New Song: "Gay Pirate Plate" (Patreon)

This was... hmm, not inspired by... directly transcribed from a viral story by user mylordhesacactus. The plate apparently exists, and so does the game.

1

I’ll tell you a tale of my family's curse, t’me,

Mmmm mmmm, mmm mm-mm mmmm

To save you from spoilers, I’ve redacted this verse,

Mmm mmm mmm mmmm, mm mmm mm-mm mmmm.

My great aunt and grandmother had a cruel fate

Mmmm mmmm, mmm mm-mm mmmm

Each one would lay claim to this gay pirate plate,

Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.

Gay pirate plate, laddies, gay pirate plate, lassies,

Way hey, gay pirate plate

Trans and non binary, poly, ace, straight,

Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.

2

It pictured a pirate, all foppish and pale,

Way hey, gay pirate plate

A good solid nine on the old Kinsey scale,

Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.

My gran and her sister each said it was theirs,

Way hey, gay pirate plate 

And gently debated with knives and steel chairs,

Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.

Gay pirate plate, laddies, gay pirate plate, lassies,

Way hey, gay pirate plate

Trans and non binary, poly, ace, straight,

Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.

3

My granny would have it displayed in the hall, t’me,

Way hey, gay pirate plate

Her sister would swipe it for her bedroom wall,

Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.

The thieving was something they'd never admit,

Way hey, gay pirate plate 

For forty long years, we put up with this noise,

Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.

Gay pirate plate, laddies, gay pirate plate, lassies,

Way hey, gay pirate plate

Trans and non binary, poly, ace, straight,

Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.

4

Then her sister died, Granny gloated and rant -ed

Way hey, gay pirate plate 

But then she died too, the house went to my aunt,

Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.

Me, dad, and sister stayed there and said nothin’,

Way hey, gay pirate plate,

And none of us looked at that porcelain Maguffin,

Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.

Gay pirate plate, laddies, gay pirate plate, lassies,

Way hey, gay pirate plate

Trans and non binary, poly, ace, straight,

Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.

5

It came time to leave, and, while out by the van,

Way hey, gay pirate plate 

Without saying a word, we came up with a plan,

Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.

I went back inside, saying I had to pee,

Way hey, gay pirate plate 

And under my sweatshirt, that plate left with me,

Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.

6

And now that dumb plate travels hither and yon,

Way hey, gay pirate plate

Whoever has got it keeps watch or it's gone,

Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.

It has to be stolen, not gifted nor shared,

Way hey, gay pirate plate

And then act indignant, like you really cared,

Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.

Gay pirate plate, laddies, gay pirate plate, lassies,

Way hey, gay pirate plate

Trans and non binary, poly, ace, straight,

Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.

7 (key change)

So now my whole family's trapped in the game,

Way hey, gay pirate plate 

And if you come visit, you'll end up the same,

Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.

Be stealthy and sneaky, and with any luck,

Way hey, gay pirate plate,

With this worthless yet priceless tchotchke you'll be stuck

Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.

Gay pirate plate, laddies, gay pirate plate, lassies,

Way hey, gay pirate plate

Trans and non binary, poly, ace, straight,

Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.

Final chorus

Gay pirate plate, laddies, gay pirate plate, lassies,

Way hey, gay pirate plate

Trans and non binary, poly, ace, straight,

Everyone wants a gay pirate plate.

Music: "Blow The Man Down"