New Song: "Can't Lift This" (Patreon)

A suggestion from the 2018 list for a prospective 24 Hour Comic Book Day album. Lizzie Crowe wanted Thor, Hammertime... and polka. I love her so much.

Can’t lift thisCan’t lift thisCan’t lift thisCan’t lift this

My my my myHammer hits things so hard,Makes me say Odin, my lord,Thank you for blessing meWith a mystic uru hammer called Mee-Olnir, it shows I’m good,A super dope homey from the Asgard hood,And I wield... my father’s gift,‘Cause if you’re not worthy it’s one you can’t lift.

I toldja, Hawkeye --Can’t lift thisGo on, Tony, try your armor --Can’t lift thisLook in my eye, man --Can’t lift thisNow let me bust the Elder Edda --Can’t lift this

Fresh new haircut, and armor,I love Jane Foster, don’t try to harm her,Oh, wait now -- that girl did fly,I guess I’m gonna hit on ValkyrieCaptured... no time to sulk,I’m in an arena fightin’ with the Hulk,Like that, knocked flat,But I showed Banner where it’s at,He gave it a shot but he only whiffed,My lightning was something he couldn’t lift

I told you, Loki --Can’t lift thisBut I like “Get Help!”Can’t lift thisYo, assemble, Avengers --Can’t lift this

Give me a troll or giantWith one good swing they’ll be compliant,Now, they know,Me and Mjolnir puttin on a showThat’s thunder, and lightning,Villains are threat’nin’ so I’ll keep fighting,Their rage, their greed,I’ll lock ‘em in a cage then have a mug o’ meadI like this! Another!Oh hell, I gotta stop my crazy brother.

Loki, how many times must I tell you?Can’t lift thisExcelsior, True Believers!Can’t lift thisI can’t remember -- are we Norwegian or Germanic?Break it down

Stop! Hammer time.Everything was greatTill my hammer was destroyed.But then my lightning blastedHela into the void.And now in the Infinity warIt’s Thanos wants to playGroot helped me make Stormbreaker,Come to save the day.And now my only question isWhere is Lady Sif?Heck with this hurtin’, I’d rather be flirtin’,This is a burden only she can lift.

The hammer is my punchlineCan’t lift thisI told ya, homeboyCan’t lift thisSure, Steve, go for it. Heh heh... uhhh...N- noble effort!Duuuuude.

Break it down!

Fine, you take the little one.