.

neuracnu

It's not explicitly mentioned in the comic, but if said surgery that your insurance notified you (at the last minute) that it wouldn't cover happens to be a gender affirmation surgery of some kind (like FFS), you might have legal options. Faith from the Gender Rebels podcast had the same thing happen while getting ready for her FFS (ie: a last-minute rug-pull by the insurance). She lawyered up and convinced the insurance provider to cover the surgery after all. She was in New York, and these kinds of thing vary from state to state, but it's something that may be worth looking into. Stay strong, love (and how I wish we didn't have to demonstrate it so damn much). <3

Robin Brooks
>>135374970

Oh this was back in 2022, actually. I got the surgery and it was covered. The issue was that despite assurances from an agent at my insurance company that a bofaectomy does not require prior authorization with two letters from two therapists, they decided three days before surgery that actually they do require that and denied it. I got the letters in ASAP, but by then the hospital had already vacated and filled my surgery spot and I had to wait the two extra months.

Loxia

Fatigue. so much fatigue. Everything has so much friction, requires so much energy at every step, and so little support. It's exhausting. All while feeling pressure to always say it's the best thing ever... with no caveat. No room for nuance for risk of bigots latching on to it. It is the best thing ever, but it can be hecc'n hard and tiresome, and we need to be able to express that and rest.

Ilde Senesence

Hey sweetie. I just celebrated 5 years on HRT. I decided not to go for v-plasty yet because the procedure I want isn't widely done enough for me to find a surgeon who doesn't have a BMI restriction. I have had an orchi (June of '21) and saw *so* many more physical effects afterwards. I will say, my first year was really hard - I lost almost all my sexual response around the 1 year mark and had to relearn pleasure and how to connect with my body. I discovered the Dr will powers subreddit (and now see one of his PAs for my hormones), I started trying those trans folk medicine things that we share in back channels and peer to peer so we can start to see results. I never stopped pushing for injectable estrogen and finally got on it in 2022. I hate how much of this process is hurry up and wait, how much is fighting to survive, but much like you I feel the results, seeing more of myself every day, being loved for who I am, is worth it in ways I can't express in words.

Ilde Senesence
>>135374970

I got really lucky that my talk therapist at the time was trans and in the same residency class as my med management psych - they wrote and sent the letters to my urologist that did my bofa preemptively to avoid insurance shenanigans. 🫂💚

Ilde Senesence
>>135289756

Oh wow. That sounds like when I switched from patches to injections - my PA (powers family medicine) always tells me to make sure they draw my labs at my nadir levels - I actually feel bad because today I sound be getting them and I have been lazy about my progesterone the last few days 😬😬

Taigan
>>135289756

My doc had me come back in to retest. The 2nd time it was 113. So lab mistake the first time? 🤷‍♀️

Ilde Senesence
>>137329419

That said, the biggest impacts for me (and obviously this isn't medical advice) were boofing testosterone (and poking a hole in the pill casing helped a ton!) - bioidentical micronized 100mg (now 200mg bc I rely on the progesterone for my physical libido) -though oral is still super important for mood and mental libido) and my orchi reminding me that the women in my family all have Pixar mom hips and a wheelbarrow of tiddies. 😅

GlitchWitch

This is so true, I just last week got my consultation to shave my Adams apple aftering waiting several months for the appointment, only to be told I need to wait until the summer for the actual surgery because insurance has to approve it and scheduling the operating room. And this was after my doctor got me fast tracked to the consultation I'm so tired waiting and want it gone from my face. But I know it will be worth it in the end