Sasquan Mashup Song (Patreon)

This was written for the Exclusive CD given out to members of Sasquan, the 73rd World Science Fiction Convention in Spokane, WA. Apart from those folks, you're the only ones who'll hear it for a couple of years.

If David Gerrold wrote Cthulhu, It’d have lots more technical stuff,

Time travel, adoption, and maybe the option

For shoggoths to purr and have fluff

No more War with the Cthorr, they’re our allies,

Fighting for the first three letters of their name,

If David Gerrold wrote Cthulhu, overwrought

Cosmic horror would not be the same.

If Vonda McIntyre wrote Snakes On A Plane,

The snakes would be good guys, not bad,

Samuel L. Jackson would burst into action

And then he’d get bitten real bad.

And a few judicious edits save the plane during the credits

Thanks to Starfarers on the Enterprise.

If Vonda McIntyre wrote Snakes On A Plane,

We could dream not a single snake dies.

If Michael Bay did Adventure Time,

If George R. R. Martin wrote Smurfs

If J. J. Abrams did Daredevil -- no lens flares!

If Jack Kirby never heard of surf.

If Brad W. Foster drew Deadpool --

Black and white gore, but sensual and cute,

Elves and dragons would dance while Wade shot up some ants

‘Cause he thought Scott Lang ripped off his suit.

If Leslie Turek gave up SMOFfing,

Well, we just don’t know what we would do,

So be glad she’s still running conventions,

‘Cause if not for her, it might be you.

Okay, that last part wasn’t a mash-up,

And this next part will not be as well.

We’re so thrilled that one guest is on the ISS,

But how the hell do you pronounce K-jell?

Kee-ell? Kay-jell? Cajole? Cajun/Creole?

DOCTOR LINDGREN!

Anyway, here’s a song for Sasquan,

The WorldCon of twenty fifteen,

If it’s your ears I’m bending, well, thanks for attending,

And I hope we also bend what’s in between.

We’re all here ‘cause it’s great to create and speculate

About the worlds we have yet to explore,

As for me, well, I hope you’ve enjoyed all these tropes,

Now I’m back to composing the score,

Of the musical opus on which rest my hopes,

Jerry Bruckheimer presents a film by Roland Emmerich

With a script by Joe Straczynski from a story by Joss Whedon

Starring Michael Fassbender and the guys from Sharknado

In Lord of the Sorceror’s Horrible Avenging Mutant Steampunk Little Ponies... of Gor!